by Jontu'
Lexis and I walked into the doctor’s office and I checked in and took a seat. I was nervous as hell and anxious all of a sudden. I should have brought a snack and a water with me because I was hungry as shit. Talking to Rico had made me forget to grab my snack bag off the kitchen counter and now I couldn’t wait to get out of here so that I could eat. I was fiending for some Everett and Jones barbecue, so this doctor needed to come on. Just as I started getting restless, the nurse came out and called my name.
“Good afternoon Miss Johnson, right this way.”
Lexis and I followed the nurse to the back as she instructed me to step on the scale. I had gained 14 pounds. Since I had gotten home, all I did was eat and cry. That’s why my ass was as big as a house now. After leaving a urine sample, I was pointed to my room where Lexis was already waiting.
“Alright, you can get undressed from the waist down and the doctor will be in shortly.”
I slipped off my joggers and panties and placed the paper sheet over my lap as I laid back on the exam chair and let out a deep breath. I was nervous as hell.
“So what you want, Jae? I hope it’s a girl. She’s going to be so cute.”
I laughed at Lexis because she was so sure that it would be a little girl but I wasn’t. “I don’t know. In Tone’s last text, he said it was a junior, so I think I want a boy just because I know that was his wish.” Just then, there was a knock at the door. “Yes,” I said out loud.
“Hello, Jaeda. I’m Patricia, your nurse practitioner, and you will see me during the rest of your visits, as well as Dr. Marshall who is out sick today but I will be with you from now until delivery.” She was an average height blonde woman who looked to be fairly young and she had a great energy about her that calmed my nerves. She asked me a bunch of questions about how I had been feeling and she looked over my chart from while I was in the hospital and locked up. She said that I was much healthier than what I was charted to be a few months ago and I was relieved to hear that.
“Alright, so layback and we can find out what you’re having.” I lay back and watched as she pulled out a wand-like instrument and a gel substance. “Alright, we will let the gel warm some and then get started. What are you hoping for?” she asked.
“A boy,” I said.
“Girl,” Lexis blurted out.
We all laughed as the machine turned on and the lights were dimmed. “Okay, so let’s see what we can find. Hmm, so here you see your baby is already in position and you are 36 weeks and about 2 days and you know that your baby is fully prepared to come at any time now?” I nodded my head as Lexis and I stared at the screen. I hadn’t had an ultrasound since before I was discharged from the hospital and I wasn’t even five months then. “The baby is in the head down position but let’s see if we can get this little cutie to move so that I can get a good shot.” She began to put light pressure on my stomach and after a couple of tries, the baby kicked and shifted a bit and she was able to get a good picture. “So congratulations, mommy, you are having a baby boy!” Patricia said excitedly as she printed out the sonogram images.
I was so happy that tears fell from my eyes. I was glad that my babe had gotten his wish and that my child would carry on his father’s name. I said a small prayer as the nurse cleaned me off and handed me some tissue for my tears.
Once I was fully dressed, I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the image that had “It’s a boy” typed on it and sent a group text to Uncle Ken, my Auntie Shae and Quita, Tamia and Jamiya and also to Greg and B. I knew that they would be calling and texting all day so I turned my phone off and once I scheduled my next appointment, we walked out. We were headed to go get some barbecue and do a little shopping at Babies R Us.
I would have Gio come and help me set up the nursery later this week because as of right now, I didn’t have any of that together. It was the one room that I had told the girls not to touch. I wanted to be able to put my heart and love into every idea that went into decorating my little prince’s domain. Now that I knew it was a boy, I had a million and one ideas running rampant in my head but my main thought at the moment was some barbecue chicken with some greens and corn muffins.
Chapter 5
Today was my 18th birthday and it was very bittersweet because I really just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. I just wanted to stay home and chill. I was pregnant as hell and in my feelings. I had called Gio last night and asked him to come over today and help me decorate Baby Tone’s room and he told me that he would come around 11 this morning. It was a quarter past 9 and I had already showered and eaten a small breakfast of oatmeal and celery and ranch with some white grape juice. I had been eating ranch like crazy lately and it was just so good to me right now.
I sat at the island in my kitchen and addressed the envelope to Rico. I had just written him a three page letter and included pictures of Jahlisa and I, solo pictures of Jahlisa and also a copy of my sonogram picture. I had gone online last night and filled up his books as well as the other two members who had gone down with Rico when the block got hit over a year ago. I missed Rico like crazy and never wanted him to feel alone inside.
B had called yesterday and wanted to help me decorate the nursery. I had told him that I just wanted it to be me and Gio, but he could help by going to grab the paint and supplies and also pick up the furniture that I couldn’t get delivered to my home and would have to pick up in store. Even though Gio was Jah’s brother, he had basically raised Tone, too. After Tone’s cousin Josh was killed by his auntie, Josh’s mother had kind of checked out and Tone became a permanent fixture in Jah and Gio’s home, so Baby Tone would be the closest thing that Gio would ever get to being an uncle. I appreciated that he wanted to be there for us and that he considered us his family.
I stared at the ring on my finger and thought about the promises that Tone had made me that day in Arizona. I smiled as I remembered the look in his eyes as he pulled that ring box from his pocket. I missed him so much but I had great people around me that would be able to help raise my son to be a great man. I got up to grab some jalapenos and ranch out the refrigerator, I know I needed to lay off the spicy foods because the heartburn I got every day was damn near unbearable but right now, I didn’t give a damn. Just as I had sat down and dipped the first jalapeno, my doorbell rang.
“Shit,” I said, climbing off the stool and grabbing my plate. I ate like I was a starved woman as I went to answer the door.
“What’s up, Jae Money?” B asked as he leaned in and kissed my cheek before walked in carrying four cans of paint that he set down inside the door.
“Shit, chillin,” I said as I dug into my snack.
“Bruh, the fuck are you eating? It’s your birthday and you eating bullshit. If you needed food in ya fridge you could have told me, nigga.” B looked disgusted as I raked the last jalapeno around my plate in the ranch and stuffed it in my mouth. I laughed hella hard because he was dead ass serious.
“Nigga, I got food but that’s what I wanted. You going to keep watching my plate or start bringing that shit in?” I asked as I walked back towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I opened my water and gulped down half before I came up for air. Baby Tone began to kick wildly and I rubbed my belly as I talked baby talk to my little one, knowing that he could hear every word.
“Happy birthday, Jae Money,” B said as he handed me an edible arrangement and a card.
“Thanks, brother,” I said as I handed him water and sat down on the stool to open the card. I thought it was cute that the Squad all called me Jae Money because that had been Tone’s nickname for me since before I could remember.
I opened the card. As I read the message that B had written in the card, I was also very appreciative for the spa reservations that he had made for me for tomorrow at Calistoga Hot Springs. He had arranged for a driver to pick Lexis and I up and had booked us a room and the complete spa package with dinner. Just a girl’s day and it was just what I needed. I hopped off the stool and hugged him. “Thank you, Brayden. I love you
so much and thank you for everything.” Even though a portion of my family had been taken, I was grateful that I still had family and I would never take any of them for granted.
“It’s all good, baby sis. You know you my nigga and I fuck wit you the long way. I’m about to bounce, though, and I hope you enjoy your day, sis. Love you,” B said, kissing me on the cheek and then rubbing my belly. “Aite then, Baby Tone.”
I swear my baby loved the Squad already because he got active as hell soon as one of them touched my stomach. I smiled as I plopped down on the couch, not feeling like walking B to the door. Just as I laid my head back, I heard Gio’s voice coming from the foyer.
“Nah, nigga, don’t get tired now. You wanted me to come help you. Keyword: Help.”
I let out a deep breath. I thought I was ready to get to work but I wanted to scream pineapples. I smiled because no matter what, Gio taking time out of his life on my birthday meant a lot to me because he could have been doing something for the baby that he had on the way instead of being over my house painting and putting together my nursery.
About four hours later, we had finished painting the nursery. I had a royal blue, white and gold color scheme going in the room. They weren’t your typical baby colors but it had been the unofficial favorite colors of the Squad and it went with the furniture that I had picked out for my baby boy. I was tired as hell so I took a seat in the rocking chair that Gio had just put together.
“I can’t wait to finally have this baby!” I whined as I rubbed my stomach and watched Gio put together the crib. This was the last piece of furniture and I was so glad that we were finally done. I had decorated the room with an underwater theme and it had come out really great.
“I can’t wait either, so yo ass can finally stop crying about not seeing your feet,” Gio said, laughing, and I threw my bottled water at him.
“Shut up, foo. That shit ain’t no joke.”
I sat back thinking about how in just a couple of weeks, my life would change again but for the better. Baby Tone would be here and I would be in charge of somebody else’s life and safety. I was scared as hell to bring a child into this cold world. “Gio, what if I’m not a good mother? I never really had a real mother or father so I don’t know if I will know how to be one.”
I laid my head back as I thought about my grandmother and my Uncle Ken. I even thought about my parents. My mother and father were wonderful people and parents but once the drugs came and took over, parenting was put on the back burner at times. My grandmother was strict and although we wanted for next to nothing, she wasn’t loving or nurturing; and once we moved in with Uncle Ken, the parenting skills were at an all-time low. Money was the main goal in that household so we didn’t hear ‘I love you’ flying around, we didn’t have the comfort of being able to go and talk with Shae or Quita about our personal problems, or any of that. I just wanted to be the best that I could be to my child but I was scared that sometimes the best might not be good enough. I prayed every night that I would possess the qualities to raise and love my child better than I ever was.
Gio lay back on the floor. He had just screwed in the final screw and the crib was now complete. “I hear you, Jae, but parenting is geared around love. Just like how when you are in a relationship, you just fall in line and do what is needed. The same thing comes when you have a baby. You just do and provide out of love and compassion.” I thought about how right he was. When Tone and I were together, I did what I did for him because I loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him so yes, love did push you to be the best that you can be. “Stop trippin’, little sis. You got this and I know you will be the best mother to my nephew. All you have to do is push him out and let the rest fall in line.”
I nodded my head, soaking up Gio’s words as we both sat there lost in our own thoughts. It was a scary feeling knowing that I was doing this alone. Parenting required two people for a reason and that was because a child needed a mother and a father because they each provided something that the other could not and that created a balance in the household that could make or break a child’s upbringing.
I sat for a minute saying a silent prayer for me and my baby, a prayer of direction and strength, also of blessings and protection. I knew my child would not experience that balance and it was easy when I knew that I was bringing a child into this world with Tone beside me but without him here, I was scared to death so I knew that God would be the only one to bring me through.
“I got faith in you, sis. Me and China are here whenever you need us. So don’t ever feel like you are bothering or burdening us. We’re family and if you need us, we’re here.” Gio stood up and pulled me to my feet.
The tears began to fall despite how much I had tried to hold them back. It was super hard to control my feelings these days. I gave Gio a long hug as he rubbed my back and I let out soft cries. I missed Tone terribly. It had been almost 9 months since the accident and I was tired of grieving, I was ready to cope and manage my days without tears staining my face. I just wished that I could bring them all back but this was life and there were no do overs.
I walked Gio to the door and as I was watching him walk to the car, I saw that Lexis was pulling up. I rolled my eyes because I knew Lexis could not resist coming over here on my birthday even though I had told her that I wanted to be to myself today. I guess everybody figured that since I let Gio come over, they had to get some time with me, too. I was the baby of the Squad and I swear everybody treated me like it. My ankles and feet were swelling so I left the door cracked and went and stretched out on my couch. This pregnancy was starting to take its toll on me.
I must have been tired as hell because I had nodded off before Lexis had even walked in and when she slammed the front door, I nearly jumped out my skin. I looked up as Lexis was walking towards me with a handful of balloons and bags. I shook my head at her.
“What the hell is all this, hooker?”
Lexis placed the bags at my feet and I swear it looked as if she had shopped at every store in the mall. “Open it up and quit bumping ya gums, hoe.”
I threw one of my throw pillows at her ass. “Keep it up, hoe, and I’m going to put yo ass out.” We both laughed as she threw the pillow back at me.
I started going through the bags and I just smiled. There were all kinds of clothes and shoes and things for the baby but there was stuff for me as well. I could tell that she had spent a good amount of change on us and I was grateful to have a best friend like her in my life. She was always just there for me in every way possible.
“I know you said you didn’t want a baby shower or to do anything for your birthday, so I decided to just give you everything that I thought you and the baby may have needed or wanted.”
In the bags were sweat suits and socks, smell goods, jewelry, shoes, bibs, pacifiers, baby monitors and just everything that I could think of. She had even taken the time to pack my hospital bag with clothes for both me and Baby Tone. Tears started to run down my cheeks as I started to place everything back in the bags.
“Yo crybaby ass!”
I laughed because I really couldn’t control my emotions. “I’m hungry,” I said while wiping my tears.
“Well what yo fat ass want? It’s your birthday. We can go to House of Prime Rib or Ruth’s Chris,” Lexis said as she grabbed the bags and took them upstairs.
By the time she had come back down the stairs, I had a plate with dry salami and ranch and I was right back on the couch. “Bitch, that’s just nasty. B told me yo ass was over here eating like a hobo.” We both giggled.
“Brayden need to shut his ass up. I can eat how I please. I’m the one carrying a whole ass extra human in me, shit,” I said as a smile spread across Lexis face. “The fuck you smiling for loser?”
Lexis gave me the finger. “I was going to say that I love the way that the nursery came out, and its hella fuckin’ cute, blood.”
I smiled with her because the nursery had really come out cute as hell and I was glad Gio ha
d come and helped me. “Can we go to the Pastrami truck?” I asked Lexis while rubbing my stomach as Baby Tone began to kick around.
“Bitch, it’s your birthday and you want to go to some funky ass food truck? I just suggested five star restaurants and you want to play me by going to the food truck? Blood, you crazy,” Lexis stared at me like I said that I wanted to jump off a building or something.
“Bruh, fix your face, it’s my birthday and the baby and I are craving a pastrami dog and cold ass lemonade,” I said as I headed upstairs, “Give me twenty minutes,” I said as I headed upstairs to get dressed.
I came back downstairs about 30 minutes later. I was dressed but I needed Lexis’ help to put on my socks and shoes before I was fully ready to go. It was bright and sunny Sunday but very chilly outside considering it was the middle of February. I was dressed cute and comfortably in a pair of leggings and a Nike hoodie with my knee high Timberland boots. I loved to be nice and comfy before I got pregnant but now that I was damn near fully baked, I loved to be in a hoodie and some comfortable bottoms.
“Can you put these on for me, Lex, please?”
Lexis looked at me and scrunched up her face, “Why yo difficult ass can’t just put on some regular ass shoes?” she asked as she grabbed a boot and I sat down so that she could get them on.
“It’s my birthday, bitch. This my damn show today so play ya co-star role and help me get cute,” I said as she gave me the finger. Once my shoes were on, we headed out the door. I locked up my house and prepared to enjoy being outside.
As we pulled up to the food truck, I was taking a few selfies to post on my Instagram once I got back home. It seemed like everybody was out today. It wasn’t warm outside but it also wasn’t too cold either. The weather was crazy because it was never what you expected. Lexis jumped in a few of my pictures as we stood in line and made a birthday Snapchat video shouting me out. I felt so loved today and I had tons of messages and shout outs. I hadn’t been to the block since I had gotten out of jail but I felt that it was only right to stop through there today just to see what was going on, considering that the block had been my life for two years and they loved me as much as I loved them.