by Erin Osborne
Varying looks of outrage, fear, pain, and anger fill them both as their heated gazes turn to me. Setting the bottle on the counter behind me, I wait for them to let loose on me.
“What the fuck is goin’ on with you?” Torch bellows, walking in closer to me as I stumble from the counter. “Victoria, why didn’t you come to us if you were in trouble? Or havin’ an issue where all you’re doin’ is drinkin’? Does Tags know about this shit?”
“Lil’ Bit, you can talk to us about anythin’. Especially if you need help. Do you think this is what we want to see you doin’? Throwin’ your life down the end of a bottle? Torch, you know what we gotta do,” Pyro states, looking from our older brother to me.
“Who are you to talk?” I question Pyro. “You turned to the bottom of a bottle when . . .”
“Don’t even fuckin’ go there,” he growls out. “Sit your fuckin’ ass down and start talkin’. I have a feelin’ Tags didn’t fill us in on everythin’ that’s been goin’ on with you.”
Torch leads me from the kitchen to my couch. Once my ass is firmly planted, they both stand in front of me with their arms crossed over their chests. Neither one says a word as they wait for me to begin talking to them. I should ignore them, going back to what I’ve been doing so far. Instead, the feelings consuming me on a daily basis begin to fill me as I realize I should’ve come to my brothers so long ago. I just didn’t want to hear them tell me they were right or whatever other shit they’d spew at me about Scott.
“You really wanna know?” I ask, not sure I’m going about this the right way. “You both want to know how I’m not truly a woman because I can’t carry a baby to term? How Scott is repulsed by me because I lost our baby? When he got me home from the hospital, after he finally showed up, and beat me up before kicking me out. That’s my story you want to hear about?”
“Lil Bit, what the hell,” Torch says, dropping his arms as a look of defeat consumes him.
“We want to know it all. Every detail,” Pyro answers, sitting on one side of me while Torch takes the other side.
Taking a deep breath, I begin to share my story with my brothers. It’s honestly the last thing I want to do, but it’s time. When I shared my story, guilt, pain, and everything with Tags, I started feeling a little bit better. It’s not as if the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders, I simply didn’t feel as if I were completely alone in the world. Maybe it will be the case once my brothers know what I’ve been through.
While I’m talking, sharing everything in detail, tears pour from me, I have to stop a few times as my sobs are to the point I can’t hardly talk. They’re patient, kind, and offer me the strength I need when I feel I can’t continue filling them in on my situation. By the time I’m done, I’m completely sober. That’s never happened to me before.
“Lil’ Bit, we’ll help you get through this. First, you’re gonna detox. We’ll help you get through this. Startin’ right now, you’re done with this shit. You’re not gonna have your phone, leave the apartment, or anythin’ else. No one will be here to see you either. Not even Tags. When you’re sober, you’re gonna see a counselor to get the help dealin’ with this shit. Then, we’ll re-evaluate what needs to happen,” Pyro informs me.
“Why are you doing this?” I question him.
“Because you need help and we’re gonna help you out,” Torch says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his side. “Now, I want you to go take a shower and lay down. I imagine you’ll be ready for some sleep with all this shit. We’ll clean all this shit up and get it out of here. If you have any bottles stashed, pull them out for us. I mean every single bottle better be in our hands. Where’s your stash?”
“Bathroom, my room in the closet, and out here,” I answer them, looking them in the eyes so they know I’m not lying to them.
Pyro nods his head and head to the bathroom to grab my stash before I’m allowed in there to take a shower. Not that I really need anymore today. Torch walks to the kitchen, grabs my bottle of Jack off the counter before dumping it out right in front of me. I always thought I’d cringe or feel some type of way if I watched someone dump my alcohol in front of me. Maybe I’m actually ready for it to be dumped and to get sober.
“This is gonna be the most difficult thing you do, Lil’ Bit,” Torch assures me. “We’ll get you through it and you’ll be stronger when we get to the other side. Are you ready for this?”
“I think I am. It’s time,” I respond, my voice still weak and pathetic sounding to my own ears.
That’s how I feel right now; weak, pathetic, a failure, along with so many other feelings. There’s many rushing through me, I can’t separate them at this time. Maybe one day I’ll be able to. For now, I’m going to trust in my brothers while we work through this. They’ll have my back as they always do.
While Pyro is searching my bedroom for alcohol bottles, I walk in to grab clothes for after my shower. Usually, I wouldn’t bother, but not with my brothers here. They’d give me privacy, well, I’d hope they would anyway. So, I grab my things and make my way to the bathroom.
After taking a shower, I dry off, run a brush through my hair, before getting dressed. Once I’m ready for bed, I make my way to my room where both of my brothers are waiting for me.
“We’ll be here for however long it takes. Satan knows we need some time. You have to know one thing though, Raine will be here a few times. Neither one of us are goin’ to change you so that’s goin’ to be up to her. She won’t say a word to anyone. Includin’ Satan,” Torch informs me.
Nodding my head, I hug both my brothers before climbing into bed while covering up. Sleep doesn’t instantly claim me as I’d like it to. Instead, I lay here, listening to my brother’s quietly talking in the living room. I’m not sure how long this will take, but if I know anything about Torch and Pyro, they’ll be here until I’m done and getting the rest of the help I need.
Torch brings a chair from the living room into my room. After placing a kiss on my head, he lets me know Pyro is going to the store to grab food, drinks, and anything else I may need while going through this. If, at any time, they feel I need to go to the hospital, they’ll be here to take me. They’re hoping they can help me through this so I don’t have to go out in public where the risk of protecting me will be increased because of Scott.
Finally, with my brother by my side, I let sleep claim me. It’s a sleep filled with nightmares of my past with Scott and new chances of him taking me. I barely get any rest, but I know I’ll need it for what I’m about to endure.
Chapter Twelve
Tags
IT’S BEEN ALMOST a week since I’ve seen Victoria. She left my house while I was at work and hasn’t been back since. When I try calling her, her phone goes straight to voicemail now. Torch and Pyro haven’t been around either. No one has seen or heard from them in the same amount of time. While everything in me says to go to her apartment, I’m not sure I’d be welcome there right now. Satan has only told us Torch and Pyro are helping out with a situation and they’ll be back when they can.
I’ve ridden by her place every single day. Her car is there. Torch and Pyro’s bikes are also there. A few days, I’ve knocked on the door with no response from anyone inside. Hell, listening at the door like a stalker, I don’t hear anything from the other side.
Worry, guilt, and fear have consumed me while I don’t know what’s going on or where Victoria is. I spend my time brooding, barely talking to anyone, and trying to focus on work. It’s hard as hell when I have no clue what’s going on with Victoria. I don’t know if she’s okay, been hurt, or any idea of where she could be. Her car and their bikes being at her apartment don’t mean a damn thing. Someone else could’ve taken them somewhere or they could have called a cab. The possibilities are endless.
Every singe day each and every possibility fill my head. Now, I’m to the point, rage is starting to fill me. I would think after everything, she would’ve let me know if something was going on with her. Whil
e I understand she plays things close to the vest, she’s opened up more than I ever dreamed she would. I just need her to let me in the rest of the way. That’s not likely to happen based on events of the past week.
I’m at work, between clients when my cell phone begins ringing.
“’Lo?” I ask, not bothering to check my caller i.d.
“Tags, I’m sorry I haven’t called sooner. I know we left you high and dry with Victoria not at work. It’s still goin’ to be a while before she comes in there again,” Pyro informs me.
“Where is she? Is she okay?” I question, needing to know she’s okay and still here.
“She’s been better. We’re keepin’ her at her apartment for now. She’s been detoxin’ and we’ve been helpin’ her. Why didn’t you let us know what’s been goin’ on?” he asks me, no emotion in his voice.
“It wasn’t for me to tell you. I’ve been there and if I stepped in before she was ready for you to know, we all would’ve been pushed away. More than what she was already doin’,” I respond, knowing he knows my story.
Most of the club members know what I went through with my mother.
“Fuck! You’re right, I’m sorry. For now, she’s doin’ okay. We’re keepin’ a close eye on her. Raine comes in when she needs to be changed or washed up. She’s the only other person who knows what’s goin’ on right now,” he lets me know.
“When can I come see her?”
“Soon. I know you’ll want to be here for her. We’re just tryin’ to keep the people around her at a minimum for now. When she’s done, we’ll let you know so you can come over. She’s goin’ to need all of us here for her,” he states, which I know is true.
“Thanks for lettin’ me know,” I tell him, wanting to say so much more than I can right now.
I love Victoria. She’s the one I’m going to marry, have babies with, and live the rest of my life with. For now, I have to keep those thoughts to myself since he’s not the one I need to be telling this to. It’s Victoria; only her.
Hanging up the phone, I try to concentrate enough to go back to work. I’m glad she finally opened up about everything to her brothers. Maybe I should’ve been the one to tell them when I found out, but it truly wasn’t my place to do so. If Vicky wasn’t ready to get sober, they would’ve simply steam rolled over her and made her do it anyway. That wouldn’t have really accomplished anything for anyone. Other than her getting sober until she decided to start drinking again.
My mom did it all the time. She’d get clean if she needed to, but would go right back to drinking because she never really wanted to stop. Once every few months, I’d go through the same thing with her. I think that hurt more than her simply staying drunk all the time. I knew what to expect at least those times, and I wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Walking out of my room, I have to let Millie and Trevor know what’s going on. For a while, we’ll have to take care of our own clients and I’ll be the one doing the supply order. It’s the same thing we did before Vicky and Raine came to help us out. We’ll be fine until she comes back. And, I’m hoping she does come back.
“Hey, guys,” I say when I walk out to the main floor and see the two I’m looking for sitting at the desk. “Got some information I need to share. For now, Victoria won’t be here. She’s goin’ through some shit and has to take some time off. I’m not bringin’ anyone else in to replace her while she’s gone. We’ll revert back to doin’ it ourselves for now. Maybe I’ll hire someone to work opposite of her one day, I’m not sure yet.”
“I think hiring someone to bring in for the hours she doesn’t work would be a big help. Plus on her days off when she comes back,” Millie states.
“Alright. Make up the ad and we’ll post it. I’ll hire someone as long as everyone realizes this is not a replacement for her. It’s someone else we need in the shop,” I give in, knowing they’re right.
Leaving them to do their thing, I head back to my room so I can wait for Grinder to show up. I’ll be working on a different, smaller tattoo for him today. Plus, I can check the healing of his outline and schedule him to come back in to finish the monster piece on his side. While I’m waiting, thoughts of Victoria consume me. Not that a day goes by without thoughts of her filling me. This time, I send up a silent thank you for her being ready to get rid of the alcohol and seek the help she desperately needs. I’ll be there every step of the way as long as she needs me when she’s ready to see me again.
I don’t imagine she wants too many people to see her right now. I’ve heard the shit withdraw can do to a person. Part of me wants to be there for her. To hold her, help, take care of her, or whatever else she needs. The other part understands it’s best if her brothers take care of her during this time. They’ve always been there without fail for her and she trusts them more than anyone else in her life. Including me.
Chapter Thirteen
Victoria
THE LAST ALMOST two weeks have been hard as fuck. I’ve hardly been able to sleep, felt anxious, been sick, sweat through everything I was wearing and my bedding, and my head has killed me. I’m on the other side of it now though. While I still feel kind of crappy, I honestly feel better than I have. Yes, I still want to drink, and I always will. Now, I need to learn to cope with things without using alcohol to dull the pain, emotions, or feelings I want to avoid. Instead, I’ll have to deal with whatever is going on in my life head-on.
I miss Tags like crazy. Now that I’m not in the middle of my detox, my only wish is for him to be here with me. Him, along with my brothers, are owed an apology for the way I’ve been acting. Not only that, I want to ensure he knows how I feel about him. See, while I’ve been here without a phone to distract me, I’ve been thinking about Tags and what I want with him.
Somewhere along the way I’ve begun to fall in love with the man. He’s sweet, caring, brooding, sexy, honest, and hardworking. Tags is a man who will look after me, help me when I need it, let me do things on my own, and above all he’ll be my strength when I’m lacking my own. More than anything, I want to build a life with him and grow together. He deserves to know that.
I’m not anywhere close to being ready for us to jump right back into where we were yet. I need to slow down, and we deserve to get to know one another without sex complicating everything. Tags and I need to really talk and figure out if we’re even compatible without sex.
“Lil’ Bit, we need to make the call,” Torch says, walking in my room.
“Okay.”
Torch is the only one staying with me right now. Pyro was here until I got to the point I didn’t need both of them. Now, he’s on his trip. He’ll be gone for a week, if not more. My brothers are my hero’s even though they’re a pain in my ass most times. I’d rather them not know every aspect of my life since they would want to control it. We’re gonna have to set up some boundaries sooner rather than later. Right now, I want to focus on me so I can get to the point I’m not going to want a drink every second of the day.
Today, we’re calling a counselor so I can talk to someone about my grief along with the rest of the things that made me drink in the first place. Or the guys I’ve picked up before I started sleeping with Tags. It’s important and my brothers agree with me. I’ll also need to get into Alcoholics Anonymous. Torch hands me over his phone with a piece of paper holding the number of a counselor who was recommended by Raine.
Raine’s been another great person to have here. Even when I got past needing her to help change and clean me, she’s been here by my side. We’ve talked a little bit and have gotten to know one another slightly. She’s shown me pictures of her little one along with Hollie’s baby boy. It pains me to see their babies, but I have to get used to it. When Raine realized what was going on, she apologized profusely. I assured her it was fine. If I’m going to be around the club, I’ll have to get used to seeing the babies around the clubhouse.
Knowing myself, I’ll probably end up falling in love with the children. I’ve always h
ad a soft spot for babies and children. That’s why I was so happy I was going to have a baby of my own to love, help grow into an amazing person, and show them I’d never leave them alone. I’d be the best mom I could possibly be to the little girl or boy I had and love them with all my heart. They wouldn’t ever have to worry about how much.
“Hello,” I say when the secretary answers at the center. “My name is Victoria and I need to begin counselling sessions with someone.”
I’m trembling with fear because I’ve never done anything like this; never put myself on the line like I’ll be doing in counselling.
“I can certainly help you with that,” she states, a smile in her voice. “When would you like to begin?”
“As soon as possible.”
“I can do an intake tomorrow morning. From there, we’ll assign you a counsellor. You’ll set up a schedule with them depending on your need. It will be adjusted as you progress. Is there a time that works better for you tomorrow?” she questions me.
“Anytime works for me,” I respond, looking at Torch as he nods in response.
“Okay. I’ll put you in for nine in the morning. It usually takes an hour or so. Depending on your situation and the need of help, you may have to be here longer to meet with a counselor tomorrow,” she says. “Do you have health insurance?”
“Um, no, I don’t. Will that be a problem?” I ask her, my hope suddenly deflating as my body sinks into the bed.
Torch motions for me to hand him over the phone before anything else can be said.
“My brother, Noah, would like to talk to you. He has my full permission to talk to you about anything,” I inform her.
“Okay, Victoria.”