Hissing the words in frustration, I stared at my reflection in the mirror before bending over to splash cool water onto my face and neck; anything to avoid looking at myself right then.
“How can you let her affect you like that?”
Shaking my head with self-loathing I splashed more water onto my skin, unable to come to terms with my embarrassing behavior. I could not believe that I had allowed Sara to bring me to tears and then, to make matters even worse, that I would totally embarrass myself in front of Ky and his friends.
It was all so pathetic, and I knew that I really had to get myself together or the camp would be a disaster.
Looking into the mirror once more, I took a deep breath, and stared at the face of the girl in front of me.
“This is ridiculous! You have to stop letting her push you around!”
Speaking the words out loud seemed to strengthen my resolve and a look of steely determination crept slowly over my features.
Knowing that a couple of the other girls were still in the cabin, and would probably be wondering why I remained locked in the bathroom, I forced myself to take another deep breath and open the door. Everyone, it appeared, was heading to the hall and I did not want to be left behind.
I knew that I all I had to do was stand up to Sara. She had previously ruined one camp and it was up to me to make sure that she didn’t ruin another. Aware that if I allowed her to think she had the upper hand, she would simply continue to make my life hell, I realized that I just had to stop letting her get to me.
Determined to stay strong, I made my way with the others along the pathway to join Millie, Becky and Jess. But as soon as I fell into step alongside Millie, she gave me a concerned glance.
“Are you okay?” she whispered quietly, not wanting to draw attention from the others.
“Yeah, I’m fine!” I replied, forcing a quick grin. “Just looking forward to some food. I’m starving!”
Then, chatting randomly about anything I could think of, I continued along beside her, preferring to avoid talking about Sara. In particular, I really did not want to admit that the girl who had caused me so much misery throughout middle school was still a major problem in my life. It was something that I wanted to deal with on my own. And besides, dwelling on the Sara issue made me angrier than ever. I just wanted to stay out of her way altogether.
However, on entry to the dining area, all thoughts of Sara were quickly replaced with pangs of hunger as I found myself faced with a long trestle type table covered with delicious looking food. As well as chocolate muffins, which are my all-time favorite, there was also a variety of other flavored muffins and several large platters of fruit. It was obvious that there would be no shortage of food while we were on camp and I eagerly joined the long queue waiting in line to help themselves to the selection.
When I finally reached the front of the line, there was only one chocolate muffin left and I quickly leaned over to add it to the small plate of fruit that I already had in my hand. Feeling grateful that I’d managed to grab the last one, I turned to join my friends who were rushing to claim one of the few available tables positioned on the outside veranda. The view of the valley from that spot was beautiful and a perfect place to sit while we ate.
In my haste however, I happened to accidentally brush past a group of girls who were also making their way outside. Looking up to apologize, I found myself staring into the face of the one person I’d promised myself I would either avoid or stand up to. But the look of outrage on her face, instantly melted away any courage on my part and I stood stock still in front of her.
“Seriously, can’t you watch where you’re going?”
Sara’s loud, sarcastic comment drew the attention of everyone nearby and I felt my face redden for the second time that morning. It was obviously a gross over reaction on her part but where I was concerned, she never seemed to hold back. It was what she did next though, that really made my blood boil.
Pushing roughly past me and intentionally shoving into my shoulder, she caused the cup of juice that I was holding, to spill. All I could do was jump back in reaction to the cold sensation soaking through the light fabric of my t-shirt onto my skin underneath. Looking down at the orange stain covering the entire front of my top, I realized that the spilled juice had also drowned everything on my plate.
Frustrated and angry, I made my way to the nearest rubbish bin and dumped the spoiled plate of food. My appetite had abruptly disappeared, but not wanting to let her get the best of me, I quickly grabbed an apple and another cup of juice, before heading outside to join my friends.
When I walked past her table, I immediately felt my skin crawl and as I glanced reluctantly towards her, her cold arrogant smirk at the sight of my stained t-shirt, caused a chill to work its way down my spine. Angry with my ridiculous reaction, I forced myself to maintain eye contact and glare defiantly back.
But by the time I reached my group of friends, who sat waiting for me to join them, a sick and nauseous sensation had taken hold. Taking a deep breath, I convinced myself to remain calm. And, unable to resist the temptation, I looked briefly towards her once again.
I had not expected to find her still staring at me however, and was tempted to look quickly away. But, an inner strength I didn’t know existed came quickly to the fore. Rather than allowing her to overpower me as was usually the case, I managed to stare back, a determined expression clear on my face.
When I noticed the glint of surprise that registered in her features, I felt my mouth curve slightly into a mildly confident grin. Then turning back towards Millie and the others, I proceeded to join in their conversation, the unease in my stomach disappearing momentarily at least. It was only a very small, very minor victory but definitely a satisfying one and I bit hungrily into my apple.
Feeling quite sure that it was going to be an interesting week, I reminded myself that it was up to me to make it a good one.
And this time, Sara was not going to win.
Just Friends…
Our first morning at camp involved several group activities. To begin with, there were some leadership and confidence building games and activities where we had to mix with boys and girls from different cabins. But much to my disappointment, I found that Millie, Becky, Jess and I had all been separated. To make matters worse, Ky had also been placed into another group.
Pre-arranged by our teachers, my entire group, it seemed, was made up of people who were not my close friends. When the instructor directed everyone to find a partner, I was left standing alone and feeling slightly uncomfortable, because apart from me, everyone else had managed to form a pair.
Just as I was preparing myself for the idea of having to partner with the instructor, a couple of boys who were running late appeared from nowhere and I found myself being asked to join them to form a group of three. Feeling very apprehensive, I moved to a spot alongside Blake, finding it hard to believe that out of everyone on camp, I had been placed with him and his friend. Then, standing awkwardly alongside them, I forced myself to listen to the instructions. However, I certainly did not expect what was in store.
The task we were being instructed to complete involved being blindfolded and then led through bushland to a spot a few hundred meters away. This required trust in your partner and while there was a lot of giggling and laughing from other pairs, when Blake rushed to be the first to lead me along the track, the awkwardness of the situation became more intense than ever.
It would have been bad enough to have some random boy who I barely knew lead me through the bush, but having Blake’s hand in mine, brought back too many memories.
The chance that I should be paired with him seemed too bizarre to be real and that very thought was what raced through my mind as I felt his hand grip a firm hold of my own. Thankfully though, having his friend, Jack there to accompany us along the way seemed to ease the tension a little. Jack was outgoing and very funny and before long, all three of us were cracking up at his comments and hum
or, along with his efforts to scare me with unknown obstacles that didn’t really exist.
When we finally reached our destination and had to swap places, Blake and I were left on our own while Jack was asked to partner someone else. And it was with a pleased grin that Blake reached out for my hand after tying the blindfold securely at the back of his head.
Feeling more relaxed because I was in control this time, I could not help the smile that had formed on my own face. Reluctant to admit that I was actually enjoying his attention, I continued to lead him through the bush…laughing and joking at the sight of him staggering along. At one stage, he tripped on a tree root and almost fell on top of me, I wondered whether it had been intentional. With his hands clutching my shoulders in an attempt to regain his balance, the grin that remained glued to his features did not betray any signs of concern. Then when the same thing happened a few meters further down the track, I was convinced that it was definitely not accidental.
Throughout the rest of the session, I could feel his gaze constantly being directed my way and at one point, we made eye contact from across the circle where we were sitting. Quickly glancing away, I tried to stifle the smile that threatened at the corners of my mouth and I forced myself to continue looking elsewhere.
Making our way back towards the cabins at the end of the session, he fell into step alongside me, and it was instantly obvious that the old easy-going familiarity between us had returned. I realized how much I’d missed his company but at the same time, was surprised at the happy and excited feeling that had taken hold.
Confused by the sudden change in my feelings towards him, I entered my cabin and sat down to wait for my girlfriends to arrive so we could all go to lunch together. Then a subconscious reminder, Ky’s face, flashed quickly into view.
Unsure of how I felt right then, I focused on the afternoon session which involved canoeing and swimming in the river. That was the one activity that everyone was looking forward to.
I was aware that my own excitement towards what lay ahead had definitely increased somewhat but I was also aware of why. Preferring to ignore my confused state of mind however, I decided to simply enjoy the moment as well as the attention I was receiving.
It was all innocent fun. Blake and I were just friends and what could possibly be the harm in that?
What’s going on?...
The rope swing out onto the water turned out to be the coolest thing ever. Although the river was freezing, the air temperature was very warm and many of us were keen to swim. We were able to use the canoes as well and this proved to be heaps of fun, especially as everyone was attempting to capsize the other boats. This resulted in everyone swimming whether they had intended to or not. Overall though, what everyone enjoyed the most was definitely the swing and girls’ screams could constantly be heard as they let go and tumbled into the water.
Amongst the chaos and laughter, something I noticed was that although Sara’s cabin group were amongst the rest of us, Sara was nowhere to be seen. While I was completely grateful for her absence, I was curious as to why she wasn’t there. But after giving the situation more thought, I realized that it wasn’t such a surprise after all and wondered if she ever would join in any activities that involved swimming.
Most of the girls were wearing bikinis and I wondered what Sara would look like.
It was hard to forget how amazing her body had looked in the past and I had often envied her beautiful figure. Nowadays however, her body shape was completely different and I was still unable to understand how she could be happy with the way she looked. Regardless of her tiny frame, she did appear to eat fairly generous portions of food at morning tea and lunch. So I guessed she must be continuing to throw up her meals after eating. It was a gross thought but there could be no other explanation.
I had no idea how she would manage to hide such a condition while on camp; especially while staying in a cabin and forced to share the bathroom. Although, knowing how sneaky Sara could be, I was sure that she had become quite skilled at keeping her behavior secret when necessary.
What amazed me was Mr. Hathaway’s interest in a girl who was so thin and I wondered how he or anyone else could find her attractive. Her body looked like a skeleton! But then I was reminded of her beautiful face and flowing tresses of gorgeous blonde hair. And although her body shape was tiny she was still pretty big up top. I just couldn’t understand how on earth it was fair to be so skinny and still manage to be attractive. Added to that was her outgoing personality and flirty manner, so I guessed that all of this combined was a huge attraction for guys, regardless of their age group.
As for what went on inside her head, I had no idea, except for the fact that she clearly resented me. But when thoughts came to mind of her anorexia or bulimia (I still wasn’t sure what the correct term for her particular condition was), it gave me a deeper understanding of her pent up anger. It still didn’t explain the reason I remained her prime target though and I just wished she would find someone else to pick on.
Standing on the bank deep in thought, I was completely unprepared for the sudden shove that came from behind. And when I was unexpectedly thrust into the river, I squealed loudly in response.
Pushing my way through the water, I finally broke the surface and gulped down a breath of much needed air, while at the same time looking towards the bank where I’d been standing, in search of the culprit. Expecting to see Millie, Becky or perhaps even Ky watching me and laughing hysterically, I was surprised that none of my close friends were in view at all. In fact, there was no one in that general area who seemed to be remotely interested or aware that I’d just been pushed in.
My attention was then redirected by a huge splash from behind and I turned around to find Blake grinning with obvious amusement. Laughing in surprise, I splashed him back and a friendly banter erupted between us, with him chasing after me in an attempt to dunk my head beneath the water.
Swimming towards a nearby canoe in order to grab hold of the edge so I could catch my breath, I looked behind once more, expecting to find him in hot pursuit. But he was nowhere to be seen. As I scanned the area however, what did catch my attention was the sight of Ky sitting alongside Millie and a couple of other girls on the riverbank, chatting animatedly and clearly enjoying himself. I knew that they had all been placed into the same group earlier that morning and when I later asked Millie who she was paired up with, she had replied briefly that it was one of the boys, and then changed the subject completely.
At the time I hadn’t thought too much of it but from my spot in the water, I could see that she and Ky were getting on very well, and I took a sudden interest in the scene in front of me.
The fact that the two people I treasured most had become good friends was something I was aware I should be thankful for. I had previously hoped that they would get on well and that it would also help to bring Ky and myself closer together. But right then, for some reason, I felt a sudden urgency to join them.
With all thoughts of Blake disappearing, I began to swim towards the shore. It was a chance for me to hang out with Ky and this was something I hadn’t yet had the opportunity to do. But as I made my way through the water, my view was interrupted by a couple of canoes that were being paddled past and I was forced to wait before I could continue. When they finally moved out of the way and I once more had a clear view of the bank, I could not see Millie or Ky or any of the others in their group anywhere.
As soon as I reached the edge, I spotted Becky and Jess who were waving for me to join them. They were sitting with a few others in the shade of a nearby tree so I grabbed my towel and headed in their direction.
“Have you seen Millie?” I asked curiously, as I sat down alongside Becky. “She was just over there a few minutes ago but now I can’t see her anywhere.”
Without a word, Becky indicated with a nod of her head towards the hill behind us and following her gaze, I noticed a group making their way up the steep incline. Instantly, I recognized Millie’s ho
t pink towel, which was tied securely around her waist. I had been admiring it earlier that afternoon and as I watched her climb the steep slope, it stood out brightly against the green backdrop of the grassy hill.
The fact that she had left without me was somewhat unexpected but what I found even more surprising was the sight of the boy deep in conversation alongside her. Even though they were quite a distance away, I could tell that it was Ky. I knew that I would recognize him anywhere.
When I caught Becky’s expression and the way she raised her eyebrows in response to the scene in front of us, I could see that she was also curious as to the friendship that had appeared to have developed so rapidly.
“They’ve probably just had enough of the water.” I was aware that my words were a pretty lame excuse but I needed to justify their actions, for my own piece of mind at least.
“Yeah, probably,” she replied and without another word on the topic, turned back towards Jess and the conversation going on around us.
Although she had not said much, her expression and the sarcasm in her voice spoke volumes. But knowing that it wasn’t like Becky to stir up trouble, I forced myself to believe that she had completely misinterpreted the situation.
Regardless of my efforts though, I was finding it very difficult to overcome the sinking sensation that had begun to form in the pit of my stomach.
The gathering…
That evening after dinner everyone sat in small groups around a huge bonfire that had been set up in the middle of a clearing, a short distance away from the cabins. Although there were strict camp rules that we’d all been made aware of, we were given a free reign during times that didn’t require us to participate in organized activities. The bonfire was one of those occasions where we could take part if we chose.
Because the camp was so isolated, there weren’t too many alternatives so I guessed that made it easy to give us a fair amount of freedom. And there wasn’t too much mischief anyone could get up to, or so the organizers probably thought.
Julia Jones - The Teenage Years: Boxed Set - Books 2, 3 and 4 Page 23