by J N Moon
Conor sat back down next to me, “I understand that we all have walls around us but you don’t need it around me. I’m definitely not going to leave you to face this alone, it’s after all of us and together we’re stronger, but more than that,” he edged slightly closer, brushing his hair away from his face, scanning mine, his large eyes now glowing with a tint of orange. I couldn’t withhold a slight gasp, his lips curved, a smile full of promise, intimacy, passion, somewhat wicked, he touched my hair and I closed my eyes, “I like being with you-this will sound weird but I’m mesmerised by you, by your smile, by your barriers.” He sat back slightly, “I knew I wanted to meet you when your uncle told me about you. Now, I don’t want to lose you. There, I’ve said what I was afraid to say, you don’t have to respond but I had to let you know.”
One brick at a time, I lowered my guard. “I like to spend time with you, too, but after this you’ll go back to your life and I’ll go back to mine so...”
“Where am I going?” he asked. “I’m not going anywhere and after this I’m hoping to spend more time with you, doing regular things,” he smiled.
Not realising I was holding my breath I let out a big sigh.
“What’s this training you were talking about?” I liked Conor, a lot but hopefully I’m wise enough not to make promises to someone I’ve only known for a matter of days. My uncle may well have thought well of him, but people or men in my experience can have different personas depending on who they’re with. I needed to change the subject.
In my emotional state I wasn’t sure whether he wanted to kiss me or eat me, the big bad wolf, and I wasn’t sure which one bothered me the most.
Sensing this he sank back in his chair grinning. “Lou will train you in combat, with weapons. The change is upon you and you’ll attract other immortals soon enough, if not already. The beast now has an interest in you-it could’ve killed you the other night. So, you need to learn how to look after yourself. You might want to change your clothes.”
My face must have dropped, he responded, “Don’t worry, we’ve all been through her training,” a sinful grin on his face.
“She trained you?”
Laughing he replied, his voice high pitched for effect, “Hell yeah girl.”
Upstairs I grabbed my joggers, trainers and a t-shirt. I only wear these for lounging in, now I looked at them with dread... combat training. I loved the idea of this, not so hot on the getting fit, the burn in between. Still, I was willing to learn and even though numbness embraced me in-between confusing thoughts, emotions about Conor. The pain was unbearable, my spirit had enough spark to want to fight. I just hoped to God that no one would die from my efforts of fighting, I would need to ensure they didn’t.
With slight trepidation, I changed and went downstairs to meet Lou, who I could hear talking with Conor.
“Someone looks smitten, look at those pupils! Well, my days Conor Lowell, I never thought I’d see the day,” I heard her say.
“Believe me Lou, neither did I,” he laughed.
“Um, hello Lou, I’m Emma.”
“Hello hun, well I see why he’s smitten now,” she winked. My face got hot fast and though I wanted to look at him, I couldn’t.
“Lou stop embarrassing us, aren’t you here to train her?” he said.
“Ok, ok, yes let’s make her the warrior she was born to be. Emma, you ever had any martial arts experience or similar?”
“Nope,” I answered as I shrugged my shoulders. A part of me still clung to the past, understandably. This could be a dream, Ethan was alive and I wake up into my normal life and live without this chaos.
“Good, we can start from scratch then, let’s teach you to fight. To wield a sword and to fulfil that destiny of yours, Ms. Blakesley,” she smiled. Lou had a glow about her, big smile and crease lines where she spent so much time smiling. I’d guess she was late thirties; toned with dark hair that matched her skin, eyes shining wide.
“You’re very lucky Emma, what lies before you, well, you have a chance to change things, to pull communities together. And we’ll be beside you fighting this darkness.”
Without thinking I sighed, it wasn’t a dream I guess and I found myself staring at the floor.
A frown crept across my face, “Why do you lot keep saying that, my destiny? I’m no one special. I’m just me, I just wanted a normal life.”
“It’s scary for sure, but you get to live! Most people creep quietly through life from birth to death, hoping to make it to the grave without wanting to disturb so much as the soil they’re buried in. But you, if you embrace this, if you take a different perspective, you can rise in your power. There are many people living different destinies far worse than yours. And... you have us,” she laughed.
“She’s right Emma,” Conor answered. Moving slowly towards me, his eyes soft, soulful and he touched lightly on my shoulder, “No one wants to have to fight, all of us wanted a normal life. Hell, I remember as a teenager when I first turned into a werewolf I was depressed,” shaking his head he looked away caught up in that memory, that feeling, before returning his look to me. “I felt isolated from my human friends, but my parents had ensured I had plenty of were-friends, too, so we became close. But at first, even though I knew they were going through the same thing-isolation, the difference compared to the mass of mortals wrenched at my heart. You’re feeling that now, but in time you’ll realise that you have friends here, who are just like you and in fact there are many, many other supernatural beings in this world, our world. Humans are only a small part of that.”
“Let’s go then and get you fighting fit,” Lou grinned.
Rain had been falling and being so close to the woods, the air was sweet with scents of foliage, soil and leaves. Late spring, the ground wasn’t soggy and I was glad to start my training with the breeze blowing cool and brisk. Lou took me for a light run for about ten minutes, the end of which I could hardly breathe. I had led a relatively sedentary lifestyle. Burning in my legs, I stopped to get my breath back, taking it all in.
The place though, being on the edge of the woods was beautiful, birds chirping and singing and bees and insects buzzing and buds shooting out of their hallowed resting, breaking into a new season. Dirt on my clothes was fresh, and somehow like never before I was connected and not upset that mud splattered my trainers, my clothing. My body tingled, zestful, alive even if it ached, it was a good ache.
She taught me push ups, stretches and lunges and after about twenty minutes starting demonstrating basic sparing moves. I was hanging... sparing is a lot harder than it looks and I now have a much deeper level of respect for boxers who do this for ages.
“Go get some water, come back out and I’ll get the bokkens from my car.”
What the hell was she on about?
Nodding, I stumbled slightly as I made my way to Conor’s kitchen, grateful for the break and gasping for water. I had no idea what she was talking about, but all I could think of was water and catching my breath.
So glad that I thought to take off my trainers before traipsing mud though Conor’s home, untying them I heard him and my mum talking in the kitchen.
“No, I’m grateful for the thought but I’m going back home. I’ve arranged to stay with a friend for a while, but thanks Conor. I don’t belong here, I never have. But you must promise to take care of Emma.”
“I think you underestimate her,” he replied.
“Yeah, I can look after myself thanks mum,” I said as I walked in heading straight to the sink. Grabbing a glass I filled it with water, my face hot and sticky from the workout and then downed most of the water at once.
“So I see,” she remarked.
Refilling the glass, I turned around, “Look, I’ve already faced this thing once, and I was the only one not caught under its spell.” I stopped glugged some more water, “I’ll be honest, I was hoping this was a dream, that Ethan never died and I’d wake up. But apparently my fate lies here, I’m lucky I know, I have good people here. But
I, like you mum, never wished for this. I love adventure but not this type.” Frowning and shrugging I put the glass on the side, gave my mum a sweaty hug, “Take care of yourself. Let me know when you get to your friend’s house and keep in touch. I’ll do the same.” Then I went back out, Lou was waiting with two large wooden swords, and she was grinning.
“Now, let me start with how you hold this,” she laughed.
Tell me, Are You Afraid?
I spent about half an hour with Lou learning how to wield a sword, after that she said I’d need to rest and she wasn’t kidding. I could hardly lift my arms they were like lead weights and my hands were stiff with cramp.
“When we expecting the Asrai, Conor?” Coral asked. Her and Pete, who I’d met briefly were back.
“I said I’d pick them up at lunch time, you going to help?”
“I will, but Coral is meeting Sabian to pick up the sword. He and a few of his kin have agreed to come help, they’re travelling up today. Some will stay with us, we’re hoping one can stay with you?”
“Wow, I thought the sword would take days. I guess that’s Sabian’s doing. Do you know who he’s bringing?” Conor asked.
“We do have a list of whose coming and where they’re staying, Luke Philips-Sabian has asked if he can stay with you. Luke’s been with their community for about a year.”
Conor nodded, I was about to go upstairs but I was too curious about these other ‘shifters’.
“And what is Luke?” Conor asked.
For a moment Pete and Coral both play fought over who would tell Conor, Pete being a gracious husband let Coral. “This is really going to bake your noodle. He’s a dragon shifter, They’re so rare, how cool.”
I caught Conor’s eye, I must have had a look of shock about me.
“Cool indeed. And interesting,” he replied though a frown betrayed his true feeling, slight as it was.
As I wandered over, Conor grinned, “How’d it go? You ok?”
“I know I don’t look ok, but yeah it was good. Hard, I ache like shit, but in a good way. I need a shower.”
“It’s like a rite of passage, training with Lou, if you’re still standing, you did well,” Coral added which was real kind of her I thought.
“Another shifter community is coming to stay and help, well some of them. I use that term, they’re not all Wolf Born. Their leader, Sabian is a good friend of mine-you’ll like him,” Conor told me eyeing the mud splattered clothes, his mouth curved as he tried to reserve a chuckle.
“All the women like him,” Coral added.
“Hey,” Pete replied to her.
“Just saying,” she laughed.
Conor left to collect the Asrai, so I was left alone with my thoughts. Now I realised I was going to be away for longer, I left him a note to say I’d gone home to pick up some more things and I phoned work, I had to lie and extend my leave saying I need extra time for bereavement but they were totally fine about it.
I guess in a way I wasn’t lying, after all I had to avenge my uncle’s death. Driving back to my little home, the sun was bright and everything looked peaceful, even drivers with stressed faces brought a smile to me. If they only knew what world they really lived in, how close danger lurked, they wouldn’t be stressed over waiting in traffic for five minutes!
Anger, I noticed this more as I drove, human faces, sullen, withholding. I guess for most they don’t allow feelings of love of nurture, those make us too vulnerable, so anger is easily picked up if you allow it and it is at least a feeling. The heart needs to feel something, for me? I needed anger now, needed it for courage to do what I had to, but normally I don’t use it. I may be distant and cut-off but only from those not in my tight circle, or animals. I’d always had an affinity for animals and nature, it’s humans I didn’t trust as much.
Turning the latch, that sweet smell of home I realised I’d been holding my breath, now my muscles relaxed as if on cue and I chucked my stuff down and slumped out on the sofa. Mum, how was she? I hadn’t said much of a goodbye, I couldn’t not after...
Something rang, buzzed, I couldn’t see it. Incessant buzzing, breathing deeply I realised I’d fallen asleep and looked as my phone rang off. Everything was dark, I must’ve slept for hours, blearily I sat up, looked around. I’ll stay here tonight, my own place. Checking my phone, it had been Conor, and as lovely as he was I just wasn’t up to talking right now, so I texted him to say I’d fallen asleep and I’d see him tomorrow, I was going back to bed.
Another text came in, imploring me to come back. I just text back, Thanks, GN.
My own bed, bliss. Admittedly not as comfortable as Conor’s guest beds but there’s something about your own bed. Cosiness, you know where to lay, and the security, familiarity of your home, sleep came just as fast.
The trees stood majestically like monoliths around me, no moon meant I was in almost total darkness. Silence echoed around me, only the sounds of bracken and leaves as I walked carefully through the winding path until ahead I saw a clearing. Fear raced through me, the tiny hairs on my arms and back of my neck prickled, my heart pounding loud against my chest. But something stirred me, I had to go there, to meet my fate. Conor would be there, his wicked smile warm and eager, brooding, soulful, waiting.
Trembling in my steps as I walk further, breathing heavier, I felt like every creature could hear my heart pounding. Arriving at crossroads but I’m alone, looking in front, to the left, nothing. A thin long black path could either lead me to my home or to a nightmare. Glancing right again, I froze. In the distance two pin pricks of red watch me, moving slightly. Too late to run now, sweat beads on my face, my back, my feet fixed like roots to the ground. I want to run, to turn around but I’m frozen.
Closer and closer they edge, from the movement I know this isn’t a human creature, it’s an animal. It’s stalking me, as it gains on my fixed position I see a dog, massive about seven-foot-long, black coat glistening in the minuscule light and its eyes of fire fixated on me. Opening my mouth to scream, nothing came out, I try and force the scream, only a slight mumble. I cannot believe it, tonight when I thought I was safe at home, tonight I am going to die. No redeeming my uncle’s death, no future, no Conor, only pain for my mother as this beast mauls me to death.
Slowly each pad of its foot makes no noise as it creeps ever forward, its hot breath over my face as it smelt me. A tear rolls down my cheek, the beast licks it, I wonder why it’s taking so long.
It backs up, looks behind from where it came, then left and right and back to me. I don’t understand, I can’t move, why isn’t it attacking me?
Stepping back once more the dog howls so loud, so piercing I covered my ears, falling instinctively to my knees. My face is wet, tears stream as the howling continues, wiping it I see its blood, not tears. Looking up, the huge dog right in front of me, I knew this was it. It nuzzled me and makes a sound almost like it was humming a tune. I shut my eyes, opening them again the dog had gone and I was alone on the crossroads, on my knees crying blood.
––––––––
Bolting upright, I woke up, sweat sticking my night clothes to my skin, pain twisting in my head.
I hear a thudding, a banging on the front door, and feel the blood drain from my face. Banging on my front door and a loud voice calling my name-it was Conor. That must’ve been what caused the nightmare, him downstairs hammering on the door, for God sakes...
Slowly I peeled myself out of bed, not bothering with the bedroom light and meandered down stairs. Double checking through the spy hole that it was Conor-after that dream, I unlocked the chain, opened the door.
His face was a state, frown lines cut deep across his forehead, his lips straight and angry, wide eyed. His hands were clammy, “Calm down Conor, I’m here. What the hell!”
“Emma,” His voice was high pitched, I saw his eyes change from brown to gold, and grow small, then wide. “You’re covered in blood. I knew it, you saw him didn’t you, you saw the Black Shuck,” he howled.
/> “The what? No, I was dreaming, I was having a nightmare-this isn’t blood,” but as I looked, as I rubbed my face and looked at my hands under the street light in front of my home, in the door way, the liquid was red, dark.
Wrapping his arm around me, he shut the door with the other and guided me in. “But you’re alive, this is good,” he spoke fast nodding.
“I don’t understand, I was asleep.”
“The Black Shuck is a massive hound that guards the underworld. He waits at the crossroads for travellers, a companion of the Reaper. He takes them to Heaven or to Hell, depending, but none can escape him. He exists here in this physical world but he can also enter in the dream state, as he has done this night.”
I sat on my sofa in a state of vulnerability, unable to fend for myself, my brain mushed with confusion, looking about me. Disorientation spun in my mind, Conor returned with some damp cloth and wiped my face, firmly I took it from him.
It was blood... mine?
“I dreamt I was crying blood. That’s not even possible, not even in this weird supernatural world.”
“I think it is Em...”
“No, you don’t understand, I’m a scientist and I’m telling you...”
“Yeah, about that. You’ve never seen any of us change, have you? Not yet. I think you should, you’ll find your science doesn’t explain this, either, I mean no disrespect but the normal rules don’t apply anymore.”
“How did you know I was dreaming of that dog?”
“I felt it, I saw it in my mind’s eye as I drove here, I knew you were in danger.”
“Oh God, what I can’t even sleep without someone watching over me.”
“Emma, you can I promise but while the demon lurks none of us are safe alone. Once were rid of it things will go back to normal.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a grouch to you, I just wanted to stay here for one night, to sleep in my bed.”