“Aden seems like a nice guy,” Zack said. “You’re cute together.”
“You didn’t tell him,” she said.
“Did I tell your boyfriend that I was going to leave my wife and children for my beloved sixteen-year-old pen pal but she wouldn’t let me? No, only Alex knows that.”
“You really loved me?”
“Still do. You know that,” Zack said.
Sandy nodded her head slightly.
“You’re not yourself. Haven’t been since all that crap with your father,” Zack said. “The Sandy I know would have laughed this school stuff off and found a new solution.”
“What solution, Zack? I’ve tried everything I can think of,” she said.
“This is me, Sandy,” Zack said. “We’ve known each other too long and been through too much heartache, for you to lie to me. What’s going on with you? Not with Aden, or his kids, or the baby but what’s going on with you?”
He put his hand over her heart.
“Here.”
Sandy shook her head at him. She shifted to walk to his car. He held her in place.
“I’ve always been the person you could talk to, about everything, even when things were awful,” Zack said. “I’m still that person.”
Sandy’s pursed her eyebrows then shook her head.
“We have these kids to take care of.” She tried to move again.
“They’re fine,” Zack said. “Did you notice Teddy and Noelle?”
“What about them?”
“They’re like us,” Zack said. “Quick looks, blushing, very cute.”
“I wondered why she wanted to spend time with them. But… I hadn’t noticed.”
“See what I mean,” Zack said.
She moved to leave and he pulled her to him in a hug.
“Tell me,” he said in her ear.
“Everyone knows now, Zack,” she whispered. “Everyone. You heard what the school administrator said about me. Everyone knows. The newspaper reporter fumbled all over himself before he asked if he could interview me about… my life.
“I fought so hard to be something… more. Now, I’m just some stupid pregnant whore,” she whispered. “Bad enough she was fucked by her father on video. But look at her now, the idiot’s pregnant by some criminal.”
“Oh Sandy, it’s so easy to judge. Why take this on? You never cared what people thought of you.”
“I cared enough to keep the stuff that happened a secret,” she said.
He shook her a little bit.
“I don’t want to be taken advantage of anymore,” she said. “I get taken advantage of all the time.”
“By whom?”
“Aden,” she said.
“Only if you let him,” Zack said. “And before you say it, you didn’t let your father take advantage of you. You didn’t let those men take advantage you. And, much to my chagrin, you’ve never let me take advantage of you.”
Laughing, Sandy shifted away and punched his chest.
“Ow,” he said. “Knowing you, loving you, changed my life forever. Don’t let them steal your shine.”
“What shine?”
Zack laughed. He held out his hand and she took it. They walked to the car where the kids were arguing.
“Hey I didn’t know you knew each other,” Teddy said.
“We’re old friends,” Zack said.
“Is she one of your ladies?” Teddy asked.
“Your mother’s paranoid fantasy ladies?”
“I am,” Sandy said. “Tina hates me.”
“It’s okay, Sandy,” Teddy said. “She hates me too. She really hates Nash because he’s my friend.”
“My mom hates me too,” Sandy said.
“Welcome to the…” Teddy started
“Country of Fucked Up,” Teddy, Nash and Zack said together.
Noelle laughed and clapped her hands. Blushing, Sandy laughed.
“It’s a crowded country but we take immigrants,” Zack said.
“Immigrant? I’m a founder!” Sandy protested.
Zack opened the passenger door and helped her inside his SUV. He went around to the driver’s side.
“Where to?”
“We want to know if there are cute girls at Machebeuf,” Nash said.
“I went there,” Sandy said.
“Then I’ll go,” Nash said.
“Me too,” Teddy said.
“Let’s go look,” Zack said. “We can check out the girls and boys for Noelle.”
“Noelle doesn’t need any boys,” Teddy said.
Noelle giggled and batted her eyes at Teddy. He blushed. Leaning against the seat, Sandy felt a moment of peace.
Maybe Delphie was right. Maybe, she was loved.
~~~~~~~~
Wednesday evening — 5:25 P.M.
“You were right,” Jill said. She was in the middle of making meatloaf for dinner. “Pantry’s full.”
“I told you!” Honey said.
“Our household pantry’s full too,” Jill said. ”Yours?”
Honey nodded.
“I was here most of the day.”
“Magic,” Honey said. “It’s got to be magic.”
~~~~~~~~
Wednesday evening — 7:30 P.M.
“Welcome home.”
After the Department of Corrections checked the Castle, its telephone connection and radio coverage, they attached the device on Aden’s leg and released him to Sam’s custody. Sam hugged Aden and retreated upstairs. Jacob picked up Aden’s bag and carried it into the Castle living room.
“Thanks,” Aden said. “Where is everyone?”
“They wanted to let you get settled before you felt like you had to do anything,” Jacob said. “Come on. We made a place for you in the basement.”
Aden started down the basement stairs after Jacob.
“I can’t thank you enough,” Aden said. “I…”
Sandy and the kids stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them.
“I’ll leave you in good hands,” Jacob said.
CHAPTER NINETY-SIX
Road-a-Vores
Thursday morning — 6:30 A.M
Aden stood in front of the apartment where Sandy and his children lived. He’d rushed through his return to work with the sole focus of getting to this door by six-thirty. After all the rush, he couldn’t bring himself to knock. His nervousness surprised him. Sandy opened the door.
“There you are.”
She smiled. He was taken back by how beautiful she looked.
“Thanks for inviting me to breakfast,” Aden said.
“The kids are excited to see you,” Sandy said. “Nash begged me to make cinnamon scones.”
He followed her into the apartment.
“Dad!” Nash said. He ran forward to hug his father. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I helped them get started this morning,” Aden said. “I didn’t want to miss breakfast. Today’s your big day, isn’t it?”
“We’re going to talk to the people at Blessed Sacrament. My old teacher called like five minutes ago and suggested the Park Hill School too. They do seventh and eight grade. Sandy’s going to call Teddy’s Dad to see if they can meet us there. Teddy’s already set up at Blessed Sacrament.”
Nash spoke in a rush of words. His eyes never left his father’s face. When he was done, he impulsively hugged his father again.
“Did you sleep good?” Nash asked.
“Well,” Sandy said. “Sleep well.”
“Sleep well,” Nash said.
“I’m really happy to be home,” Aden said.
“This isn’t our home, Daddy!” Noelle said.
Noelle came in wearing her new tailored uniforms and her fancy new bra. Her hair fell in waves at her shoulder. She wore a little mascara and eye shadow. Aden’s little girl had transformed into a young woman. Aden was so surprised, he took a step back.
“What are you wearing?” Aden asked.
“My uniform,” Noelle said.
“We’ll be righ
t back,” Sandy said.
Sandy pushed Aden back out the door of the apartment. Flustered, he didn’t protest.
“What’s wrong with you?” Sandy asked.
“What… I mean how…”
“Your daughter is growing up,” Sandy said.
“She’s only ten. She’s still a baby and… and… I wasn’t gone that long!”
“She’s almost eleven. In some cultures, eleven year old girls get married and have children,” Sandy said.
“Not this culture,” Aden said.
“She’s a lovely young woman,” Sandy said. “She really cares about how she looks. Do you have some problem with it?”
“I’m just surprised. That’s all,” Aden said. “She’s… beautiful. My Noelle…”
“Watch what you say,” Sandy said. “She’s very sensitive. She’s been teased by the cute girls at school.”
“She’s been teased by a group of girls for a long time,” Aden said. “I’ve talked to her teachers about it but there’s not much they can do.”
“Well, be nice, complementary,” Sandy said. “Valerie helped her get her uniform tailored and helped her with new undergarments. Noelle feels pretty special to have a movie star’s help. So be nice.”
Aden nodded. Sandy turned back to the apartment door.
“May I kiss you?”
“What?” Sandy whipped around.
“I’d like to kiss you,” Aden said.
Shaking her head at him, she turned back and walked into the apartment. She ran into Noelle and Nash. They had been listening on the other side of the door.
“I can change, Daddy,” Noelle said. “I don’t have to wear this.”
“I was just surprised, honey,” Aden said. “That’s all. You look very beautiful.”
“I want to be your little girl.”
“You’ll always be my little girl, Noelle,” Aden said. “Always.”
When he held out his arms, Noelle ran to give him a hug.
“I think she looks great,” Nash said. In a brother’s singsong teasing voice, Nash added, “So does Teddy.”
Noelle blushed.
“Who’s Teddy?” Flustered, Aden repeated, “Who’s Teddy?”
“Nash’s friend Teddy,” Sandy said. “We need to keep moving. Your Dad needs to get back to work and we have to get to school.”
Sandy and the kids sat down at the table.
“Daddy, sit right here,” Noelle said.
Aden sat down between Noelle and Nash
“Nash?” Sandy said.
“Thanks for the food,” Nash said.
“Grace?” Aden asked.
“We like to start our day with a little thank you,” Noelle said.
“Because we’re glad we have each other even if things are hard,” Nash said. “That’s what Sandy says.”
“Every day,” Sandy laughed.
They ate quickly. Nash got up to take the dishes. He nudged Noelle and she went with him into the kitchen.
“So civilized,” Aden said. “No cold Pop Tarts on the way to school.”
“They’re on their best behavior,” she said. “Would you like some more coffee?”
“Should you be drinking coffee?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“My baby,” he said. “My business.”
“You sure?” she asked.
“Listen Nuala fucked up…”
Sandy stood from her chair. Walking out of the dining room, she went into her bedroom and closed her door. She sat down on the end of her bed. She could hear Nash and Noelle talking at the same time. Aden’s voice resonated through the walls but the meaning was lost. Nash and Noelle and the deeper voice, they were all talking. The voices went back and forth. Overwhelmed, Sandy lay back on the bed. There was a tap on her door.
“Yes?” Sandy asked.
Aden stuck his head in the door.
“I came in here to get away from you,” Sandy said.
“I know,” he said. “May I come in?”
“You might as well,” she said.
She shifted up to sitting. He sat down next to her on the bed.
“You don’t wear your ring any more,” he said.
“Just another broken promise.”
“How do I make this right? What do I need to do to make this right?”
“I don’t know,” Sandy shrugged. “Can’t un-tell millions of people my deepest secret.”
“What do you mean? I never told anyone.”
Sandy turned to look at him. He tried not to squirm under her close scrutiny.
“How is it that everyone in the city of Denver knows that my father raped me then sold the videos?” Her voice was soft but clear. “I told Jill… and I told you.”
The blood drained from his face. His mouth fell open and shut in a grim line.
“There’s only one other person who knew because it stopped around the time we were close. He didn’t say anything to the Denver Post or the news cameras or…”
Aden opened his mouth to say something. His voice came out in a croak.
“I never even told Heather or Tanesha, not because I thought they would tell CBS morning news or their lawyer would be on the Today show. I didn’t tell my best friends because I was mortified.”
He looked away from her.
“I guess I still am,” she said. “It happened to me, not you, not even Noelle. Now the entire world knows I’m just some victim.”
“Sandy, I…”
“My Dad would be so disappointed in me,” she said. “That’s what gets me the most. He went way out of his way to save me and now look at my life. Unmarried, pregnant at twenty-six by some criminal who...”
“I love you, Sandy,” Aden said. “Please tell me how I can make this right. I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you and the kids at the center of it. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Sandy raised her shoulders then dropped them. They sat on the bed in silence for a moment.
“I need to get the kids to school,” she said. “You need to get back to work. Jake’s had a hell of a time while you were gone.”
Aden took her hand when she stood. She turned to look at him.
“I want to make this right,” he said.
“I don’t think there is a way to make it right,” Sandy said. “There’s just moving on.”
“How do we move on?”
“I’m too exhausted solve this problem for you,” Sandy said.
Standing, she picked up her purse and left the room. Looking around the bedroom, he remembered their first days here in this apartment. He’d cherished those memories while he was in prison. Reviewing the memories now, he saw what he’d been too self-absorbed to see at the time: Sandy had been injured and bleeding the entire time. His memories now revealed her terror, devastation, and sorrow. He realized the kids’ numb expressions had covered their loss and pain. As if watching a horrible movie, the memories rolled in front of him.
How had he missed it?
He’d hurt everyone who loved him. As if he was hell bent on destruction, he had taken a wrecking ball to his entire life and everyone in it.
Nothing could change that fact.
As if she was standing in front of him, he heard Celia’s voice say:
“We create the lives we want through our thoughts and actions. Why did you want this?”
Stunned, he plopped down on the bed. He’d never felt like he deserved Sandy, his kids, his career, his money, and, well, everything he had. At the very moment he was going to have every piece of his shiny dream – beautiful wife, step into a CEO job at Lipson, happy children – he’d fucked it all.
The truth hit him like a ton of bricks.
“I don’t deserve it,” he said out loud.
“And we did?” Sandy was standing inside the doorway. “Sorry, I left my keys on the dresser.”
She reached around him to get her keys. Jumping to his feet, he lifted her from her feet in a hug. Setting her down, he fell
to his knees.
“I get it. I really get it. And I’m so, so sorry,” he said. “I didn’t understand but I do now. Can you forgive me?”
“You need to apologize to the children,” Sandy said. “Sort your shit out. Get your life together. Make this right. Then ask me for forgiveness. Asking me now, in the middle of the wreckage, is just rude.”
Popping to his feet, he held her again.
“I have to get the kids to school,” she said.
“I’ll take Noelle. It’s on my way,” he said. “You and Nash can take care of schools.”
“Don’t fuck this up,” she said. “The kids can’t handle another disappointment from you.”
“No, ma’am, I won’t,” he said.
He followed her out. He had already dropped off his ‘young woman’ when he realized that he once had this conversation with Celia. Celia told him it was up to him to decide how much he was worth. Smiling, he rolled into the Lipson Construction lot. He might not know what he was worth but he sure as hell knew how to start figuring it out.
~~~~~~~~
Thursday afternoon — 2:30 P.M.
Valerie hopped out of the driver’s seat of Jill’s Lexus SUV. She’d promised to take Katy and Paddie on the big equipment this afternoon. By the time she got around to the back, Katy and Paddie were out of their car seats. Valerie helped the children out of the car. As soon their feet hit the ground, Katy and Paddie began hopping like bunnies toward the Lipson Construction office.
As they neared the front door, Katy took off running. When the automatic door slid open, she squealed with laughter.
“I’ll do it!” Paddie said.
Katy ran back. They waited for the door to close then Paddie ran forward. The door opened. The children were beside themselves with laughter. Paddie ran back.
“You do it!” Katy said to Valerie.
Valerie ran forward and the door opened. Katy and Paddie squealed and cheered. Hoping to quell the chaos, Valerie took their hands. They walked into Lipson Construction.
“The doors at the store do that,” Paddie said.
“These are more fun!” Katy said. “Faster!”
“More fun to do it myself,” Paddie said.
“Hey Val,” the receptionist said. “I didn’t know you were here today.”
“I came to see if we could lure my brother into showing us how all the big equipment works,” Valerie said. “He’s expecting us.”
Cimarron, Denver Cereal Volume 4 Page 8