‘You know what I mean.’
‘No, the problem here is that I don’t know what you mean. One minute I’m in your bed and you’re telling me you never want the moment to end, the next you’re saying you made a mistake and you don’t want to be with me. Now you’re saying that was a mistake? Put yourself in my shoes, Kat. It’s like trying to date Dr Jekyll.’
I stare down at my cup as tears press against my eyes. He’s right. I’ve messed him about too much. Coming here was a huge mistake and I can’t blame him for being confused. I’m confusing myself. I sip my coffee. It’s too hot. It scorches the back of my throat, causing me enough pain that a tear I’d been holding on to escapes and rolls down my cheek.
‘Don’t cry.’ Jay reaches across the table and takes my hand. ‘It’s all just a lot to process. Just when I thought I understood you, I realised I didn’t know a bloody thing. I thought I’d finally found someone who got me, Kat; someone I could trust. You blindsided me back in Tenerife and now you’re doing it again.’
I swallow some water to push down the painful ball in my throat and pick up my bag. ‘I know, I’m sorry.’
I scramble around for my purse but my tiny bag is packed so tightly that it’s wedged in and I can’t get it out. ‘Stupid bloody thing.’
‘These drinks are on me.’ Jay gently removes my hand from my bag.
‘Thank you,’ I say, looking into his eyes. ‘I’m going to go.’
‘You don’t have to go. Finish your drink. Your gut reaction doesn’t have to be to push back when things get a little bit awkward.’
‘I know, I just thought …’ I don’t know what I thought. I don’t know what I’m doing here messing Jay about again.
‘I did love you, you know.’ The past tense hurts. ‘It’s been hard being here, adjusting to a new life, being back on the path of being a single guy enjoying the life that I thought I would have all along, but I have now … adjusted, I mean.’
A pain sears my gut. ‘I understand and I don’t want to ruin everything for you, so for that reason, I am going to go. Thank you for the coffee.’
I hurry out of the restaurant, back past the beautiful displays in the botanical gardens and out of the hotel. That’s how far I get before the tears come, thick and fast. People stare at me as I make my way back to the Strip. A kind lady with a Southern accent asks if I’m okay and if there’s anything she can help me with, but I can’t speak. I shake my head and force a smile of thanks before continuing on my way back to the Flamingo. When I get to the bridge, I turn to climb the steps and knock into a woman carrying a McDonald’s cup. The drink goes everywhere. Her nostrils flare. She looks like she’s about to lay into me.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say. When her eyes meet mine, her face softens. I dread to think what I look like.
‘It’s all right, honey. Just be careful.’
When did I transition into that person who screws everything up?
Chapter 43
When I’m halfway across the bridge, I stop. I’m doing it again. I’m running away at the first sign of awkwardness. Andrea’s words buzz around my head:
Show him you can be trusted.
Prove you’re there to stay.
I think back to what my mum said about listening and I did listen. I heard him loud and clear. I broke his heart.
Did I listen?
Relationships take work, even the good ones.
‘Oh God.’ What the hell am I doing?
I run back over the bridge towards the Bellagio. I collide with the doors and burst into the foyer before sprinting towards the café. Jay has just walked out.
‘Wait,’ I shout. Several people turn around but he doesn’t. I carry on running until I’m close enough I can touch his shoulder.
When he turns it’s a moment before he realises it’s me and when he does, he looks dazed like he’s in shock but I press on regardless. ‘I’m not leaving you,’ I say, panting. I double over and rest my hands on my knees to try and catch my breath. ‘Running away is exactly what I’ve been doing wrong so here I am, running … to … you.’ I almost cringe at how cheesy that sounds but his mouth curls up into a grin.
‘Jay, I’m not going to let Iain control me anymore. You were right; you listened to me and everything you said was true. If I can’t trust you, I can’t trust anyone.’
‘I’ve never seen you run before – you must have it bad!’ His mouth curls up again and it gives me hope.
‘I meant it when I said that all the stupid things I did were to protect us both but all I’ve done is cause us both a great deal of misery and pain. Listen, I have no idea how this will work. We live thousands of miles apart and you’re a big star now, but if you want to give it a go, I’m done pushing people away. If you’ll have me, I’m yours.’
He takes my hands in his and looks me in the eyes. I melt into them. ‘I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that, Kat.’
He leans forwards and places his soft, warm lips on mine and my body fizzes with delight. As he kisses me, the buzz of colour, people and lights spin around me – like I’m suspended in a parallel reality from which I’ve no desire to return. Then he pulls away, planting three little kisses on my nose as he does.
‘Let’s go out after dinner tonight. It can be our first official date as a couple – no more secrets.’
‘I’d love to,’ I say.
Chapter 44
‘Jay has spent the past month pining for you, Kat. He wouldn’t come out and have fun – he performs and goes to bed. He doesn’t come to the pool on our days off or anything,’ Sammy says.
‘He’s been an all-round miserable git,’ Marcus says. ‘We were going to send him back to Tenerife! You came in the nick of time, Kat.’
‘He’s missed you, love.’ Paul covers my hand with his.
‘Shut up you lot, you’ll find out what it’s like to love someone when you grow up,’ Jay says and we all laugh.
‘Now, let’s order some drinks.’ Ant does a mini drumroll on the table.
As we’re tucking into our food, I look up and catch two brown eyes looking at me. My body fills with warmth and I know this is how I want to feel always.
When the meal is finished, I film a short video of the boys saying hi to Simon’s wife and send it to him. It should earn him a few brownie points and it’s the least I can do after he helped get me through my flight here. After that, Jay and I head for a walk. There are some childish wolf whistles as we leave and I find myself grinning uncontrollably.
‘We might make the last fountain show of the night if we hurry,’ he says.
We speed-walk to the Bellagio next door and find a vantage point just as the show is starting. The tin whistle of the Titanic theme tune begins, and despite the warm temperature, a shiver runs down my spine. The fountains start to gently sway like a slow Mexican wave, and to be brutally honest, they’re disappointingly small.
‘It’s a bit like the waves at sea,’ I whisper, but I don’t know if Jay is listening to me. His eyes are glistening.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask a little louder.
‘It’s this bloody song. It gets me every time,’ he says, dabbing the corner of his eye. I giggle.
‘Only a monster can get through this song without getting emotional,’ he says when he notices my laughter. He pulls me close and kisses the top of my head.
As the song moves into the second verse, the jets propel the water higher into the air and Jay squeezes me tighter and my whole right-hand side tingles with the warm fizz of electricity.
As the chorus builds again and Celine Dion adds even more power to her voice, the fountains erupt into the air higher than I ever could have imagined. I gasp and tears prick my own eyes.
‘There you go.’ Jay bumps me playfully with his hip.
As the song ends and the fountains fade into the lake I get a wave of sadness. It’s everything: the Titanic, the happiness of being with Jay and the realisation that I’ll have to go back to Tenerife without him.
As the crowd disperses, we’re left as alone as you can be on the Las Vegas Strip, by the blue-black water. The warm lighting of the Bellagio’s bars and restaurants glitter on the far side and the sound of traffic comes from behind us.
‘I love you, Kat.’ Jay’s words come from nowhere and fill me with warmth.
‘I love you too. I know that now,’ I say softly, standing on my tiptoes to plant my lips on his.
‘Mmm. I could get used to that,’ he says, making me smile. I feel like the Cheshire cat.
‘How will this work?’ I say, unable to shift the concerns I have about the thousands of miles between us.
‘Things are complicated now. I’m locked into my contract for almost another five months.’
My heart sinks. ‘I know.’
‘I won’t re-sign after the next five months are up but I need to know it’s real this time. I can’t walk away from what I have here only to find in a couple of months you’ve had a wobble again and decided to call it off – I need you to promise.’
‘I know, I understand. You’d be taking a chance on me and my track record is awful.’
‘I’ll say.’ His eyes glint mischievously.
‘All right! I’m trying here.’ I prod him in his side playfully.
‘How about we stop trying, and start doing?’ He intertwines his fingers with mine and pulls me into his big frame. I look up into those soft chestnut eyes and melt into the shape of him. How was I ever scared of this?
‘I don’t know what the right thing for us to do is, but I know what feels right, and it’s this.’ He leans down and I tilt my head up and our lips meet. Sparks erupt through my body as we find our familiar rhythm.
‘Get a room,’ some lad with a giant sippy cup says as he walks past.
Jay laughs and rests his forehead on mine. ‘Shall we get out of here?’
‘I’m just over the road if you want to come back to my room?’ I ask as Jay raises his eyebrows in mock hopefulness. I thump his chest playfully.
‘I didn’t mean for that but maybe we could do that.’
***
The sky outside is a soft grey-blue. The sun isn’t up yet but it must be peeking over the horizon somewhere. I’m lying on the super-king-sized bed wrapped in Jay’s sizeable biceps and I could stay here forever. Our bodies are warm and naked beneath the covers and it feels right.
The mattress compresses as he lifts his head and kisses me on the cheek.
‘You’re awake?’
‘Couldn’t sleep.’ I snuggle into him.
‘I hope you’re not worrying again.’ I don’t blame him for thinking that.
‘I’m just happy.’
He kisses me on the head.
‘So what do we do now?’ I ask. ‘You’ve still got five months left on your contract here and I don’t have the money or visa to stay here.’
‘You could stay here for three months and live at my place,’ he says.
‘I can’t do that. I want to earn my own money and I can’t work here.’
He kisses me on the head. ‘Five months isn’t that long. You can come and visit again. I can see to the tickets.’
‘Jay, I don’t want you paying to keep flying me around the world like a high-class escort.’
He laughs softly. ‘Listen, we have the rest of the week together. I’m going to take you to the Grand Canyon and the best restaurants in town. Let’s enjoy this time and then we can figure out the next five months.’
I snuggle into his chest and listen to the slow, rhythmic beat of his heart. ‘I like the sound of that.’
Epilogue
‘I’ve missed this magician,’ Jay says, pulling me into a seat near the stage.
‘I can’t believe I waited five months for you to come back and you’ve brought me to watch Magica on our only night off,’ I tease.
‘Oh, come on. He’s had months of practice since we last saw him. Besides, you’ve had me for three months now – it’s time to spice things up.’ He winks at me and I shake my head. We’ve been working seven days a week since Jay got back, trying to get our entertainment agency off the ground. It’s been tough but we’re starting to get somewhere. We have some fantastic acts now too, which makes our night with Magica even stranger.
I glance around the small cabaret lounge at the Sunseeker Life hotel in Costa Adeje and am not surprised to see we’re the only ones in here. ‘At least we won’t be fighting for table service.’
I raise my hand to grab the attention of the waiter and order us two mojitos each, since it’s happy hour.
The magician appears on stage, dressed in all his highly flammable livery.
‘Ooh, the cape is swirling,’ I say with mock excitement in my tone. Jay shakes his head. ‘Sorry,’ I whisper.
There’s a loud bang, followed by some smoke, and Magica’s hat appears from nowhere.
‘Okay, that was pretty good.’
He pulls out a string of handkerchiefs as our cocktails arrive. As I’m taking my first sip, Magica points at me.
‘Oh God, audience participation,’ I whisper to Jay.
‘Just go with it.’
Mr Magica asks me to pick a card and show it to the audience (Jay) before hiding it on my person. He then proceeds to prance about with the rest of the cards and does some elaborate arm wafting before splitting the deck.
‘Is this your card?’
I glance at the eight of diamonds with shock. ‘Yes, yes it was.’
I pat myself down as I walk back to my seat but I can’t find the one I tucked in the back of my waistband. I’m sure he didn’t come anywhere near me.
‘You’re right. He’s improved,’ I say to Jay. ‘But I think I preferred him when he was one iguana short of a reptile house.’
Magica leaps off the stage and holds his hat out to me.
‘Me again,’ I whisper to Jay. ‘I swear, if he makes me pull a live animal out of that thing I’ll scream.’
I look to Jay, expecting to see him smiling, but his face is deadpan and his jaw hard-set. I hope I haven’t spoilt his night. His eyes are fixed on the magician and now I feel bad for spoiling the show. Magica’s hat explodes with a bang, and when the smoke disappears, a mini hat sits in its place in his hands. He gestures for me to pull out whatever is inside.
I put my hands in and fish around before grasping something small and round with a hard lump on it. I pull it out. It’s a shiny diamond-looking ring. At least it isn’t an iguana.
Confused, I look to Jay to see if he’s also bamboozled. I’m in complete shock when I see that Jay is down on one knee, looking at me with expectant eyes. The music changes from the upbeat cheese Magica had on, to something soft and instrumental. Magica swirls his cape and vanishes (by quickly scurrying behind the curtain, not by some amazing magic trick).
Jay takes my hand in his. ‘Kat, I don’t know if this is the best way to ask, but I played out all sorts of scenarios in my head, from the most simple to the outrageously wild and, well, this seemed the most fitting.’
He rubs his thumb across the bumps of my knuckles.
‘Anyway, when I stepped off the plane and landed back in Tenerife, I knew I needed a new life. The UK wasn’t working out for me because I couldn’t escape my past there and there was always something missing in Las Vegas. Tenerife is my ‘just right’ and that’s because of you, Kat. You know my past and have accepted me anyway. You’ve accepted me as the person I am today, and I wake up every morning wondering why this beautiful, kind, caring woman is with me. I love you, Kat, and I want to wake up next to you every morning until that final day where I don’t wake up at all.’
I swallow hard. I’m ready.
‘Katelyn Shepherd, will you marry me?’
I look down at the man who is all I want in this world, and my whole torso feels like it’s filled with helium. Emotion courses through me and erupts in the form of watery eyes.
‘Yes.’ I kneel down too. ‘A thousand times, yes.’
He pulls me in and kiss
es me as my heart feels like it might burst.
After a few moments, he pulls away. ‘I almost forgot.’
He slides the ring on my finger. It’s a platinum or white gold band with a pretty cushion-cut diamond that picks up the colours of the stage lighting and refracts it in tiny rainbow beams.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I whisper through my damp salty lips.
‘I had a little help choosing, in the form of an outspoken Spaniard with expensive taste.’
I laugh. ‘Andrea is a good egg.’
‘I don’t know that Barclaycard will agree,’ he says, kissing me again. ‘I’m teasing. I thought it was perfect and Andrea simply agreed.’
‘Well, I love it.’
‘Sorry, but can I take a picture of you showing off the ring? It’s for my mum. She’s desperate to know what you said.’
‘Yes!’ I squeal excitedly. ‘Take as many photos as possible. Send it to my mum too,’ I say, already trying out different poses. When he’s sent several pictures, he takes me by the hand.
‘Come on, I have a surprise for you.’
‘I think the whole proposal is supposed to be the surprise,’ I say as he takes my hand and leads me out to the pool area. We walk through an access gate onto the beach and he leads me to one of the hotel’s Bali beds. A bottle of champagne sits in an ice bucket, and rose petals are scattered on the white cushions, upon which is a silver tray holding chocolate-covered strawberries.
‘It was going to be my commiseration corner if you said no, but we’ll use it to celebrate instead.’ He winks.
I take a strawberry and listen to the crashing of the waves as Jay pops the champagne cork. ‘This is perfect.’
‘You’re perfect.’ He places his lips on mine.
I get a shiver.
Jay’s phone buzzes. Whilst he checks his messages, I lean across and finish pouring the champagne.
‘I hope it’s someone important. Don’t they know you’re busy?’ I tease.
He ignores me and raises his glass. ‘To us.’
‘Cheers, to us,’ I echo.
We lie back on the bed as the white voile drapes billow in the breeze. Above us, the sooty sky is dotted with stars that are actually twinkling. It could be that my eyes are still a little watery, but the whole moment is perfect.
Sun, Sea and Sangria Page 26