“I can do that. Shall we get going then so these girls can get the real party started?”
“Let’s go!” Sarah spoke up. Mike was beginning to wonder if the girl ever said anything. He hadn’t heard a word out of her all night. “We are long overdue for a sleepover.”
The three girls marched to the front door while he and Jill were left behind to gather up their things.
“Wait, what about the bill?” Mike didn’t even remember seeing it.
“I paid for it already.” Jill flashed a cheeky grin his way.
Without another word, she followed the girls out the pizzeria door, while leaving him standing in awe of the tornado of estrogen. He had a feeling he was in way over his head.
Emily was a ball of excitement, well at least more than he had seen lately. Spending an evening without Emily was worth seeing her begin to act like her old self. Her ability to get a bag packed as quickly as she did had him wondering if she remembered everything.
Pulling into the short driveway of the little house, his eyes wandered to the large front window, winking at him, begging him to come in. The house seemed smaller now that he was right in front of it.
The front door opened and there stood Jill, waiting for Emily. She was clearly as happy to have her here as Emily was to be there. Sarah and Katie greeted Emily with squeals and leaps of joy. Now feeling like an outsider, he watched his niece run off to play with her friends.
"It's such a good thing to see, isn't it?" Jill observed from the front porch.
Hiding the moisture in his eyes, he turned and made his way to the trunk of the car to grab Emily's bag and pillow.
"Would you like to come in for a minute? Or are you eager to get back to that great big old house and spend some time by yourself?" He caught the joke in her voice and figured she would probably welcome some alone time. He still wasn't sure he could share the sentiment.
“No, I’ll head home. Have fun.”
When he reached his car, he waved to Jill. A piece of him hoped to see Emily one more time, in the window maybe. Nothing.
Climbing into bed, after not finding anything on TV to occupy the emptiness he felt, his thoughts drifted to Jill. He could easily imagine her and Katie’s laughter mingling with Emily’s and filling his house with joy. He never really could see that with other women, even Emma. It was her company he enjoyed. Now he wanted more. He wanted more for his life than a friend. He wanted someone to share his life with and help him raise Emily. Jill’s name rang through his heart and he knew now like he did then, that she was it for him.
Seventeen years didn’t go by without changing a person, but he didn’t care. He watched her, he listened to her, and she was still easy to read. They both were hurting for one reason or another, but he didn’t care. Tom would warn him to tread lightly, like he had with Erin. Big brother was always hovering.
Now I’m here to figure it out on my own.
Rolling toward the nightstand, he reached for his phone. Scrolling through his contacts to find Jill’s name, he selected it. He could call her or just send a text. He decided a text would suffice even though her voice was more appealing.
Michael: How’s Emily doing?
He waited for a minute or two before he put the phone back on the stand. Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, the phone pinged.
Jillian: Sorry. We are having a dance party over here.
He imagined the four of them in the tiny house doing more of what he had seen in the dance studio but in a more playful manner. Then another text came through, but instead it was a video of the three girls dancing to a peppy upbeat song. The smile on Emily’s sweet face pulled at his heart strings and filled him with pride. She was happy and having fun. Moisture filled his eyes and he whipped it away so he could get a better view. He felt like he was becoming a cry baby.
Jillian: I’d say she is just fine. Thank you for letting her come over.
Michael: Sure thing. I’m glad she is having fun.
Jillian: How is Uncle Mike doing?
Michael: I think I miss her.
Michael: I feel like something is missing.
Jillian: Welcome to parenthood. You crave alone time but once you have it you have no clue what to do with yourself.
Michael: She isn’t the only one whose company I’m missing. It was really great talking to you tonight.
Did he dare ask the question weighing on his mind?
Michael: Can we do it again, but without the girls?
He held his breath as he waited for a response. It felt like an eternity.
Jillian: Sure. Maybe coffee after we drop the girls at school some morning.
Michael: Sounds like a great idea. I’ll let you know when I have a morning open.
Jillian: Good night.
Michael: Good night.
Returning the phone to the nightstand, the butterflies went into overdrive and he hoped they would settle enough for him to get some rest.
“Lord if these feelings are something that You have ordained, show me the right things to do and give me the right words to say. I don't want to mess this up a second time.”
Chapter 6
It had been nice talking with Mike at the pizzeria, but the feelings that stirred frustrated her. She didn’t want to add the confusion of a relationship to her life, especially with Katie having visions of happily ever afters. That’s why she had avoided it all together. At least that was what she told herself. No, a friendship between them was all she could offer.
It had been three weeks since she and Mike talked. They had shared pleasantries in the school while picking up the girls and he dropped Emily off on Fridays and went next door to do Lord knows what. He was on his phone a lot though. There were times, while the kids were at school and she was working at the studio, she could hear him yelling through the walls. She hated knowing what someone else's business was, but it was hard not to know. Yesterday he was yelling about not finding a decent contractor who didn’t want an arm and a leg to finish his office. This morning, he hollered something about crazy old women. She guessed that he had just gotten off the phone with Emily’s grandmother.
“Knock, knock! Anyone in here?” Jill heard from the entrance. She knew that voice anywhere.
“I’m back here,” she replied.
“I figured,” Emma stated as she entered the office space. It was a storage closet before. Just big enough to store used shoes and a small desk for working.
“Hey, girl.” Jill rose from her chair to hug her friend. “It’s good to see you. You’ve been hiding out long enough.”
“For good reason. I need to get home before I have another episode. Are you about done here? I’d love to have you over.”
Jill noted how thin Emma was looking. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”
“Thanks,” Emma said with a sarcastic chuckle. “Listen, can you come over or not?”
“Yeah. Why didn’t you call?” Jill asked while shutting down her laptop and turning off the lamp.
“I had to swing into the store quickly. I saw your jalopy out front so I knew you were here.”
The two walked out of the studio. Emma hurried home while Jill locked up.
For only getting married in December, it seemed that Emma should be looking happier or maybe even rested; not with black circles under her eyes and gaunt cheeks.
Driving to Emma and Ryan’s, a flurry of ideas whirled in her mind. By the time she pulled in the driveway, she knew that it had to be one of two things.
The weather had turned cold with the beginning of February after a mild January. The reprieve was nice, but it spoiled her for the cold weather. It seemed that Michigan weather couldn’t make up its mind on what to do.
Jill ran to the front door as quickly as the blistering wind would allow her and went right into the house.
Just as she walked in the kitchen, Emma emerged from the bathroom, dabbing her face with a towel. “Good, just in time. That one was a doozy.”
“What i
s wrong with you, Emma?” Jill asked while removing her winter gear.
“Relax, I’m not dying. Have a seat in the living room. Want some coffee?”
Emma’s lack of concern for her own well-being bothered Jill. “No. I’ve had three cups. Come sit, I don’t need you to serve me anyway.”
The women settled on the overstuffed, microfiber couch. Their feet were curled under them while blankets rested on their laps and a fire crackled in the fireplace across the room. Emma tried with the usual pleasantries, but Jill couldn’t take it. Emma had news and Jill needed to hear it.
“Spill it. What is going on?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Stunned, she asked, “Are you sure?”
“Well, considering I have done this three other times, I would say I am pretty sure.”
Joy for her friend’s news finally hit her and she leaned over and gently hugged Emma. “I’m so happy for you. Besides the sickness, how are you feeling?”
As Emma told her of all the things she was going through and how the rest of her household felt about it, a twinge of jealousy pricked her heart. She had always wanted more children. It was finding a man she loved enough to share her life with that was the problem. You can’t find a man if you don’t look, Jill.
“So, what’s it like? You know, to be married again after so long.” Maybe Emma had some of the answers to the nagging worries that Jill fought with.
“It is definitely taking some adjusting. I’m so used to doing things on my own that it seems that Ryan is just in my way. Then there are days that he reverts back into his loner mode and I can’t find him anywhere. It’s nice, though, in those times in the middle when the kids need homework help and I have papers to grade. Or, well, I won’t go into detail, but it is nice to have someone in the bed next to me again. Clearly,” she rubbed her barely rounding belly.
Jill got her meaning and she had to admit, celibacy was hard once she had known the more enjoyable parts of marriage.
“How about you? Ever think you’ll get back in the saddle again? I have some eligible guys I can set you up with,” Emma teased.
“No, I don’t need any help. I’m good with just Katie and me.”
“You are such a liar,” Emma chuckled. As her friend studied her, heat crept up Jill’s neck. She knew how easy she was to read and hoped that pregnancy fogged Emma’s discernment. “There is someone though. Isn’t there?”
Shoot!
“There is no one, just some things I’m dealing with.”
“Have you prayed about it?”
“No. God and I don’t speak as much as we used to.”
“Don’t you attend a local church? I know you’re not at ours but I just assumed that you went somewhere else.”
“I avoid churches as much as possible.”
Bewilderment shrouded Emma’s face. Then her eyes grew wide and she darted from the couch, running for the bathroom. Jill did not miss that part of pregnancy for sure.
While Emma took care of business, Jill pondered about how much she was willing to share. She knew that as soon as Emma came back she would ask what happened to detour her from the church.
She believed in God and what Jesus did on the cross; she just couldn’t handle judgmental do-gooders looking down their noses at her.
“Sorry about that. You never know when it’ll hit.” Emma repositioned herself in her spot on the couch.
“You know, we can talk about this some other time. You need to rest and I …”
“I don’t think so. I knew there had to be a reason God put you on my heart. Spill it. What is holding you back from God, church and finding a guy to love you?”
Jill shifted in her seat, processing her thoughts. Emma had welcomed Jill into her life just recently. She even asked Jill to be a bridesmaid in her wedding after only knowing each other for a short while.
How can you count on someone to be in your corner if you don’t share your heart with them? Jill’s dad had asked her once. She knew she had always worked hard to keep people at arm’s length, except Mike.
The outside door shut and heavy footfall echoed through the lower level of the old farm house. Ryan came into the room, “How ya feeling today, babe?” he asked as he kissed her head. Watching his tenderness with Emma caused a noose to tighten around Jill’s heart. She wanted someone to be sweet to her like that, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. “I have a friend here; we’re going to work up in that extra room. We won’t make too much noise. Promise.”
Two sets of man-feet and the odd tap of Ryan’s cane pounded up the stairs. Jill never got a glimpse of the friend, not that it mattered.
"Do you still struggle with grief? I mean, do you still miss Doug and love him?" Emma asked as soon as they could no longer hear the guys.
"I don't think pain like that ever goes away. I think you just eventually get used to it. I miss him sometimes, or at least the idea of him. And I'll always love him for giving me Katie.”
"Does Katie ever wish to have a dad around?"
"I think she does. I know she does. We were talking about it a while back. She's a trooper though and she doesn’t seem to let it get her down."
“So, what’s with the whole church thing then? What happened? Was it Doug’s death?” Emma’s concern touched Jill.
“It was a lot of different factors. I’m sure you know what it’s like.” Jill knew bits of Emma and Ryan’s story. She would have been furious if her husband had done the things Ryan did to Emma right after his accident. Now that Jill was thinking on it, Ryan’s accident was around the time Brad Jones, Tiffany’s husband, came to her house with some of Doug’s personal effects.
“Actually, I was so distraught I became very passive. I agreed to whatever in hopes that he would change his mind about the divorce. He did, just eight years later,” Emma informed her without a hint of bitterness. There was a part of Jill that hoped Emma could relate, but it didn’t look like it.
“The day of Doug’s funeral, I approached the street that the church was on hoping to see the faces of those who loved and supported us. The flags would be waving as we had a full military guard on hand. My military family had been a lifeline to me. Anyway, as dad turned the corner, we saw exactly what we thought we would. But it was the shouting of an angry mob that came from the other side of the wall of Patriot Guard that shocked me.”
Emma took an inhale of breath in shock, “No they didn’t.”
“They did. We had about twenty-five protesters at his funeral. They shouted things like how this was punishment for killing innocent babies, and how it was God’s judgment on our military. I was so furious.
“Never did I think, when I got out of the car, that I would see the faces of some in my own congregation in that crowd. I quit trusting people in the pews after that.”
Jill had been looking down at her hands as she told her story, never looking up at Emma, until now. Her face was soaked with tears as she shook her head in disbelief.
“Oh, Jill. I am so sorry. I can’t believe anyone would do that.” Emma rapidly rose and ran from the room again.
Poor woman.
Emma came back, ready for more. “Did that also cause you to be angry with God?”
“Only on occasion did I get mad at God. One day, about a year after Doug died, I really acted out. Katie wasn’t feeling well and hadn’t slept a solid night in three days, which meant I hadn’t either. I dropped her at my mom’s and went to work, only to be let go two hours later. I was told it was lack of attentiveness to the client. That account was my only means of steady income. I was so angry with Doug and God that I went home, took all his pictures off the walls and mantle and tossed them in the fire pit. I went to the shed and grabbed the gas can and had a bonfire.”
“Yikes.” Emma’s eyes were wide again, but she didn’t dash out of the room this time.
Yikes was right. Regret filled Jill as memories of that night flooded her mind. It was not her finest moment in time. Those images of Doug could neve
r be recovered and Katie would never see the pictures of the happy times she and Doug shared. The next morning, she promised herself to never do something so rash again.
“Can I ask how you keep fed, spiritually?”
“I found this church that records the pastor’s sermon and posts it online. I’ve been listening to him for quite a while. He seems genuine and his testimony is amazing.”
“Hmm, what’s his name?”
Jill thought for a minute. She struggled with those details, maybe because she didn’t care what his name was, just what he preached.
It finally hit her, “Pastor Cross, I believe. He is from a local church if I remember reading it right.”
Emma had an odd look on her face.
“What’s that face for? Are you going to get sick again?” Jill asked.
“No, I am trying to understand you a bit. That’s all.
“Pastor Cross is a local minister. In fact, he’s mine. I can’t believe you don’t remember meeting him at the wedding. He married us.” Jill tried to recall the man, but only visions of Mike came to mind. “How about you join us Sunday and you can hear it in person. We’d be happy to have you and you won’t need to worry about any judgmental ninnies.”
For the first time since that day, the idea of walking into a church didn’t turn her stomach. “Okay, I’ll give it a try. I guess I didn’t remember because it was such a crazy day.”
“Or because you were too caught up with who we partnered you up with.” Emma tilted her head to one side and looked as if understanding of something hit her. “I know who has you distracted lately. It’s Mike, isn’t it?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jill looked at her phone for the time as the temperature rose in the room. The last person she wanted to talk about was Mike. “It looks like it’s almost time for school to get out and I have to get to the store yet.”
Jill and Emma rose together.
“I’ll let it go for now but we’ll can talk about it later,” Emma gave Jill a mischievous grin and followed it with a hug. “Thanks for coming.”
Dance and Be Glad Page 7