by Leia Stone
“Tomorrow. Do I fight something? Do I approach animals and … I dunno … tell me!” I threw out my hands in exasperation.
Nahuel exhaled loudly. “A spirit quest has no plan. Your path will be revealed when it’s ready.”
It was hard to suppress the growl in my throat. Man, this guy was good at speaking vague. Before I could retort, he touched my cheek tenderly. “Remember you are your mother’s daughter. She had so much anger in her heart from her childhood. Yours is much purer, which will serve you well. Get some sleep.”
Then he just walked away leaving me swirling in a tornado of emotions.
*
After I walked back to the cluster of tents that had been set up for us, I found Jaxon passed out in one. Gavin sat in front of him, staring off into the fire. To learn that your mother had you when she was thirteen and was raped … what did that do to someone? I couldn’t imagine. Gavin’s energy was everywhere and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I was grateful when he looked up at me with his striking green eyes and patted the hard dirt next to him. Lina and everyone was off in their own tents. Sitting next to Gavin, I was happy to see that he casually put an arm around me. I needed him close, his body heat warmed me and settled my wolf.
“My childhood was filled with a lot of love. Tom and Betty, they showered love on me.” His voice was rough and his words brought tears to my eyes. I loved that after the storm of emotions and anger that battered his soul, he could find the good in this situation.
I nodded. “Your grandfather gave me an Alpha stare down when I came to get you. Demanded he go with you in the car. I could see how much he cared for you.”
Gavin smiled. “That’s him. A bit of a human Alpha, you could say.”
I returned the smile, and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I couldn’t go through tomorrow worrying about Gavin’s mental status. I needed to know he was okay and focus on finding my path, or my power animal or whatever, so this wicked killing curse could go away and we could have a chance at life.
I snuggled in closer to him and he kissed the top my head like he had been doing it for a hundred years. This, right here, was so hard to describe to humans. Matebond. Perfect Mates. All that shit you have with human boyfriends about being insecure, should I touch him, does he like me? Am I pretty enough? Once you settled into your matebond all that just vanished.
I looked up at Gavin and he gave me a sexy grin. “Wanna share my tent?”
I laughed. “You little player,” I joked.
He winked and simply stood, unzipping his tent and I followed him inside. He lay down on his spread out sleeping bag and I snuggled in beside him, resting my head on his rock hard chest. A sigh escaped my body as I finally slept dreamless for the first time in months.
*
I awoke to the amazing smell of bacon. My eyes popped open and I legit was ready to kill someone if they said I couldn’t have any. But my thoughts were halted by a weird feeling in my body. I couldn’t explain it or put my finger on it. Something was–
‘You feel weird? Pissed about the bacon?’ Jax asked me. I frowned, sitting up in the tent and looking down at my body. Gavin was gone and maybe that was it. I slept so well lying next to him and now he was gone. Maybe that’s what it felt like to be without your mate.
‘Just … feel off,’ I told him and stood, crouching down to exit the tent.
As soon as I stepped outside, I looked at Gavin and I knew he was feeling it, too. His eyes were glowing yellow and he looked terrified.
“What’s wrong?” I ran over to him but he stumbled backward, with one hand out to stop me. Oh God. “What is it?” I screamed and Lina and Nahuel came closer to Gavin.
Nahuel sniffed the air and then frowned. “Did you sleep next to each other last night?” Nahuel mused.
I rolled my eyes. “Too much information, but yes, he’s my mate.” We didn’t do anything, but yeah, we slept next to each other. Big deal. I felt like I needed to justify it but before Nahuel could say more, Gavin fell to his knees and fur broke out onto his skin. What the? This was a lot of fur. Like…
“It’s happening,” Lina told Nahuel.
I gazed at her. I had a love-hate relationship with this girl right now. She wasn’t telling me something. Suddenly, the fever slammed into me and flared to life, I had to struggle to just stay standing.
“Tell me!” I screamed and that’s when I felt it, what was off, what was missing. A wail escaped my throat as Gavin fully shifted into a wolf in front of me.
My wolf was gone. Gavin stole her. I clutched at my chest as if that would could bring her back, put her back inside my heart where she had always been.
“Noooo!” I screamed as sobs racked my body and I stood there staring at MY wolf. My beautiful white wolf with black socks and a black dot on the tail. Mine. But his wolf was slightly bigger, a bit thicker fur and fiercer looking. He had the same markings, he was … he was a wolf and I was … nothing.
Jaxon pulled me into his chest as I cried. I mourned my wolf part of soul. My beautiful, bad-ass, instinctive, sweet wolf.
“Dad can’t reach you. He said it feels like you died,” Jaxon murmured.
I wiped my tears and looked again at Gavin wearing my wolf. “I did.” I breathed. This was hands down the most awful feeling in the world.
Lina approached me cautiously. “It’s time to be reborn. Before it’s too late. The fever will try to take you now.”
Jaxon growled, low and husky. It gave me chills. “You’re sending my sister into the woods with no food, no water, and now no wolf!”
Lina looked fierce then. “Spirit will sustain her until she can find her power. Have faith.”
Jaxon sidestepped me and advanced on Lina, glaring her down.
“How can you be sure?” Jaxon’s neck veins were bulging and he was sooo channeling my dad right now. Mom, too.
Lina’s features softened then. “Because I did it, too. We all have.” She gestured to the warriors that had awoken and were now suiting up. “I was thirteen, knew nothing of life and what my path would be. I found it out there, away from man.” She gestured to the thick woods that surrounded the lush green property.
Jaxon wasn’t backing down. “Why my sister? Isn’t this Gavin’s journey?”
Gavin, in wolf form, head hung low, walked over to rest at my feet. He was ashamed, I felt it through the bond, guilt ridden.
Nahuel spoke to Jaxon as I continued to stand there in shock. “They are Perfect Mates, agreed to take on each other’s burdens long before their bodies were conceived here on Earth. His path has now become her path.”
Whoa, again with the heavy. I squatted down finally and stared my wolf – Gavin’s wolf – in the eye. I don’t know how the hell this was possible; how I could be wolfless and … now … human? No, I felt my magic coursing inside of me, but I … I wasn’t a werewolf. Just a muted half witch with a gaping hole inside of my soul. I couldn’t feel the pack or my father or Avery or anyone. Oh God, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. I reached out and stroked Gavin’s fur. It brought me a small comfort but the idea that I couldn’t shift, that my wolf was gone … it was maddening.
Gavin whined. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t control it. It just happened. It took over.’
Then he opened himself fully using our matebond and I was flooded with feelings and images he had been holding back ever since he got word last night about his lineage. He had been enraged, scared, but now … he was complete, excited. He had felt empty his whole life and now, after stealing my wolf, his soul was complete. He was whole and I was the one left feeling empty.
Lina spoke to Jax now. “It’s old magic. Perfect Mates. Light Keeper and Matefinder. Who knows what they are capable of?” Lina exclaimed.
Jaxon still seemed disturbed. “So he’s a wolf and she’s–”
Lina straightened her posture and nodded to Nahuel who handed her a smoking sage bundle. “She needs to find her new form. Now.”
I swayed with the fever as sweat broke out onto my forehead. I
t was so much more intense now that I was a weak human. Oh God, if I was injured, I wouldn’t regenerate like a werewolf.
I gave Gavin one last pat and stood. My stomach was eating itself I was so damn hungry. The lingering smell of bacon was seriously fricken torture. I eyed everyone suspiciously knowing that they had awoken early and eaten without me. The sage smoke danced around me, skimming my skin and swirling about my body. I took a deep cleansing breath and searched for my pack bonds. I felt Jaxon, my twin; Gavin, my mate, but everyone else was static, muffled … lost. I wanted to cry but there was no room for weakness now.
“I’m ready.” I made sure my voice didn’t waver.
Suddenly, the warriors began to drum heavily and something stirred deep within me, something that had been there all along but I had never been able to put a name to. A deep yearning for my sense of purpose. I had grown up living my whole life in my mother’s shadow, the Matefinder. I needed to find my own path and now I would. If I could survive.
Lina walked over to where I stood and met my eyes. There was a warm kindness in her strong gaze that I never noticed before. She placed one hand over my heart and her other hand over her own heart. “Sister, I lend you my courage for your journey. Find your power with grace and ease.”
Warmth trickled through my limbs and tears sprung in my eyes as some sort of connection formed in me; a connection that linked Lina to me, like a pack. Lina, I could now see, was full of so much love. I nodded.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Nahuel stood before me then, seeming mildly anxious but also full of pride. He placed a hand on my chest as Lina had done and one on his own. “Daughter, I lend you my wisdom for your journey, may it guide you on your path.” Electric jolts danced up my spine and I gasped as my fever flared to life. But again I felt some sort of pack type of connection to Nahuel.
Jaxon frowned, but I breathed through it and pushed it down, standing tall and strong. Next, each warrior came to place their hand on my chest, each one lent me their strength and with each one I felt stronger. The fever faded the slightest bit.
“She’s on borrowed time,” Lina stated and Gavin growled, and suddenly took off running to the tent where we had spent the night.
Lina left as well and slipped inside her tent, returning with a folded bundle of clothes and a carved bone dagger. She stood before me and handed the bundle to me. “Nothing made from a machine can accompany you on your soul’s journey. This cloth was hand dyed and woven and has been blessed. Nahuel carved this knife himself last night, just for you.”
I nodded and took the clothes gratefully, slipping into her tent to change. The cloth was so soft and beautifully designed, it was heavy and I knew it would keep me warm at night. Slipping the skirt on, I saw that it fell to mid-calf. I tossed my machine-made underwear and bra on the floor and slipped the soft cotton tunic top over the skirt. Guess I was going commando on this journey. I eyed some leather moccasins that were also in the bundle and slipped them on. They were lined with lamb’s wool and extremely comfortable. Lastly, I tied the leather belt around my waist and slipped the bone dagger inside, snuggly riding against my hip bone. Reaching up, I quickly tied my hair into a long braid to keep it out of my face.
When I stepped out of the tent, Gavin was standing before me in low slung sweatpants and no t-shirt. His eyes burned yellow and his face was drawn with concern.
“You can’t go alone. Not without me, or Jaxon, or your wolf. It’s not right. It should be me going.” He paused, looking down. “I’m so sorry.” His voice was husky and raw and his eyes swam with emotion.
I smiled weakly and stepped up on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear. His 24-hour stubble tickled my cheek as I spoke. “Since the night the dreams began, I wanted you to be mine. I’m glad you have my wolf, she will keep you safe, and I will come back to you. I promise.”
Then I stepped back down and looked up at him as his lips crashed into mine. I was aware that everyone was watching and I didn’t give two shits. I met his kiss with mirrored passion and relished in the way he tasted, the way he felt. I wanted more of these moments, thousands more, not these quick and rushed displays of affection. It was clear that I had been brought into Gavin’s life to save him, now I needed to save myself.
Finally, I pulled back and squeezed his hand. He held my gaze, my own wolf peering out behind his eyes. Well, it was his wolf now; it was time to let her go. I nodded to him, dropping his hand and walked over to the ceremonial fire that was blazing. Jaxon was pacing in his wolf form just behind the warriors.
Lina nodded as I entered the circle. The sun shone high in the sky.
Lina walked in long fluid strides over to where I stood and gave me a leather hand-sewn canteen full of water. Oh, thank God, they weren’t actively trying to kill me. I slung it around my shoulder and Lina looked me up and down, beaming with pride.
“I am the keeper of this land, over a thousand acres of raw untouched wildlife.” She gestured behind the tents and into the thick green forest. “The warriors and your brother will guard the perimeter of the land from evil. You will walk and sleep and eat and breathe and live the forest until you come home whole.” Her eyes blazed with intensity then and my heart began to race in anxiety. She expected me to walk around a thousand acres with a raging fever and no food … and not die? Shit. I was so screwed.
Lina’s eyes narrowed as if she picked up on my thoughts. “Remember, you have courage, wisdom and strength. I send you on this journey to find your soul’s purpose and remind you that you have all the tools you need.”
She was right, I was my mother’s daughter. Bring it on.
Chapter Seven
When they had first told me about the prospect of running around the woods alone, I wasn’t fazed because I knew my wolf could handle it. My wolf ran over creeks, rolled in moss, peed on fallen logs. But without my wolf, I was just another twenty-year-old chick alone in the woods and had already squealed three times because of spiders and a garden snake. I had no watch and no way of telling time except the setting sun. I had heard my brother’s wolf howl twice and Gavin howl once. Did that mean they were fighting something? Or were they just letting me know they were out there somewhere? I tightened my grip on the dagger just to be sure. The woods had thinned out into a beautiful meadow and I saw some dandelions. My stomach growled as I jogged over to begin pulling the edible flowers. I grew up on a mountain with a pack of wild werewolves, you bet your ass I knew how to forage for food up here. I wouldn’t have anything great like rabbit meat because I had no fire and no wolf, to hunt. But flowers, roots, and berries would get me through.
I had spent the entire day hiking through the woods and was no closer to a spiritual epiphany than I was to a cheeseburger. Mmm … cheeseburger … with bacon… and spicy mayo. I eyed the dandelions and blackberries in my hand with disdain. If I survived this little quest, I was legit rushing to the nearest burger joint afterwards and ordering everything on the menu.
I picked a nice flat rock and sat down, picking the stems off of my dinner. My wolf liked the sweet, crunchy taste of the dandelion flowers, but my human side? Not so much, so I would stick to the stems. As I munched on flower stems and berries I took in my surroundings. The Canadian country was jaw droppingly beautiful. If I wasn’t raging with fever and scared of dying without my wolf, I would even say I was enjoying my time here. Everything was simpler, alone in the woods. No bills to pay, no cell phone to check, no house to clean, no relationships to maintain. You just put one foot in front of the other and walk, all while drinking in the towering massive trees and singing birds. I could see the appeal and why the natives encouraged this type of thing. If I had done this at thirteen years old I would probably be a different person than I was today.
As the sun began to set, I thought of Avery and Mason, my mom and dad. How was the pack? I felt like a rogue wolf with no comforting presence inside of me. Then my thoughts turned darker. I reflected on this Skin Walker douche bag and what he did to Gavin’s teen
age mother. He was evil incarnate. Just then, a wolf’s howl rose up and I didn’t recognize it as Jaxon or Gavin. I swallowed hard, eyeing the trees in the clearing as a gust of wind kicked up and the leaves rattled like crazy, sending chills down my arms. I was about to be drenched in total darkness with no light or fire. Shit. It was going to be a long night.
Standing, I picked up my pace and trekked across the clearing. After finding a grove of huge Douglas Firs, I settled into the base of a Red Creek Fir. The largest tree I had ever seen, bigger than the ones on my father’s mountain. The base was as wide as my car and had a half hollowed out center that I was able to squeeze myself into comfortably. It would be a good shelter and companion for me to rest my back against and pass the time. Would I sleep tonight? Hell no. There could be a Skin Walker child rapist running around wearing animal skins. Bet your ass I was gripping this knife like my life depended on it and praying this quest was over soon. I still wasn’t even sure what the hell I was supposed to find or do. Clearly Gavin was fine, he had my wolf, now I was in danger of dying half empty and I wasn’t sure what the remedy for that was. Find a wolf? Sacrifice it and merge our souls? Was that crap even possible?
God, I wished my mother was here, she was into all this spiritual juju and she would know what I was supposed to do. Yoga, meditation? What! I was just about to start braiding the fringe on the hem of my dress to pass the hours and keep me awake, when I heard a twig snap nearby. Darkness had descended on this neck of the woods and with the trees being so thick, only slivers of moonlight made their way to the forest floor.
I held my breath and listened for more, other than the insane beating of my heart, I heard nothing. I exhaled. Another twig snapped. Shit frick! My palms began to sweat as I gripped the homemade bone knife in my hand and chastised myself for crawling into this damn tree with no way out. If whoever was out there found me, I was dead. I couldn’t run, I was trapped. Then something occurred to me. I didn’t have my wolf anymore, but … I still had my magic. The snapping of twigs drew closer with every breath I took and I could swear I heard sniffing, like someone was tracking my scent.