“Yeah. But I’ll still worry.”
I punch him in the arm as I pass to go to the box.
The night flies and I’m finally down to my last dance. He’s rude, obnoxious and drunk. Normally, these guys don’t make it back here so Jimmy must’ve missed him somehow.
“Get over here, bitch.”
I bite my tongue, but do as he asks. He can’t touch me, but I can get very close to him, if he wants.
“Shake those tits in my face.” Again, I comply. His arms snake around me so fast, I don’t have time to react. He pulls me on his lap and squeezes my breasts so hard I yelp. “Shut up, whore.,” he says as I feel the hard cold steel of a knife blade press against my chest.
Holy ferk! This has never happened. This guy’s going to assault me in the box. I do a quick calculation of how much time he has left and it’s probably close to fifteen minutes. I’m way too far from the panic button on the wall for help. If I move, he can hurt me. Bad.
“What do you want?”
He laughs. “What do you think?”
“Think about this first. You won’t get away with it. You’re the last customer. If I don’t open that door in fifteen, my bodyguard comes in. You’ll be toast either way.”
“Wrong. You and I will walk out of here together, just like two love birds.”
“They won’t buy it. I never associate with the customer.”
“Oh, they’ll buy it or that knife at your back will slide right on thru.”
“Tell me what you want.”
“Everything comes off.” This is stupid because the only thing I have on is a g-string. I slip it off.
He stands up and I back away from him. He’s drunk and I’m hoping my reflexes will save me. That panic button is my only hope but if Jimmy charges in here, either one of us could get stabbed. Ferking A.
As he stalks me, he holds the knife in one hand and unzips his pants with the other. His massive cock springs out and I gasp. “Like that don’tcha? Wait till I push this baby up your cunt and make you squeal.”
Backing into the wall, I slam my head against the button. Deciding I’d rather be stabbed than let that monster rape me, I go for it. Jimmy opens the door and everything happens at once. The guy feels my knee hit his groin and he doubles over. I feel a slight stinging in my side, but pay it no attention. Then the guy lunges at Jimmy. I scream at the top of my lungs. At this point I’m not sure where the knife is but the drunk is strong. Using my head, I keep pounding the panic button. The room erupts with all kinds of muscle as they take the drunk down. Suddenly I feel really cold so I wrap my arms around myself and that’s when I feel my side is warm and sticky. I look at my hand and see it’s covered in blood. I never did care for the sight of blood. Always made me cringe. This time, it makes me pass out cold.
Next thing I know, I’m in a hospital bed and Cara is sitting next to me, reading a People magazine.
“Well, lookie who’s awake. How do you feel?”
“What the heck is going on?”
“Sky, you got stabbed, remember?”
Oh, shiz! The drunk dude in the box! “Now I do. Is Jimmy okay?”
“He’s fine. Not a scratch.”
“Everyone else?”
“Just fine. Except that guy with the knife has a set of bruised balls on him. You kneed him something fierce.”
“Good to know.”
She pats my hand.
“What’s my damage here?”
“Nothing serious. It nicked your ribs and all. Just surface stuff. You’ll be out in another day.”
“Cool.”
“Yeah. Um, well …” she stammers.
“What?”
“Jimmy and I called Ryder.”
“You did what?” I attempt to sit up but she pushes me back down.
“Yeah. At the time, we didn’t know how serious it was. He’s kind of outside.”
“Kind of outside?” My body goes into a full-blown panic. Heart in throat. No. In stomach. Feel like puking all of a sudden. “I gotta get out of here.”
I get out of bed and Cara says, “Sky, calm down. Please.”
The floor is cold on my feet and I shiver. There’s an IV attached to my arm so I push the pole around in the tiny room.
“Sky, what are you doing?”
“I don’t know. I gotta go.” My door swings open and there he stands. One look at him and I lose it. Totally. One hundred percent. Strong arms encircle me and my head falls on his chest. I breathe in his scent and it makes me cry even harder. Why is this happening to me?
“Shhh. You’re safe here. I’ve got you.” My fists curl into his shirt and I cry uncontrollably, feeling like the fool that I am. Somehow he lifts me up and puts me back in bed, never letting me go. Tissues find their way into my hand and I sniff and wipe my nose. His hands brush my hair off my face and he looks me over, making sure I’m not hurt anywhere else. Then he lifts my gown and sees the large bandage. His lips thin and his cobalt eyes turn dark and stormy. He’s not happy about this. At all.
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more careful. I … this has never happened before and I didn’t know what to do. I should’ve been more prepared or more cautious …” His hands gently grab my shoulder and give me a little shake. My eyes meet his and they soften.
“Oh babe, this is not your fault. Do you hear me? You don’t need to be sorry. I’m sorry you got hurt and I’d like to kill the motherfucker that did this to you.”
“He’s not worth your time. Besides, I gave him blue balls with my knee.”
He chuckles. “Does this mean you’ll come stay with me again?”
Does he want me to? Can I go through this again? Can I be what he wants me to be? Probably not. I won’t ever be that girl until my mom straightens up and goes to rehab. But as long as I have to support her and her habit, I’m trapped in this rotten life of mine.
“As much as I want to say yes, you know I can’t. You hate what I am and I hate what it does to you. I’m so sorry for everything Ryder. You don’t deserve this. And you don’t deserve someone like me.”
“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it. I’m a fucking drug addict. Do you have any idea of some of the things I’ve done? The lows I’ve stooped to just to get high. No, you can’t know. So don’t pull this shit about me not deserving this. If anything, I don’t deserve you. So we’re even on that score. But let’s be real here, Skylina. Bottom line. You won’t leave your mom. You won’t force her to make that decision to give up using. To go to rehab. You enable her. You allow her to buy. Hell you give her the damn money to do it. And that’s the real issue here. Yeah, I hate the fact that other men see what only I want to see. And yeah I hate the fact that I want to be the only one you dance for. But what I hate even more than that is you’re not willing to make her give it up … or even try. She’s done her best to fuck up your life and you keep letting her to do it. You lie down and let her walk all over you. So now you know. And before you start in with the—oh you don’t know how it is. Just remember one thing. I do know how it is. Because I’ve been there myself.”
He leaves me with nothing to say because he’s right. I know it, he knows it, and he knows I know it.
“Life’s tough, Skylina. It’s not a cakewalk. It’s a fucking road paved with pieces of broken glass and half the time you’re not wearing shoes while you walk through it. But eventually your feet toughen up and it gets easier and easier. Call me when you’re ready to do something about your mom. I can help with that. That’s the one thing I do know something about. That and my feelings for you.”
He kisses my forehead and walks out of the room, leaving me with my turbulent thoughts and my body twisted with emotion. The sound of the squeaking door makes my head jerk up. Has he changed his mind? My heart crashes to the floor when I see it’s Cara walking back in.
“I heard everything. He’s right, you know.”
“Yes, damn it! I know he’s ferking right! All of you are right! What more do you want from me?”<
br />
“It’s not what we want, Sky. It’s what you want. Do you really want to go through life, carrying on like this? Shit, girl, look at yourself. You’re so in love with that guy it’s ridiculous. How long is it going to take before you admit that? And then the question is how long can you keep up the pretense with your clients? J.D.’s already busted on you. He’s not gonna keep letting you get away with it. It’s gonna crash down around you sooner or later.”
“What can I do?”
“Well, for one, get pissed off at that bitch that birthed you. She should’ve taken care of you, instead of the other way around. Let her know you’re through. Then get a legit job. Go to school. And dance. Dance your fucking heart out. That’s what you wanna do anyway. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do. You’ve got the damn talent. Go for it!”
The next morning, after a sleepless night, the doctor comes and examines me. He proclaims that I’m free to go home. The stitches will need to be removed in a week to ten days but other than that, I’m good as gold. It takes forever for them to complete my paperwork, but a nurse shows up in my room with a wheelchair.
“What’s that for?”
“Hospital policy.”
“But I can walk.”
She shrugs so I get in and she wheels me to the entrance. Talk about feeling goofy. She deposits me outside the hospital doors, where I stand and start walking home. What a load of crap rule is that?
My apartment is only ten blocks from the hospital so I decide to hoof it all the way. I only make it a couple of blocks when I hear that sexy voice that sends chills down my spine.
“You sure you’re okay to be walking this far? I was just on my way to see you.”
He strides right next to me. “I’m fine, Ryder. Really. And yeah, they released me.”
He must think I’m weak because he picks up my arm and tucks it into the crook of his own. “Are you in any pain?”
“Not really. Just a little sore.”
He doesn’t say anything for a little bit but then, “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you yesterday.”
“Don’t be. You’re right. We both know it.”
“Still … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. Especially right after you were attacked. That was wrong of me.”
“’S’okay. You made me think. Fact is, I haven’t slept a wink all night. Part of me is afraid to talk to her for fear of what she’ll do to herself. But the other part of the issue is that she’s mean, Ryder.”
“What’re you saying? Does she hit you?”
“She tries, but it’s nothing I can’t control. But that’s not what I meant. She’s mean and won’t listen. She shuts down.”
“Oh, don’t I know that well. She doesn’t want to hear the truth of it all. That’s why she’s doing it. I can help.”
“Thanks. But I need to try this by myself first. If she won’t come around on her own, I may take you up on it.”
“Okay. You know where to find me, Skylina. Anytime, day or night.”
He leaves me at the entrance to the run down building that I call home. My dread of being back here increases with each step I take. But this has to be done. I can’t go on like this. My life is every bit as important as hers and if I don’t do this, neither one of us will have a life left to live.
TEN
Ryder
She walks up the steps as I stand there and watch. Fists clenched by my side, I can’t bring myself to walk away. My phone buzzes and pulls me out of my trance. It’s Case.
“Hey, man. Where are you?”
“Just walked Skylina home.”
“They released her attacker. On some technicality.”
“What? You’ve gotta be kidding me? There were several witnesses. He tried to rape her. He fucking stabbed her.”
“Calm down, man. I know what he did. Don’t shoot the messenger. I just wanted you to know.”
“Find out where he lives.”
“Oh man. Don’t go there, Ryder. You could end up in prison.”
“Case. I know what I’m doing. Find his address. If you don’t, I’ll get someone else to.”
“Shit, man. You’re always backing me up against a wall.”
“That fuck will do this again. You know he will. I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t. That’s all.”
“Goddammit.”
Fucking court system. Always protecting the criminals. That’s why I’m going to law school. I’m going to make things change … in favor of the victims. I don’t care what I have to do, or how long it takes. It shouldn’t take a year for these violent offenders to go to trial. Or for a rapist to be set free. This is bullshit.
I hurry to class because I have a full schedule today. My goals have changed since last year. When I started classes, I waffled through the process, not having any idea of what I wanted to do. Everything’s different now. There’s a burning desire in my gut to do something. To make a difference. And I’m going to make that happen.
Case texts me later that afternoon with an addy on my buddy. After I hit the library and complete my studies for the night, I check out his place. He lives in a not-so-nice part of Brooklyn. He’s easy to track. He’s not subtle about how he dresses. Flashy. White flat brimmed ball cap. White T-shirt with black lettering. Baggy jeans. Gold chains. White tennis shoes. Swaggers. Thinks he’s hot shit. That’s about to come to an end.
He walks for a couple of blocks and I tail him. When he turns the corner is when I strike. He’s on a deserted street; it’s dark with no one around. I shove him into an empty doorway, face first, and handcuff him. Then I put a burlap sack over his head and commence to beat the crap out of him. My fist connects with his cheek and I feel the resistance of bone. That’s not going to stop me. This man becomes my punching bag. I’m on automatic: jab, cross, hook, uppercut. Bones crunch beneath my gloved fists. His breath rasps, and I stop right before he loses consciousness.
“Don’t ever attempt to rape another woman, or the next time, I’ll cut your balls off and shove ‘em down your throat.”
He slumps against the wall as I remove the handcuffs and walk away. As soon as I’m home, I ice my hands, but the gloves helped with the prevention of swelling and bruising. My friend will be hurting for days after this. Hopefully, the next time he thinks about hurting a woman, he’ll think about this beating first.
NA meets every night. When I first started, I used to go every night. I don’t anymore. Now I go whenever I need it. Lately, my attendance has increased. Case mentioned that his most crucial time was at the eighteenth month. Mine seems to be at the thirteenth. Thoughts of Skylina have me messed up. Some days I want to use so bad I can even taste the bitterness of the coke on the back of my tongue. I can feel the tang of the crack when I inhale. And the smell of weed. Just to have that numbing effect fill my body makes me go crazy with need. I live on the edge all the time. Spending three or four hours in the gym isn’t helping any more. My legs are constantly in motion. Thump, thump, thump.
When I walk in, Dot heads me off and shoves me in the corner. “You look like shit.”
She never was one for beating around the bush. Always went straight for the kill.
“Oh, hi Dot. Nice to see you, too.”
“Dude, what are you doing? Getting ready for Mr. America? You look like an animal.”
“Fuck off. I remember a time when you gave me shit for not working hard enough.”
“Yeah, well, that’s when you were acting like a pussy. Seriously, what’s going on with you? You’re not using, are you?”
My breath whistles as I blow it out between my tightened lips. “No. And if I ever get to that point, I promise I’ll call you and Case first.”
“You know I really do care about you, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You need to talk to someone. Here.”
She crams a sticky note in my hand. I look at her and shake my head.
“Not this again?”
“Hey, look what happened last time.”
/>
“Did Case put you up to this?”
“Maybe. But what if he did? He only has your best interests at heart.”
“I’m not interested in that psychobabble bullshit.”
“Ryder, she’s good. Really good. I wouldn’t tell you to call her otherwise.”
“She? So she’s gonna dig around into my head and all that shit? I don’t know about that.”
“Why do you have to be such a dick? It’s not like that. Just go talk to her. Once. Then if you don’t like her, call it a day. Please. I’m asking you to do this for Case and me.”
“Okay. One time.”
Dot smiles. What the hell did I just agree to? Now I’m going to have some shrink rooting around in my head, making me feel all sorts of shit I don’t want to feel. Damn Dot and her meddling.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she says.
How does she do that? She should’ve been the damn shrink. I head to the coffee pot. Her voice hits me from right over my shoulder.
“And stay away from that caffeine. You look like you just hit the meth pipe.”
My head swivels around and I shoot her the nastiest look I own.
“Sorry, but it’s the truth.” And she walks away.
My hand automatically reaches for a bottled water instead.
That night, as I lay in bed, insomnia suffocates me. Thoughts of Skylina and how she lives tear into me. It’s so disturbing, I end up pacing most of the night. When eight a.m. hits, I tap in the numbers for Dr. Gabriella Martinelli.
A soft voice answers and I ask to make an appointment. She must hear the desperation in my tone, so she sets it for that afternoon. It surprises me that I’m able to get in that quickly, but I’m thankful. After I shower, I head to class.
At three, I’m sitting in Dr. Martinelli’s office. When her door opens and she calls me in, I’m surprised at how young she appears. She laughs and says, “I can tell by that look on your face, you’re surprised, Mr. Christiansen. I suppose you expected some bespectacled old woman?”
Dirty Nights Page 14