“Would it have changed anything? Aside from causing you more pain? Honestly, Claire, would the outcome have been any different? You’d have hated me just like your mother always has. I’d have left anyway because there was no way I could’ve stayed here and looked at you every day knowing I couldn’t have you.”
My mother knew. All these people with all their secrets. It made my head hurt.
“And you think that doesn’t hurt? Hearing that you didn’t tell me because you didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it?”
“I made a mistake. I’m man enough to admit that.”
I expected an excuse, a sugar-coated reason why he knew what was best for me more than I did. I was used to excuses. I’d heard them all my life, from my mother, from David. Jayce’s truth—the truth that he’d been living with for all these years—brought me to my knees.
“I wouldn’t have hated you. I could never hate you.”
I love you.
My heart whispered the words my mouth was too stubborn to say.
He took another step forward. Heat radiated from his body to mine. I took a step back before the fire consumed me. The steel frame of Gram’s car pinned me between the trunk and Jayce’s body. The corner of his mouth twitched as though he were fighting a grin. My pulse raced, but there were things I still needed to say. Being so close to him made it impossible to think about words. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and feel him close—closer.
“It would be selfish of me to want to change the past. You are who you are because of it. Your life, your success—”
He stopped me. “Doesn’t mean anything. I’d give it all back if it meant—”
I held a finger against his lips, and an electric current surged through my veins. “I know you would. And that’s why…” I let my words fall off before I said them. They needed to stay safe in my heart for now.
He leaned his forehead against mine. His breath danced across my skin. He rested his palms against the trunk of the car, locking me in place with his arms. I fought to steady my breath.
“Why what?” he asked.
I closed my eyes and collected my thoughts. When I opened them again, they met his, dark and pleading. “Why you need to know that you didn’t ruin my life. Your family, your nana, didn’t ruin my life.” He lifted his head to study my face. “She was a sick, confused woman. I understand that now more than ever. My mother not being able to decide between wanting to lock me in a box and protect me or parade me around town like nothing ever happened is what ruined me. She put so much effort into trying to create this picture-perfect family so that people would forget that day, forget the blemish. I was the blemish, Jayce. I was the flaw in her perfectly designed life. But you—you made me feel… normal. I didn’t have to pretend. You didn’t expect me to be anything other than me. You saved me.”
I hadn’t realized exactly how true those words were until I’d just said them. Jayce wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I rested my head on his broad chest. His lips touched my hair as he kissed the top of my head. His secret hadn’t just caused me pain. He’d been living with it too. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to carry such a heavy load for so long. He didn’t have to carry it anymore, at least not alone.
“I let you go once. I won’t ever do it again. Tell me what to do. Anything. Tell me how we start over,” he said.
I didn’t want him to let go. Not ever. This was where I wanted to be. It’s where I’d always wanted to be.
I looked up at him and smiled. “We could start with dinner. Tonight? At my gram’s.”
“I like dinner.”
I like you.
I brought my hand to the curve of his jaw the same way I’d done a hundred times before when we were younger. He swallowed hard and I nodded. Then he brought his lips to mine and the world around us faded away.
I smiled to myself as I walked into the kitchen. Maybe Clover Creek wasn’t so bad after all. I had the opportunity to help plan an event I’d always loved when I was growing up. I got to spend time with Gram. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel like my life was one big game of Jenga, where I was just waiting for that one piece to send it all crashing down. My tower was safe. No one was messing with my pieces. I’d found Jayce again. We’d found each other.
He was coming over. I looked at the clock on the stove. It was six twenty, and I still smelled like pie crust and butter.
“Going to take a shower, Gram. I’ll be right back down.” I hurried up the stairs without even waiting for Gram to answer.
White Shoulders. Wind Song. Sweet pea scented lotion. And one solid pink bar in the soap dish. The bathroom counter was covered in perfume bottles and tiny gold containers of talcum powder. I’d just taken a one-way trip back to 1988.
I turned the faucet and let the water get warm while I grabbed my body wash and shampoo from my bag. I pulled a hot pink razor out, convincing myself that I should shave strictly because it was summertime and that’s what proper ladies did. Right. It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted Jayce’s hands—among other parts—all over my naked body. The thought alone had my flesh covered in goosebumps.
About ten minutes later, with a head full of lathered shampoo and legs covered in foamy shaving cream, I heard the doorbell ring.
Shit.
If that was Jayce—and I was pretty sure that’s who it was—he was early. Like, thirty minutes early. Now I didn’t even have time to dry my hair or throw on some makeup. How was I supposed to seduce him looking like a soggy spaghetti noodle? Sexy took time. Early was for job interviews, not dinner dates. Didn’t he know these things? Wasn’t there a rule book out there somewhere?
I rinsed the shampoo and finished shaving, then ran some leave-in conditioner through my wet strands. Once I was dry and dressed, I headed downstairs.
Jayce sat on a barstool in the kitchen with a mouth full of pie. Of course.
Gram stood beside him with a smile on her face. “I think I’m going to head up to my room and read a little more before bed,” she said, and I was onto her little plan.
“We were going to watch a movie if you feel like joining us.”
Gram yawned. It was fake. So ridiculously fake. But I appreciated what she was trying to do. “Oh no. You two enjoy yourselves. It’s been a long day, and I’m ready for bed.” Gram kissed us both on the cheek.
“Goodnight, Gram,” we both said before she left us alone in the kitchen.
“You’re early.” I stole the fork from Jayce’s hand and took a bite of his pie. He stole it back, and I laughed.
He brushed a piece of wet hair off my neck. “And you’re beautiful.”
My blood heated, and I had no doubt that my cheeks were flushed. The makeup would’ve really come in handy right about now. “You’re just saying that to get more pie.”
“I hope it’s working. Because I really like pie. I could eat it all day.”
Pretty sure he wasn’t talking about the pecan dish in front of him…
I bit at my bottom lip the way I always did when he said things like that, and I wasn’t sure what to say back. “So, I narrowed it down to two movies. You pick from there,” I finally said. I glanced over my shoulder on my way into the living room. “Oh, and you can leave the pie on the counter. I’ve got something better.”
Of course, Jayce chose The Equalizer over The Best of Me. I didn’t know why I even gave him a choice. I should’ve known. He was always an adrenaline junkie. Bigger, louder, and meaner always equaled better.
Denzel was on his third kill of the night. Or maybe it was his fourth. I’d lost count after the death by pencil scene. Jayce draped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. I was lost in his scent. It wasn’t all woods and musk like most men. Jayce was clean and soft, like fabric softener and fresh sheets.
“So… Monica,” I started, and Jayce groaned.
“Is no one,” he answered.
“She didn’t
sound like no one. It sounded like a date—”
He cut me off. “It was dinner. That was canceled. With no plans to reschedule.”
I was tempted to look over at his face to see if he had that flinch in his jaw that he sometimes got. Or if his eyes were dark and serious instead of my favorite shade of golden-brown.
“Dinner? You mean, like a date?” I questioned.
He poked a finger at my ribs, and I let out a yelp. “I told you it wasn’t a date.” He pulled me closer into his side and sucked in a deep breath. “I’ve dated. I guess. If you could even call it that,” Jayce said after long seconds of silence. His fingers traced the curve of my neck. “But it was always you. It’s always been you.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder and smiled. No matter how much I tried to run from it, it was always him, too. What I’d had with David wasn’t love. It was a game of charades that we both played to perfection. Until we didn’t. This—sitting here with Jayce—being with Jayce, was love. It was realer than anything I had ever known.
“What about you? You can’t tell me in the past thirteen years, you’ve never had dinner,” he asked.
“More like food poisoning,” I said, and he laughed.
There was no way I was telling him about David. Not yet. The day was full of more truth bombs and emotion than I wanted to deal with. One more bomb and we might not find our way out of the rubble. I would tell Jayce about my past, about the divorce. Just not yet.
I could spend all night, every night holding Claire like this and breathing her in. Her soft, warm body molded so easily into mine like we were made for each other. I didn’t want to talk about my dating history any more than I wanted to hear about hers. The thought of another man’s hands on Claire made me want to throat punch a motherfucker.
My fingertips ran a trail down the side of her arm. Her skin was so fucking soft. “I did set the bar pretty high.”
“Well, all my firsts were with you.”
If I can help it, all your lasts will be too.
Claire took in a deep breath at whatever she remembered, making her chest swell. My mouth watered watching her full breasts rise and fall. My hand slid down and curved her hip and guided her onto my lap. Her ass grinded against my cock and that was it. I was fucking done.
“Like the first time I fingered you.” I reminded her. I let one hand slip beneath her T-shirt and up to her breast. “Right here on this couch.” I nodded my head toward the blanket spread across the back. “Underneath that quilt while we watched American Pie.”
She whimpered when I tugged her bra down and brushed her nipple with my thumb. My other hand slid beneath the elastic waistband of her tiny shorts.
“I need to touch you,” I said, praying she agreed.
Her hips lifted against my hand in response. Fuck yeah.
I pulled her panties to the side and dipped a finger in her warmth. “Holy fuck,” I grunted through clenched teeth. She was so wet. So hot. So fucking perfect.
She whimpered when I moved my hand and circled her clit. Then back to her entrance. Then to the tight little hole in her ass. Over and over. Until she was soaked from front to back. I could touch her like this all day, every day, for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. She bit back a moan and I brought my other hand to her mouth. Her lips parted, letting my finger slip inside. Jesus.
I leaned forward and whispered against her ear. “I’m going to make you scream, baby. Just not yet,” I promised. The last thing we needed was for her gram to walk in.
She was so fucking wet. I got lost in the sound of it. I added a second finger and her body shuddered. It nearly brought me to my knees when she started grinding her ass against my cock. She brought her hands to her breasts and began toying with her nipples. I was captivated. Fucking hypnotized. I moved another finger to her puckered hole but she was too busy riding my hand to notice when I slipped it inside. “Jesus, you feel so good.”
Her tongue worked the finger in her mouth, and I’d have sold my soul to replace it with my dick. I brought my thumb to her clit and she came undone. I felt her walls begin to clamp down around me. In one swift movement, I pulled my fingers from inside her and flipped her on her back. Her hands gripped my hair when I swept my tongue up her slit. She rode my face the same way she’d ridden my fingers. I sucked her clit one more time then let my mouth devour her. I wasn’t about to miss a single fucking drop when she came.
I fell asleep with her scent on my fingers and her taste on my lips. Claire fell asleep with her head on my chest. When I woke, the sky was still dark, and the house was quiet. I kissed her forehead then eased out from underneath her, immediately missing the warmth of her body next to mine. I wanted nothing more than to wake up like this every morning from now until forever. There was so much to make up for, so much we had missed. And I would give it all back to her, everything she deserved.
I slid off the couch and grabbed my phone from the coffee table. It was five thirty in the morning. I had thirty minutes until I needed to pick up Pops for work.
Claire stirred beside me, so I sat on the floor next to the sofa and stroked my fingers through her hair. She looked so beautiful as I watched her sleep. So peaceful. So content. Her eyes fluttered open, and she woke with a smile.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I whispered.
Claire rubbed her fingers over her eyelids. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”
“I’m sure it had nothing to do with an earth-shattering orgasm.”
“Earth-shattering? That’s kind of a stretch.” She reached a lazy hand forward and ran it along the curve of my jaw.
“Are you challenging me to do better next time?”
“Oh, so you’re sure there’s a next time?”
I brought my mouth to her neck and brushed my fingertip across her breast. Her nipple peaked at my touch. “A next time. And a time after that. And a time after that…” My tongue flicked her skin and she quivered. I lowered my hand to cup the mound between her thighs. “I want you shaking. Quivering. And sore.”
Her lips parted as she sucked in a deep breath. “Jayce,” she pleaded.
I ran a fingertip along her slit. Jesus, she was soaked already. “Soon, baby. I promise.”
I slid my hand from between her thighs. If I didn’t stop, I’d never want to leave.
She let out a lazy moan. I could listen to that moan all fucking day. Her eyes found mine, and she smiled. “It wasn’t the orgasm. Although I’m sure that helped. I fall asleep every time you hold me. Your chest has always been my kryptonite.”
I remembered. All the nights in the back of my pick-up truck. We would park at the edge of the woods, where it was quiet, and watch the stars. Sometimes we would listen to music. Sometimes I’d settle between her thighs and go at her pussy like it was my last meal. Sometimes we would just enjoy each other’s silence. But almost always, Claire would fall asleep against my chest.
A warm smile touched her lips, as though she remembered the same thing. She tugged at the collar of my black T-shirt. “Even though now it’s a bit more—”
“Manly,” I interrupted.
“Hairy,” she laughed.
“As much as I would love to stay here and listen to your flattery, I should go. My dad will be waiting on me.”
“You want coffee?” She started to pull the quilt off, but I stopped her movements.
“I’ll grab some on my way to the city. I need to go by the office and tie up a few things before I come back and get Pops this afternoon.”
“I can pick him up. And I can bring him to work the rest of the week. You go do… whatever glamourous CEO guys do,” she teased with a smile. Then she waved her hand in the air, shooing me away.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I insist. Now, go. Make jewelry. Pose for magazines. Be important.” Her eyes lit up, and I knew that look. I used to see it on her face after every football game or award ceremony. Even though she was teasing me, she was proud.
I wanted
to tell her that I loved her, that I’d missed her, and that I’d see her again soon. But the words remained stuck in my throat. I’d said them a hundred times before. What was so different about now? I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. What was I scared of? This was Claire. I’d known her all my life. I’d loved her all my life.
I gave up on the words and kissed her forehead, tucked the quilt tightly around her, then stood to leave. A gust of wind from the ceiling fan ruffled the top page of a bright yellow notepad across the room.
I grabbed a pen and ripped the fluttering page in half. “I’ll be back in a few days. Here’s my cell if you need anything.” I glanced over my shoulder at her as I wrote and winked, not knowing if she could even see my face in the dark. “Or if you decide you miss me.”
“Well, try not to stay gone so long this time.”
Fair enough. I’d asked for that one.
“I’ll see you soon, Claire.”
“See ya soon.”
Monday morning had hardly begun, and I already looked forward to Friday afternoon. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I’d gotten Claire back, but I was off to a damn good start.
Big Al was the first to greet me when I walked into work. “Good morning, Mr. Sterling.”
“Morning, Al. How was your weekend?”
I knew the answer before I’d ever asked the question. It was always the same. The difference was, now I knew exactly how the burly security guard felt.
“Beautiful, sir. Just beautiful,” Al replied, and I smiled.
“Same here, Al. Same here.” I put my belongings in the clear plastic bucket then walked through the metal detector.
Al eyed me curiously as he passed over me with the wand. He seemed to fight back a grin while he did his job in silence.
“Good morning, Sydney. Is Garrett Frost still in town?” I questioned when I reached my office.
Her mouth fell, and she looked stunned. I’d never asked for Garrett on purpose. No offense to Garrett, I just usually had bigger clients to worry about—paying clients. Except today. Today, Garrett Frost was on the top of my list.
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