Once in the elevator, the muzac floating through the walls made my stomach clench, and I had to talk myself out of hitting the button to take me back to my room. The dinging of the elevator doors announced Rand’s floor and interrupted the doubt clouding my mind. I didn’t separate myself from the wall and just stared at the hallway as if a three-headed gorgon awaited me at the end of it. The doors started to close, and I prohibited their marriage with my arm.
I was on his damn floor; I had to get out. I took a step forward, feeling like I was wading through drying glue. Would Rand tell me to get lost? Maybe he wanted to be alone. Maybe he was angry and blamed me for the incident? I guess if anyone should be blamed, it was me—it was my fault I’d dated the bastard Trent in the first place.
If I could have yelled at myself, I would have. There was no way this was my fault—I was just looking for an excuse not to knock on Rand’s door. Well, the doubts in my mind wouldn’t win. I raised my hand with authority and aimed my fist to strike the door when it opened.
“Took you long enough.”
Rand stood before me and just like that, my confidence leaked out of me as if I were a sieve. Feeling as ineffectual as a bowl of spaghetti, I hesitated, cursing myself for coming up here in the first place. I faced the hallway before me and thought if I took off my shoes, I could probably run and get to the elevator before he stepped foot in the hall.
“I…how did you know I was standing here?” I said, and my voice wavered.
I tried to keep my gaze from traveling down his white t-shirt and boxers. Obviously, he hadn’t been expecting anyone. The spacious width of his pectorals protruded through the thin fabric of the t-shirt, and I could just make out the dusting of hair atop them.
His face, Jolie, focus on his face dammit!
“I could sense you from the elevator.”
I swallowed the butterflies that were forcing themselves up my throat. My attention shifted to the amused smile alight on his lips, and I had to force down the flush threatening to steal my cheeks. His lip had healed, courtesy of his magic. He didn’t say anything right away but stood looking at me while I tried to make my mouth work.
“I wanted to make sure you were alright,” I blurted haplessly.
“Come in.” He held the door open, and the darkness of the room seemed to fight the light of the hallway. A lone yellow glow from the corner of the room leant the darkness a jaundiced sort of feel.
I took a step forward until he and I were parallel, then I hesitated.
“Well, I don’t want to interrupt you…” I started, suddenly realizing it might look as if I’d come here to have sex with him. That hadn’t been my goal. I’m not sure what had been.
Rand chuckled and settled his hand on my hip. With a gentle nudge, he pushed me over the threshold.
“You’ve already interrupted me, so no harm done.”
I timidly stepped inside as the subtle notes of Rhapsody in Blue twirled around me, as if dancing with my breath. When I turned to face him, my attention quickly swept over his muscular and tan legs. How he was able to maintain that golden color year-round in England was beyond me. That had to be warlock magic. I dropped my gaze, finding it too difficult to look upon him in his current state of undress.
“I wanted to apologize,” I said, not wanting him to think I’d come here for any other reason. He closed the door and turned toward me.
“Why? It wasn’t your fault.”
I shook my head. “I should’ve listened to you about Trent.” I’m one of those people who has a tough time saying I’m wrong. But once the words were out, I was proud of myself. I guess, in a weird way, it felt good to say I’d royally f’ed up.
He neared a small kitchenette area and poured two glasses of wine, handing one to me.
“You needed to find out for yourself.”
Hmm, so he wasn’t going to play the part of: I told you so.
I shook my head. Now that I’d come out on a limb and admitted I was wrong, I didn’t want him to take that away from me.
“I should’ve just listened to you, and I can’t help but think that it’s my fault you got punched.” I took a sip of the wine, wishing it were an elixir of fortitude and courage.
“How’s your lip?”
He whetted his lip with his tongue, and I thought it the most erotic thing a man had ever done.
“Healed,” he said as he pulled a bar stool out and perched atop it. Swirling the wine in his glass, he studied me.
“It’s the wolf’s fault that he punched me. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Well, I did date him.”
Rand chuckled, the wine in his glass swirling up the sides as if echoing the sentiment.
Okay, you win, I suppose I can fault you for that.”
I couldn’t help myself as I stepped closer to him, needing to feel his warmth in the same way a junkie needs his next fix. Only inches away, he dropped his smile and merely watched me as I put my wine glass on the side table. I stepped between his legs and nearly lost my nerve when I felt his hot breath against my bare shoulders.
“Let me see your lip,” I said and tilted his face down, pretending to inspect his mouth.
I ran my thumb across his plump bottom lip, and he closed his eyes, his long black lashes gracing the tops of his angular cheeks. My heart pushed against my ribs, pumping so much blood, I almost felt faint. I knew what I would do, maybe I’d known even before I’d come up here. I leaned down, replacing my fingers with my lips. The kiss was tender, only skimming the surface of his mouth with my own. He didn’t flinch or demand more. He let me explore him. I ran the tips of my fingers down the sides of his face, noting how soft his skin was, how the merest indication of stubble grazed my fingertips.
Suddenly overcome with the biting need to gaze on his exquisite face, I pulled away, my index finger perched at the bottom of his cheek.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered.
Rand opened his chocolate eyes. I could almost see the tempest of emotions flooding his gaze—how he fought against himself, knowing we shouldn’t want one another but also realizing the futility in thinking it. He set his glass of wine down next to mine and wrapped his arms around my lower waist, imprisoning my torso against his chest. I smiled down at him and braced my arms on the counter, on either side of his head.
“Did I tell you how stunning you were…are tonight?” he asked.
I nodded. “You did. I believe that was right before you got punched.”
Rand quirked a brow, but it was the only sign of emotion on his face.
“I can’t keep fighting this, Jolie.” He sighed. “I just want you too bloody much.”
With his words, bliss showered down on me, each droplet of delight sinking into me until I felt the need to cry or scream with glee. I leaned down, and he lifted his head to meet my lips. His hands roamed down my back, resting on my bottom as my tongue worked its way into his mouth. He pulled me into him as if he couldn’t stomach the idea of any air separating us.
A tiny internal voice of doom interrupted the dance of our tongues and whispered that I was becoming dangerously gone, on the brink of not being able to stop. I reminded myself that I hadn’t come to have sex with him. With a groan, I broke the seal between us. I licked my lips, wanting to get every last taste of him. He chuckled but didn’t loosen his grasp around my waist.
“I enjoyed dancing with you tonight,” I started, looking into his eyes. They were different now, heavier in their chocolate brown, darker with lust.
“As did I. It would’ve been perfect if that fool hadn’t hit me.”
“That was rather unfortunate.”
He reached for my face and pulled my lips back to his as his tongue invaded my mouth again. I moaned and sank into his hard body. How badly I wanted to let go, to tear the t-shirt from him and explore the wonder of his naked chest with my mouth. His hands cupped my bottom, and he was insistent this time, pulling me against his hard arousal.
My breathing was shallo
w, like a doe that’s been shot. When his hands traveled up my back and around my waist, only to settle on my breasts, my breathing picked up. He dropped his face into my cleavage and kissed the mounds of flesh that ached to be free.
I’m not sure how I did it, but I flattened my hands on his chest and pushed back. He regarded me with a bit of surprise and even more disappointment.
“I didn’t come here to have sex with you,” I said, commanding as much courage as I could.
“What did you come for?” He wasn’t angry, more curious.
I dropped my gaze. “I needed to be near you.” I was a bit embarrassed after I said it, thinking it sounded sort of melodramatic and emotional. Rand wasn’t much of an emotional guy.
Rand didn’t say anything but leaned into me and began toying with the zipper on the back of my dress. His eyes never left mine as he peeled the dress down my chest and let it pool at my hips. His eyes traversed my naked stomach as his hands coaxed the dress from my hips, until it piled at my feet. I shivered, clad only in my strapless bra, panties and heels. I stepped away from the mound of fabric at my feet and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling entirely too exposed.
Rand pulled the t-shirt over his head. I couldn’t stop my gaze as it raked his very muscular chest. His pectorals were broad and well defined and his abdomen was tight, revealing rows of defined muscle. I didn’t want to count, but I think he was verging on an eight pack. Dark hair lightly dusted his chest, and I wanted nothing more than to run my hands through it, to see if it were soft or wiry. Thoughts like that would get me in trouble, and I forced my attention back to his face, searching for something to say.
“Wow, I guess you work out.” I winced as I thought how stupid I sounded.
Rand smiled, apparently enjoying the fact I’d taken notice of his incredibly sculptured body.
“It’s important to be fit in this line of work.”
“Do you use magic to…maintain your physique?” I asked, wondering if maybe I could do the same.
He shook his head, and disappointment coursed through me. God, I didn’t like working out. I guess I was lucky I didn’t really put on weight. I wasn’t very active and ate pretty much what I wanted, but I imagined a good workout every other day would have me in great condition. I glanced down at myself, trying to see me as Rand did. Did he think I was pudgy?
“Get in my bed,” he commanded and stood up, pulling my attention from the muffin tops of my hips . I shiveseemed larger than I’d ever thought them before.
“Rand, I’m not ready to have sex with you…” I started, eyeing the King bed before me with hesitation.
He put his index finger against my mouth and grasped my waist, nudging me backward.
“We aren’t going to have sex, Jolie. You came to be near me, you can be near me in bed.”
He continued pushing me backward, his hands grasping either side of my waist, until I met the mattress with the backs of my knees. I didn’t sit down but allowed Rand to run his hands down my hips. He hesitated once his fingers scaled the line of my panties. Then he traced the elastic band across my lower stomach with one index finger. I closed my eyes against the assault, feeling every nerve ending in my body come to attention. I opened my eyes and found him smiling at me. He reached down and pulled the duvet cover aside then pushed gently on the tops of my shoulders until I took a seat on the bed.
“Thank you…for understanding,” I said in a shaking voice.
“You should be thanking me,” he answered with a laugh and walked around the bed to the other side. He pulled the duvet aside and hefted himself in next to me.
“I’m about to have a very restless night attempting to sleep next to you.”
He bounced around a bit, trying to get comfortable and then draped his large arm around my waist, pulling me into the curve of his body. I closed my eyes, soaking in his strength and warmth. This was the closest to heaven I’d ever been.
“Are you tired?” I asked.
“I’m asleep,” he mumbled.
I giggled as he ran his fingers down my side.
“So, would you have had sex with me tonight?” I asked.
I felt his body tighten at my words.
“I’m trying to keep myself from having sex with you now.”
“Would it be so bad?”
Rand chuckled. “Make up your mind, Jolie, do you want me inside you or don’t you?”
My heart fluttered at his choice of words, and I fought to find something to say.
“I didn’t mean that, I meant would…us be so bad?”
He was silent but exhaled a long and telling breath. A sigh after the question I’d just posed wasn’t a good response. I tried to prepare myself for the rejection that was about to come my way. I would’ve given anything to be able to read minds at that moment.
“Being connected to someone is dangerous.”
“You aren’t connected to me now?” I asked, feeling offended. I was certainly connected to him, connected wasn’t even the word for it. Head-over-heels would be more apropos.
He groaned. “More than I ever planned or wanted to be.” He pulled away from me and leaned against the headboard.
“Turn around.”
I did so and faced a warlock deep in contemplation.
“I think it’s a yes or no answer, Rand.”
He shook his head. “Unfortunately it isn’t that easy. I can’t give you what you want right now, Jolie, what we both want. Not with our precarious future looming above us.”
I nodded. “I understand.” Although I’m not sure I did understand. Rand was one of those people who seemed to make everything more difficult than it actually needed to be. He reminded me of some sulking hero who constantly has to challenge temptation, lest it get the best of him.
“No, I don’t think you do. I care deeply for you, Jolie. Do I love you? I’m not sure, but I can’t let it progress to that stage. Love between witches is not the same as what humans consider love or a relationship to be.”
“Why not?” I couldn’t imagine that a relationship would be all that different from the type I was used to…or wasn’t used to in my case. But going on my relationship with Trent, it hadn’t been so different to those I saw on TV or read about in books. It starts off with a date and ends with…getting dumped. Maybe a relationship wasn’t such a good idea, after all.
“A relationship between a witch and a warlock is forever. There is no marriage, there is no divorce. It runs deeper than that. It’s a connection of souls.”
A connection of souls sounded pretty serious. Hadn’t I just been asking about dating?
“I didn’t ask you to marry me, Rand.”
Rand shook his head, apparently thinking I wasn’t on his wavelength.
“If you and I were to get involved, it would be a deeper connection than anything I’m prepared for. It might not be the relationship I just described, but it would lead to that.”
I started to argue with him, but he silenced me with a shake of his head.
“It wouldn’t be casual, Jolie, not between us.”
I didn’t know how I felt about this. On the one side, I was thrilled that his feelings ran so deeply for me, but what was the point if he wouldn’t act on them?
“So, it would have to be all or nothing?”
He nodded. “Neither one of us can afford to even think in such a way. Not with Bella and the Lurkers threatening our lives.”
“That’s why you’ve been fighting it all this time?” I asked the question, but it was more an observation.
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
32"> He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”
I wondered if maybe I might have taken it the wrong way. Maybe I was taking it the wrong way now.
“And just sex between us?”
He chuckled. “Would you ever be happy with that?”
My body would be happy, but my heart would sing a different tune.
�
��No, I wouldn’t.”
“Neither would I. It wouldn’t be enough for either one of us.” He paused. “That and the jealousy of seeing you with other men would tear me apart.”
I didn’t even want to contemplate the notion of seeing him with other women.
“Do you think you’ll ever…let yourself love someone for lack of a better word?”
He was quiet as he considered my question.
“I don’t know. I’ve been alive for one hundred sixty five years and in that time, I’ve never considered it. I’ve dated casually, of course, but never anything as finite as what I’ve described to you. I’ve never dated another witch. It’s too much of a threat.”
“That sounds very lonely,” I said in a small voice, hating the idea that it would be my lonely existence as well. If love were as complicated and involved as he pictured it, either all of my relationships would be casual or a bonding of souls? What was the point of dating at all? Ugh, I was back where I’d started from.
I started to get angry with the whole scenario. Just as I was finally enjoying some male attention and actually had men vying for my affections, this landed in my lap. Well, maybe I’d just need to avoid witches in the same way Rand did. I guess I could have a normal relationship as long as it wasn’t with one of my own kind. So who did that leave? Wolves? No thanks, been there done that. Vampires? I wasn’t sure how I felt about dating the undead. An image of Sinjin popped into my mind…hmm, vampires might not be such a bad option. Demons? They just sounded dangerous. Maybe it was back to ordinary humans for me. Yeah, good luck, like that had worked at all in the past.
“It can be lonely. You have to get used to it, Jolie. You’re a young witch, but in time, you will have to make some fairly tough decisions. Love is one of the toughest because it’s all consuming.”
“What does that mean, all consuming?”
He groaned and raked his hands through his hair.
“It means you become one with each other. The magic bonds between the two of you cement you as one. You can read each other’s thoughts, your magic increases tenfold because you share one another’s magic. But you also become susceptible to the same problems. I’ve seen witches die when their lover dies.”
Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble, a Paranormal Romance Page 25