We all giggled and snorted. “Figures.” Taylor pulled into my driveway to drop me off. “The guy that likes me has one single ab.”
“I think it’s adorable.” Peaches sat back and looked at the picture longer than she should have. I got my crap together and shimmied out of her car.
Pixie’s car was still here, and so was Gaze’s truck.
“Aren’t they going back soon?” Taylor was looking at her screen but pointing at the vehicles.
“Yeah. They were helping the traitor.” I frowned at the house, picturing Ruffian texting Meg.
“Well, you did introduce them and take him to her party. So, I mean, if you want that man, maybe be a little more obvious about riding him.” Taylor put her phone down and the car in gear.
I gave her the finger. She rolled down the window and Peaches hollered out, “That’s the spirit!”
“Bitches. Text me later.” I turned my back on them and got into my house with all my stuff. After I dumped it all, I took time to organize it. I had to work on refreshing the files with the current updates and donations.
After it was all in order, I went down to the kitchen. Mom and Dad were cooking together with a musical theater album playing too loudly.
Mom was a horrible singer, but Dad was decent. She’d try to harmonize and he just smiled at her like they were making beautiful music.
I felt Ruffian standing behind me before he spoke, so I wasn’t surprised when he did. “Dinner and a show? That’s nice.”
I shot him a look to make sure he wasn’t making fun of my parents. He was smiling in a nice way, so I just agreed with him.
“How’s Meg?” I turned my focus toward my parents so he couldn’t see how angry it made me to ask.
“She’s fine.” He stepped into the kitchen as my parents ended their song. “You guys need any help?”
He was such a kiss-up. I growled in his direction, but Gaze and Pixie squeezed past me in the doorframe and swept me with them.
We started setting the table as a crew while my parents put the finishing touches on the ham and potatoes.
Pixie and Gaze set their plates next to one another, so I knew I’d be next to Ruffian. After we delivered the side dishes and napkins, we all collapsed for the family dinner.
“Austin went to his place?” I asked as I reached in front of Ruffian for the pepper instead of asking him to pass it.
He exhaled and moved my hair with his breath. I almost lost mine. I cut my eyes to him. We were so close. I pulled back, tipping the pepper shaker over in the process.
His hand shot out and caught it just before it hit the table. “Looking for this?” He handed it to me, his index finger brushing the tip of mine.
I had to focus on the simple act of eating after that. Mom asked me what I had gotten up to with the girls, and I made a point to mention stopping at Brutus’ house. It wasn’t mature. I wanted to make Ruffian feel a touch of the jealousy I was dealing with because of Meg.
Gaze and Pixie led the conversation after that, talking about how ready Ruffian was for his placement test tomorrow.
He leaned in my direction a bit, tipping his shoulder. “You need a ride to school? Gaze is letting me have the truck while he’s at school.”
“You have to go when school opens?” Did that make sense? Did he know what I was asking?
“Yeah. They have a resource teacher administering it. I guess it’ll take a few days.” He touched his fork with his index finger.
“Sure. I could use a ride.” Oh, I was being a traitor to myself. I should’ve told him I was getting a ride from one of the boys. Instead, I was happy to get the time with him.
“It’s a date then. What time do we need to leave?” Still leaning in toward me. I loved the words that were floating from him to me.
“I try to leave by seven-twelve. Usually.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket to make sure my alarms were correct. I needed more than one on school days because I worried I would sleep in.
“Whoa. That’s the butt crack of dawn. I hope I can think that early.” He took another bite of the ham. “This meal is fantastic, Mr. and Mrs. Burathon. Thank you so much.”
Polite. Why was I impressed by that? Maybe everything about him would impress me going forward.
He was a Meg flirting jerk. That wasn’t impressive and I tried to focus on that.
After dinner, Gaze, Pixie, Ruffian, and I cleaned the plates and pots and wiped down the table. Pixie caught Ruffian’s elbow after we were done and asked him if he wanted to work on a few more quizzes. He looked at me for a few beats before catching up with her.
Gaze leaned against the counter and gave me a look. “You all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” I took a sponge and rubbed it on the counter even though I had already done it once before.
“You just seem to have lost some of your pep.” He scrunched up his handsome face.
“My pep?” I tossed the sponge back into the sink.
“I don’t know, I just... usually you’re a little more sunny. This whole thing going okay?” He gestured with his knuckle down the stairs.
“Ruffian and Pixie studying? Yeah. That’s cool.” I was pretty sure what he was getting at.
“No. My half-brother moving into your house out of nowhere. You know?” Gaze pinned his stare on mine.
“It’s your house, too. If I had a half sibling, I’d expect you to be cool with it.” It was and I would.
“You’re my favorite sister.” He held out his hand.
I put mine into it and he pulled me in for a hug. “This isn’t your sneaky way of telling me you have more siblings, is it?”
I rested my chin on his chest.
“You’d have to ask my jackass dad about that. But I don’t think so.” He gave me a final squeeze and stepped backward. “Just tell me if anything goes wrong.”
I thanked him and stayed in the kitchen as he hopped down the stairs three at a time. I think I was afraid of how right things felt with Ruffian instead.
RUFFIAN
AFTER PIXIE RAE had declared me smart and ready, she left me to pack the rest of her things away. They were going back to school for the end of the semester. I’d see them again for the winter holiday break. I gave my brother a knuckle touch and he gave my back a slap.
And then I was in my room. I set my bedding up on the floor again before taking a shower. School tomorrow. First day ever. I felt like a freak. Learning was just part of my every day growing up. And I was stressing about how different it would all be. There were cliques when I was growing up, but we were always on the fringe. And there was always danger layered in. The unexpected could pop up and change everything.
But I’d heard about school, obviously. It was a rite of passage that I’d missed. I knew there were teachers and lunches and backpacks. Some of the kids from the woods would go from time to time. Some liked it. Some hated it. Most thought I was lucky to not have to go. Mom made sure we were never pinned down long enough for that to become a question. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized she wanted me to stay with her. And most adults would see our way of life and demand she change it. That it was endangering me.
They would be wrong.
I was making my own choices now. I was creating a whole new Ruffian. One that could get behind the walls that were built up around me as a kid.
I lay down on the floor, the hardness biting into my shoulder blades in a way that was home. Comforting. New stuff. New me. But at night, for a little while, I’d pretend I could see the stars and things were okay.
RUFFIAN
AT TWO A.M. my eyelids popped open. I wasn’t sure if she did it on nights like this, before school with such an early wake up. Either way, I was going to find out.
My complication was her. We met in front of the kitchen, her coming down the stairs, me going up. I smiled when she smiled. How was two a.m. Teddi so much softer? Her hair was loose and long and sticking up in the back. Two a.m. Teddi didn’t have to look pe
rfect. I was betting her skin was warm from the sheets still. She went to the freezer and pulled out two Fudgsicles. I was ready for her this time.
“Let me see that.” I pointed to hers. She gave me a weird look but walked it over.
I had a pack of gummy bears I had hidden in the pantry before dinner. I held it up.
“Bought these because they made me think of you.” I opened the bag at the kitchen table. “What’s your favorite color?”
She was smiling. I felt like the smartest man in the world for causing that to happen. “Red.”
“Okay.” I washed my hands and came back, pushing the gummy treat into the Fudgsicle. I handed it to her, then I stuck one into mine as well.
We watched each other eat the Fudgsicle and deal with the gummies trying to fall out. It got pretty hilarious. We had an unspoken rule that we could only use our hands to hold the stick and had to use our mouths around the bear.
By the time I had eaten all of mine, Teddi ran hers over to the sink and had to let the bottom half fall in. She was laughing so hard, she slid to the floor.
I grabbed a dish towel and handed it to her. She had chocolate on her face and the side of her forearm.
“Thanks, I think.” She sat forward, sitting with her legs crossed at the ankles.
“You’re welcome.” Maybe it was stupid, the teddy bear/Teddi connection, but it was clearly a winner.
I sat down on the floor with her. I stretched my legs out so my socked feet were on either side of her, resting on the cabinets.
“Are you nervous?” She put her hand on my knee.
“A little.” I could confess to this messy Teddi. Two a.m. Teddi.
“Tell me about it.” Her eyes were wide, welcoming.
“Just not sure how different I’ll be than all of them. I mean, judging from the party…”
“We shouldn’t have gone there. I’m sorry we went.” She looked regretful, her head hanging down.
“Why?” I instantly wondered if she thought I didn’t fit in as well. I knew I didn’t fit in. That was the real deal.
“I was just tempting Meg with you. And you have a whole new life you’re starting here. You didn’t need that overwhelming party.” She patted my knee and took her hand away.
“I was okay. Unless I embarrassed you or something?” I flipped my hair to the other side of my head.
“No. And really? Tasker was dry humping you. None of us can even come close to embarrassing with that guy around.” Teddi pushed her hair off her shoulder. I wanted to sniff it. Dammit.
“Fair enough.” The things I wanted to say to her were filtered through my plan, so I didn’t say them. That she made things inside my body move. I was aware of where she was at all times. Her emotions changing on her face set the beat of my heart. I was one hundred percent into her.
I stood up and held out my hand to her. She used it to pull herself up but barely. She had so much muscle. I thought of the cheer practice I had walked in on. I thought of what was under her sleep shorts and thin tank top. I was going to have to leave right now if I didn’t want her to know my feelings about her in a hot second.
I turned and left without acknowledging how much I cherished these stolen moments together. With the lights off, it was very tempting to tell her everything.
Chapter 26
TEDDI
I WENT BACK to my room lifted and crushed at the same time. Ruffian was infuriating and exciting. I closed my bedroom door quietly and then flopped backward onto my bed. I knew he’d be there in the kitchen and I’d wanted to see him. The gummy bears killed me. Silly. Small. And I loved it.
I brought up Meg. Walked him right into it and he let it pass. I texted Taylor.
I hate boys.
She got me back right away.
What happened? Hottie McFloppy Hair screw up again?
I sent her a whispery voice message, “Ugh, he’s thoughtful and funny and open and then he shuts it all down. Like, I feel like we are about to really connect and then he throws a wall up.”
She voice messaged me back, “He’s a dick potato. He needs to keep his tall, lanky, sexy body in his bed where it can’t hurt anyone.”
I put the speaker up to my lips. “None of that description helps me. He’s driving me to school tomorrow. Well, in a few hours. How do you think that will go?”
“The girls will love him. The boys might hate him. But the good news is, Meg won’t be there.” She ended with a loud yawn.
She was right. We had to sleep a little. I texted her goodnight and got a “goo” in return. We’d see how tomorrow went.
_______________
MY ALARM WENT off four minutes later. Not really, but that’s how it felt. I rolled out of bed, and each of my limbs had a pop of a cracking bone. Today we were going to be in pain. Luckily, there were no meetings this afternoon, so maybe I could get a nap later. I staggered around getting ready. Being a senior had perks, in that sometimes you could just show up in leggings and a sweatshirt. I still put on some makeup. I ended up in the kitchen at the same time as Ruffian, who looked annoyingly perky.
I sleepwalked around the kitchen until I had a cup of coffee. I stood in front of the fridge as I added my sweet creamer. While I added enough to make it taste normal, Ruffian started laughing at me.
“What?” I asked him.
“You might as well just have watered down cotton candy.” He pointed at my travel mug with his pinkie.
Gaze cleared his throat behind me and I almost threw my coffee over my shoulder. Instead, it just splashed a bit on my hand.
I set the cup down and went over to the sink to run cold water over the burn.
“Sorry, Teddi. I didn’t know you were spring-loaded this morning.” Gaze patted my pack. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why are you guys up so early?” I hadn’t laid eyes on Pixie yet, but I was betting she was around.
“No good reason. Just anxious to get back, I guess.” He took two cups out of the cupboard.
Ruffian had an ice pack in his hand. “Is it bad? Do you need this?”
I pulled my finger out from under the stream. It was good. “Thanks, I think I’m all right.” I bent my finger and everything was fine.
Ruffian put the ice pack back in the freezer. “Makes sense. It was mostly creamer anyway.”
I made my lips a flat line and squinted at him.
“We got to get rolling, right?” He lifted his chin in the direction of the digital clock on the oven.
We were already three minutes late. “Shit.”
I slapped the lid onto the coffee and rushed down the stars. Ruffian was in his shoes and jacket before me. I almost walked out without my coffee and he snatched it off the stairs.
“Your hot milk?”
I took the cup from him, juggled it with my backpack, and snarled. He laughed as we hightailed it to the truck. He waited until I was buckled in to throw it in reverse.
I left my phone in my backpack as I helped Ruffian navigate to the school. He was a careful driver. I put my music on at one point and he lowered it.
“Sorry, I have to concentrate.”
I pointed out my parking spot. Even though I didn’t have my own car, I had access to enough of them that I warranted a spot. After pulling out the parking pass, I clipped it to the rearview mirror.
“Do you know where you have to head?” I grabbed my backpack and coffee as Ruffian had to adjust the car three times before it was straight. “You all right there, Coach?” I acknowledged his parking difficulty.
“Yeah, I don’t like to stay in the lines.” He gave me a wink and I could tell from his tight jaw he was nervous. “Main office. And I have to check in there because I guess they have security and stuff.”
“Sure. I’ll hang out with you until they get you settled, then I’ll get a pass to class.” When the truck was finally in park, I hopped out. We weren’t going to be late, but we did have to hustle.
He kept up easily with me. I gave out greetings and middle
fingers, depending on who I was dealing with. Taylor was a double finger, which took concentration while holding a coffee.
She fell in step with us. “You got that high-octane coffee that puts hair on your balls?” She tapped the top of my cup.
“Screw you.” I took a sip and made a loud smacking noise. Taylor stepped in front of a line of freshmen and blocked them from moving forward while we went through the door. One of them grumbled.
“We were here first.”
Taylor glanced over her shoulder. “Shut it. You have to learn how to be stepped on. Your time will come.”
Ruffian looked amused. I pulled him in the direction of the office. We had to get buzzed in by safety and security first.
“Hey, Mabel. I got your new student here for a placement test.” Mabel was about to speak before she was interrupted by the phone. I faced Ruffian. “We can sit over here until she gets a minute.” I collapsed in a solid upholstered waiting area chair. He folded into the one next to me.
The chaos of the start of the school day didn’t faze me, but I watched Ruffian’s eyes darting all around. I took a sip of my drink and watched him over the lid. I tried to think of what it would be like seeing a school for the first time. Kids were streaming in the propped open doors. There was yelling and hooting and kids with their heads down. Teachers rushed around and office staff seemed like they were in the center of information tornadoes. As the first bell rang, I watched Ruffian’s body jolt as if he had been zapped.
“Shit!” He looked around as if to find the source.
I leaned closer to him. “That’s the bell. You’ll hear it a lot today.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know about school bells, but that one sounded more like an alarm.”
“You won’t even notice it in a few weeks. I promise.” I touched his hand that was wrapped around his backpack.
“Thanks.” We sat for a few minutes as the activity ramped up, with kids all-out running to beat the second bell. And once it had rung, jolting Ruffian again, the security officers stepped forward and started sending everyone into the main office. Mabel had a running tally of students and parents signing in. Passes were handed out. Ruffian and my personal space were crowded with legs, backpacks, and the random instrument case.
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