by Jules Wake
‘I work in a school, although I also do quite a bit of waitressing in the holidays at the pub where Siena works. I still have three weeks left before school starts again.’
‘Is it hard looking after a lot of children?’ The question had a wistful note to it. ‘I’m not sure I could look after one. I’d be worried I’d get it wrong.’
Lisa shot her a sidelong glance, in time to see Laurie’s hand slide over her stomach.
‘There is no wrong and right,’ she reassured her. ‘Children need to feel loved, secure and safe. Do that and you’re doing a good job. Follow your instincts. It’s not called maternal instinct for nothing. Not that I would know.’
‘Hmm,’ mused Laurie.
‘Ah,’ said Lisa, suddenly remembering a conversation with Siena. ‘I grew up with my nan and I barely remember my mother.’
‘You’ve heard about Celeste, then,’ said Laurie dryly.
‘A little,’ said Lisa warily. While she thought, from what she’d heard, that Siena and Laurie’s mother sounded a rather cold fish, she was still their mother. It did sound callous, though, leaving Laurie’s father and taking one of her daughters with her to live in France. The two sisters hadn’t met until they were in their twenties.
‘I’m dithering about whether I should invite her to the wedding or not.’
Lisa wasn’t sure what to say to that. If she were getting married, would she invite Vittorio?
‘Cam’s no use at all. No, that’s not true. He’s totally supportive. He says I should do what I want and not worry about anyone else’s feelings, but I’m not sure.’ Laurie sighed. ‘Sorry, I don’t know why I’m bothering you with this.’
‘Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger,’ said Lisa, sitting up straighter, realising she’d slid right down in her seat. ‘They can offer a different perspective.’
She twisted her hands in her lap before finally saying, ‘Did Siena say anything?’ She hated feeling this pathetic, but this helpless, bereft sensation had knocked her off-balance. Even when she and Will had had their near-miss, she hadn’t gone into a decline. Sometimes you had to get on with things. This time, it wasn’t so easy.
There was a measured pause before Laurie spoke, as if feeling her way diplomatically. ‘Not much. She said you were coming home early and something was wrong. She thought Will might have broken your heart. I don’t know him that well, although Cam and Jason both think highly of him.’
‘So do I,’ said Lisa in a small voice, feeling her chest tighten. There was something about Laurie’s calm common sense that she could trust. Heart-broken summed it up well, but it would be wrong to blame Will for that or let Laurie think ill of him. He didn’t deserve it, especially when he’d been nothing but lovely the whole time they’d been in Rome. ‘It’s not Will’s fault. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Neither of us have. The worst thing is, we were good together. Really,’ the lump in her throat made it hard to speak, ‘really good. I went to Rome to f-find my f-father and I-I …’ she tried hard to hold back the sob, ‘it’s such a m-mess. I don’t even know how I’m going to go home after this.’
Like wanting to lance a boil full of poison, she had to get the words out. Far easier to confide in Laurie than Siena.
‘Will and me … we h-have the same father.’
Laurie’s heartfelt and nonplussed, ‘Oh,’ summed up the hopelessness of the situation rather well.
Chapter 29
Tiredness her constant companion for the last twelve hours, now upped and sodding well left. No sooner had Laurie left her, after showing her into a pretty single room, she’d stripped and left her clothes where they were. She lay under the comforting weight of duck down, and even though her eyes felt they’d been removed, rolled in sawdust and stuffed back in, she was wide awake, thoughts spinning like a dozen plates. She tried to empty her mind, but like a roller-coaster, every now and then it would regain momentum, a new upsetting thought rushing in and then receding as she forced it away.
Nan. Will. Siena. Vittorio. So many conversations that needed to be had. Her heart hitched with regret at her cowardice. Letting Will down like that.
Poor Will. He didn’t know. What must he be thinking? He said he loved her. She prayed for a moment that he hadn’t meant it. That he wasn’t serious. And that hurt too, because she knew, with sudden certainty that he did. She closed her scratchy eyes and pictured him sitting at the table alone in the Rome apartment. It was probably best that he thought she’d just upped and left. Better for him to hate her. Better than this awful guilt-filled nausea, when she thought of how much she loved him and how wrong, wrong, wrong it was.
She wrapped her arms around her body, as if they might offer some kind of protection and ward off the sense of dislocation, and let the tears have their way, streaming down her face, her body shaking with silent sobs.
Chapter 30
‘Morning. I brought you a cup of tea.’ Laurie held a tray and then added with a mischievous smile, reminding Lisa of Siena, ‘And a coffee, because I didn’t know which you’d prefer.’
Lisa scrambled up to sitting position. ‘You didn’t need to do that. What time is it? Sorry, is it terribly late?’
Laurie put down the tray beside the bed and held up a hand in a halt sign. ‘Don’t worry. You’re fine.’
‘Sorry, but you’ve already been incredibly kind.’ It felt like she was in a hotel, which she guessed it was, except she wasn’t a paying guest and shouldn’t be treated as such. ‘I mean … this is one of your rooms.’
‘And it was empty. It’s not a problem. We didn’t have any guests last night.’ Laurie’s shoulders drooped briefly. ‘The new lot arrive today.’
In the morning light, Lisa saw the dark shadows under her eyes.
‘It was also easier to bring it to you as you don’t know where you are. It’s quite rambling downstairs. When we have people here, Cam and I have a private sitting room, where we eat. But as we have no one here today, we’ll have breakfast in the dining room. If you feel up to it, it’ll be ready in about half an hour. But don’t feel you have to or that I’m kicking you out.’
Her face softened. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Confused. Sad. Guilty.’
‘Guilty? Why? It’s hardly your fault.’
‘I keep thinking about Will. He doesn’t know. He must be wondering why I disappeared. But I can’t bear to …’ There was a physical ache in her chest, like some huge stone had been lodged firmly behind her breastbone.
‘Do you want me to get Siena to contact him?’
Lisa shook her head. ‘I don’t want anyone else to know. I feel … soiled. It’s a horrible feeling. And what will people think? I can’t bear the thought of anyone,’ she looked at Laurie, ‘else, knowing.’
‘Don’t worry. I haven’t told Cam. And I won’t tell Siena. That’s entirely up to you.’
‘I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want.’
‘Well, have a drink. Are you hungry?’
‘Starving.’ She gave Laurie a limp smile. ‘I’m never going to be one of those lovelorn types who can’t eat a thing.’ Moping wasn’t going to help. She had to get on with it.
‘Glad to hear it. See you in a bit.’
Amazing what a shower and the prospect of food could do. There wasn’t exactly a spring in her step as she came down the rather amazing wooden staircase, which last night she’d failed to appreciate, but she’d girded her loins and given herself a talking-to. The situation wasn’t going to change. It was going to be hard at first, but it would get better. One day, hard as it was to imagine, she and Will would be … no, she couldn’t even begin to envision seeing him again. Park that thought for the time being. But in the short term, life went on. She had her job. Friends. Nan. That was as far as she could think now. Like putting books back on the shelf, she mentally tucked Will and Vittorio at the far end of the bookcase and deliberately focused on her surroundings.
Her fingers trailed along the William Morris wallpaper, reco
gnising the famous strawberry thief pattern thanks to an art topic they’d done at school last year. It suited the grand entrance hall, which was probably bigger than the entire square footage of the ground floor of her house. At the bottom, she stopped, her hand resting on the dark, elaborately carved, newel post. The house reminded her of the Cluedo mansion. A long, narrow corridor with stone flags led away and to the right, a heavy wooden door ajar, enough for her to see a bright, light-filled dining room. Confident that she was in the right place, Lisa pushed open the door. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the bay window with its table, laid with breakfast things and the couple silhouetted in the sunshine. Laurie was looking up into the laughing eyes of a tall man, while his hand smoothed down her back as if comforting her. She had an anxious frown on her face and Cam, who else could it be, was talking in a soothing voice.
Lisa could almost feel the connection between the two of them. Worried she was interrupting, she stopped, wondering if she could diplomatically withdraw, but it was too late, Cam looked over.
‘Hi. Lisa?’
‘Yes,’ she said a touch shyly. With green eyes and despite the slightly shaggy, curly hair, he looked like a male model. When his face creased into a quick, ready smile, it packed quite a punch, but there was no doubt, from the way he tucked Laurie into his side, that there was only one woman for him.
‘Nice to meet you. Please say you want some breakfast. Laurie’s been making me be polite and wait.’
Laurie dug her elbow in his ribs. ‘Excuse him, he has no manners.’
He grinned cheerfully and pulled a chair out for Laurie and then a second one for Lisa.
‘Gets by on a bucket load of charm,’ said Laurie, sinking into her seat, shaking her head, a warm smile belying her words.
Cam dropped a quick kiss on her lips. ‘And why not?’ He winked at Lisa.
Sitting with the two of them, both of whom were clearly besotted with each other, could have made her envious and long for Will, but instead being in the warmth of their happiness was surprisingly comforting.
‘Toast? Croissant? Muffins?’ Laurie offered her a plate and Lisa helped herself to a croissant.
‘Home-made. Strawberry,’ said Cam, pushing across a pretty glass dish of bright-red jam with a silver spoon tucked in.
‘This is all lovely,’ said Lisa, admiring the white china pattered with delicate sprigs of flowers as she shook out the heavy damask napkin.
‘My uncle had great taste and lots of money. There’s stacks of stuff. Honestly, we’ve got jam spoons, honey twizzlers, tortoiseshell mustard spoons, cruets, gravy boats, sugar tongs …’
‘You name it, we’ve got it,’ Cam chimed in.
‘And it seemed a shame not to use everything,’ finished Laurie.
‘I bet the guests love it. My room is gorgeous. If they’re all like that, no wonder it’s been so popular.’
Laurie cleared her throat. A look was exchanged between her and Cam, and then he gave a brief nod of his head.
‘We are and it can be hard work. There’s no point beating about the bush. We wondered if you might like to stay on for a couple of weeks and work here. You said last night you had three weeks before you go back to school. And that you didn’t want to go home. We’d pay you.’
‘But …’ Lisa was conscious her mouth was open. ‘I mean … that would be,’ absolutely brilliant, ‘wonderful.’ She frowned. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Laurie’s pregnant.’ Cam said the words with quiet pride. ‘It would be great to have another pair of hands, while she’s … tired.’
Laurie tried and failed to hide a wry smile. ‘What he means is, she’s a bit over-emotional just now and can’t be trusted not to cry on the guests or run out on them mid-conversation rather than throw up in front of them.’
Now Lisa understood that happy undercurrent she’d sensed between them.
‘Congratulations. You must be very excited.’
‘Early days at the moment. We’re not telling anyone else. But I’m tired all the time. No pressure, but I could really do with some help. Cam was threatening to advertise for someone but we thought it was worth asking you first. I mean you’re used to working in the pub. You know how to handle customers. We’ve got nine bedrooms here for guests.’
‘And if you can carry more than two plates at once, you’re hired.’ Cam grinned at her.
‘Obviously, we’ve sprung it on you,’ said Laurie. ‘But if you want to stay a couple of days and try it out, that would be fine.’
‘Oh God,’ Lisa wiped her eyes. ‘You’ve set me off again. That would be … well it would … yes. Yes, please. I’d like that.’
‘Excellent,’ said Cam. ‘And a weight off my mind. Now do you need anything? I,’ he shot a firm look at Laurie, ‘have to go shopping.’
‘I can-’
‘No, you’re staying here and resting. I can shop.’
Laurie screwed up her face with a comical combination of frustration and crossness that had Cam patting her hand in a patronising, teasing gesture.
‘I can do food shopping. Lisa can help if I get stuck.’
Despite her recent education at the hands of Will she wasn’t sure she’d be an awful lot of help but decided it probably wouldn’t help to volunteer that information. Instead, she nodded and added, ‘Course, plus I need to sort out getting another phone. That suits me perfectly.’
Cam drove her in the poshest car she’d even been in in her life, a dark-blue, long and low Aston Martin, with cream-leather seats that seemed to hug her frame in all the right places as he steered with competent dash around the country lanes.
They went into a big Tesco in York, where she picked up a new phone and got it set up and sorted before joining Cam at the checkout, where he was running through Laurie’s list, making sure he’d followed it to the letter.
‘Green beans, with the bits on either end. Don’t bother with the pre-trimmed ones,’ he muttered. ‘Eggs, free range, large. Not organic. Tonic water, not slim-line. Fever-tree not own brand.’
‘Who does the cooking?’ asked Lisa. She hadn’t thought to ask before.
‘Norah, our housekeeper. Literally. She came with the house; we have to keep her. But she wasn’t well earlier in the year. We don’t want her doing too much, either. Which is why it’s great that you’ve agreed to stay for a couple of weeks.’
‘You might not think that if you were expecting me to do any cooking.’
‘You’re safe on that score.’
‘What the …!’ Cam squinted at his list. ‘Lychees?’
‘Tinned fruit aisle, love,’ advised the checkout girl.
‘Do you want me to go and get them?’ asked Lisa, amused by his horrified expression.
‘Please. Pregnancy cravings.’ He shook his head.
The checkout girl shot a startled look at his stomach.
Without so much as a blink, Cam patted his middle. ‘Dreadful they are.’
Lisa fled, a smile on her face for the first time in two days.
She hadn’t expected Cam to say anything to her, but when he cleared his throat and looked in the rear-view mirror before they pulled out of the car park, she could almost feel him gathering his courage.
‘Laurie told me what happened. I’m sorry.’
‘That’s okay. Nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do.’ She shrugged and kept her gaze on the white lines running down the middle of the road. It felt as if a large stone had taken up residence in the pit of her stomach.
‘You haven’t spoken to Will, then?’
‘Not much point, really. He’s probably relieved. He’s not renowned for his staying power with women,’ she said bitterly.
‘You don’t think he might be as upset as you are?’ Cam’s calm defence of Will made her turn and look at him. Although he kept his eyes on the road, his face was stern.
‘I forgot he was a friend of yours.’ She swallowed, a fierce blush heating her cheeks, as she waited for him to follow up with a further comment but he ke
pt his counsel. Her stomach contracted, sending pain radiating through her, compounded by a horrible sense of shame. Will deserved better than this.
He hadn’t let her down. The situation was beyond their control. But she’d let him down. She’d run away this time. Worse still, she hadn’t even had the decency to contact him and let him know the truth about his real father, even after he’d shared his sense of failure about his relationship with the man he thought was his father.
Straightening in her seat, she sneaked another look at Cam and he turned his head and gave her a sad, sympathetic smile. ‘I feel sorry for Will too. It’s an impossible situation for both of you.’
Tears blurred her vision. She’d never felt quite so devoid of hope as she whispered, ‘I know.’
Chapter 31
Lisa collapsed into the sofa, gratefully taking the mug of tea from Laurie. She hadn’t stopped all day, from making up twelve beds, collecting up dirty towels, serving welcome tea and cake and clearing up the dining room afterwards. It had been all go, but still not enough to dispel the bleakness that permeated every part of her.
‘You will say if we’re working you too hard,’ said Laurie, sipping delicately at her tea. She looked a little wan and Lisa had had to chase her away when she insisted on helping put the pillowcases on some of the beds. ‘You should take breaks. I ought to look up the employment rules and regulations. I’m sure you’re supposed to have a proper lunch and coffee breaks. Norah said you haven’t eaten anything today.’
Norah reminded her a little of Nan: all bark, a little bite and a touch of grudging kindness lurking somewhere. She doted on Laurie, so Lisa was already quids-in there because she was helping to alleviate Laurie’s load.
‘I’m fine. Don’t forget, I’m used to working in a pub. On a Saturday night, I can tell you there’s no time for a break.’
‘Well, why don’t you take a break now? We serve dinner to the guests tonight at 7.30. Will that be alright?’
‘Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do?’