by Sj Hooks
"I'm really glad that she was right," I murmured. "May I kiss you now?"
"Please," she whispered, leaning forward again.
I cupped her face in my hands.
"My sweet, beautiful girlfriend," I said, still trying to wrap my mind around this astonishing development. I kissed her slowly and gently, savoring the feel of her soft lips against mine.
"Stephen," she sighed. "Please don't make me regret this."
"You won't," I promised. "Julia, you won't. I only want to make you happy."
"Are you happy?" she asked.
"I'm…"
Ecstatic? Thrilled? Exultant? Blissful?
No word seemed strong enough to accurately describe how I was feeling at this moment. My heart's desire, the unattainable girl who I never thought would see me as more than a casual sex-partner, was suddenly, gloriously mine. My girlfriend to kiss and hold, take out on dates and make love to, hold hands with in public and embrace at night, care for and support in every way.
"I have no words to describe it," I said simply. "I'm speechless with happiness."
She gave me a tentative smile and moved closer to me until she was curled up in my lap.
"This is new," she whispered. "I don't know how to be this way."
"I think you're doing great," I said, making her laugh.
"You're not so bad yourself. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't believe that you’d never had a girlfriend before."
"Trust me, I haven't," I said, wrapping my arms around her. "I'm a beginner at this."
"An absolute beginner. I love that song."
"What song?" I asked.
"‘Absolute Beginners,’" she told me. “You remember my saying that Bowie is a favorite of mine, right?”
"How does it go?"
"I'm not much of a singer," she warned.
"That's OK," I assured her. "I'd like to hear it."
Her voice was low and beautiful as she sang to me. Maybe she wasn’t complete on key the whole time, but that didn’t matter at all. It was perfect.
"He could have written it about me," she added, snuggling closer to me.
One line kept playing in my head: I absolutely love you. I absolutely love you.
Was this Julia's way of telling me that she loved me? I swallowed nervously and held her a little tighter.
"It could be about me as well," I whispered.
I absolutely love you.
Julia drew a ragged breath and leaned her head on my shoulder. I held her like that for a long time and I was amazed that someone who felt so small in my arms could encompass my heart entirely and turn my world upside down.
"I'm sorry I tried to leave," she whispered.
"Did you really want to?" I asked quietly.
"No," she said, sighing. "You were right. I got scared."
"So you don't really think I'm too old for you?"
"No, not at all.”
"And are there still things you can teach me?"
She laughed softly. "Yeah, if you want."
"I do," I confirmed. "I want to learn, uh, for you. To please you."
"Maybe next time I'll tie you up and use you for my pleasure," she suggested, kissing my neck.
"O-OK," I stuttered, very much aware of the distinctive twitches under the covers. I was fairly certain that Julia felt them as well since she was seated in my lap. But she didn't mention anything and neither did I.
"Maybe I should go take a shower and then I'll make us some breakfast?" I suggested.
"Can I come with you?"
Where?
"In the, um, shower?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, chuckling. "Why do you look so shocked?"
"I don't know. People really do that? Outsides the movies, I mean."
"Sure." Julia shrugged. "But I don't have to."
"No, you can come with me.”
"Great, I'll join you in a minute," she said, climbing off my lap.
I stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and stepped in. It had never occurred to me that people shared the shower. It did seem prudent in terms of conserving water, but that probably wasn’t the primary reason why people did it.
The second I felt Julia's arms around my waist, her breasts pressed against my back, I knew that saving water would not be on today's agenda.
This will be the longest shower I have ever had.
She placed soft kisses between my shoulder blades and her hands moved slowly up and down my torso. I turned and slicked my hair off my forehead to look at her. She smiled up at me and I gawked at her like someone who had never seen a naked woman before. Truthfully, I had never seen a naked, wet woman before and I hoped this excused my ogling.
"I can't believe no one has ever called you beautiful before me.”
Julia smiled even more broadly and stepped under the spray to wet her hair while I ran my hands down her back. She stood up on her toes to kiss me and I leaned down to meet her lips while I pulled her flush against me. The feeling of our naked, wet bodies close together was amazing and I groaned loudly when Julia released my lips and started kissing and licking my neck. She circled one of my nipples with her tongue before flicking over it while her hands traveled down my stomach and slowly traced the length of my erection with her fingertips.
"Oh God, what are you doing to me?"
"I'm going to suck your big beautiful cock," she said, dropping to her knees.
I looked at her in that unbelievably submissive position and suddenly I was unsure if it was the right thing for her to do. I lifted her up; her face displayed utter confusion.
"What's the matter, baby? Don't you want me to?"
"I don't know," I said. "I… You're my girlfriend now."
"Yes?" she said, giving me a strange look. "And?"
"And…I respect you and care about you. I mean, I did before—that's not my point. Should I still want you to do that?" I asked helplessly.
"Stephen," Julia said with apparently infinite patience. "I'm not sure I understand."
I didn't really understand it myself. I loved it when Julia performed oral sex on me, but it hadn't occurred since I’d realized that I was in love with her. I didn't know if her servicing me in such a way was appropriate when I loved and cherished her as much as I did. The whole thing seemed a little sordid in my mind and I was worried about doing the wrong thing in our brand-new relationship.
"It's just, well, I don't know if you being on your knees is a little…um, demeaning, I guess, and I don't want you to think that I think that you're inferior to me in any way. I've never thought that before or anything, but I just don't know what the right thing to do in terms of, uh, sex is now that you're my girlfriend. I really like it when you do…that with your mouth, but I don't want to disrespect you in any way," I managed to say ineloquently.
She stared at me for a few seconds, shaking her head.
"OK, let me see if I understand correctly. You like blowjobs, but you're worried that they'll make me feel inferior to you?"
"Um, yeah," I said weakly. "I guess that's the gist of it."
She surprised me by giving me a wink and dropping to her knees again. Without warning she slid my erection into her warm, wet mouth and worked her tongue around the tip where I was most sensitive.
"Oh, Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed, slamming my hands against the shower wall.
She took me slowly in and out of her mouth while she cupped my balls in one hand and kneaded my buttocks with the other. I was already panting and groaning, trying not to thrust into her mouth without permission. The pleasure was indescribable and I couldn't remember why I had wanted to prevent her from doing this to me just a minute earlier.
Abruptly, she stopped and stood up again.
No! Why did she stop?
"Do you want me to keep going?"
"Yes!" I cried out.
"And if I didn't, how would that make you feel?"
I blinked a few times. Why was she asking me this?
"I…I guess I would feel fru
strated and, um, a little disappointed," I admitted.
"But you wouldn't force me to do it if I didn't want to anymore?"
"Of course not!" I said, appalled at the notion of forcing Julia to do anything she didn't want.
"So it's safe to say that I'm calling the shots here," she said with a grin. "I'm in control."
I blinked again.
Ding!
"Oh," I said.
Julia laughed softly and kissed my lips. "You're so sweet. And I like that you think about those things, but you don't have to be concerned. I would never subject myself to something that made me feel inferior."
"That's good," I said, feeling relieved. "I'm sorry if I was being ridiculous. I've never done this before."
"We can make up our own rules," she said, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I think that oral sex should definitely be a part of our sex life, don't you?"
I nodded emphatically.
"I really love doing it," she told me. "Do you like doing it to me?"
"Very much," I said, noticing how husky my voice sounded.
"But you have to tell me if I push you too far," she said with a concerned look on her face. "In case you haven't already noticed, I'm pretty uninhibited when it comes to sex, but that doesn't mean you have to be."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, in bed before, I suggested tying you up and using you as my fucktoy," she said brazenly. "If that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me. I don't want to do anything sexual that jeopardizes our relationship."
At once I was both incredibly turned on and filled with love for her. The fact that Julia had down-prioritized sex in our relationship made me insanely happy, because it proved that we had moved on from where we had started out. And the idea of being Julia's…toy…was just…
Holy shit!
I could feel the eager twitches below my waist and Julia noticed as well.
"Do you like that idea?" she purred, stroking my erection.
I closed my eyes and nodded.
"Do you want me to tie you up and fuck you senseless, baby?" she whispered roughly. "Do you want me to play with you until you beg me to let you come?"
"Fuck…yes," I moaned. "Yes, I want that, Julia."
"Excellent," she said. "So we both agree that a little kink is good?"
"Definitely." I nodded and opened my eyes to look at her. Her smile was so bright that my heart skipped a beat.
"I'd really like to suck your cock now," she said and stroked me with both hands. "Is that all right?"
I nodded immediately. She was about to drop to her knees again, but first I cupped her face in my hands.
"You're really my girlfriend?" I whispered and looked into her eyes.
"I really am," she assured me and kissed her way down my chest and stomach. "Let me show you how much I love having you as my boyfriend."
* * *
Half an hour later, the water had grown colder, cooling my heated skin as I held Julia to me. Smiling to myself, I marveled at everything that had just transpired; the way we had pleasured each other.
"I love showering with you," I murmured.
She let out a laugh, nodding.
"Let's wash up and I'll make us some breakfast, OK, sweetheart?"
"I like it when you call me that," she said, almost shyly.
The girl was still such a mystery to me. She cursed like a sailor and had the vocabulary of an adult film star, but she seemed so hesitant when it came to expressing affection. I tilted her head up and gazed into her eyes.
"My sweetheart," I said, holding her face between my hands.
"My girlfriend," I told her, leaning in until our lips were just an inch from each other.
"My Julia," I whispered, kissing her tenderly.
Our tongues and lips moved together; I kissed her three times before pulling away completely.
"I love you."
Chapter 6
"I love you."
The words seemed to echo all around us and a frisson of fear ran down my spine. I always thought them when I kissed her three times in a row, but until now I had been able to keep the words inside of me. I was worried that it was too soon for me to tell her how I felt, but somehow it had slipped out anyway.
No—wait.
As the shock wore off, I realized that I hadn't been the one to utter those fateful words.
It was…it was Julia!
As though she’d come to the same realization at that exact moment, her eyes widened and she clamped her hands over her mouth. My mind was going a million miles a second. Julia had just told me that she loved me! I tried to process what that meant, but I was shocked into catatonia.
She loves me? Julia loves me…Stephen. Julia loves Stephen. Holy shit, she loves me!
A surge of pure undiluted happiness flowed through me. I felt ecstatic! This was it! But the feeling waned when I saw the distressed look in Julia's eyes.
"Oh no," she moaned, spinning around and dashing out of the shower.
Go after her, you goddamned idiot! You didn't say it back!
I jolted my body into action, bolting after her as fast as my legs could carry me. She was already out of the bathroom and I ran into the bedroom where she was pacing back and forth with a towel wrapped around her.
"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," she was whispering to herself over and over.
"Julia?" I asked softly. Her eyes shot up to meet mine. They were wide with panic.
"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," she rushed out.
I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it.
"I didn't mean it!” She buried her face in her hands.
No! Please don't say that!
I couldn't tell if she was being truthful when I couldn't see her face. I stumbled over to her and made her look up at me.
"You didn't?" I croaked. Her face crumbled and she lowered her head again.
"No, I did," she whispered. "But I shouldn't have said it."
I breathed out a sigh of relief and couldn't stop myself from smiling like an idiot.
She loves me!
"Julia," I said, wrapping my arms around her small frame. "It's OK. In fact, it's better than OK. It's wonderful, sweetheart. I'm glad you said it. You see…I, uh, I lo—"
"No!" she whimpered, pulling back. "Please don't!"
"But—"
I love you, too.
"Please don't say it!" she begged. "I can't. Please, it's too much!" She looked up at me, pleading with her eyes while they overflowed with tears.
My smile faltered, and she started to cry again.
"Oh God, please don't hate me, Stephen!" she sobbed. "I want you so much, but this is just…I just can't. Please don't hate me!"
Immediately, I pulled her back into my embrace and held her tightly.
"I could never hate you," I whispered and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "You don't deserve any of this. I never meant to say it like that. Sometimes when I look into your eyes, words just spill out. I get…"
"Lost?"
She looked up at me and I wiped her eyes.
"Maybe I don't get lost," she whispered. "Maybe…it’s the exact opposite.” She drew a ragged breath. "I haven't been like this since high school, and I can hardly remember who that girl was. But when you look at me like you are now…"
She reached up her hand and placed it on my cheek. "I—I feel like maybe things will work out after all. Maybe I won't always be alone." She looked at me anxiously as if she were expecting me to disagree.
"You're not alone," I said in a soft voice. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
"You promise?" she whispered.
"I promise," I said with a smile.
"I'm so sorry for what I said before and that I freaked out. I'm just not ready for that yet. Things are happening so fast."
She was right. We had moved forward at the speed of light in the past few days. Between me inviting her to live here while she did her fi
nals to her agreeing to be my girlfriend and now this unexpected declaration of love, it was really no wonder that Julia was feeling overwhelmed.
"Don't apologize," I murmured, kissing her gently.
I gazed into her eyes and caressed her cheek. Her skin was blotchy and her eyes were a little red, but she was still so beautiful she took my breath away.
"I'll wait forever to hear you say those words to me again," I whispered. "And when you do I'll say them back to you. You may not be ready to hear them right now, but know that I feel them—every moment."
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.
"Stephen," she gasped.
"I'm in no hurry," I assured her. "I just want to be with you."
Unexpectedly, Julia took a step back and dropped the towel she was wearing. My eyes roamed over her naked form and—amazingly—my already sated body reacted.
"Be with me now," she said.
"That's not what I—"
"I know you weren't talking about sex," she said quickly. "But please be with me this way now. I want you. I need you."
"I need you too, my sweetheart," I told her. "Always."
Julia grabbed my hand and pulled me down on the bed. Her hands were everywhere all at once and her mouth was eager and hungry against mine. I tried to slow her down but she seemed almost desperate for me and reached to lead me to her before I’d had a chance to make sure that she was ready for me.
"Julia, Julia," I managed to say in between kisses. "Easy, sweetheart. We have time."
"You don't know that. Anything could happen. Please, I need you now. Fuck me, Stephen! Fuck me hard!"
I will do no such thing!
I grabbed her hands and held them tightly above her head. She let out a frustrated whine and moved her hips in an effort to get me inside her.
"Lay still," I said, putting some of my weight on her writhing body.
"Please, Stephen, please," she begged me. "I need you."
"I need you too, but I don't want to—to fuck.”
"I don't know any other way," she whispered.
"Yes, you do. You know how to make love. With me you do."
She finally stilled her movements and I released her hands before cupping her face and kissing her gently. She let me control the kiss and kept her hands above her head.