Captain Caveman

by Jerry Boyd

“Sure, Boss.”

  “Andre, you heard the lady. Stunners only, unless you meet someone they won’t put down. Try and shoot to wound, but don’t put yourselves or the mission at risk.”

  “Understood, Sir.” Apparently, Andre had been hitting the culture pack. He said, “C’mon, you apes. You want to live forever?” He dropped the ramp, and they ran out, heading for the cave mouth the people had come out of.

  I suppose I should have run the ramp back up, instead of watching Scotti’s operation, but I didn’t think of that at the time. A boy came running around the edge of the ramp, with a wooden spear and the best war face he could manage. I avoided a career as a shish kabob, but it was closer than I would have preferred. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and held him up. I asked, “Are you always so friendly to guests?”

  “Guests, my eye! You killed the whole village!”

  “They’re just stunned. Besides, we’re leaving you a new power core, so you can get a better weapon to carry.”

  “What do you mean, stunned? They fell like they were shot.”

  “They’ll wake up after we leave. We’re keeping them asleep, because they’re almost as easy to get along with as you.”

  “Put me down, you brute!”

  “I’m the brute? You’re the one trying to poke me with a sharp stick.”

  Jane came into the bay. She said, “Need any help there, Captain?”

  “I found this here desperado trying to get aboard and cause mayhem. What do you think we should do with him?”

  “Looks like he needs a bath and all the homework we can find.”

  He said, “Now wait a minute. I’m here to take over this ship. Put me down and fight.”

  Jane said, “Bob. What is it about you that attracts the hardheads?”

  “Just lucky, I guess.”

  Dingus and the village bigwig came out into the bay. Dingus asked, “What’s all the racket?”

  I replied, shaking the kid, “This one came aboard, gonna pirate him a starship with a sharp stick. Got to give him credit for guts, I suppose.”

  The village elder spoke up. “Jammus, put that spear down. Even if you did have a chance, you’re beat now.”

  Another voice came from behind him. “No, Jonnus, he did just what I asked him to, keep these men busy while I slipped aboard.” A fellow stepped out, with a knife to Nikki’s throat. The training Dingus had made me take kicked in. My hand was full of Ruger, and he was laying dead before I knew what happened. I asked, “Space Cadet, was that the only one?”

  “It was, sorry I let him slip up on me.”

  I swapped the Ruger for a stunner, and put Jonnus and the kid out. I said, “I’m tired of these idiots. Try to help them and what do we get? Zoom, get these folks organized and clear the trash out of my ship.”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  I went over to the sniper, and got his powder horn. I primed his weapon, and discharged it out the back of the ship. I said, “This is a trophy. We’re keeping it to remember this place by.” Then I commed Scotti. “Yes, Boss?”

  “Are you finished putting that core in yet?”

  “No, Sir. We’re headed back to the ship.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “It was easier to just do the maintenance they had neglected, and get their core running again. I didn’t think you cared how they got power, as long as they did.”

  “That’s exactly right. Good thinking, Scotti. You say they were too lazy to keep up what they had?”

  “Too lazy, or too dumb. There was a teaching machine sitting right next to it that would have taught them what needed doing. Are you sure Zoom is related to these people? Even Nunya is better help than these folks seem to be.”

  “Danged if I understand it. Get loaded up, and let’s be somewhere else.”

  “Just brought our ramp up, Boss. We’re out of here.”

  “Music to my ears. See you back aboard the Gene.”

  “Bye, Boss.” Zoom’s crew came back aboard after carrying the locals off the ship. I asked, “You have everyone, Zoom?”

  “Yes, Boss.” I ran the ramp up, and got on the intercom. Before I could say anything, Nikki had lifted the ship, so I didn’t bother. Then I thought of something. “Space Cadet, could you scan the ship? I want to make sure we didn’t pick up any hitchhikers.”

  “I already put Grandpa and Jane on sorting him out. Looks like another kid with a sharp stick, from here.”

  “You sure this one doesn’t have backup?”

  “If he did, they didn’t make it aboard.”

  “How did the other fella get aboard without setting off some alarm?”

  “He had an old override code. I already took it out of the system programming, and forwarded a change notice to Scotti for the whole fleet.”

  “Sounds like you have the situation in hand, then. Should have known you’d be ahead of me.”

  “You just saved me from being taken hostage. It was the least I could do.”

  “I think we need to practice when we get back. I’m feeling kind of rusty.”

  “Sounds good. Could you check the forward airlock? We began losing pressure when I got some altitude.”

  “Sure. I’ll get back with you when I know something.” I called, “Zoom, Nunya, Sam, with me!”, and ran for the airlock. When we got there, we found a stick wedged in the inner door, holding it open slightly. Zoom hit an override to open the door, and Sam jerked the stick out. Then Zoom said, “That will fix the immediate problem, but how was the air getting out of the lock?” She looked through the window, and said, “C’mere, Boss, you gotta see this.” I looked, and saw a piece of pipe wedged in the outer door, allowing air past the force field. I asked, “Can we seal this compartment?”

  “Sure, Boss. We already fixed the leak. You just want insurance?”

  “Nope. Seal your uniforms, everyone.”

  Zoom checked her people, and said, “Room is sealed, and everyone is ready for vacuum.”

  “Open the lock, please.”

  “Both hatches?”

  “If you would.” She opened the first one, and I stepped in. I grabbed the pipe, and pulled it in as the door let go of it. Then Zoom shut the outer door, and I went back into the ship before she shut the inner. She looked at some gauges, and said, “Pressure is back up, and we don’t seem to be leaking any more. I’ll schedule replacement of those seals for when we get back to the Gene, in case they were damaged.”

  I replied, “Let’s get out of here, then, and seal the room from the outside, just in case.”

  Sam said, “Yes, Sir.” I asked, “Something wrong, Sam?”

  “No, Sir. I’ve just never served with a Captain who took such an active role in things.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “You shot that fellow who threatened the ship, you came with us to find the problem with the airlock, and you even went into the airlock to retrieve that pipe. Not exactly sitting on the bridge giving orders, Sir.”

  “I’m new at the job. Give me a while to get used to it.”

  Zoom said, “I don’t think you’ll ever be the kind of Captain he’s talking about. Begging your pardon, Sir, but you’re just not wired that way.”

  “Is that a problem?”

  The three of them replied in unison, “No, Sir!” Zoom said, “It’s like all the bots say, Sir. Fly safe, I don’t want to work for anybody else.”

  We met Dingus in the hall. He said, “What’s up?”

  I replied, “Somebody left the door propped open on their way in. We had to close it.”

  “Sounds like you had better luck than us. We found the girl who stowed away, but we can’t talk her out of her hidey hole.” Nunya spoke up. “A girl stowed away? Why would she do that?”

  Dingus answered, “That’s one of the things we’ve been trying to find out. She hasn’t told us much of anything.”

  “Could I try?”

  “I don’t think you could make it any worse. Right now, it looks like we’re going to have to w
ait till we get back to the Gene, so Zoom can pull some panels and get her out.” Dingus showed her where to go, and came back. He asked, “How did they wedge the lock open?”

  I replied, “A stick in the inner door, and a pipe in the outer, to let air through the field.”

  He said, “That almost sounds like they were trying to keep us in atmosphere. Surely they didn’t think we would land back at their settlement to get help with an air leak?”

  “We’ll see what Nunya learns, but I have a suspicion. I’m going up to the bridge and comm a few people. Get ahold of me if anything changes.”

  Zoom and Dingus both said, “On it, Captain.” John met me on the way to the bridge. “Thanks for keeping me from having to work this trip.”

  “No problem, John. You’ve been in medbay the whole time?”

  “Not quite. Jane texted me when that moron pulled a knife on Nikki. I was almost on him when you took him out.”

  “Didn’t mean to pee on your parade.”

  “Not a problem. A stunner might have let him hurt her on his way down. Your way was safer.”

  “Not like I thought it out. He was falling before I realized I was drawing. That training Dingus had me take is something else.” We got to the bridge, and I commed Phonelia. “Yes, Bob?”

  “While you were on the planet, did you hear anything about this other colony we just went to?”

  “I heard a rumor or two that there was another colony, high enough the rippers couldn’t get to it, but it didn’t seem like anybody knew much about it.”

  “I’m not sure, but I think I’m looking for a teenaged prodigy in electronics, who could build a comm set that would contact the other colony.”

  “I met a kid like that, but I didn’t hear anything about being in contact with the other colony.”

  “Do you suppose you could get in touch with him and ask about his girlfriend?”

  “First, the person in question is a female, and second, what exactly do you think is going on?”

  “I think that someone has been talking to a girl from the camp we were just at, and she stowed away with us, in the hopes of a free ride to the other colony.”

  “So, you naturally assumed young love was involved?”

  “Isn’t that the way to bet, when you’re talking about teenagers doing silly things?”

  “I suppose it is. I’ll see what I can find out.”

  “Thanks. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye, Bob.”

  Dingus asked, “So, you think that scared kid back there was just trying for a ride to the other place?”

  “It makes more sense to me than hiding in hopes of stealing the ship, since she probably doesn’t know how to fly.”

  Nikki spoke up. “It didn’t stop Pouncing Fox.”

  I replied, “At least she tried to learn to fly before she took off. She learned enough to make it to the right planet, even if you had to help her land. I hear she’s taken the full course now, and is turning into quite the pilot.”

  “Starfoot seem to have a talent for it. I’m not sure I understand why.”

  I said, “Me either.” Dingus got on the comm to Jane and told her our suspicions about the stowaway. When he finished, he said, “She’s going to let Nunya know what we think, maybe that will give her a way to get the girl to open up.”

  Nikki replied, “I don’t think she came aboard to do us any harm, or she would have done something by now. Bob’s idea at least makes some sense.”

  My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Bob, it’s Phonelia. You were right, more or less. The girls are just friends, but they have been talking over the comm for several months.”

  “Would there be a way to patch her comm in, so she could talk our stowaway out of her hiding place?”

  Phonelia replied, “I could send you her comm code and you could call her direct. Anybody from that colony is going to do whatever Captain Wilson asks, and right now.”

  “Send it, then, and I’ll see what we can do. Thanks for getting this figured out.”

  “You’re welcome, bye, Bob.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  I asked Nikki, “Do we have a spare comm around somewhere? I really don’t want to give mine to the stowaway.”

  She pointed to a locker on the wall. “There are some in there, I think.”

  I looked, and sure enough there were. I said, “You might want to ask Scotti to restock, there are only a couple left.”

  “Can’t. She’s already stocked all she has. We’ll have to pick up more when we’re at a Galactic planet.”

  “Can you tell Sally to remind me about that?”

  “Sure. Getting overwhelmed?”

  “I don’t care how many training courses I take, I’m no James Tiberius Kirk.”

  “You’re still our Captain, and to hear the bots tell it, a dang good one.”

  “I better go see if I can help Nunya.”

  “Later on, Captain Caveman.”

  “Bye.”

  Dingus and John tagged along, to see what exactly the deal was. When we got to the compartment where the girl was holed up, I dialed the code Phonelia had sent me. “Hello?”

  “Hi, this is Captain Wilson. You’ve been talking to a girl from the other settlement?”

  “Yes, Sir, I have. Is that a problem?”

  “Not so far as I know, but I need your help to convince her it’s okay to come out of her hiding place and talk to us. Could you do that for me?”

  “For Captain Wilson? Of course.”

  “Just a second, we’ll hand her the comm.”

  I stepped into the room, and Nunya looked around. She said, “Captain, I’m making progress, but I don’t think having a man here will help.”

  “I’m not staying. I just brought this. Her friend is on the line.” I handed her the comm and left.

  Once I was back in the hall, Jane asked, “What was that all about?”

  “It seems our stowaway has been talking to a girl from the other settlement over some kind of cobbled up comm rig. I got the other girl on the comm, in hopes she could help talk our girl out.”

  “A friendly voice might do the trick. She’s awfully scared. I think she may have been abused.”

  “Guess I should have let you take the comm in.”

  Jane replied, “I think you handled it fine, Bob. She needs to see that not every male is a monster.”

  “You’d know more about it than I would.”

  Jane said, “You’re not going to give us that ‘I’m just stumbling along, trying to get it right’ speech again, are you?”

  “No, Ma’am. You’re the medical talent, you and John. In this particular case, sounds like maybe you’re better equipped to help than he is. Regardless of what John says about me getting in his area, I try my best to stay out of medical matters.”

  “John told me you were a pretty good CNA.”

  “Just because I can do it, doesn’t mean I want to.”

  Nunya came out, leading a scruffy looking girl who appeared about her age, but shorter and scrawnier. She said, “Everyone, this is Millus. She’s still scared, and she’s not very good with people.” Millus asked, “Which one is Captain Wilson?”

  Nunya pointed at me. Millus squared up and said, “Thank you for getting in touch with my friend Jannul. She says I can trust you. Nunya does too, but she says you’re silly sometimes.”

  I did my best fake offended routine, and said, “Me, silly? Never.” Then I stuck my thumbs in my ears, and waved my fingers at her while I stuck my tongue out. “See?”

  She giggled. “This is a fun place. Could I go see my friend?”

  I replied, “It’s nighttime for us. Would in the morning be soon enough?”

  “Sure. It’s nighttime for her, too.”

  Nikki came over the intercom. “We are arriving at the Gene Cernan.”

  We all moved back to the bay, to go down the ramp. Zoom asked, “Who’s your friend, Nunya?”

  “This is Millus. Millus
, this is my, ah, friend, Zoom.”

  “Zoom? What kind of name is that?”

  “A nickname. The Captain gives them out. I’m surprised you’re not Milly yet.”

  I said, “Seemed like she had enough on her mind right now.”

  Zoom gave me an odd look, but she didn’t say anything. Dingus pushed the button, and the ramp came down. The other ship had made it back first, so Scotti was standing waiting for us with Phonelia and Snitz. Snitz saw me and came running to jump into my arms. I said, “Gee, I missed you, too. You’re getting too big for this, you know?” Millus shrank back into Nunya. “What is that?”

  Nunya said, soothingly, “That’s the Captain’s dog, Snitz. He’s very friendly.”

  “A friendly animal? That’s strange.”

  Nikki walked up, and scratched Snitz’s ears. She said, “It took the Captain’s people a long time to breed dogs to be this tame. They’re good with animals.”

  I squatted, to put Snitz on her level. Nikki said, “Go ahead, pet him.” Millus replied, “T-touch, an animal?”

  I said, “Go ahead. The worst he will do is lick you in the ear.”

  Her eyes got big at that, but she held her hand out. I said “There you go. Let him sniff you, so he knows you’re okay.”

  “His nose is wet.”

  I said, “That helps him pick up smells. Scratch behind his ears, like Nikki did.” She did that, and Snitz made a happy face. I said, “See, no biggie.”

  Scotti walked up and asked, “Boss, I heard you had a couple of damaged airlock seals?”

  I replied, “We didn’t look them over to be sure, but the airlock was jammed open, so they need a thorough inspection at the least.”

  Millus looked upset. I asked, “What’s wrong, Millus?”

  “You’re talking about the pipe and the stick I held the doors open with, aren’t you?”

  I replied, “We are.”

  “I was just trying to get you to land at Jannul’s town, so I could sneak off.”

  “I figured it was something like that. Don’t worry about it. If I don’t find something for Scotti and Zoom to do, they invent new things I have to train on.”

  “Ow! Those machines hurt!”

  Nikki held up a finger, then two, then three. The crew sang out, “Not anymore!” Millus jumped, then she asked, “What do you mean, not anymore?”