She sighed. “Anyone but me, I meant.”
She could see Alice wanting to argue with her but this was not a point she would concede. She couldn’t. It was a slippery slope, and she knew it well. Once she started to compromise, she would be relinquishing control. This was her life they were talking about. And yes, she had feelings for Dax, but she couldn’t let these emotions take control.
She wasn’t a kid anymore, and she couldn’t afford to lose herself to the whims of her hormones and her heart. She’d built a life, a good life—a life she’d worked hard for. She couldn’t just go and change all of that because of a man.
An image of Dax filled her head. Even if he was a crazy attractive, sweet, kind, one-in-a-million kind of man.
She forced a smile for Alice’s sake even though her heart was still aching in her chest. “Look, it was stupid of me to be jealous, but the fact of the matter is, I am jealous. Not because Ellen is pretty or any of that, but because she would fit into his life in a way that I never could.”
When Alice opened her mouth she cut her off again.
“And vice versa.”
Alice clamped her mouth shut.
Katy focused on the coffee in her hands as she tried to explain. “I’ve worked hard, Alice. I love my company, I love what I do. I love having complete control over my life and my future and—”
Alice’s sigh made her stop and look up in surprise.
Alice flashed her a smile but there was a sadness to it. “Sorry, but now it’s my turn to be jealous, I guess.”
Surprise had Katy setting down her mug, forgetting temporarily about her own heartache and the current state on insanity in her heart and in her brain. Her new friend looked so sad she found herself reaching out as Alice had done to her.
“What is it, Alice?”
Alice shook her head, as if shaking off whatever sad thoughts had brought her down. “I’m being ridiculous, is all. I love my life here at Twilight, I do. It’s just that…” A wistfulness swept over her features and Katy recognized it. It was seriously like looking in a mirror at her younger self—the one who’d fled New York with grand ambitions of making a name for herself, on her own terms.
“You want more,” she said quietly.
Alice’s gaze was startled and she looked like she might protest but then she bit her lip and let out another sad sigh. “Yeah,” she said. “I want more.”
They were quiet for a moment. Katy had so much she wanted to say but she wasn’t sure it was her place. After all, she didn’t know all the circumstances, but from the talks she’d had with Dax, she could imagine the younger girl’s situation was complicated.
She knew that the ranch was struggling financially, she knew that it fell upon the siblings to save it. She also knew that this whole guest ranch idea, which was the saving grace for this property, had been Alice’s idea.
Dax had talked with pride about how Alice had brought it to fruition with the help of James and Cole.
The memory of Dax’s proud bragging made her lips curve up in a smile. Even though he hadn’t tried to hide his misery at having to share his land with a bunch of tourists, he couldn’t disguise his obvious pride in his little sister’s brains and her fortitude.
Not just anyone could make something like this happen. It required so much more than just vision and intelligence. It required strength and the kind of persistence and doggedness that most people just don’t have. Or at least, in Katy’s experience, they often don’t have that as well as the vision and intelligence.
But Alice, she clearly had it all. The intelligence and the gumption. That was rare. “I know this sounds cliché,” she said. “But you could do anything you wanted, Alice Deckland. You’ve got what it takes.”
Alice grinned at that. “Yeah, but…” She gestured around her. “I’m needed here.”
Katy nodded. She assumed that was the hold-up. “I bet Dax would understand if you wanted to spread your wings.”
Alice’s smile faded and Katy caught the hint of sadness. “That’s the thing about Dax. He would totally understand. In fact, if he so much as suspected that I wanted to get out of Lulu and try my hand at something new, he’d support me one hundred percent.”
Katy watched her struggle with emotion. “And that’s a bad thing?”
Alice’s laugh was rueful. “It is a bad thing, actually. Because if Dax was a jerk maybe I could leave him here by himself to run the show, but—”
“But he’s not a jerk.” In a weird way, Katy felt her pain. It would have been so much easier to walk away if Dax was the kind of controlling, manipulative, alpha male she’d dated in the past. If she could tell herself that he was the chauvinistic cowboy she’d first thought he was, she could get on that plane without a backward glance.
“He’s not a jerk,” Alice echoed, her love for her brother written all over her face. “Please don’t say anything to him.”
“Of course not!” Katy was honestly offended. She held up her hand in a scout’s salute. “Scouts honor.”
Alice arched her brows in surprise. “You were a Girl Scout?”
“No,” Katy laughed. “Why? Is that a prerequisite for having honor or something?”
Alice was laughing too and Katy was glad to see some of her sadness fade. “I’m sorry to unload like that. I do love what I’m doing here.” She glanced down at the work that spoke for itself. “But I have to admit that I envy you. I’d love to be doing this—” She gestured to the work. “But for Hollywood celebrities and at different venues.”
She looked so wistful that Katy couldn’t help but smile. She didn’t have the heart to break it to her that event planning in Hollywood wasn’t nearly as glamorous as she seemed to think. Well, there was an element of glamour, but all the hard work was still there too.
Alice straightened, giving Katy a smile that was strained but determined. “No use sitting around here moaning about it though, right?”
Katy tried to match her smile but she was pretty sure hers didn’t quite add up. In reality, all she wanted to do was sit here and moan. And then maybe cry. Was she wallowing? Yes, in fact, she was.
But Alice was already on her feet. “Come on, Katy. You and I are going to get out of here and shake off this bad mood.”
“How exactly are we going to do that?” she asked, following behind her new friend and apparently self-appointed cheerleader.
“We’re going to work,” Alice said.
Katy sighed. “Oh goodie.”
Normally she loved work; she lived for it. But today she just couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm required. She tried, though. She gave it the old college try as she let Alice lead her from one location to the next. She even managed to put together some coherent comments when she wasn’t on the lookout for Dax.
But, for the most part, she was constantly on the lookout for Dax.
No matter how much she tried to reason with herself that it was futile to spend any more time together, that it would only make this goodbye even harder, there was a very big part of her that was desperate to see him again.
She got her wish when they were walking past the main house and he was riding back to the stables.
Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him in all his masculine glory atop that horse. Holy cowboys, Batman.
He was remarkable.
And she was gawking. She was one hundred percent gaping. Maybe even drooling, she couldn’t be sure.
All she knew for certain was that she could not look away. And she knew the exact moment that he spotted her, despite the fact that his cowboy hat threw his eyes in shade.
But she knew. She felt it. Her blood heated in her veins and she couldn’t hear Alice talking beside her. It was only when Alice touched her arm that she came back to reality.
“Yoo-hoo,” Alice said, laughter clear in her voice. “I was explaining how we could get everyone to and from the airport but I’m pretty sure I lost you somewhere around ‘shuttle buses.’”
Katy laughed
, but she never stopped watching Dax as he got off the horse and handed the reins to a teen-ager she’d seen working odd jobs on the property. He strode toward them, his lips curved up in a smile at the sight of her.
If Alice was still talking, she wasn’t aware of it. It took all her power just to keep from swooning like some sort of ditzy schoolgirl.
When Dax reached them, Alice made some lame excuse about needing to look for her phone inside the house. Soon enough they were left alone.
Dax’s gaze searched her face. Now that he was close, she could see his warm brown eyes beneath the brim of his hat and warmed at the emotions that she saw there.
This thing between them—this connection, or whatever it was—it was more than she’d ever expected to experience in life. Ever, let alone with some man she’d only just met.
“How’s your tour going?” he asked.
“Fine.”
There was a silence as she struggled with what to say. Did she apologize for her odd behavior at the end of the night yesterday? So sorry, but I got insanely jealous and temporarily lost my mind. Or did she continue to keep her distance so the goodbye tomorrow morning wouldn’t be any harder than she expected it would already be.
He was the one to finally break the silence. Thankfully, because she wasn’t sure she’d ever gather the right words. “I had a great time last night,” he said.
“Me too.”
He took a step closer and she inhaled deeply, some part of her already trying to memorize his scent and store it away for those moments when she was alone in her LA apartment and missing him like crazy. “I’m going to miss you.”
She saw a flash of surprise in his eyes, but that was nothing compared to her shock. She slapped a hand over her mouth. Oh mercy. She hadn’t meant to say that. It had just kind of…come out.
She opened her mouth to call it back but he moved too quickly, closing the distance between them and pulling her close with a growl that made her heart ache. When he kissed her, she was home. The scent of his aftershave made her want to cry, or maybe that was the tenderness in his kiss.
His lips were firm and gentle as he showed her just how much he would miss her too.
“Come with me,” he murmured when he lifted his head.
Yes. Anytime, anywhere. She shook her head. “Where?”
He glanced around. “Are you and Alice done?”
She shrugged. “I have all the information I need. I can always email her with questions.”
He reached for her hand and was already tugging her toward his truck as her voice trailed off. “Where are we going?”
His grin was wolfish as he glanced over his shoulder. “Miss Katy Hunter, I have one day left in your company, and I don’t intend to waste a single second.”
Chapter Thirteen
Dax hadn’t planned this. In fact, he’d told himself all last night and all this morning that he would leave her be. She clearly needed space, and he did too. Heck, he couldn’t tell his top from his bottom he was so addled by these new, raging, all-consuming emotions.
After an early breakfast, he’d set out for his chores, intent on keeping himself busy for both their sakes.
But then he’d seen her, looking so beautiful with her hair down and wearing casual clothes. It didn’t matter what she wore or how her hair was styled. Heck, she could wear a sack and have a mud mask on her face and he’d see her beauty. Her kind of beauty was so much more than skin-deep.
She nearly glowed with kindness and her body hummed with energy and determination, honesty and empathy.
How had he not seen that on the plane?
Probably because she hadn’t wanted him to see. She’d hid herself from him behind that ice queen mask. He hadn’t seen that Katy since…well certainly not since their first kiss.
And now it was easy to forget she’d ever existed. He looked over to where she was sitting beside him, the wind from the open window tossing her hair around her face. He kept sneaking glances of this miraculous site. Who knew how long he’d have with her? He needed to enjoy every moment.
Because he didn’t have a game plan, he set out to his favorite place on the ranch—an overlook that had an amazing view of the property and where eagles regularly soared overhead. He helped her out and they sat side by side, in silence at first, and then quietly talking.
For a man who rarely opened up to people, he hardly recognized himself. They talked for hours out on that ledge, about their futures, about their hopes, their dreams, their families, the expectations and responsibilities they faced.
They talked about everything under the sun…except for their relationship, or lack thereof.
It seemed she was just as loathe to discuss their parting as he was, and he didn’t press the issue. So, they talked about life in general until their hunger set in and he drove her back to the main house.
No one was around so he fixed them an early dinner and they set out once more, for a walk this time. He showed her around but this time there was no sightseeing. Well, she might have taken in the sights, but all he could see was her.
They were sitting under an oak tree and listening to a babbling brook as the sun began to set. The sky turned a brilliant shade of pink and the clouds seemed to come together just to dazzle them with their display.
They grew quiet as the sun sank beneath the horizon.
“I should probably lead you back before it gets too dark,” he said.
She nodded, but the happy aura around them seemed to have faded along with the sun. Their time was coming to an end and they both knew it.
They walked back slowly, dragging their feet. When they reached her doorstep he found himself in the same predicament as the night before. He had no words. Nothing seemed right.
Nothing about this situation seemed right.
He stopped beside her as they reached the entrance. He couldn’t explain the feeling that came over him, not even to himself. It was some sort of crazy desperation. It was as though his body, mind, and heart were crying out for him to do something—anything.
Just don’t let this woman go.
But it wasn’t as though he could make her stay, and he wouldn’t want her to. She deserved every happiness in life.
He just wished that happiness included him.
Instead of words, he reached out for her, holding her tight in his arms and relishing the feel of her burrowing into his chest as if she too were trying with all her might to hold on to this—this moment, this connection, this…love.
There was no denying it now, not to himself and not to her.
He wavered for a moment. He didn’t want to manipulate her into staying longer or doing anything else she didn’t want to do.
But, at the same time, she deserved to know. Love was meant to be shared.
He pulled back slightly and tilted her face up so he could see into her big blue eyes. “Katy Hunter, I love you.”
She gasped, her eyes growing wide. But she didn’t speak.
He felt his heart clench painfully in response, but he didn’t push it. She might not feel the same, and even if she did, he hadn’t told her so she would say it in return.
He’d said it because it needed to be said.
He’d said it because it was the truth.
He’d said it because he knew deep down that a feeling like this came along once in a lifetime. Even if it wasn’t meant to last, he would cherish it always. And she deserved to know that.
Finally her startled look faded and he ached at the sight of her anguish. In her eyes he saw her confusion, her longing…he saw her love.
She loved him too, whether she admitted it or not.
“I—I—I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes were pleading with him and he forced a small smile of understanding.
“There’s nothing to say,” he said.
She pressed her lips together and he struggled with a feeling of helplessness as tears filled her eyes. Finally, she said, “I wish there was a way this could work.”
&n
bsp; He nodded. “Me too.”
But there wasn’t, that was her subtext. That was what went unsaid, because they both knew it.
Still, that desperate feeling inside him wouldn’t go away. He felt unsettled, restless. He felt like this woman was going to take her heart with him when she walked away. It was that thought that made him speak again.
Maybe he shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “I want you to stay.”
Her eyes widened again and he wanted to kick himself for saying it. But at the same time, he would have kicked himself if he hadn’t said it.
“I—” She stopped abruptly and clamped her mouth shut.
He reached for her hands and squeezed. “I know. I know I have no right to say it and no right to ask, but I had to.”
She nodded.
Reaching up, she placed her hands on his chest and gave him a kiss that he would remember for the rest of his life. She told him she loved him without saying a word.
When she came back down on her heels and opened her eyes, she gave him a small smile. “I’ll come say goodbye in the morning.”
Chapter Fourteen
What Katy did was cowardly, she was the first to admit it. The next morning she rose early. Actually, she hadn’t slept at all. Rather than head to the main house, she waited until she saw James pass by on his way to the stables and she chased after him.
“Could you…uh, would you mind giving me a ride to the airport?”
He looked confused and she caught his quick glance toward the main house, but she cut off his questions by rattling on about how she was running late and needed to run.
She did need to run, that wasn’t a lie. And there was no escaping the fact that she was running away.
Like a coward.
No, she told herself on the plane. It was self-preservation, which was not the same thing.
Close enough.
But if she’d stayed any longer, or worse—if she’d run into Dax again—she wasn’t sure she would have the willpower to leave.
I’ll say goodbye in the morning.
The words haunted her as she rode in the taxi through the crowded neighborhoods that led to hers.
Steel Toes & Stilettos (Sweet & Rugged in Montana Book 2) Page 13