I sure hadn’t.
It was fair to say that every minute my brain wasn’t wrapped around The Case, it was wrapped up in Colton. And it wasn’t memories of us growing up together or that one night we spent worshipping one another’s bodies that stuck with me the most.
It was a dream.
A recurring dream that would wake me, tears burning in my eyes. The yearning in my chest aching so badly I wanted to cry out for him. I must have had that dream a dozen times over the past year, each time more intense than the last. It would leave its mark on me for days afterward, then slowly fade into the background until I dreamt it again.
Leaning my head back on the airplane seat headrest, I closed my eyes, allowing the memory of the images to wash over me.
I was in the forest. Dressed in an impossibly thin, white, sheer dress, I ran amongst the low bramble. My bare feet danced over the mossy ground as branches snagged the material of the shift I wore. One thin strap fell from my tiny shoulder.
I was just a girl.
Crying as I ran, I pushed my damp hair out of my eyes. Something was chasing me. I never knew what but the feeling of knowing it was after me made sadness and fear weigh my heart down so heavy it slowed my footsteps. Just as I could feel the thing was gaining on me, I would look back over my shoulder, and I’d stumble...
I would fall to the ground, hands pressed into the earth, pain shooting from the impact to my knees. Curling into the fetal position, my hands would wrap around my knees and I would lie there crying. Defeated.
That was the moment he would come. His strong arms would gather me up, holding me against his chest. ‘I’ve got you, baby girl.’ His murmured words would soothe me, slowing the panicked beating of my heavy heart. His hand would stroke my hair back, caressing my face. His lips kissed away the tears from my burning cheeks. ‘You’re safe, baby girl. I’ve got you. And I’m never going to let you go.’
Then I would wake up. Alone. His arms no longer around me. His voice no longer soothing me.
Opening my eyes, I turned toward the window of the plane. Staring out, I watched as the landscape changed from the densely wooded forest, much like those in my dream, to treeless plains land.
I had the dream last night, and when I awoke, I finally knew what it meant.
alone in the woods, a little girl
A child never gets over abandonment.
running from something but not knowing what
Fear of being abandoned yet again.
he comes, a daddy rescuing his baby girl
It was Colton. It had always been Colton. The one man who would never leave me. The one man worth taking the risk for.
I guess when my dad left us it did a little more damage than I cared to admit to. I thought Louanne bore the brunt of the abandonment. Running her crazy, fake childhood weddings. Just wishing and hoping my mom would bring home a man to replace my dad. Perfectly happy to jump with two feet straight in when Hayes asked her to marry him.
Me, watching quietly in the corner, hiding in my computer. Distracting myself from the pain of knowing he had left us as I grew into a young woman.
How do you protect yourself from experiencing pain like that again?
You avoid commitment. You become a wild child free spirit. Never taking anything too seriously. Especially a relationship with a man.
Because if you gave a man your heart, you never knew when he would leave with it in his hand.
And that’s how I had survived up until now.
What Colton had offered me, before I left, was the ultimate commitment. A man so devoted to his woman that he was everything to her. A friend, a lover, and even... a daddy.
It had scared the crap out of me. Committing to a man like that meant risking it all. By taking his hand you were opening yourself up to having it all, everything you wanted, everything you needed. But you could lose it at any moment.
One year ago, I was not willing to take that risk.
And I lost it all anyway.
Now, I knew I was ready for what he was offering me. I let the tears roll down my cheeks, nervous butterflies taking flight in my stomach.
I just hoped I wasn’t too late.
* * *
My first night back consisted of a two-hour sob fest on my mom’s couch, me planted between my mother and my sister, their arms wrapped around me. After hours of explaining, apologizing, and filling one another in on the past twelve months of our lives, I fell into the deepest sleep of my life.
I woke in the morning, afghan tucked lovingly around me. Sitting up, I stretched, my muscles sore from the long plane ride and sleeping on the couch. I rubbed my eyes. They felt swollen and puffy.
Tiptoeing around my house, I found my sister and mom passed out in my mom’s bed. Penning a quick note, I pulled on my boots and left the house.
There was someone I had to see.
After not driving for a full year, I was surprised how naturally I handled the car. My mind spinning, my body working from muscle memory, I steered my mom’s sedan up the curving road to the ranch. As I drove, knots formed in my stomach. The closer I got, the clammier I felt. I had to pull over twice, thinking I would puke my guts up again. But I didn’t. When the blue and white CLAS sign came into view, I lost my breath. Tears were in my eyes and I pressed them away hard with the back of my hand.
Taking a deep inhale, I drove down the dirt road that led to the Mess Hall. Curving around the way, my heart beat harder in my chest as it came into view.
It hadn’t changed a bit. And neither had he.
He was there, waiting on the porch of the Mess Hall, calmly rocking in a rocking chair. The sight of him made my heart beat so hard I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. I put the car in park and stared. My hands went ice cold, clenching one another against my trembling stomach. My knees were weak, a weird flush rose from my neck and tickled the skin on my face.
Our eyes met. Our gazes locked and that familiar smile that I loved so much stretched across his face. Time stopped in that moment as I finally realized what they meant when they said the eyes were the window to the soul. It felt as if our souls were touching.
Opening the car door and getting out, I willed myself to walk, not sprint, as I made my way to the stairs that led to him. Casually, he said, “Hello, stranger.” The sound of his voice made me want to fall on my knees and cry out for him to come to me.
Like my dream in the forest. His arms around me, his murmurings of, ‘You’re safe, baby girl. I’ve got you. And I’m never going to let you go.’
Willing myself to hold it together, I took a deep breath, my insides trembling. I forced myself to walk up the stairs. As I reached the last step, I paused. “Hey, yourself, stranger.”
A nostalgic look flashed in his eyes. “I knew you’d come here, first.”
“Were you waiting for me? How’d you know I was coming here?” I asked.
“I always knew you best.” His words caused a welling in my chest. He stood. His arms reached out toward me. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “Come here.”
I closed the steps between us, breathing his name. “Colton.” I fell into his arms. His warmth, his smell, his embrace. My eyes squeezed shut tight. My head rested on his muscular chest. His arms, the way they wrapped around me made me feel as if nothing could ever hurt me again. I felt... I felt as if here in his arms... that was the moment I was finally home.
After a year of solitude, the emotions, the absence, it was all too much. My head dizzy, I untangled myself, taking a step back. His arms locked on my shoulders as if he would never let me go, his gaze holding mine.
Clearing my throat, I attempted to converse. “Mavis explained everything to you?” I asked, feeling awkward and overwhelmed. I wanted to run into the trees, have him catch me and carry me somewhere we could be alone and I could lie in his arms forever. Instead, I pushed my emotions down and tried to act like a normal human being.
My raw emotions were so intense, I feared I would scare
him.
“Yes. She told us the whole story. Finally.” He gave me a nod, his eyes looking at me longingly. Did he feel as I did? Did he want to run away with me and block the rest of the world out, if only for just a bit of time?
A sudden and profound shyness washed over me. “Good, I was worried when I left after... you know, everything that happened between us, well, I was just so worried you would think my leaving was related to us... hooking up,” I said.
“Hooking up?” His brow narrowed.
“Yeah, you know... when we... did the deed?” The words stumbled out of my mouth, making me feel dumb.
His arms crossed over his chest. “I wasn’t just hooking up. Josie, I made it very clear to you—that’s not my thing.”
“Oh, really?” I asked.
“Yes. Really,” he said, giving me a hard stare.
That night played over in my mind as it had so many times since. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. To my relief, the shyness and awkwardness I felt were beginning to melt away. Intelligible words formed in my mouth for what felt like the first time since seeing his face. “So... when you came over that night and said you couldn’t stop thinking about me and you’ll take me as I am without me falling into your rigid definition of a relationship, that was you... not hooking up?”
“I think you know that was me committing to you. Exactly how you were. However you wanted us to be,” he said.
A queer feeling socked me in the chest. I willed myself to breathe. All the worrying, the loneliness, the uncertainty that tore at my heart during my time away began to creep back. It couldn’t be, could it? That after all these years, then months apart, we were both finally able to be together? “But, it’s been a year. You had no idea when I’d be back—”
He shook his head. “I didn’t believe Mavis the first time she came around here, not for a second.”
“You didn’t?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said.
“What tipped you off? Was it her age?” I asked, attempting to make a feeble joke.
“Yes. That, and the outline of the gun holster underneath her jacket.” I gave a chuckle as he continued. “I had my friends on the force do a little investigating for me. Charlton has a cousin pretty high up and they ran a photo I snapped of Mavis’ face. Confirming she was in fact not a representative of the Peace Corps, but an agent with the FBI. “
“So, what’d you do?” I asked.
“I got ahold of her before she left town. Cornered her, told her I knew who she was. Said I understood for your safety that others can’t know what’s going on but that I had a pretty good track record for keeping a secret—and that I know what you’re capable of behind the screen of a laptop,” he said, his brow raising like an accusation.
“You knew. About my hacking, did you?” I asked.
“I put two and two together. Then I asked our friendly agent some leading questions. Got as much information as I needed to ascertain you were safe, being cared for, and that they were utilizing your skills in exchange for you skipping jail time for your little hobby.”
“Oops.”
“Oops is right. I hope you’ve gotten that out of your system, by the way,” he said.
“Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that.” I’d fess up to him later that I’d only gotten better at it.
“Once I knew you left not of your own free will, and that it just happened to fall on the same night as us finally getting together, I knew I would wait for you.” His eyes misted over as they considered my face.
My voice trembled as I spoke. “How long?”
“However long it took,” he whispered.
This was it. This was Colton saving me from the forest, from myself. From a life of bad decisions. He had waited for me and would have waited for me indefinitely.
“Even though I’m a criminal?” I joked. One thing that would never change about me. I could never let a mood stay heavy too long.
His brow shot up, his tone stern. “Especially since you’re a criminal. Who needs a daddy more than a bad girl?”
Daddy.
The word made me blush. Made my pussy clench. Tightened my nipples beneath my bra. Made a sad, empty spot inside of my core throb. God, I missed this man. “I, ah... I waited, too.”
“I wouldn’t even care if you hadn’t. Whatever you had to do to get you through. As long as you came back to me,” he said.
My heart soared.
He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My hand reached up, my fingers caressing his cheek. It was soft and warm with just a bit of prickly stubble. Perfect.
My eyes closed, my head tilting back as his mouth met mine. The kiss was even more intense than our first had been. Somehow the gentle press of our lips closed the gap of time that stood between us. It was as if I had never left.
Chapter Six
The reunion dinner in the Mess Hall was one of the single most celebrated nights of my life. To feel the love pour out of everyone who had missed me while I’d been gone... it was humbling. Once we sat down to eat, I thought I’d be devouring Memaw’s home cooking, but with Colton’s hand resting on my knee, I couldn’t focus on anything but the warmth of his thigh against mine.
We left, holding hands and riding in quiet on the short drive back to my house.
To say I was nervous would be a drastic understatement. I felt like a virgin in her late twenties who’d never been kissed. And considering the area beneath my panties hadn’t seen any action for four full seasons pretty much made me a born-again virgin. But suddenly, there I was, back at the shoebox, one year later, alone with Colton. Would it be like it was that first night? Would it be awkward? Would our lightning hot connection still be there?
All worries left my mind as soon as that door closed and I was in his arms. Tears pricked at my eyes at the familiarity of his musky smell, his metallic taste. The feel of his arms pressed against me, holding me in the warm, safe cocoon of his embrace. The tears welled up, fell, rolling down my cheeks and staining his shirt. Embarrassed, I wiped at them with the backs of my hands.
His lips pressed against my cheek, kissing away my tears. His hand gently stroked my hair, his whispered words warming me, my belly burning with the slow embers of his love. “One benefit of being daddy’s little girl is when you’ve had to hold it together all day, you get to come home and fall apart in my arms.”
That’s when the dam broke. Sobbing, I clutched at his shirt, pulling it toward my face, hiding in the soft flannel. Cries racked my body as I released all the sadness, uncertainty, the loss of time, losing him. I let it all out in salty waves, keening sounds coming from deep within me. The cries formed in that deep, deep place where I had shoved and hidden every emotion that had tormented me during my time away.
His hands rubbed my back, his chin resting on top of my head. He never said stop crying. He never said everything was okay. He knew it hadn’t been. He knew I needed the release of hitting rock bottom before I could rise above my heartache and fully come back to him. And I did just that.
The sobs slowed into a poor crying fit. That finally subsided. Exhausted, I heaved a great sigh. He carried me to the bed, laying me down beside him. My body curled against his broad chest. My eyes closed as his fingertips trailed up and down my back. The stress began to slowly ebb from my body.
“That feels amazing,” I murmured, sniffling and wiping at my face.
“Not half as good as what I’m about to do to you,” he said.
He always knew my needs. It was touch, not words that I craved.
My body trembled with anticipation as he leaned down, kissing me slowly and deeply. My limbs melted into his as he held me in his arms, his mouth caressing mine. His fingers crept down to the hem of my dress. I sat up, helping him lift my dress up and over my head, tossing it to the side. Reaching behind me, he unsnapped my bra, pulling it down over my arms and freeing my breasts.
His voice was wrought with emotion when he spoke. “God, I’ve missed you, baby girl.” T
ears glistened in his eyes.
I felt exposed, beautiful. His gaze and the tremble in his voice connected me to him in a more in-depth way than ever before. His eyes left mine, hungrily roving over my body. The way he took in every inch of me made me quiver with delight. His fingertips slipped into the waist of my panties, slowly sliding them inch by inch down my legs and onto the floor. I lay there, completely bare, him fully dressed. Vulnerable and ready for him to do what he willed to my trembling body.
His gaze caressed me, his hands sliding down my quivering belly. Nestling himself between my legs, he pushed my knees further apart, bending down and parting my wet pussy.
His mouth was on me, licking and sucking and teasing my clit. My eyes closed, my head lolling back in ecstasy. Damn, he still knew what to do with his tongue. My shaking hands grasped for purchase, settling for handfuls of his tousled hair.
He slid a finger inside my pussy, pumping as he kissed.
The fact that we were here, together, repeating that night so long ago, overwhelmed me to the point I had to shut off that part of my brain and just focus on the feeling of his hands and his mouth as they caressed me. The pleasure continued to build as a second finger joined the first. The tightness of my pussy around his fingers made me clench, sending yet another wave of delight to my core. Letting out a satisfied moan, I smiled, releasing the tensions of the past and embracing what the evening would bring.
My eyes widened in surprise as I felt a third finger creeping toward my bottom. “Wha-what are you doing?”
His head popped up between my knees. A wicked smile played on his face. His husky voice purred, “Just lie back and let it happen.”
Instead, every muscle in my body went rigid. “I don’t think that’s an area I’m willing to go.”
His brow narrowed. “Relax. Or I’m going to spank that ass.”
“A little demanding for our first night back together, don’t you think?” I teased, receiving a sharp spank in response. Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I lay my head back down on the pillow.
He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
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