by Alice Ward
Opening the door to the helicopter, Noah invited me in. “Sit in here where it’s warmer, away from the breeze.”
“I don’t feel like flying around.”
“We’re not.”
Begrudgingly, I did as he instructed, but only for Corey’s sake. After sending my resignation, I never imagined I’d be in the helicopter again so soon. Settling into a seat, I had nothing to contribute except my despair, so I waited for him to say more.
“After being diagnosed, Corey was never really the same, transitioning from being rather focused and content to rebelling against anything and anyone who tried to hold him back from living a normal life. This manifested more so after we graduated from high school and began our adult lives. Instead of going to college, he began his travels. I don’t believe he started off trying to save wildlife. He just wanted to experience life, and the rest fell into place for him later. Maybe he perceives a vulnerability in the animals that he also sees in himself.”
“I think it goes much deeper than that. It’s in the blood. You both are very charitable people. Are your parents like that?”
“Only to be social. If what you suggest is true, then the influence was our nanny. She didn’t make grand donations or lecture about the travesty of others, but her love showed us the good that was in the world.”
“That’s why you’re constantly looking over his shoulder,” I reflected, seeing the bigger picture. “You’re worried about him. In fact, you’re so worried about him that you’ve dedicated your entire life to building fancy new technologies. That’s why the nanorobotics is so important to you, and why you were so nervous to present it at the World Science Convention. You believe the little machines can repair his heart.”
“Yes,” Noah admitted. “I have designated a majority of my resources on nanotechnology with the objective that it could save my brother and others. The medical community has expressed their approval, and human trials will begin soon, but it will be awhile before the science is safe enough to use within a human heart. To begin, the robots will be injected into those with terminal cancers, where nanotechnology is their last chance of survival. It will also be used to repair superficial injuries, like skin with third degree burns.”
“How long do you predict before Corey could benefit from the technology?”
“Years. Maybe a decade.”
My heart squeezed. “Will he make it that long?”
“It depends on his lifestyle. When you have a weak heart, you’re not supposed to run around as a vigilante. Rest is important. As is balance. No extreme heat. No extreme cold.”
“So pretty much the exact opposite of everything Corey has been doing,” I acknowledged, troubled to know that the reason Corey lived on the edge was because he was so close to death.
“He should be home in Chicago living a peaceful life.”
“I think Corey has found his own version of peace,” I countered, though I was as concerned as Noah. “He’s happy when he’s roaming, defying boundaries.”
“He was, but now he’s come home to be with you.” Anguish, as thin as it was, crippled his handsome face, but he was resolute.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. What he claimed was true, but it irritated me, mostly because it was Noah saying it. “I’m not bait,” I retorted. “Just because I once had feelings for your brother doesn’t mean I’ll pretend to love him just to anchor him down.”
“I saw the connection between you two when you returned to the estate after gallivanting across the countryside. You care for him.”
“Of course I do. I have a lot of gratitude towards Corey, mostly because he led me to you, the man I actually love.”
Noah seemed startled by my confession, but ecstatically so. His eyes lit up and a grin tugged at the corner of his lips, which the tyrant in him tried to repress. I watched the battle unfold until his joy was stifled out. “Then we’re at a crossroads, because I would do anything to save my brother. He’s the only family I have that counts.”
“I don’t count?” I challenged. “Nothing I want matters?”
Losing his composure, Noah ran an unsteady hand through his hair. “Of course you count. You’ve counted since the moment I read through your file, and more so since the day I saw you in your blue dress and cardigan.” His eyes dropped down to the cardigan I wore now, and he looked as if he wanted to reach out and touch it, as if it were a fond memory he wanted to hold onto. “But I can’t choose you over my brother.”
“You don’t have to,” I said earnestly, pleading. “It’s not a matter of picking one of us over the other. Corey and I are buddies, but we’re not lovers. Our friendship is the connection we share. In time, he’ll understand.”
“Yes, when he’s back chasing poachers down with the barrel of a gun. He didn’t come all the way home to be your friend. A future with you is what brought him back and is what will keep him here.”
“You have too much faith in me,” I nearly shouted. “Corey already has plans to travel again. His return isn’t a plan to settle down here. It’s a pit stop. Grab the girl and go.”
None of what I said deterred Noah. “That’s why I’d like to offer you a position as the head of the new environmental department. Your role will be to assess the impact Stafford Scientific has on the oceans and rainforests.”
It would have been a lot more exciting if the promotion came by merit, not because I was being used as a puppet by Noah, the man I had once trusted with my life. Not anymore. He didn’t think of me or my happiness, like he once had. Blinded by the one person he couldn’t control, he was willing to manipulate my dreams to suit his own will.
“That sounds like it involves a lot of traveling. Isn’t that counterproductive?”
“If my brother must wander, it provides him with the opportunity to do so in a much safer setting. No guns. No poachers.”
“Meaning you choose where he goes and what he does once he’s there. Corey’s intelligent. In some ways, more so than you. Don’t kid yourself. He’ll see right through it.”
“Not if he thinks he’s doing good.” His eyes locking onto mine, blazing with a new kind of seduction, he took my hand. It was familiar, a strength to brace myself against. “Please, Imogen. Do this for Corey.”
“Is it really over between us?” I asked, the words trembling from between my lips. “Will you deny us both the love we have for each other? Will you deny yourself your own happiness?”
Flinching, as if I’d struck him, Noah immediately retracted his hand. “I don’t… Imogen, I have….” He inhaled and put on his mask of indifference. “I lied when I said my company was my priority. I founded the company to save my brother. He’s my priority.”
Heartbroken, I shook my head, holding back tears. “I can offer Corey my friendship. And I’ll do my best to influence him to make better decisions. I’ll even travel with him, if he asks. Keep him safe. But I won’t accept your miserable promotion, nor will I pretend to love a man I don’t.”
“And what if your feelings for him return?” he asked coolly.
“That’s none of your business,” I declared, reaching out to open the door. “You no longer have any authority over my feelings.”
***
At Stafford Estate the next morning, when I returned by taxi to pick up my car, Corey waited with two sets of hang gliders spread out across the front lawn, like birds fallen from the sky. My chest tightened. Before my conversation with Noah, I would have been frightened for my own personal reasons, but now I was concerned for Corey as well.
“Please tell me you’re fixing those for a friend,” I said, joining him in front of the death traps.
“You’re the only friend I have here,” he said shamelessly. “I’ve done it a few times. You’ll love it. There’s no sense of freedom like it.”
“I don’t know how,” I argued, taking a step away.
“We’ll be attached to the same glider together. The other is a spare.”
I frowned. “If we require a spare, we
won’t be around to use it. Anyway, there are no mountains in Chicago.”
He looked towards the city in the distance, grinning like a boy about to kick a bucket over. “But there are skyscrapers.”
I gaped at him. “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”
“So?” Corey dared me, enticing me with a wicked smile that promised utter exhilaration.
“Not in this lifetime,” I returned. “Crash landing into the side of a building is not my idea of fun.”
“Not even if I crash landed with you?” Corey asked with a throatiness that made me doubt he spoke of the gliders.
It brought me back to Thailand, when we had said our goodbyes. After nearly tearing each other’s clothes off in the lake near the waterfall, Corey had driven me back to my hotel, but he couldn’t stay, not with those at the reserve waiting for him, in pursuit of the poachers.
Leaning against his bike, he had pulled me close, clutching me in his arms so tightly I could feel his pulse beat through me. Pressing his forehead against mine, he whispered, “I can’t let go of you.”
“Then don’t,” I’d murmured, blissfully smothered. “Stay with me.”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m afraid that after I leave, I’ll never see you again.”
“You’ll find me,” I told him. “I trust that you will.”
“I already have,” he proclaimed, lifting my chin. “I’ve been waiting a long time, and now you’re here.”
“So really, I found you,” I teased, lost in the jungle of his eyes, burning in their heat.
“There’s no way I can keep you here?” he asked, the warmth of his breath on my face.
“I have to go, as much as you have to stay, but I’ll wait for you, Corey. All you have to do is come.”
Rapaciously, he’d seized my mouth, his lips bruising my own with their devotion. Throwing my arms around his neck, I’d kissed him back with the same achy neediness, a fire spreading through my core to my heart. It had happened with reckless abandon, but there was a bond between us, shattering both our lives.
Biting my lip, I slowly pulled away, knowing he had to go. “Until next time,” I said, my hands trembling against his hard chest.
“Next time, there will be no goodbyes,” he swore. “I won’t be foolish enough to let you out of my sight again.”
“I hope so.”
Kissing my hands, he held them close, hesitant to let go. When he finally did, they felt cold without him. With a profound sadness, I’d watched him drive away, back to the reserve, unknowing of the sweet danger he was about to put me in, that danger being Noah.
“How about we do something just as fun but a lot less deadly?” I schemed, returning to the present.
“You have my attention.”
“I want that tattoo,” I attested, silently freaking out inside. “Do you know any good places to get it done?”
“I’ll take you to where I got my very first tattoo,” he decided, his eyes sparkling. “It was right after high school. I got a shark on my shoulder.” Ripping his T-shirt off, he showed me.
I’d seen it before. Corey rarely wore a shirt in Thailand. Tracing it with my finger, I asked, “Why a shark?”
“Because I never move backward, only forward.” He grinned and snapped those perfect teeth together. “And I bite, but only in the best way possible.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
Shortly after, we were in the city crisscrossing through traffic on his bike. In the jungle, with his tattoos and maverick lifestyle, Corey was a rogue, but amongst the sleek skyscrapers, he was dangerous, a man walking the line. Captivated by his rugged obstinacy, my old feelings were clawing their way out of the hole I’d buried them in. I was attracted to Corey. I craved his brand of danger. If I told myself otherwise, I’d be lying.
In a district of the city shadowed by the taller buildings and covered in graffiti and grime, Corey parked his bike and led me into a tattoo parlor that, from the outside, made me want to spray disinfectant all over my body, but was surprisingly sterile within.
“Show us feather samples,” Corey said brusquely to a woman behind the counter, whose head was completely shaved.
“Since you asked so nicely,” she sniped, sliding a book towards him.
Don’t piss off the person marking me for life, I silently begged Corey.
Glancing over the counter at a chair that looked like it belonged in a dentist’s office, apprehension seized me. I was about to get a tattoo. It was permanent, and it would hurt. Why? Just so Corey didn’t go jump off a building? I couldn’t sell my body out so unnecessarily.
Taking a quiet deep breath, I searched inwardly, and I was surprised by what I found. I did want this, but not because of Corey. As discussed at the biker bar, it was for my mother, my tribute and my forgiveness to her.
“What about this one?” he asked, signaling to a brown feather with black tips. From its stem hung a string of turquoise beads, giving it a very Native American vibe.
“Perfect,” I said, falling in love with it instantly. “Where should I get it?”
“Here,” Corey said, brushing my hair away from my neck and lightly caressing the skin behind my ear.
“Okay,” I whispered, breathless.
“And I’ll get it here,” he said, pointing to a spot on his abs above a motif of a wolf standing in the woods.
“You’re getting the same tattoo?” It made me happy to know we’d be sharing the experience together.
“It’s a great tattoo,” he explained, though I knew there was more to it than that. He couldn’t hide the yearning that saturated his eyes.
My phone buzzed, and I sighed, reading the message. “Your brother wants to have dinner with us.”
“When?”
“Tonight. At the estate. He says he’s already sent the cooks in to prepare the meal.”
“His way of forcing me to agree,” Corey said with transparent frustration.
“It’s a good idea,” I resolved. “He’s your brother. He loves you.”
Corey didn’t respond.
“You can decide later,” I said, forcing myself to look cheerful. “I’m ready to get inked.”
The woman took us behind the counter. “Who’s up first?” she asked. “It’s only me here today.”
“That’s better for us,” Corey said. “I want the feathers to be exactly alike.”
“Sure thing. How about the girl goes first, before she wets herself?”
I scowled, but emboldened by her words, I gathered my confidence and plopped down on the chair. “I’m braver than I look.”
“We’ll see,” she smirked.
After I showed her where I wanted the tattoo to go, she rubbed alcohol behind my ear, prepping my skin for the continuous drilling of the needle.
“You picked one of the most painful places to get inked,” she revealed as she stenciled the design on. “Hold onto that courage. Once you’re marked, it’s for life.”
“That’s the point,” I said but squeezed my eyes shut.
“You can handle this,” Corey said, taking my hand and holding it firmly in his.
The needle touched my skin. “Oh my holy bingo,” I screeched. It hurt. A lot. But I breathed through the pain, taking comfort that Corey was here with me, and soon it was over.
The woman held a mirror up. “What do you think?”
“Beautiful,” I said, touching it lightly though it was sore. “I’m sure my mother would have loved it.”
***
Across the dinner table, Noah kept staring at the bandage on my neck, but not with disapproval. More like intrigue. He hadn’t asked about it, but he must have known it was a new tattoo. If he’d thought I was injured, that I’d participated in anything risky with Corey, neither of us would have heard the end of it.
Unbearable silence filled the room as we picked at a roast dinner. Awkwardly, I looked around at the honey-colored walls and up at the brass chandelier where candles, not lights, were aflame. I hadn’t painted in thi
s room, but I had cleaned the walls and polished the trimmings.
“You did a good job,” Noah praised, breaking the tension as he read my thoughts. “I never thanked you properly for the gift you’ve given my brother and me. We never should have let the manor fall into ruin.”
“You did that on your own,” Corey pounced.
Noah barely reacted, only to say, “Your absence was as equally wrongful as my neglect. The responsibility of this manor is shared.”
I agreed with Noah, but I didn’t dare say so to Corey. “Peter helped,” I told him instead. “More accurately, his girlfriend did, but he pulled a few weeds.”
“I’ll make sure I reward him,” Noah pledged.
Corey dropped his fork, seemingly irritated by the conversation. “Get to the point, brother. Why are we here?”
“Corey…” I admonished, but I held my tongue. This was between them. I wasn’t even really sure what I was doing there.
Sipping his water, Noah took a minute before he began. “I offered Imogen a role as head of my environmental department, but she declined, so I’d like to offer the same position to you. It involves travel. You’ll be doing good deeds. And the annual salary is much more than you have left in your trust fund.”
Furious, Corey pounded his fists against the table. “God, Noah, you really don’t get it, do you? I travel because I like it, but the reason I never come home is because of you. Ever since I spent that year in the hospital when we were boys, you’ve been trying to rope me into a corral. I don’t need a keeper, Noah. I need a brother. Why can’t you just be my brother?”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Noah argued. “I’m looking out for you.”
“Well, stop,” Corey said, rising from the table. “I can take care of myself.”
“Don’t go,” I urged him. “You guys can work through this.”
“Can we?” Corey asked Noah. “Will you ever stop looking over my shoulder?”
My heart went out to Noah. He obviously cared very much about his brother, clinging to the bond they had once shared, but it was his downfall. “The nanotechnology we’ve been developing is close to human trials. If you can put your ways on hold for a few years, then I’m certain—”