by Darci Balogh
Hurrying through the Great Hall toward the kitchen, Sofia heard Luna's voice calling to her to wait.
"I'll be right back," Sofia said over her shoulder as she continued at a full speed walk to the kitchen. By the time she reached the door Luna had caught up.
"Sofia, what's going on?" Luna tried to get her cousin to focus.
"I'm getting cheese puffs."
"No, you're not. You're running away. What happened with Ian last night?"
"Yoo-hoo!" Bridget called out. She and Angie were now at the end of the hall, hurrying in Sofia and Luna's direction. "Wait up!"
Sofia let out a frustrated sigh and shoved the kitchen door open, almost knocking it into the maid, Anne, who was exiting the kitchen. After many apologies to the kitchen staff, Luna steered Sofia and her tray of cheese puffs into the empty dining hall next to the kitchen. They were joined almost immediately by Bridget and Angie.
"You can't fool us, Fifi. Something is going on," Bridget said.
"Is that gorgeous singer your boyfriend?" Angie asked, both delighted and impressed.
"No," Sofia denied it, but she had to fight the urge to smile.
"Aha!" Bridget pointed her French manicured finger at Sofia. "He is, isn't he? I knew it!"
"He's not my boyfriend, Bridget," Sofia retorted. Even the word 'boyfriend' felt strange coming out of her mouth.
"What is he then?" Luna asked.
"What am I missing?" Tawnyetta asked as she came in the room. She was hurrying, though her normal athletic gate was more of an athletic waddle because of her swollen belly.
"Sofia may or may not have a boyfriend," Angie told her.
Tawnyetta's eyes flew open in surprise and she stopped in her tracks. "Ian? Oh, Sofia! He's such a cool guy."
"Yeah, he's really attractive...in a grunge rock kind of way," Angie said. "And I'm not just saying that because he's a fellow ginger."
Sofia felt a little queasy and she couldn't tell if it was from excitement at her friend's enthusiasm or embarrassment at the whole mess with Ian coming under their scrutiny.
"Maybe we should let her talk," Luna suggested. She had been keeping a cautious eye on her cousin and could probably tell she was in a state.
The friends fell obediently in line. They pulled dining room chairs up in a cluster surrounding Sofia and waited, some more patiently than others. Sofia took a few deep breaths and thought about how to explain everything to her best friends. She finally decided to start at the beginning, when Ian had taken her on their first date to eat fish n' chips and ride The London Eye, and how she'd felt confused and disrupted ever since. She opened her mouth to speak and Thomas poked his head into the room.
"Sooo...you guys realize there's almost nobody left at the party, right?" He quipped. Then he noticed the support circle that was happening and his brow knit together. "What's wrong?"
"Sofia's about to tell us about her and Ian," Bridget said in her most scolding tone. "Come sit down and be quiet."
Thomas lifted his eyebrows as he grabbed a chair and set it next to Sofia. He plunked down in the chair and leaned his shoulder into hers. "Ian?" He nodded with approval. "He seems like a good match."
Sofia's face screwed up with skepticism. "He is not a good match for me."
"Oh," Thomas stood corrected. He waited a few beats until curiosity overtook him, then asked, "And why is that?"
Scoffing heartily, Sofia explained, "He sings in a rock band. That's his job. He doesn't have a real job. He doesn't have a career." Her friend's blank faces stared at her, not seeming to understand. "And he's kind of loose and artsy, you know? What about those tattoos? My father would die of a heart attack if I brought home a man with all of those tattoos."
Her commentary was met with complete silence except for Luna and Tawnyetta who exchanged an amused glanced.
"What is that look for?" Sofia asked, her eyes cutting between Luna and Tawnyetta suspiciously.
"It's nothing," Tawnyetta said.
Sofia glared at them until Luna caved and answered, "It's just that your Dad is not going to like anybody you bring home, Sofia. He's kind of old fashioned that way."
They had a point, Sofia had to admit. She sighed heavily and drummed her nails on the table top. Finally she threw up one hand and said, "He's just not my type."
"Really?" Bridget obviously didn't believe her. "Sexy rock star doesn't do it for you?"
Thomas turned his attention to Bridget, shrugging a little, "Is he that sexy? Honestly?" She nodded knowingly and all of the others, minus Sofia, joined in. Thomas seemed put out. He shrugged again and looked down at his hands, mumbling, "His eyes are kind of weird."
Sofia bristled a little at the comment. "They're not weird," she said. Then, more quietly, "I like his eyes."
Bridget pointed at her, "See? You like him."
Sofia sighed. Sometimes Bridget really annoyed her. Especially when she was right.
Angie, their group counselor, chimed in, "Why don't you want to like him? That's the real question."
It was a question that wouldn't be answered immediately. Michael arrived looking worried and Tawnyetta had to excuse herself back to her baby shower. Bridget, as the host of the party, went with her. Sofia felt guilty for disrupting her friend's big day.
"Come on, it doesn't matter right now. Let's get back to the party and watch Tawnyetta open presents," she told the others.
Any concerns she had of having to face Ian at the baby shower were unfounded, as he had left while she was gone. Free to enjoy this time with her friends and celebrate the upcoming birth of the little Laird or Lady, Sofia did her best to bring up her mood.
She sipped punch and played silly games and offered name suggestions for the unborn child. As she did all of these things she became more and more aware of a shift in her feelings.
Watching the way Michael looked at Tawnyetta, the way her touched her hair when he spoke to her, and leaned in to listen to every word that came out of her mouth was like watching a beautiful dance. A dance between two lovers, two friends. The whole scene seemed to magnify her solo status and the lonely ache that had taken up seemingly permanent residence in her heart.
Sofia watched Bridget as she cooed and fawned over Tawnyetta, treating her as much like a queen for the day as they all knew Bridget herself wanted to be treated. Bridget took so much care to ensure her friend had the most perfect experience at her baby shower, because that's what Bridget did. She tried to give them all princess treatment. Even when she was being intrusive and bossy about their love lives, she did have a keen eye for romance. Bridget was almost always right about matters of the heart. Except when it came to her own love life, ironically. As much as Sofia hated to admit it, Bridget was right about her and Ian.
She did like Ian. She more than liked him. Being here with all of her friends, and witnessing Tawnyetta and Michael's domestic bliss, brought this fact more sharply into focus. Once again the hollow feeling in her heart told her that she was missing something. Missing him. She missed him being next to her, touching her, trying to pull her out of her shell, trying to make her laugh. Her heart echoed with longing and she thought she might sink into tears again.
"Have you made up your mind?" Angie asked. She had sidled up next to Sofia at the buffet table.
"Made up my mind?"
Angie nodded, her glorious red tresses bobbing up and down as she did. "You know, about Ian." Sofia blinked in surprise. Angie was reading her mind.
Oddly, Sofia realized that she did, in fact, have an answer to the question. "Yes, I have made up my mind," she said with a confidence that surprised her.
Angie grinned, because she already knew what Sofia had decided. She was going to go for it. As soon as the festivities were over she would find Ian and tell him how she felt. They could work through whatever issue she had with Emery. She could learn to live with his lack of a career. Why should she throw away someone who had touched her heart the way Ian Law had touched hers?
After the party was over
and they all went to their respective rooms to rest up and get packed for the trip back to London, Sofia took a few minutes to freshen up for her big conversation with Ian.
"Were you going to tell me?" Luna asked from the doorway to their shared bathroom.
Sofia was pulling a brush through her long, dark hair, leaving it soft and shiny. "Tell you?"
"Angie said you're going to go for it with Ian...and you haven't even told me yet!"
Butterflies erupted in Sofia's stomach at hearing those words. Having her friends involved made the whole thing more real. This was probably why she'd avoided talking to them about Ian earlier. She put the brush down and turned to her cousin.
"It's because I'm so nervous and excited," she said in the high-pitched tone of a teenager. Luna gave her a delighted hug. "Now I just need to find him in this huge place," Sofia added.
With just hours remaining before she was supposed to drive back to Inverness to catch the overnight train, Sofia scoured the public areas of the castle looking for Ian. The day was cold and dreary and she didn't think he would be in the gardens, but she couldn't find him anywhere inside either. At one point she thought she was on the right track when she went to the ballroom. Maybe he was packing up his gear with the band. But the ballroom was nothing more than a huge, cold, empty space. A shadow of what it had been last night full of light and music and people.
She stood in the echoing space and shivered. Rainy day afternoon light filled the tall windows and injected a sense of doom into her little mission. Trickles of doubt ran through her, making her hug herself to stave off another shiver. Where was he? In his room, maybe? She'd have to find out what room he was in. How would she go about doing that?
Sofia had another idea. What about the kitchen? She hadn't checked in there yet, as it was usually full of staff, not guests. But if he wasn't in the kitchen at least she might be able to find out from one of the staff members what room he was in.
Bolstered by this new plan of action, Sofia turned on her heel and left the cold ballroom for the warm and welcoming kitchen. Her heart was still hopeful, but a fear of failure had started to needle the back of her mind. She needed to find Ian, and find him soon, or she was afraid the fragile confidence she had in her decision would begin to crack.
Chapter Twenty-Five
She did not find Ian in the kitchen. What she did find was a bustle of activity as the staff prepared one of their famous elaborate dinners for the castle guests. And she found Michael, who had come to the kitchen specifically to get pickled herring and strawberries for his wife. Apparently Tawnyetta was having a pregnancy craving.
"Can I help you with anything?" Michael asked. His Scottish brogue added charm to everything he said.
Sofia answered, "Yes." Then she hesitated. Knowing that Ian was one of Michael's good friends, she wanted to choose her words carefully. She cleared her throat. "I was actually...I thought maybe...." Finally, she spit it out, "I'm looking for Ian."
Understanding flickered through Michael's eyes, and the corners of his mouth lifted into an almost smile. She had not considered the fact that since he and Ian were friends, Ian may have shared her ridiculous behavior with him. Their on again, off again, somewhat of a romance may be old news to Michael. As she looked into his deep blue eyes, she thought she could sense that he knew the truth. To his credit, Michael didn't say anything. Ever the gentleman. Thank goodness. Sofia's cheeks turned beet red. He recognized her embarrassment and the warm amusement on his face shifted to polite concern. "I'm afraid he's already left. They left a few hours ago."
Sofia's stomach sank. "Back to London?" Of course, that was a stupid question. Thankfully, Michael did not chastise her for it, though the compassion in his eyes bordered on pity, which made her feel even more stupid.
"Yes, I believe so."
"Thank you," she managed as she turned to leave, unable to continue talking while her stomach roiled with deep disappointment.
"Sofia," Michael stopped her and she looked back at him. "Have you tried calling him?"
She stood numbly, astounded at her own absurdity. No. She hadn't. That would be something a normal person would do. She mumbled a thank you and said something like, "I'll try that," before escaping out the door.
She retreated to the only place she had been that day that had been completely deserted. The ballroom. She leaned against the wall, pulling her phone from her pocket...and staring at it.
She couldn't believe she hadn't thought to call Ian before Michael mentioned it. Okay, everything was still going to be just fine. She would call. No, texting would be better. Less weird. She tried to brush off the mistake and focus on her phone again. Her fingers poised over the glowing screen, but didn't move. Like someone frozen in time she stood there gaping at her phone, drawing a complete blank.
What should she say?
"Ugh!" Throwing her head back she grimaced at the ceiling. "This is impossible."
Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked swiftly down, hoping against hope that Ian had beat her to the whole texting thing.
We're getting ready to load the car. Where are you?
It wasn't a text from Ian, it was from Luna. And it was time to go.
"Can't sleep?" Thomas asked.
Sofia jerked at the sound of his voice. She had been virtually alone in the lounge car since she got out of she and Luna's tiny berth. She'd found a spot on an empty long couch almost an hour ago and was nursing a whiskey sour, staring at her phone.
She shook her head 'no'. "You?"
As an answer Thomas plopped down by her and ran his hand through his hair, making it stick out in all directions. He let out a heavy sigh. He looked tired. Maybe riding a train all night was taking its toll on him. Or maybe it was traveling with Marin.
Sofia sensed that even though Thomas seemed very much attached to Marin, all of the togetherness of the past few days was getting to him. It wasn't like they were on a romantic getaway alone. They were almost constantly with his oldest friends, who also happened to be a group of girls. The entire group, minus Tawnyetta and Michael, had decided to go back to London with Sofia and hang out for a few more days together. And even though most of them, minus Bridget, were polite and welcoming to Marin, she kind of didn't fit in.
The lounge car attendant took Thomas' order. "I'll have what she's having," Thomas told the man. He sat back in the couch and flicked a look at her phone. "You waiting for a call?"
Again, Sofia shook her head 'no'. "Not exactly."
He pushed his bottom lip out as he nodded, considering her answer. "It's after midnight, you're sitting alone drinking and staring at your phone, but you're not expecting a call." Sofia raised her eyebrow at him, waiting for the sarcasm. He snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "I've got it. You're drunk texting."
She chuckled. "No...not exactly."
That was the truth. She had not texted Ian since she decided to earlier in the day, she was still thinking about what to say, and she was drinking a whisky sour. So, technically, Thomas was half correct.
"It's that rock star with the weird eyes, isn't it?"
"He doesn't have weird eyes!"
Thomas nodded knowingly, "I knew it."
She pushed on his knee, "What about you? Why aren't you with Marin?"
Thomas slumped down in the couch and dropped his head back so it rested on the top cushion. He let out a groan of frustration and said to the ceiling, "She snores."
Sofia couldn't suppress a giggle before saying, "No, she doesn't."
"Oh, yes, she does," he said with such seriousness it made Sofia laugh out loud. "It's not funny. I have barely slept this whole trip." Sofia laughed even harder. He turned to look at her without lifting his head off of the cushion. "Let's get back to you and ol' crazy eyes."
"You're impossible."
"What are you texting him?" Thomas reached for her phone. She pulled her arm back so he couldn't take it.
"Nothing, yet." It was her turn to slump down into the couch. "I do
n't know what to say."
"How far into this thing are you with this guy?"
"We've been on a few dates when I first moved here. Then we decided to be friends. But we danced a few times at the castle and...now I'm not sure."
"Ah, the dreaded 'friends'." Thomas used his fingers to make air quotes when he said 'friends'. "That sucks."
From his tone it sounded like Thomas had personal experience with the issue. Sofia tried to remember a time that he had been stuck as 'friends' when he really wanted something else. Nothing came to mind.
Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "You speak from experience?"
The lounge car attendant arrived with his drink and Thomas made a big show of paying the man and tipping him. Then he took a big gulp as if he was dying of thirst. Sofia watched him with narrowed eyes, but when she started to ask him again, he changed the subject.
"Let me ask you this, Sofia. Who was the one who decided you should be friends?"
The question stopped her thought process and brought her crashing back down to her reality. She shrugged, not wanting to admit it had been her who suggested–or demanded–that they remain friends.
Thomas gave her a look and she admitted with a sigh, "I did."
"Why does this not surprise me?"
"I have a lot going on these days," she said meekly.
He nodded toward her cell phone. "And now you feel differently?"
"Yes," her voice cracked a little bit as her emotions tried to surface. Thomas watched her evenly as she swallowed hard and put on a brave face.
He gave her his most supportive brotherly expression and said, "You know, you can be a doctor–sorry, a professor–and still have a love life. People do it all the time. Every day on every continent."
A small piece of the wall around her heart crumbled at his words. Hot tears pressed at the back of her throat and kept her from speaking. But when she looked at Thomas, she knew that he could see them there.
"You really like him?" he asked.
She nodded and looked down at her hands. She had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. Her fingers trembled around her cell phone and she let it drop into her lap in dismay.