In Her Words (A St. Skin Novel): a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  I touched his chest. “Cass, you can’t say that stuff to me. We can’t confuse this anymore than it already is.”

  “Confuse what? This is on the job training, right? That’s what you fucking told me before.”

  I felt my body quivering in all the right places. My mental calendar started to peel back the days that quickly turned into weeks and even months, trying to figure out the last time a man held me and said stuff like this to me.

  “What are we doing right now, Cass?” I whispered.

  “Right now, I’m going to fucking kiss you, darlin’. I’m going to kiss you the way I’ve wanted to since the second I saw you. I’m going to forget everything that’s going on. I need you to do the same. Are you with me right now?”

  “I’m here, Cass,” I said.

  His lips brushed against mine. The intention flowed from him. He kept brushing his lips to mine, but he wasn’t kissing me. He was torturing me. Teasing me. If this was his foreplay, I was already forfeiting the game. I was out. I was done. I couldn’t contain it.

  My hands tightened around Cass’s t-shirt. I pulled, wanting, demanding more.

  “That’s what I wanted to see, darlin’,” he whispered, his lips still touching mine. “Tell me how bad you fucking want this right now.”

  “Yes,” I purred. “Cass, yes.”

  Oh my god, no. This is so wrong. Isn’t it? This is my—

  He kissed me. A real kiss. A kiss from a man. The man who was the father to the baby I was raising.

  I let all that strip away as Cass pressed his body tighter to mine. My hands released their firm hold on his shirt and scratched up his neck to his face. I grabbed him as his hands shot to my waist. His hands were massive, strong, lifting me with ease. He put me right on the dining room table.

  I was his feast now …

  Our wet kiss broke with a sloppy sound. There was a second where we stared at each other. Cass grabbed my face and went right back to work. His tongue darted in and around my mouth, sending pulses through the rest of my body. My toes tingled and curled. Heat poured from between my thighs, leaving me shuddering, burning with an aching feeling of need.

  His other hand touched my lower back. He hooked one of his fingers through my empty belt loop and he pulled, bringing me right to him. That’s when I felt him. An impressive bulge, hard like stone, jabbing against the middle of my jeans, forcing my panties to press against my soft, wet sex.

  The moment I felt Cass’s dick touch me, even through layers of clothing, there was a spark of orgasmic sensation that kicked up. I was ready to come right there on the spot.

  My hands climbed down his body, feeling the sexy muscle through his shirt.

  The kiss was intense. One second loud and sloppy, the next second our mouths attached so tight there was only the sound of us exhaling through our noses. He groaned after I moaned. My fingertips grazed his belt buckle. I wanted to rip that belt buckle off him. I wanted those jeans open. I wanted to touch his big co—

  A shrieking wail came blaring from the baby monitor.

  Cass broke the kiss and put his forehead to mine. “Fucking kids, huh?”

  I burst into laughter.

  Kissing Cass was the closest I had been to feeling normal since the night I offered to babysit Paisley, when everything in my life changed.

  “I’ll get her,” Cass said. “You stay right here. Try to—I don’t know.”

  Cass broke away and I grabbed his hand. “Hey. We don’t have to talk about it.”

  “Oh, trust me, darlin’. We have to talk about it. That was nothing compared to what I want to do to you.”

  Cass left me feeling happy. My face was red. My body on fire. My lips were tingling and tender from his powerful kisses. If Paisley hadn’t interrupted us, what would have happened?

  I slid off the table and licked my lips.

  I wanted him. I wanted him in a way that was hard to explain. I couldn’t imagine a day without him now. Every single day he was there.

  But he had a baby with my best friend. How would that work?

  My stomach twisted with guilt.

  I walked to the kitchen and stood there. For a fleeing second, I pictured myself making breakfast. Cooking dinner. Experiencing something more than skating by in life.

  I heard the front door open and shut. Intrigued, I moved from the kitchen, wondering what Cass was doing taking Paisley outside.

  As I turned to walk through the dining room to the living room, I froze.

  I let out a small yell.

  There was a woman standing in Cass’s living room.

  “Hello,” I said.

  She dropped her bag on the floor and pointed right at me.

  It wasn’t some young, beautiful woman. Cass wasn’t caught cheating or whatever the hell Cass and I were at that moment.

  It was an older woman.

  “You!” she said.

  “Me?”

  “You’re Paisley’s mother,” she said.

  Before I could respond she started to run at me.

  I froze, jaw dropped, wondering if this woman was going to tackle me.

  I saw Cass appear in the living room, holding Paisley.

  “Ma!” Cass yelled. “What are you doing here?”

  The woman—Cass’s mother—put on the brakes. She stopped, leaving a couple inches between us.

  I was frozen, staring at a woman who had some of the same striking features as her son. There were a million thoughts running through my mind at once but I couldn’t find a single word to speak in that moment.

  Cass’s mother grinned at me and swiveled her head to the right, her face turning into a scowl. “What am I doing here? My son calls me and says I have a granddaughter? And I’m not supposed to get on the first flight to come see her?”

  “Why didn’t you call?” Cass asked. “I have company here.”

  “Company?” his mother asked. “Oh, look at that baby. Oh my—” She faced me and touched my arms. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I have to snuggle that little baby girl before I get to you.”

  I smiled and nodded.

  The shock still hadn’t worn off.

  I watched as she hurried to Cass, arms around, grabbing for Paisley.

  “Ma, this is Paisley,” Cass said.

  “Oh, what a beautiful name for a beautiful baby. Oh, my heart. I can’t take this.”

  Cass gave his mother Paisley. I heard him whisper, “You should have called. This is all new for us here—”

  “Oh stop it,” she whispered back. “They’re both beautiful. Mom and daughter.”

  I felt like someone socked me right in the stomach.

  Cass’s mother thought I was …

  Cass walked toward me, his eyes wide. He grabbed my arm, gently, and turned me, aiming both of us for the kitchen. The good thing about Cass’s house was that it had plenty of twists, turns, and rooms. He skipped right by the kitchen and opened a heavy wooden door. It was a set of steps.

  Downstairs, he had a full finished basement that was bigger than my house. It actually was its own living space, complete with a small kitchen even. At the furthest point there was a bedroom.

  That’s where we went.

  Part of me had envisioned what it would be like for Cass to take me to bed, but I didn’t picture this. His mother upstairs with Paisley. Me confused. Cass scrambling.

  He shut the door. “Holy shit, darlin’. I had no—”

  “That’s your mother?”

  “Yes. I called her. I had to call her.”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “I had no clue she was going to jump on a plane. She always complains she has no damn money. Until now. She just walks through the front door. Oh, damn, Diem, I am so—”

  I stepped toward Cass and touched his face. I smiled. “You’re cute right now.”

  “What?”

  “You’re all flustered because of your mother.”

  Cass curled his lip. “Don’t mess with me right now.”

  �
��Cass, it’s fine. It’s a good thing for Paisley. I’m not sure how much you really knew about Scarlett. But she had no family. And for me … well, I’m not …” I stumbled on my words. I always did when it came to my parents. “Did you tell her I was Paisley’s mother?”

  “No,” Cass said. “But I didn’t tell her everything.”

  “This is going to be awkward,” I said.

  Cass took my face into his rigid hands. “Darlin’, you are Paisley’s mother. I’ll keep telling you that every time I see you. But I promise, I will tell my mother everything. I had no clue she was going to do this.”

  “Cass, can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Where’s …where’s your father?”

  He shook his head. “No, you can’t ask that. Not right now.”

  I swallowed hard.

  Cass leaned in and kissed my forehead.

  I caught myself hugging him, pulling him tight.

  There was something between us.

  Something real.

  Something dangerous.

  I looked up at Cass as he looked down at me.

  How far was this thing going to go?

  Cass’s mother—Barb—was amazing. She was loud, bold, took no crap from her son, and she was the perfect grandmother to Paisley. She was much shorter than Cass, even an inch shorter than me. A round body with tight curls in her hair. Obvious makeup on her face, trying to cover up the effects of time. But she had a perfect smile, wrinkles that started at the corners of her mouth and met with the corners of her eyes. She had an addicting laugh, loud and carrying, the kind that made you smile when you heard it.

  I don’t think she put Paisley down once either.

  She and I sat at the table while Cass stood behind a chair. I could tell he was super nervous about the entire thing. It was a little nice to see him sweating and uncomfortable. I had my share of it for long enough.

  I knew he was waiting for Barb to ask a question that could only be answered with the truth she didn’t know yet. Unless we lied to her.

  “I don’t know how that—” she nodded to Cass with her eyes wide, nostrils flared “—you could make something as beautiful as this.”

  “Ma,” Cass said.

  “I get it. I mean, hey, we’re all cool here. It’s a different time. You know, things happen between people. I mean, you know, it’s a little shocking to hear you have a granddaughter. I didn’t get to experience the pregnancy. Spoiling. But I can make up for that now.” She looked at Paisley and tickled her. “Ain’t that right, sweetheart?”

  Paisley gurgled and Barb laughed.

  “Now let me tell you something about this one,” Barb said. She pointed to her son. “He ran away on me one time. Thinks I don’t know about it. Sneaking out when he was teenager and thinking he could just go.”

  “You ran away, huh?” I asked Cass.

  “Yeah,” he said. “What’s the point of this?”

  “Oh, you’re going to have such a fun ride here,” Barb said before she looked at me. “He left and I was wondering what he would do.”

  “Did you go after him? Embarrass him?”

  “No,” Barb said. “It was the middle of the night. I was trying to get some sleep. Working doubles and triples to keep food on the table. That’s not easy. I heard him leave. He jumped out the window. Mother’s instinct. I woke up and waited to see what he’d do. He always wanted to become a famous musician. But something happened that night. I’ll never forget it. He came back and was different. I guess he learned his lesson.”

  “No, Ma, I just missed you so much,” Cass said.

  “Aw, how cute,” I said.

  Cass walked to Barb and touched her shoulder. “Ma, Diem lives an hour away. It’s almost Paisley’s time for dinner, bath, and bed. So—”

  “What?” Barb asked. “You can’t stay the night?”

  “Uh …” was the only sound I could mutter.

  “Ma …”

  “What?” Barb asked. “I get to meet my granddaughter for, what, three hours? You two should go out for the night. Treat yourselves.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I said.

  “Ma, Diem and I—we’re not …”

  “Oh, stop it,” Barb said. “There’s obviously something there. I can sense it between you two. And it’s not just the baby.”

  Cass looked at me. “I have everything here. A nursery. Clothes. Formula. Diapers.”

  “More than you had, Cass,” Barb said.

  My jaw was close to hitting the table. “Why not? I don’t have anything going on.”

  “Seriously?” Cass asked.

  “Then it’s settled,” Barb said. “She stood up. I’m going to feed this little bundle of beauty. Then I’m going to give her a warm tubby. Then I’m going to put her down. Then this Grandma—I can’t believe I get to say that—is going to put her feet up and drink a beer.”

  “Ma, this is my house,” Cass said.

  “It’s plenty of house,” Barb snapped. “And if you two don’t want to be in the same bedroom because of me, then figure it out. I can only stay until tomorrow.”

  “It’s fine,” I said. “It’s all fine.”

  “You two go out,” Barb said. “Disappear.”

  I met eyes with Cass. I was not in a position to go out. I was in a different town. I was a stranger. It made me so uncomfortable.

  I stood up and met Cass at the end of the table.

  He bumped his shoulder into mine. “Looks like we have a date, darlin’.”

  “Cass …”

  He winked at me. “Trust me. I have an idea.”

  “Hey, Caspien?” Barb asked.

  It was adorable to hear her say her son’s full name.

  “What, Ma?” Cass asked, looking back.

  “You’ll never be like him. Like your father. You’re better than that.”

  “Thanks, Ma,” I said.

  I looked at Cass.

  I wanted to know what that comment meant. I wanted to know everything about Cass.

  Cass

  NOW

  We were outside my house and I handed Diem my helmet.

  I saw the look on her face.

  “What?”

  “You don’t have a car or truck?”

  “I have both,” I said. “But I like my motorcycle.”

  “I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. Cass, I was a dork growing up, okay? I was sheltered by my own doing. I always had to take care of myself and everyone around me. I always took care of Scarlett. Even when she was pregnant, I took care of the appointments, the vitamins, everything. I never—”

  I put my lips right to hers, stealing her words. It was a quick kiss but it shut her up. Darlin’, you don’t have to do that anymore. I’ll take care of you now.”

  “I love to hear that,” she said. “But this all so …”

  “I know,” I said. “That’s why my version of going out isn’t what you’re thinking.”

  “Well, where are we going?”

  “That’s a surprise, darlin’. But first, I want the truth. Are you okay with leaving Paisley here?”

  “Do you trust your mother?” Diem asked.

  “Yeah. My mother is a pain in the ass. She’s loud, in your face, and annoying. But she always worked hard. Always did what was best for me. I trust her.”

  “Then I trust her too,” Diem said.

  “Good. Now trust me. Put this helmet on.”

  I adjusted the strap for Diem. She looked fucking beautiful in my helmet. Everything about her was beautiful. I was starting to slip. The ground underneath me was sliding away.

  It was nothing but trouble, but maybe for once in my life I could fall for the right woman.

  She clung so tight to me it was pretty damn funny. I skipped by Johnnie’s Italian joint. There, we would have been bothered. I definitely skipped Little Mikey’s. I had caused enough trouble there and I didn’t need any drunk assho
les in my face about Diem or Paisley.

  So I took her to the only place I felt truly safe.

  St. Skin.

  I unlocked the backdoor and led Diem inside.

  “So we can have some privacy,” I said.

  “Are you allowed to do this?”

  “I have a key,” I said. “Tate can kiss my ass.”

  “Tate?”

  “He owns it. I heard he has or had a partner. Not really sure. Axel basically recruited me for the gig here.”

  I flicked on the hall lights and pointed to where my office was.

  “So you ended up here after touring?” Diem asked.

  “Something like that. I actually fell off the tour bus and fucked up my shoulder. That was the end of it for me. Things were getting crazy on the road too. I was getting too popular. The bands didn’t like it. I had record companies sniffing me for a solo album or to put together some processed band.”

  “Why didn’t you do it?” Diem asked.

  I loved the way she looked at me when she asked questions.

  I took her into my office and patted the leather chair. She took a seat.

  I leaned against my desk. “I had enough of it all. Nothing felt real. I was playing someone else’s songs. Playing to someone else’s fans. I mean, I was getting paid a ton of money, but I was done. I knew Axel from when he was a guitar tech. He told me he was tattooing here. Before I knew it I was meeting with Tate, Prick, and the rest of the guys and girls here.”

  “Prick,” Diem said. “What a name.”

  “His real name is Pete,” I said. “But never call him that.”

  “Noted,” she said. “Hey, your mother said something—”

  “Wait a second,” I said. “Before that. I want to know something about you.”

  I crouched down and opened my little fridge. I had water, beer, and some whiskey. To my surprise Diem wanted a little nip of whiskey. Talk about a woman after my heart.

  “I want to know more about you being a dork,” I said.

  “I grew up on my own. My parents … I just grew up on my own. So I was always worried about things other kids didn’t have to really worry about. Food, clothes, money. Being ten years old and budgeting lunch money. I had to get glasses when I was twelve. I didn’t get contacts until I was eighteen. I met Scarlett and we were an unlikely fit. I kept her out of some trouble and she got me into some. We experienced both sides of the world.”