by Jontu'
I nodded my head as I felt myself getting sleepy; my contractions were no longer painful but more so just uncomfortable. I laid my head back and decided to get some rest for as long as I could. Chris caught on because he stopped talking and reclined his chair so that he could also get a little rest. I was sure that by the time I woke again, it would be time to push out my prince.
Antonio Khamari Taylor II was born on March 3rd, 2015 at 10:27 p.m. I had gone through 7 ½ hours of labor and my prince was finally here. I sat and stared at my son. He was beautiful with a head full of soft, curly hair and a deep dimple in his chin like his father. I had fallen completely in love from just looking in his brown eyes.
“Hey, Prince, I’m your mommy and I promise to love and protect you forever.” I rubbed his cheek and then kissed his tiny fingers. Baby Tone was finally here and I couldn’t wait to begin this new chapter in my life.
Chapter 7
Today was the day that Baby Tone and I would be leaving the hospital. We had been in there for four days and I was glad to finally be able to get into my own bed and just be away from the constant nag of the nurses and visitors.
The day I had my son was bittersweet for me because I was almost forced to be alone during my delivery. If it wasn’t for Chris’ presence, I would have had to do it on my own. I was extremely grateful to him for just being there. He didn’t know me from a can of paint and had taken the time to spend his whole entire day and night with me as I delivered a child that wasn’t his. Now we were going home and reality had set in. it was just my son and I but I knew that I had to be strong for the both of us.
“Hey, sissy, you ready?” Lexis said, walking in as I strapped Baby Tone into his car seat.
I looked around the room, making sure that I had grabbed everything. I’d had everything packed since early this morning, and I was most definitely ready to shake the spot. “Yeah, I believe we are. Ain’t that right, Prince? You ready to go home with mommy?” I asked as I kissed my baby’s nose.
The nurse had already come in and given us our walking papers so we were on our way. My delivery was fairly easy and I hadn’t needed any stitches or anything so I wasn’t in much pain aside from some cramping and the fading soreness in my abdomen. But even though I felt good enough to walk out of the hospital, the staff insisted that I be pushed out in a wheelchair. Yeah, I was glad to be leaving.
On the way to my house, I turned the music up in Lexis’ Range Rover and laid my head back against the head rest. while I was in the hospital, my car was towed from the garage and I had to have Greg pull a couple of strings to retrieve it from the tow yard so that it would be one less thing that I would have to deal with once I came home.
I took a deep breath and slowly released it. I didn’t have the fairy tale life that I had always dreamt of as a child; the husband, the baby, the career and that family unit there to support me. I didn’t even have the life that I had dreamed of with Tone. On numerous occasions, we had talked about our future. Going to college, getting married and having children were things that we had wanted together but life has a way of swinging things all the way around and you will be in a place that you never in your wildest dreams saw yourself in.
That’s where I was at the moment. Fresh out of high school with no immediate family to speak of, a newborn baby and mourning the loss of the love of my life. So at that very moment, I knew I had to make sure that I was in position to provide the best for Antonio from here on out.
I had been lost in my thoughts for so long that I didn’t even hear Lexis talking to me. I looked at her and she was just staring at me. “You straight, Jae?” she asked as I grabbed my bag and opened the car door.
“Yea, Lex. I’m good; thank you for bringing us home. You are the best,” I said after going to unlock my house so that we could bring the baby and our things inside.
Once Baby Tone and I were settled in, I placed him in the bassinette next to my bed and then threw myself down across the bed. It felt great to be home and I knew I had a lot to get used to with the baby here now. I looked up as I felt Lexis walk into the room, and watched as she took a seat in one of the chairs near the window.
“So, have you talked to Chris?” she asked, being her usual nosey self.
“Yeah, he actually has called or text every day since the day that I had the baby.” I smiled at the fact that he had kept in touch and that I hadn’t run him off. “I think once the baby and I are fully settled in, I will call him up and invite him over for dinner or something. Just a little something to let him know that I am grateful for everything, you know?” I said as I rubbed my face and sat up to take a pain pill.
“That sounds like a nice plan, sis. Well, I’m about to get out of here and you already know to call me if you need anything.”
I shook my head and got up under the covers. I was exhausted and I figured I should try and get some sleep in while the baby was napping. I had just fed him so I had about two hours before he would be waking up, fussy, needing a diaper change and a feeding. I had been trying my best to breastfeed but I just didn’t think that it was what either of us wanted. The baby didn’t too much take to breastfeeding in the hospital so we alternated between the breast and bottle but he seemed to like bottle feeding so I figured I would try for another week and if he still didn’t take, then I would pump milk for at least the next couple of months.
***
In the last couple of months, I had gotten into the swing of being a full time mommy. I was completely in love with my son and it was amazing how much he looked just like his father. Baby Tone had made three months and that made it a complete year since the accident that had taken the lives of his father, aunt and uncle. The Squad, Gio and I had planned to go and spend a few hours at the cemetery in memory of their deaths.
I sent a text to Chris letting him know that I would be dropping the baby off around 6 p.m. and we could meet at my house around 7. Since I had come home from the hospital, we had been talking often and we had even seen each other a couple of times in the last few weeks. This would be our first official date. I was nervous about leaving my baby but now that he was a couple of months old, I felt a little more confident about doing so. I was scared at first to tell Gio that I was going on a date but he ended up being super supportive and even agreed to keep the baby for me.
I had finally enrolled in school and would be attended the local Cal State University as a freshman for the summer quarter. I had found a great child care provider near the school so that I wouldn’t be too far away from my child while I was in classes. Laela and Gio had been a great support system for me and Baby Tone.
I hadn’t talked to my uncle much lately and I had heard that his club had gotten shut down due to a couple of shootings over the past few months. He was now under investigation for running a prostitution ring in the club and nobody knew what the future held for him. As of right now, he was still on the streets but nobody knew how long before the Feds came and kicked his door in.
I had taken a couple of weekends and helped the Squad switch up their operations and make sure that all of their individual assets were secure in case Uncle Ken was arrested. We had to make sure that nobody from our camp would be indicted if the Feds did make a move. I had left the streets alone but I did put in work if it was needed. I had my son to think about so I kept my hands clean. I just prayed that there wouldn’t be enough evidence to indict my uncle.
I had learned a lot about investing and hiding money and assets from Gio. He had been the one to teach Jah the game and in turn, he gave it to Laela and I got bits and pieces from them all, but more than enough knowledge to know what I was doing. It was good to switch up everything because you never knew what all the Feds knew when they came snooping. They might not know anything about the extra street businesses but we weren’t taking any chances. I wanted my Squad to win in the end, so I did my part to ensure that. I had my brother Rico sitting down behind this shit already, along with a few others from my East side crew. I still looke
d out for every last one of them but I wanted to avoid any more if I could.
I strapped Baby Tone into his car seat and grabbed the baby bag off of the kitchen counter along with my keys and phone and I headed out. I had recently bought a new Audi truck. This time, I had gotten an all-black Q3. I loved my first truck and I hadn’t had it for very long but I didn’t want to replace it with the same exact car. I still had the Masi as well but it wasn’t the type of car that you rode around in with your baby.
I hopped on the freeway and sent a text to Ericka letting her know that I was on my way. I was picking up Jahlisa and bringing her with me. It had been a couple weeks since I’d last kept her and I was missing her like crazy. I loved that little girl and blood couldn’t make me love her any more than I already did. I was keeping her the entire weekend so Gio was keeping both babies until I returned from my date.
Having Baby Tone made me grow up real fast. I was 18 but I felt older. Ericka had just recently moved. Apparently, her grandmother had passed not too long ago and since she had her grandmother’s only great grandchild, she left Ericka her house, which had been newly renovated and paid off before she passed. I was glad that Ericka was keeping it up and had also decided to make a few additions, too, like a guest house as well as a new driveway and security gate. I nodded my head, impressed by the changes. It was crazy how much I used to hate Ericka due to the bullshit that she had put my sister through when she thought that Jah was the father of her child. I pulled up to Ericka’s house and called her, letting her know I was outside.
A few minutes later, she was walking out the gate with Jahlisa on her hip and an overnight bag strapped around her shoulder. I got out the car to assist with getting her in the car seat that was permanently in my car for her.
“Hey E, how are you?” I asked, grabbing the baby off her hip. “Hey, Baby J. What’s up with Tee Tee’s baby?” I asked, kissing all over her fat cheeks. I placed her in her seat and strapped her in, handing her a tablet with a Doc McStuffins movie playing.
“What’s up, Jaeda? Damn, little man getting hella big and he cute as hell,” she said while making funny faces at Baby Tone.
“Yeah, he is growing so fast, his little fat butt is already wearing 6-9 months clothes and he’s only three months,” I said, leaning against the side of my truck.
“Girl that’s crazy. He looks just like his daddy. It’s creepy,” she said while closing the door and facing me. “How have you been holding up? I can’t believe it’s been a year that they have been gone.”
I shook my head thinking about how fast time had flown past. “Yeah, I can barely believe it myself. June 5th will always be a sour day for me but I swear, even though the time has passed, the pain is still there just as bad as the day it happened.” I held back tears as I thought about that tragic night. “Right. Well, Gio is going to have the kids for a couple of hours later on and I should be back to get them around nine, so I will text you and let you know when we make it in the house.”
“Okay, cool,” E said as she waved bye to Jahlisa who was paying her no mind.
I walked around to the driver side and slid into my seat, fastening my seatbelt before pulling off. Once I was back on the road, I was lost in my thoughts. I hadn’t even turned the music on. I looked at both babies through the rearview mirror and they were both sound asleep, oblivious to the world around them. Waking up this morning was harder than I thought. The days leading up to today had me on edge and my anxiety was high, but the moment I opened my eyes this morning, the tears were nonstop. It was hard on my heart knowing that I had lived a full year without them in my life. I felt like I was betraying them every day because I was leaving them in the past. A year meant they were gone for good and never coming back. People loved to tell you that the pain gets better as time goes by but at this very moment, the pain seemed worse than when it first happened. I didn’t expect anybody to understand my pain because it was my pain and I allowed others to grieve as they pleased, so I expected the same courtesy.
Our time at the cemetery had gone by quickly and it was nearing 5 p.m. We had started the memorial at one and it lasted four hours with food, drinks, weed and lots of love. It was good seeing everybody come out to celebrate the lives of my family.
I was changing Baby Tone’s diaper while Greg was holding a sleepy Jahlisa when I was approached by an older woman. She was tall and brown skinned with salt and pepper hair that hung over her shoulder in one long French braid. I watched as she walked towards us with a slight smile on her face. I had never met this woman before but she had a familiar presence about her. I finished putting Baby Tone’s clothing back on and laid him across my lap as I wiped around his neck and talked baby talk to him, still watching the woman who was now directly in front of us.
“Hello, Jaeda?” she asked extending her hand.
“Umm, yes, and you are?” I asked, curious about who this woman was and how she knew my name. My first thought was that she was the police and I had a million random thoughts of what this could be concerning.
“I apologize. I’m Tracy. I’m, umm, well, I’m Antonio’s mother,” she said, waiting for me to respond but actually I had none.
Tone had rarely ever talked about her. All I really knew about her was that she was serving a 22 year prison term and Tone hadn’t seen or heard from her since he was about seven years old. His mother and father had gone down in the early 90s for drug trafficking and distribution. They were kind of a big deal on the streets of San Francisco back then but had been caught up in drug deal gone wrong and were convicted and sentenced. At the time, Tone was about two years old and was taken in by his aunt. About 5 years into their sentence, Tone’s father was killed inside and that was the last time he had seen or heard from either of his parents. I think he’d kind of just written his mother off just as he felt she did him because he had never showed any emotion behind her absence.
I looked at Greg and then back at Tracy. I didn’t really know what to say. I wondered when had she gotten out and I really wanted to know why she’d shown up here today of all days. Tone hadn’t heard from her in years and she had never reached out to him so why did she feel the need to reach out to me now that he was dead and gone?
“I’m not sure what Tone had told you about me.”
“Not much,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“I deserve that,” she said, fiddling with her hands as she stared at Baby Tone in my lap. “Look, Jaeda, I know you don’t know me from a hole in the wall but I would like to meet up and talk soon. I missed Antonio’s entire childhood running behind a nigga and landed myself in prison but I don’t want to miss out on my grandchild’s life,” She said with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
My heart went out to her because I felt the sincerity in her words as she stood there. I knew that there was more to the story than what I knew so I nodded my head and exchanged numbers with her, promising to call her in the next couple of days.
Once she walked off, I turned to Greg. “Blood, what the fuck was that?” I asked and he shrugged his shoulders. I’m guessing he was just as puzzled as I was. I picked up the baby and placed him in his car seat and then grabbed both his and Jahlisa’s bags and took them over to Gio who was standing next to his car talking. I opened the trunk, placing the bags inside and then walked back to my truck to grab the baby.
“Greg, can you go put Jahlisa in Gio’s car, please?” I asked as I grabbed the infant seat and walked over to Gio’s car.
Once they were in, I kissed both of them on the cheek and closed the door. I turned around, facing Gio. “So I see you had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Tracy,” he said and I nodded my head.
“We exchanged numbers. I don’t know how to address the situation. I want answers because I feel like it will allow Tone’s soul to finally be at peace and I don’t want to keep Baby Tone from her, but it was weird,” I said, staring at Gio.
“I say take it one day at a time with her. Get to know her and then determine how you want to deal wi
th her,” said Gio. I nodded my head and kissed his cheek. “Have a good date, see u later little sis.”
I waved and hopped in my truck.
I pulled up to the house and Chris was already sitting out front. I liked that about him. He was always a man of his word, even down to the smallest things. If he said he was going to be somewhere or do something, then that’s what he did. I hopped out of my truck and walked over to the driver’s side window and tapped on it lightly. Chris was leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed and right arm draped over his face. He looked over at me and I smiled as he opened the door and got out to stretch. I laughed as he threw his body over mine and gave me a rough hug.
“What’s good, beautiful?” he asked as we walked into my house.
“Not much, just trying to get through the day.” I placed my phone and purse on the coffee table and sat down on the couch. The day had taken a lot out of me; the tears, the laughter and just everything that comes along with death had drained me. I had thought about canceling my plans with Chris earlier but I had been catting off on him for a minute now so I sucked it up and kept my plans.
“You’re changing your clothes, right?” Chris asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I looked at him and raised my eyebrow. “Well, yeah. I was going to change but is there a problem with what I have on? I thought we were doing go kart racing?” I asked.
I had peeped the tinge of jealousy in Chris’ voice and I shrugged it off and talked myself out of catching an attitude. I knew he was asking because I had on an all-white blazer with a huge picture of Tone and I on the back and pictures of Laela, Jah and Sage on the front. I mean, of course I wasn’t going to wear my old boyfriend’s face while out with another man but the way he asked had me in my feelings.