With a shrug, she consigned the mystery to someplace in the back of her mind where she might think on it later. And she most definitely didn’t think about Tahl handling—and buying—her lingerie. She pulled on the skirt, tucking in the blouse. Both items fit well, same as the underwear, and she shivered. She didn’t like the fact that he also knew her sizes.
Her shoes were going to look ridiculous, but who would see her? Then she spied the flip flops. Thongs. Ugly, rubbery things that went perfectly with the outfit. She slipped on the pink ones, astonished at the comfort they afforded, and regarded her new look. The mirror reflected a woman appearing far younger than her twenty-five years, all artifice stripped away, and it scared her.
“Ready for a hoedown,” she muttered, grabbing her purse and scrabbling in its depths for some lipstick and mascara.
Tahl was scrambling eggs—another of her favorites—and she moved to top up her cup. Hesitating, she decided to revert to using her manners and added coffee to Tahl’s mug.
“Thanks.”
“Sure.” She went to the window and twitched the curtain aside, staring out at the view. Totally bucolic, and it kind of soothed her. Not that she wanted soothing. What she needed was a clear and sharp mind to utilize the next several minutes. She could do this. She had to.
“Want to sit in?” Tahl put plates on the table, and she took her place, flashing back to her outburst the night before. Make that two outbursts, followed by … sex. She shoved the memories away.
“How are you?” He sat across from her.
“I’m fine.” She took a piece of toast and broke a piece off, and then dipped her fork into the eggs. “Thanks for breakfast.”
“I’m domesticated,” he said. “Comes from living alone for so long.”
Right. He was an only child and his parents were gone. He’d spent a lot of time at her home. Details she’d tried to scrub from her brain and ones she didn’t want to recall. Who and what he was, what he’d done, didn’t matter. Well, maybe what he’d done recently, but they’d come to that.
“I’m hungry.” She ate quickly and he followed suit.
After his last mouthful, he pushed his plate aside. “We need to talk, baby.”
Baby. “Can you not call me that?”
His green eyes narrowed. She’d have given anything to have him look at her before he walked out of her life to pursue that bitch. “All right,” he said quietly.
“We may be mated, but that doesn’t give you license to saddle me with nicknames.” She wished she could call that back. It implied that she cared.
His mouth tightened, but not before she saw the pain on his face. “Best you say it, Desi. I’m sure you have something to put out there. Can’t blame you, considering my impulsive behavior.”
She decided not to draw things out. Tahl could apologize until he was blue in the face, but it changed nothing. She was stuck with him, at least during some times in her life. She wasn’t good at math, so hadn’t multiplied twelve by twenty minus, say, three times nine months, to come up with the number of possible heats in relation to the number of years females could safely bear young. “I might be pregnant.”
“You think so?” He sounded pleased and those sensuous lips widened into a smile. “Your heat—”
“Is on the wane,” she interrupted. “At least I think it is. I’m not jumping out of my skin.”
It felt horribly embarrassing to discuss it. Stupid, really, considering what they’d done together. And would again, but not for a long time if her prayers were answered. The way he looked at her…
“I don’t regret triggering your heat or claiming you, merely the circumstances,” he offered. Taking a deep breath, he obviously chose his next words carefully. “Desi, I spoke for you with Jett. I made my intentions clear to you or tried to, but you avoided me, until our conversation yesterday at the boutique. But I believe we were inevitable.”
Anger bubbled in her belly and threatened to boil over. She swallowed and somehow stayed in control. Typical arrogant shifter. He’d wanted her, and when she hadn’t cooperated… And her brother, the Alpha, had given his permission… Goddamn shifter tradition. Goddamn destiny. It was too much, and she fiercely wished that people would leave her the fuck alone.
When she was certain she could speak as dispassionately as possible, Desiree met Tahl’s stare with her own. “Aside from the fact I gave you no encouragement whatsoever, if fact the very opposite, you triggered my heat.”
“You cared for me. A lot. I’m sorry I didn’t take notice back then. I want to believe you still feel something. Because I … care about you.”
The old clock ticked quietly on the wall and the coffee maker hissed as the seconds spun out. Her entire being seized up her thoughts like sludge. “What happened at Dawnfall?”
Tahl’s handsome face closed up and he shook his head. “I can’t share that, baby. Desiree.”
“You left the pack.” You left me. “You were gone for some time and came back without any explanation. Nobody heard from you while you were gone.” Not even me.
“I was in touch with our Alpha.”
She waited for him to say something about maybe having some kind of loyalty to her, but that was wishful thinking. He’d wanted Peyton Leaf, and when it hadn’t happened—for a reason that had nothing to do with Desi!—he settled for her, the Alpha’s sister. He’d always been close with Jett, and their family, so it probably seemed a good deal. How nice that he cared for her.
“Okay. Fine.” It wouldn’t change anything, anyhow. She didn’t respond to his hope that she still cared for him. This was war, and no one gave away state secrets nor armed the other side. She’d keep that ammunition to herself. So what if he’d broken her heart? So what if it hadn’t been a teenage crush everyone thought she’d bounce back from? So what if she hadn’t allowed another shifter to so much as hold her hand, despite her studied flirting? She didn’t want anyone else but Tahl, and now she had him she hated herself. And him.
“Desi—”
“What’s done is done. It’s not like I get a do-over. But I have the right to demand certain things. Conditions.”
That wary look was back, and he shoved a hand through his thick, blond hair. Would their children have his hair or hers? Would she look into a pair of green eyes and be reminded— She gave herself a mental slap. Any child they created would be welcome and loved, certainly by her. She had so much love to give, all wrapped up and stuffed deep down because he hadn’t wanted it before. It would be a relief to lavish it on her offspring.
“What are these demands and conditions?”
“I don’t want to live with you. I’ll get my own place or stay with my mother, though I hope you’ll want to be involved in our kids’ lives. We’ll act civilized around one another. If I’m pregnant, then you don’t touch me again until my next heat.” She ticked her points off on her fingers.
Aside from a slight tightening around his mouth, he didn’t seem affected. His words belied her impression, because, with hardly a pause, he responded, “You’ll move in with me. I’ll be totally involved in our kids’ lives. Acting civilized might be a stretch considering your attitude, but I’ll meet you half way. And you forget that sex is a big part of shifter lives, heat or no heat.”
“This isn’t a negotiation, Tahl. You’re not going to play that shifter male card with me like I’m some weak female willing to do as she’s told.”
“You’re not at all weak. That’s part of your appeal,” he replied amiably, though his eyes were resolute. “But no mate of mine will live separate from me. It’s my job to care for and protect you, something I can’t easily do if we don’t cohabitate.”
“And Jett will back you,” she accused him, that awful sense of being powerless overwhelming her.
“He will, not that I require it. I’m your mate, ba—Desiree. Until death do us part. As you said, what’s done is done. There’s no going back and we need to make the best of it.”
“You bastard. Can you
hear yourself?” She stood, glaring at him. “You touch me outside of my heats and the death do us part might come sooner than you think.”
He lifted a shoulder. “I won’t force you, Desi. I’ll count on the chemistry between us to soften your attitude. Now you’ve had a taste—”
Without thought, she swept her arm across the table, swiping the dishes and condiments to the floor where they made a great shattering noise. His arrogant assumption threatened her fragile determination to forget the sex they’d shared.
Tahl didn’t flinch. Instead, he leisurely got to his feet. “I’ll allow you that, Desiree. Your life has changed and you feel you have no control. You need some time to adjust. But, not again. Civilized, remember? We’ll work our problems out without violence or outbursts.”
Through gritted teeth, she said, “I have no control. You plan to rule my life. What? Are you going to beat me into submission?”
“I won’t need to beat you, ba—Desiree. Besides, our Alpha has banned corporal punishment. I was thinking more along the lines of domestic discipline. Because, this”—he threw his hand toward the mess on the floor—“isn’t you.”
It wasn’t her. But she couldn’t think past his promise to discipline her. “Then you fucking well better sleep with one eye open, because if you raise a hand to me…” A light flickered behind her eyes, and she expended enormous energy to rein herself in. For an instant she’d seen herself standing over him, blood staining her hands.
“Desiree?” His face clouded with concern and he stepped around the table to take her arm.
Dismissing the disconcerting image, she shook him off, and said, “I mean it, Tahl. If we have to be roommates you don’t want to push me.”
He stepped back. “Go get ready, get your purse. I’ll pick this mess up. We’re going to town to see if they sell home pregnancy tests.”
Right. Find out if she was expecting. Shifters threw the pregnancy hormone from day one and human tests worked well for them. And if she wasn’t… She shivered. Then he’d fuck her again until this heat cycle ended. And during the next. Not finding the idea abhorrent made no sense, but then she had no choice when in heat. That’s all it was. And her plan had been knocked aside without even a vague consideration. Well, too bad if shifters were all about the sex in between times. She hadn’t died, doing without, and having had a taste meant nothing. Tahl would just have to learn to deal with it, the jerk.
Moving with as much dignity as she could manage, already regretting outburst number whatever, she used the bathroom and remade the bed. Their combined scents wafted from the sheets and her eyes drifted shut, involuntarily transported on the olfactory memory. Had he slept beside her? Held her? Moisture squeezed from beneath her lids and she blinked rapidly. Crying solved nothing. She’d shed buckets-full over Tahl and there was no point in wasting any more.
He was tying off a garbage bag when she returned to the kitchen, and she paused to admire the flex in his forearms before chastising herself. She hadn’t allowed herself to really look at him since his return. There wasn’t any need, considering that his tall, muscular frame with his thick blond hair and discerning green eyes was emblazoned in her head, right down to the tiny dimple in his left cheek. She knew his scent, could recognize him by the way he moved, and despite her efforts to expunge other personal knowledge about him, likely knew him better, or as well, as Jett. That he now had carnal knowledge of her and effectively owned her could have been the happiest time of her life. With a grimace, she composed herself.
“Ready?” He didn’t reference the pile of dirty dishes in the sink or anything else related to her acting out, and she again resolved to keep things under wraps unless he pushed her. With an inner snort, she accepted her ability to control herself around him—her mate—would be sorely challenged. But if he touched her… She closed that down. Because if he touched her outside of her heat cycles, when she couldn’t pretend her response was purely biological, she’d lose all of herself. So, no unnecessary sex. Shut up, wolf.
“Desiree?”
“Huh? Oh, sure. Sorry. Just thinking. I’m ready.”
“Okay if we take my car?”
After his oh-so-lordly attitude a few minutes earlier, she recognized a concession when she heard one. He knew she preferred to drive. “That’s fine.”
He held all the doors for her and ensured she was buckled up before heading toward town. Viscerally aware of his proximity, she leaned away and stared out the window.
“You were a virgin.”
Did he think he was safe within the confines of a vehicle barreling down the narrow road? Was this was a continuation of his assumption that he’d turned her into some addict craving sex like chocolate? She took a deep breath. No more outbursts. “Yes.”
“I wish I’d known.”
Uh huh. That was a conversation they could have had for sure. Hey, Tahl. Just so you know, when my brother hands me over to you, take it easy. Because I wasn’t. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
“And you’re the important one here.”
He threw her a glance before turning onto the short road running through the town. “I’m trying, Desiree.”
“Then quit. Okay? There’s no need to try. I mean, why bother?”
“Because you’ve made up your mind not to, is that it?” He pulled up in front of what looked to be a grocery store, and turned the car off, returning both hands to the wheel. His knuckles showed white and she understood how hard she was pushing him again, not that she gave a damn.
“Civilized doesn’t include discussions about my personal life, and if anyone can talk about making up their mind…”
Eyes blazing emerald fire, he stared at her. “We’re mated. Everything about you is of interest to me.”
She released her seatbelt and grasped her purse, ignoring his anger and the way it made her belly clench. “I don’t see it that way.”
Grasping her arm, he said, “I was honored to be your first.”
“And my last, unless death does us part.” She flung the door open and wrenched free, stepping out. A hoarse curse floated out behind her and she slammed the door on it.
No way was she telling her reasons for being a virgin shifter at nearly twenty-five. He was surprised at that fact and should learn not to judge a book by its cover. And she certainly didn’t want to feed his ego. Her cell vibrated and she dragged it out as Tahl levered his tall frame out of the car. She peered at the screen in the bright sunlight. River. She wanted to talk with her friend, but not until she could calm herself, so she ignored the call.
Desiree didn’t have any close shifter friends other than her sister-in-law, anymore. Her childhood friend, Josie, had been claimed by Max. He’d been her choice and Desi was really happy for them, when she wasn’t being reminded of what she was missing out on, which was constantly. So while she kept in contact and was always made welcome in their home, their interaction had dwindled.
As for the paucity of other female friends, it was partly because of who her brother was. Being the Alpha’s sister, it made the females either suck up to her or give her a wide berth. And many of them she avoided because they’d been the recipient of Tahl’s attentions. If it hadn’t been for her human friends, life would have been pretty darn lonely, and even then a fair number of them had older sisters who “knew” Tahl. Manwhore.
She was furious with herself that she’d allowed him to influence her life to such a degree but hadn’t managed to do anything about it. Yet she’d lusted after him, wanted him. What did that infer? She knew it made her feel even worse.
He held the door to the store open, and she clomped inside, not sparing him a glance or thanking him. She was tired of everything and wanted to get it over with.
“Hello.” A middle-aged woman smiled at her and nodded to Tahl. “Welcome back. Did you forget something?”
He was going to ask this woman if the store carried pregnancy tests. She knew it. Interrupting, she asked, “Do you have
painkillers?”
“Yes. Two aisles over.”
“Thanks.” Desi hurried over and scanned down the products. There was a surprising array of over-the-counter medications and on the opposite side were the hygiene and the feminine products. Beside those were “family planning” choices, along with pregnancy tests. She picked one of each, chose a bottle of ibuprofen and made her way to the till.
With a slightly raised eyebrow, the woman checked her out and tucked her purchases into a sack. Tahl brooded in the doorway and she studiously ignored him.
As she made her way outside, he murmured, “Ever independent, baby. I expect it’ll take a little time to accept that you don’t have to do everything by yourself.”
Without deigning to answer, she went straight to the car. He insisted on opening the door again and nearly handed her inside, but she refused to appreciate his chivalry. Tahl had always been a gentleman, but it was lost on her now. Especially when she knew it hid that caveman persona she’d recently witnessed. A few years ago it would have made her hot, but at her age now, not so much.
Clutching the bag, she maintained her silence while Tahl commented on the passing scenery. She could almost pretend they were an old married couple, together for eons. She nearly ground her teeth into dust.
Without giving him a chance to come around and help her out, she clambered from the vehicle and nearly ran into the house in her desperation. Locking herself in the bathroom, she read through the instructions and used both of the tests. A knock startled her as she set the strips on the edge of the sink to dry.
“Desiree?”
“I’m waiting.”
“Open the door.”
She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to share the moment with him and wondered how long she could stall. But being a total bitch really wasn’t her, so she grudgingly opened up. He stepped inside, crowding her, and she felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the space.
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