I shook my head. “Does this have something to do with what happened two nights ago?” I asked.
Surprise flickered across him. “Why do you ask that?”
I took a deep breath. “Well, something happened, or you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.”
“Did you sense something different about the deep access?”
I tried to remember back. “It was more intense than the first time. I sensed that if I wanted to, I could have touched your thoughts.” I debated telling him about the intense feeling of isolation that had followed his break from my mind.
He nodded. “I brushed your angulus accidentally. Commisceo is basically the melding of two Talents’ anguli. When joined like this, the two can easily access each other’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and sometimes manipulate the other’s physical movements. Because of the intimacy of the joining, Commisceo requires both Talents have a great deal of training and concentration.”
I frowned. My concentration was my weakest ability.
“The advantage of this technique is that the Talents can offset each other’s weakness. If you and I should commisceo, your increased power would be added to my years of experience and concentration training. However, it will also make us more vulnerable. If an enemy should attack and gain control of one of us, the other would follow. You are uniquely capable of dealing with this problem, though. You can willingly ConProp and break the connection without going through the elaborate steps need to do it the conventional way.”
“But what would happen to you? Selwyn was only in my externus, and I threw him quite a ways.”
“That is what we will have to work out if we decide to do this. I have no first-hand experience with this technique. No one living does.”
I nodded. “So, we will be forging new ground.” Something I should be familiar with.
“I want you to understand the risks before you make a decision. There are records of Commisceo driving men mad. Also, this is a deep intrusion into the Talent’s innermost being. All the records I have seen warn that commisceo changes those who use it. It isn’t clear if it is for the better or worse.”
Memories of the complete and devastating isolation I experienced two nights before were warning enough. What would I feel after a complete commisceo? I shivered. Could I handle it?
On the other hand, what if this was what I was here for? Was my purpose to be Hadrian’s hands and defense against the Elitist? I closed my eyes and reached for the Almighty. What should I do?
“Also,” Hadrian sent, “before we do this…if we do this, I am going to have to teach you a permanent defense to protect our connection and your knowledge of this skill. Once it is in place, you will never be able to remove it without damage to your brain and mental skills. Creating this kind of defense comes with its own inconveniences. And dangers. I know they seem small compared with the larger issue of commisceo, but I wanted to warn you. Neleck warned me.”
My eyes widened. “This defense would be something that Neleck taught you as part of your training as the sept son?”
“Yes. The knowledge of it would be stowed behind the defense as well should we decide to do this.”
Again I sought the Almighty. Is this it, Father? Is this my purpose?
Knowing the will of God was sometimes difficult. Everything pointed to Him having a purpose for me. I was doing as I was taught, “seek His will at every turn, keep your heart close to His with study and prayer, and He will show you the way.” I closed my eyes. Father, I want only Your will. An enveloping wave of peace fell over me. I was surprised by the intensity and the feeling of rightness.
“I understand if you want to pray about this before…”
I cut him off. “I am ready. It seems to be what the Almighty wishes. Where do we start?”
Relief mixed with apprehension flooded our connection. A bit confused, I turned to look at his face. His head was bent as though in prayer. I withdrew mentally to give him space, but I didn’t move my mount farther from his side. After a few moments, he lifted his head.
“We will begin with the defenses.”’
* * *
Chapter XI
Hadrian
It took three days to walk Zez through the steps of permanent defense raising to the extent where I felt she understood and could attempt her first. Part of my unease came from the fact Neleck had given me weeks of exercises, lectures, and study before he allowed me to try my first. We didn’t have weeks. We had days and too few for what we were trying to accomplish. I did take comfort in the fact Zez was my confidant again. Unlike Korneli, she didn’t pester. She also didn’t lecture like Errol. She simply listened, asked questions, and gave me her honest opinion. It was refreshing after two days of being on my own. Korneli was, unfortunately, right. She was already entrenched in my life and stress whether I liked it or not.
Her dark grey eyes were framed by constant dark smudges from lack of sleep. The smile that could brighten my moods came out less often, and when it did, it only glimmered in a pale reflection of its previous shine. She still had her spirit. It would appear at moments when I least expected it. A gesture or facial expression would remind me of the child I had met years ago in the high king’s gardens.
“Am I doing something wrong?” she asked, flooding my mouth with the taste of mint.
“No, you are doing just fine.” I quickly averted me eyes from my study of her face. “I am sorry. I just haven’t been sleeping, and I tend to stare into space as my brain wanders.”
She nodded. “So, are you ready?”
I glanced around us. The moonlight was so strong that I could clearly locate all of our party scattered around our resting place. We would be starting our nightly journey any minute, but not until I gave the signal. I sent a warning that we were not to be disturbed to Renato and Korneli and then turned my attention back to Zez. “Not really, but I doubt I ever will be.”
She smiled. “I am going to begin.” Closing her eyes, she withdrew into her mind. I carefully watched her progress with only my eyes.
It was strange how out of practice I had become at observing people with just my normal senses. Perhaps it was because I used my Talent-senses constantly and was hardly ever without them. Either way, I quickly became frustrated just scrutinizing Zez’s facial features. They gave away nothing about what was happening beneath them within her mind and heart.
Renato had once mentioned to me his disappointment in his sister’s appearance. He said something about it was a shame that she had inherited the family nose from their father’s side. As I looked at her now, I found that I was strongly disagreeing with his assessment. Her face, though not beautiful by the classic standards of society, was beautiful in its own unique way. Her longer-than-usual nose balanced out her face and added grace to her cheekbones. I also liked the way her large eyes would express exactly what was going on behind them, despite her best efforts to hide her emotions. Even as I was thinking this, she opened her eyes and focused on my face.
“I think I did it right. Will you look?”
I eagerly reached out and brushed her mind, testing the new defenses. They were impressive. I know that my first attempt was not as neat or strong as hers. Hedging her medius, they blocked out any attacker from going too deeply. Hopefully, they would be enough to keep an Elitist intent on satoconatus at bay.
“Well done.”
“Really?”
I smiled. “Yes, really. Do you not believe me?”
She shrugged.
“I had some questions about commisceo.”
“What sort of questions?”
She paused to gather her thoughts. “While commisceo linked, will I be capable of keeping my thoughts private? Will you be able to read everything in my mind, past memories and current thoughts?”
It was a fair question. It took me a moment to think of an answer, though. “As far as I know and can guess based on the technical information I know, accessing memories and current thoughts will be possible
but not absolutely necessary. Remember when Errol taught you about the levels of the mind?”
“Selwyn taught me.” She corrected me as she nodded to indicate she remembered.
Despite that reassurance, I reviewed quickly. “The externus, outermost sphere, is where the mind processes emotions and senses. The medius is where you have some control over your thoughts. Then the angulus, the center, is the place where memories are stored, deep thought occurs, bodily function is controlled, and any private thoughts cultivate. Since the commisceo link anchors in the angulus of both Talents, it is possible for either of us to invade that most private part of the other. However, from everything I have read, I would surmise that it isn’t a constantly invasive experience.”
I frowned. It was not a reassuring thought. With little effort, she could see all those memories that I never wanted brought to the surface.
“So, we should be able to control the depth of what we receive from the other.”
I nodded. “As far as I can guess.”
She seem to consider it for a time as we sat in silence. Off in the distance where the others waited, someone stretched with a groan, and the low murmur of conversation picked up. They were at least trying to not look like they were straining to see and hear how we were doing.
“I am ready if you are.”
I was reluctant to agree. If we had more time, I would have wanted to wait for a while. Give her time to rest. However, the next chance we would have would be in the morning, after a long night’s ride. And, we only had two more days before we reached the prearranged meeting place. Once there, I was not going to have a moment for myself, let alone her.
“Yes. Now, I have already explained the steps, right?”
She nodded. “We lower all our defenses and let the other through the permanent ones.”
“Of which I have quite a few so be patient with me.”
She smiled. “I am to touch your angulus and then you will touch mine. Once the connection is established, we will take turns reestablishing our defenses.”
“Also be careful not to push into my thoughts, and I will try to do the same. We are going to have to work out all the details of functioning with this connection as we ride. Under no circumstances are you allowed to ConProp.”
She nodded. “But we are going to have to try that at some point.”
“Tonight before we sleep. We will pick a safe spot where I can be thrown without fear of great injury.”
A worry crease appeared between her eyebrows. “I am not sure this is a good idea.”
“There is another way of disconnecting. If you are still uncomfortable about ConPropping when it is time to sleep, we will attempt the less dramatic way. Agreed?”
She nodded.
“Now, give me a minute to prepare myself. I suggest you do the same.”
Sensing her agreement, I closed my eyes and began lowering defenses. A strange sense of excitement blossomed in my chest. It was almost a longing to touch her mind again. Intense and strong, it pulsed with eagerness. I pushed it down and away from my thoughts. I felt like a hormonal adolescent, and it was ridiculous.
Father, please bless this. Give me the wisdom, strength, and restraint to not scare her with all I have roaming through my thoughts. I don’t want to hurt her, Almighty.
Having sought the Almighty’s blessing, I refocused my thoughts on my task.
* * *
Zezilia
He was nervous. It came across in the way he avoided my eyes, kept his head down, and the Talent-sense that I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t help but mirror the feeling.
He had been impressed with my permanent work. That was clear. However, I couldn’t ignore the tension in his shoulders, the frown lingering on his forehead, and the slight twitch to his hand where it rested on his knee. Regardless, I didn’t have time to worry about this.
After a quickly whispered request of help to the Almighty, I began pulling down my defenses and walking through the steps of letting him through the new permanent wall around my medius.
“Are you ready?” he asked. His voice was perfectly calm, despite the impressions I was picking up.
A sudden fear of how I was going to deal with his emotions as well as my own flooded through me. No. I can’t go back now. This was God’s purpose. He had made it clearer as each day passed. I was to be this man’s support. I was the person the Almighty sent to prop him up through this hard time. This was my purpose. I wrapped my thoughts around that certainty and took a deep breath.
“I am ready.”
I reached out to touch his mind as he brushed mine. The sudden awareness of his emotions and physical pain instantly intensified. His warm, rich taste flooded my mouth even as a headache throbbed in my temples, and I hunched my shoulders to ease the tension that trapped them. “You need to stretch more often,” I sent.
He laughed. “Sorry. I have been ignoring it.”
“Even if you are ignoring it, it is still wearing you down. You would feel so much better and be a lot less crabby if you weren’t in constant pain.”
I felt him smile. “Focus on the task,” he replied gently.
The permanent defense that had blocked my way into his medius lowered. I obediently pressed past it. A rush of conflicting thoughts and emotions flooded my senses like a chorus of voices singing a hundred or more discordant tunes. Following the trail of lowering defenses, I probed on into the center of his mind. The voices were joined by memories. Flashes of childhood, scenes I could only guess were from his time with the aegypti flickered through my head. In some of them, Korneli was a young man, and in others, he was an adult. The sounds assaulted my ears, overwhelming the cacophony of thoughts. For a moment I was standing before the old high king, it took me a second to realize it was his memory of the day he swore the oath of the sept son. Then I was moving again. Reaching the center, I touched the place he had instructed me to link to and all of a sudden I was engulfed in sounds, thoughts, tastes, touches, sights, and smells, drowning in Hadrian. I must have gasped because he touched my arm.
“Are you alright?” His sending was stronger here, almost as though he was yelling in my ears. I winced and tried to tone down my reply.
“Yes.” This time he winced.
“Sending isn’t going to work. Maybe if I just think at you, it will be better.”
A thought rose out of the chaos around me. Is this better?
Yes. A little. I tried to back off from the sensory overload. Everything lowered in intensity, but not by much. His memories kept trying to sweep me along.
Good. My turn.
His taste flooded my already frayed senses. For a moment, I felt as though I was going under and would never come up. I fought instinctive panic. It didn’t help that his memory of being under physical attack was strongest at the moment. A strange man kept pointing a stracken gisto at me and releasing the trigger. It was all I could do to not scream and duck. Then, Hadrian’s presence focused. He slipped past my defenses and connected to my angulus.
Now trace it backwards, Hadrian instructed. Almost eagerly, I did. With each step, the din lessened, and I began to hear my own thoughts again. Finally, I withdrew from Hadrian’s mind, but not completely. It was as though I had left a bit of my mind in his, and he had left part of him in me. It was a foreign feeling, like someone was watching over my shoulder and reading my mind. Yet it was strangely comforting, as though I didn’t have to worry about anything because someone was always there. A strange sensation after all the chaos that came before it.
* * *
Hadrian
I felt much the same as before, except for the link. It lay between us, an invisible cord binding our minds together.
Strange. Her pleasant surprise blossomed in my mind like a refreshing breeze. I lifted my eyes to her face. She smiled. The result is a lot less overwhelming than I expected.
And the process?
Almost overpowering. Is every time going to be like that?
I nodded reluc
tantly. I can’t think of a reason why it would temper with time.
At least we will be better prepared for it next time, she observed.
If you feel up to it, we should start traveling.
Rising to her feet, she straightened her tunic. I am ready.
I reached for Plantonio’s mind. “We are ready to move out.”
“We are ready, Master.”
Zez laughed. “I heard him.” I turned to find her looking over to where Plantonio was mounting his horse. “I usually only hear your sendings, but this time I heard his reply. I wonder if it works the same way for you.”
She reached out for Renato’s mind. “Thank you for the extra blanket last night.” Her words were as clear as my own.
“Don’t worry about it.” Renato’s reply was laced with a hint of guilt.
“Do your sendings always come with emotions attached?”
She shrugged. “Sometimes, but not always. I am guessing you noticed his guilt.”
I nodded and then turned to grab my horse’s reins.
“I haven’t figured out why he is feeling guilty yet, though.” She put her foot in the stirrup and swung up onto her horse’s back without giving a slightest indication that she sensed my flicker of guilt. But then, she turned her horse so she could see me and asked, “So, what do you two have to feel guilty about?”
I winced. I couldn’t hide anything from her now. “Plantonio lectured us for overworking you.”
She shrugged. “We are all overworked.”
I shook my head. “That doesn’t justify all of us leaning on you for help. That isn’t your role in this.” I gestured to the group.
“What do you mean? This is exactly my role. I am here to defend and assist you, function as part of the unit, and work on my learning.”
“Ah, but Renato was using you as an assistant’s helper, I was using you as a secretary, you had your own duties, and you also had your studies. We both should have taken that into account. Renato is my assistant. His job is to do what I ask him to do. I don’t assign him more than he can handle. It is not part of his job to ask you to do some of his work.”
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