by Lynne Shelby
‘And do you still think that now you’re sober?’
‘No! Absolutely not. I love Rob and Jonah and Molly. I’d never want to do anything that could damage my family.’
‘Then stop beating yourself up. You were exhausted, you had too much to drink, and tried to snog the nearest attractive male. Never going to happen again. End of story.’
‘I don’t think Rob would see it like that.’
‘So don’t tell him.’
‘I guess there’s not much point – it would only hurt him.’ Beth’s eyes brimmed with tears, but she blinked them away. ‘I should phone him …’
‘Yes, you should. He said to Alex that he’d drive over this morning and pick you up. Give him a call.’
‘I will. Would it be all right if I took a shower?’
‘Of course. I’ll lend you some clean clothes.’
‘Thanks, Anna. You’re a good friend.’
Not that much of a good friend, considering how rarely I’d seen her lately.
Beth said, ‘Is Izzy still here? I made such a show of myself in front of her last night. I’d like to apologise.’
‘Izzy’s gone home,’ I said. ‘But she’s way too embarrassed by her own behaviour to care about yours.’
‘What about Alex? I wonder if he’s awake. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, but I have to say something.’
‘Don’t worry about him. He’s decided that you were too drunk to know what you were doing.’
‘He said that?’
‘Not exactly. He went out before I got up. But he wrote it in a letter.’
‘He wrote you a letter? But you live in the same flat!’
My heart constricted. I almost told Beth about the argument I’d had with Alex, but caught myself in time. She had enough stress in her life already.
‘I have to write a reply.’
Leaving Beth to call Rob and to have her shower, I found some notepaper, sat myself down at Alex’s desk, picked up my pen, and wrote:
Cher Alex,
I am sorry. Last night, I said some terrible things to you. I wish I could write that I was drunk or overtired, and didn’t mean what I was saying, but I won’t lie to you. All I can do is to tell you that I know now I was very wrong to accuse you of using Beth and Izzy, and to ask you to forgive me.
I don’t want to lose you, Alex. I don’t want the letter you put under my door this morning to be the last one you write to me. I don’t want you to move out of my flat. Above all, I don’t want our friendship to end. You mean so much to me. I hope that you will always be in my life.
Ton amie,
Anna
I put the letter in an envelope, wrote Alex’s name on the front, and left it propped up against his laptop where he couldn’t fail to see it.
I found Beth standing by the living-room window, staring out into the street. ‘Rob’s on his way,’ she said.
‘Would you like some breakfast while you’re waiting for him?’ I said.
She grimaced. ‘The only thing I could swallow right now is a painkiller. I’ve the most ghastly headache.’
I fetched her an aspirin and a glass of water, and joined her by the window.
‘There he is,’ Beth said.
Following the direction of her gaze, I saw a man in a leather jacket walking towards us on the opposite side of the road. For a moment, I thought it was Alex, and my heart leapt. Disappointment flooded over me when I realised it wasn’t him, but a passer-by, and Beth was talking about her husband, whose car was drawing up at the kerb.
‘I’ll go down to him,’ Beth said.
‘He and the children are very welcome to come in,’ I said.
‘I know, but I’d rather go straight home. The way my head is pounding, I need to lie down.’
‘OK, hun.’
I walked with her to the front door.
‘Rob does love me,’ Beth said. ‘Deep down, I do know that.’
‘I never doubted it.’
‘The thing is, when you’re parents, it’s easy to forget that you’re also still a couple.’
‘Maybe you should remind him by being extra nice to him.’
‘Now that,’ Beth said, ‘is a very good idea. I definitely shall – the next night I don’t fall asleep in front of the television.’
We hugged, and Beth walked down the stairs and out of the building. I went back to the window. As Beth approached the car, Rob got out, a huge smile on his face. Beth went to him, and he folded her in his arms and kissed her very thoroughly. It was some time before they broke apart. Rob got back into the driver’s seat. Beth looked up at my flat and waved to me, before she too got into the car, and Rob drove off.
Beth and Rob were going to be fine. I only hoped I’d be able to say the same about me and Alex.
I looked up and down the street. Still no sign of him.
By now it was gone midday, and I was still in my pyjamas. I showered and dressed. I thought about making myself some lunch, but then decided I wasn’t hungry. My phone rang, and I snatched it up, thinking it might be Alex, but it was my sister, Vicky, wanting help with her French homework. Once I’d told her what she needed to know, she passed the phone to my mother, who was eager to tell me about the latest scandalous escapade of one of my cousins. I tried to feign an interest that I didn’t feel, but I think my mother was disappointed in my uncharacteristic lack of enthusiasm for family gossip. After she’d rung off, I switched on the TV, flicking from channel to channel, but couldn’t find any programme that was the least bit entertaining.
The front door bell rang. I went into the hall, and picked up the intercom.
A disembodied voice said, ‘Hey, Anna.’
Nick.
I buzzed him into the building and opened my front door. He stepped into the communal area on the ground floor, and started walking up the stairs.
‘What are you doing here?’ I said to him, as he reached me.
He raised one eyebrow, and brandished his laptop. ‘We agreed that I’d come over today so we could look at online travel sites. Have you forgotten?’
‘Oh, no, I remember … I just wasn’t expecting you so early.’ I’d completely forgotten about our plans to book a holiday, and I wasn’t in the mood to start trawling through the internet, but I made myself smile.
‘I’ve already bookmarked a few places I think you’ll like,’ Nick said.
‘Fantastic. I can’t wait to see them. You go through to the living room – I’ll make us some coffee.’
As soon as I was alone in the kitchen, I took hold of my mobile and scrolled through my address book to Alex’s number. My hand hesitated over the call button. What if we had another argument? Worse, what if he wouldn’t speak to me? What if he saw my caller ID on his phone and didn’t answer?
‘Anna?’ Nick called. ‘Come and have a look at this hotel.’
‘I’m coming.’ I needed Alex to read my letter before I spoke to him again. I put my phone back in my jeans.
I sat with Nick at my dining table, staring at his computer screen, while he brought up hotel websites and checked availability of flights. However much I tried to focus on photos of turquoise infinity pools and five-star restaurants, phrases from Alex’s letter kept invading my mind.
What I can’t understand is why you refused to listen to me … Our friendship has run its course …
Nick broke in on my thoughts. ‘So am I right in thinking we’ve narrowed it down to one of these four hotels?’
I forced my attention back to the images on the screen. Four luxury spa hotels. Two in Greece. One in Spain. One in Sharm el Sheikh.
‘What do you think, Anna?’ Nick said.
This is the last letter I ever will write to you.
‘They all look wonderful,’ I said. ‘I don’t know how we can possibly choose.’
‘Well, the one in Spain does have a golf course …’
‘Not that one then.’
‘If you took up golf, you might enjoy it. This holiday cou
ld be a good time to learn.’
‘You’re not serious?’
Nick grinned. ‘You can’t blame me for trying. But if you really can’t decide between the other three, what about this –’ He brought up another website. ‘It’s a bit further to go, but I think it’d be worth it.’
A slide show filled the laptop screen. I saw a deserted beach with pristine white sand, a man in a wetsuit swimming with dolphins, a young couple sitting on a balcony, drinking cocktails and gazing out at the sunset …
‘It’s amazing,’ I said. ‘Where is it?’
‘It’s in Mexico,’ Nick said. ‘It’s a new all-inclusive resort.’ He paused, and then he said, ‘I take it you prefer this to the other hotels we looked at?’
‘Yes.’
Nick’s blue eyes searched my face. ‘You don’t sound very enthusiastic.’
‘Oh, I am. I just didn’t think we’d be going anywhere so exotic.’ And all I wanted right now was for Alex to come home.
Nick smiled. ‘The best time to visit that part of the world is in June …’ He clicked through the rest of the slide-show, and brought up a page about the hotel.
‘Oh. My. Lord,’ I said. ‘Have you seen those prices? Much as I would love a holiday in paradise, I simply can’t afford it.’
‘But I can.’ Nick put his hand over mine. ‘I earn a lot more than you. I’ll pay for both of us.’
‘I can’t let you do that –’
I heard the front door open and close and footsteps in the hall.
‘Sounds like Alex has just come in,’ Nick said. ‘Been out all night again, has he?’
‘Not that I’m aware,’ I said. ‘Actually, I need to talk to him –’
‘Now?’
‘Yes. I’ll be right back –’
I hurried out into the hall. Alex’s door was closed. Taking a deep breath, I opened it and went into his bedroom. He was standing by his desk, reading my letter. When he’d finished, he let it fall from his hands, and looked at me.
‘Je suis désolée,’ I said. ‘Can you forgive me?’
In two strides he was across the room, and pulling me into his arms. ‘Do you really need to ask?’
‘I’m so sorry.’ I slid my arms around his waist, and rested my head on his chest. ‘I said such mean things to you – When I read your letter, I thought I’d destroyed our friendship – and I couldn’t bear it.’
‘I was angry when I wrote that letter. So angry that I spent the entire morning walking around the streets on my own just to clear my head. Once I’d calmed down, I realised I couldn’t just give up on you – on us.’ He held me a little tighter. ‘You’re important to me, Anna, and you always will be.’
I could feel his heart beating, and the heat of his body through his shirt.
I said, ‘I don’t know why I got so mad at you last night, I really don’t.’
‘It was just a stupid argument.’
‘I should have listened to you.’
‘Forget it.’
Nick’s voice sounded from the living room, ‘Anna, are you going to be much longer?’
Alex’s body tensed, and he let go of me. We took a step away from each other.
‘Nick’s here,’ I said, somewhat unnecessarily. ‘We’re planning our first holiday together.’
Nick called out, ‘Hurry up, Anna, if we’re going to get the trip we want, we need to make a reservation.’
‘I should go,’ I said.
Alex nodded.
I headed out of the room. In the doorway, I turned and looked back at him.
‘I will always be your friend,’ I said.
‘Je sais,’ he said. ‘I know.’
Fourteen
Alex put his head around the living room door.
‘I’m going for a run,’ he said. ‘Do either of you want to come with me?’
Nick dragged his attention away from the television. ‘Not me. This is a very important match. And I don’t have any running gear with me.’ Rather stiffly, he added, ‘Thanks, all the same.’
I glanced at the window. Outside, the sky was bright and clear, and the first blossom had appeared on the cherry tree that grew in the front garden of the house opposite. I wouldn’t have minded a run with Alex (assuming he’d match his pace to mine), but I suspected that Nick wouldn’t appreciate my deserting him, even though he was watching the rugby.
‘I’m not much of an athlete,’ I said to Alex.
Alex laughed. ‘No, I remember that about you. See you later.’
When he’d gone, Nick asked, ‘What did you say to Alexandre that was so funny?’
I looked up from the book I was reading, the signed novel that Alex had given me. ‘Didn’t you hear me?’
‘You were speaking in French again.’
‘Was I? Sorry. I just reminded him that I’m a slow runner.’ Note to self: Do not speak French to Alex in front of Nick.
‘Oh.’ Distracted by the action on the television screen – there was a lot of cheering and whistle-blowing – Nick made no further comment. Much to my relief. I’d had enough drama that weekend, and I certainly didn’t want another argument with my boyfriend about Alex.
My mobile rang, and Beth’s name and number appeared on the screen. I hit the answer button.
Beth said. ‘Are you alone?’
‘Just a sec.’ I went into my bedroom. ‘Nick’s in the flat, but he can’t hear me. How are you? Feeling better, I hope.’
‘I’m a whole lot better than I was yesterday. I honestly don’t remember ever having such a terrible hangover. All I could do was lie on the sofa with a cold flannel on my forehead. Rob had to put the kids to bed – for the second night in a row – and cook the dinner.
There was a pause, and then Beth said, ‘Rob and I had a serious talk last night.’
‘You didn’t tell him about your moment of madness with Alex?’
‘No. I told Rob that I’d got stupidly drunk, partly because it was the first time I’d had a drink since I gave up breastfeeding and my body isn’t used to alcohol, and partly because I was so tired. And then, everything just came tumbling out, how miserable I’ve been, how I worried he no longer found me attractive. It turns out Rob had no idea I’d been feeling so wretched.’
‘What did he say?’
‘The first thing he said was that I’m the most beautiful and sexiest woman he’s ever met – which may not be true, but it was nice to hear.’
‘Aw. That is so sweet.’
‘Then he said that having looked after Jonah and Molly by himself for a couple of days, he’d realised just how exhausting they can be, and that he’d try to be a bit more of a hands-on dad – at least at weekends.’
‘I thought being hands-on was compulsory for modern fathers?’
‘Not when they work ten-hour days it isn’t,’ Beth said. ‘But he’s made a good start by taking the kids to the park this afternoon. Which means I’ve been able to call you and actually talk in complete sentences for once.’
‘It does sound eerily quiet your end.’
‘The other lovely thing Rob did,’ Beth said, ‘was to call his mum and ask her to babysit next weekend, so we could have a night out.’
‘A date night!’
‘What’s even better, Rob told his mum that I’d been feeling tired and run-down – and she immediately offered to have the kids one afternoon a week. Seems she’s been longing to get more involved with her grandchildren, but didn’t want me to think she was an interfering motherin-law. Jonah and Molly will be well looked after by their grandma – and I’ll have time to do things like go to the hairdressers’ – or maybe meet you for lunch.’
‘Now that,’ I said, ‘is an excellent idea.’
‘I don’t want to keep going over what happened on Friday night,’ Beth said, ‘but I do think it was a wake-up call. It made me realise how much I love being a wife and mother, and how stupid I was to let everything get on top of me. All I had to do was talk to Rob, tell him what was wrong, and together we
can put it right. Knowing he understands makes all the difference.’
‘That’s so good to hear, hun.’
There was a short silence and then Beth said, ‘Thanks for looking after me this weekend. And for helping me to get my drunken misdemeanours into perspective.’
‘Don’t mention it,’ I said. ‘Seriously, we’re not going to mention anything that happened on Friday night ever again.’
‘Fine with me,’ Beth said.
We chatted a while longer, and then Beth went off to do some baking before her family returned from the park (‘Such a treat, Anna, I’ve not had time to make cup-cakes since before Molly was born’), and I went back to my boyfriend.
Seeing that the TV was showing adverts, I said, ‘Is the match finished?’
‘Yes – and England won.’ Nick was examining my book. ‘Is this any good?’
‘It’s terrific. Best book I’ve read this year.’
‘How come you have a signed copy?’
‘Alex gave it to me.’
None too gently, Nick put the book down on the coffee table. ‘I didn’t realise that you and Alexandre were in the habit of giving each other presents.’
‘We’re not. He happened to be photographing the author, and very kindly got her to sign her latest novel for me.’
‘Why would he do that?’
‘He knows she’s my favourite writer,’ I said. ‘Shall we watch a DVD?’
‘Actually, there’s an old western just starting on BBC One that I wouldn’t mind seeing,’ Nick said, pointing the remote at the television.
I curled up next to him on the sofa. I’d have preferred a rom com, but I’d no objections to spending the next couple of hours in the company of a handsome cowboy. I heard Alex come in, and the sound of the shower, and then I heard him go into his bedroom.
Sunday afternoon became Sunday evening. I threw some easy-cook pasta shells into a pan of boiling water and heated up a jar of pour-over sauce (fancy cakes are Beth’s culinary speciality, pour-over sauce is mine), and after Nick and I’d eaten, we watched the first episode of a new American detective series. Around nine, Nick decided that he wouldn’t stay over (‘I’ve got a conference call with our Frankfurt office first thing tomorrow, Anna, and I need to go over some figures tonight’), and went home. I was eager to get back to my book, so I didn’t suggest that I go with him. Once he’d gone, it also occurred to me that I’d hardly seen Alex all day. My book could wait. I went and knocked on Alex’s door.