“Safety first,” Peter chuckled. He gave them a five-minute safety lesson and reminded Lucas how to use the controls.
“I know I’m an old nerd,” Lucas said when he was done, “But I did own a Ducati for a few years.”
“Oh, sorry,” Peter said. “You could’ve just said that, and I’d have shortened my speech.”
“Are we ready now?” Sebbie said, wiggling in place with cold and excitement. “We have to be back for church. Pastor Michael said he’d wave at me.”
“Church?” Peter asked.
“We get on to video stream our church’s service back home. It helps us feel connected,” Lucas explained, then added, “Sebbie, they're eight hours behind us, so we have plenty of time.”
“Still, we better get going! Stay in line until Peter gets us to the meadow. I’ll ride last,” Hal instructed. “Goggles on!”
Lucas could hardly hear over the engine, but based on Sebbie’s squeezing grabs around his waist, he could imagine his giggles and squeals. The exhilaration was freeing. Lucas was grateful to have something to concentrate on. Riding was just strenuous enough to make him sweat in all the layers, but the smart fabric kept him comfortable.
After a half hour at moderate speed, Peter signaled for a huddle. They had finally reached a large, flat area without the grooved snow dunes that surrounded the base.
“I’m gonna chuck some posts out so we know where to stay based on the survey, but as long as you stay on this side of the peaks out there, you’re clear to zoom,” he called.
“Let’s get a quick picture,” Lucas replied, nodding. He'd committed to carrying his signal-less phone around this season to record memories for Seb. Hal and Peter drove up and Lucas took a selfie of the group. His face was smashed in the lower corner and Sebbie peeked over his shoulder, while Peter and Hal waved from their machines in the background.
“Perfect, thanks!” Lucas called. On cue, Peter roared off and distributed bright orange reflectors in a distant circle to contain their 'meadow' for future riders.
“Let’s go, Daddy!” Sebbie called.
“All right, hold on, kiddo!”
They zoomed left and right, over small hills and even jumping a few small ledges.
For a snowy place, there isn’t any snow, Lucas thought as they stopped for some father and son pictures. Desert Antarctica is ice and frozen snow everywhere, but there’s almost none of the fluffy powder vacationers seek on winter vacations. Still, the snowmobiles were agile and had a ton of torque, so as long as Sebbie was securely holding on, Lucas probably could’ve climbed anything he laid eyes on.
After almost an hour, the group re-convened to head back. Their shiny tracks had made scuffs all over the ground in loops and streaks.
“Thanks, guys,” Lucas said, giving their guides a big thumbs up.
“What did you think, Sebbie?” Hal asked.
“I’m cold,” he replied. “But that was awesome!”
“Let’s head back to base now,” Lucas said. “I gotta check my robot.”
“Who gets to say that?” Peter said with a loud hoot. “This is such a cool job.”
Lucas agreed and smiled the whole way back to base. He was breathing heavily, but it felt good.
I wish Jane had come, he thought. She'd insisted she needed to set up Sebbie's new learning toy, a green laptop with games and activities that she'd bought him for Christmas. Kid's already addicted to Minecraft, he thought.
“You think Mommy will like the pictures?” he called to Sebbie.
“What?”
“Mommy! Will she like the pictures?”
“What?” his son asked again.
“The pictures! Show them to Mommy!”
“Oh yeah!”
Lucas laughed and helped Sebbie hop off so he could park the snowmobile, but the boy's legs were so tired from the ride that he wobbled briefly, then sat down. When the engine noise finally died away and he took off his helmet, Lucas’s ears searched for sounds in the vastness. His own heartbeat and breath consumed his sense and made him feel small.
This is such a big world. What a beautiful place, and it’s so sad to be back. He looked around as his ears adjusted to the quietness. Staring at the cloudless sky, he wondered, Is this my life? What happened?
“Daddy?” Sebbie asked, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re sad again.”
“No,” Lucas answered quickly. “Well, yes, I am. Sorry, Sebbie. This place... it's hard for Mommy and Daddy.”
“For me, too.”
“I’m sorry, buddy. Does it make you said when I'm sad?”
“Yeah, I’m sad, too.”
“I know. We’ll both be brave together, ok?”
“Ok.”
They started to walk inside, holding hands.
“Daddy?”
“Yes?”
“I think Mommy’s the saddest.”
Chapter 24
“Ana, initiate the launch sequence when ready,” Bonnie commanded. Their first test was occurring a month after arrival, and they were amping up the speed in the new year an anticipated 20% over last season.
“Still waiting for confirmation from the weather team,” Ana replied.
After ten seconds of silence, she continued, “Someone explain to me how come you guys got monster trucks to drive around in the snow and I didn’t get my meteorologist?”
“Because Trevor’s grant paid for his employees to come, and there were only two bunks left,” Bonnie replied.
“Thanks, Bonnie,” Trevor said, annoyed at being blamed.
“Well, did they bring a tent?” Ana said sarcastically.
“Ok, everyone settle down,” Cheyenne said as she helped Ana re-acquire the interrupted connection to the weather team. “Julie and James can hear you even though they're at the catch with Hal.”
Ana didn't look remorseful at all. The launches were always stressful for her.
“There. Back online,” Cheyenne confirmed. “Just a hiccup in the new software.”
“They always call them ‘upgrades’…” Ana grumbled.
“We’re ready now?” Colonel Edwards asked on the screen, ignoring Ana’s whining about the one unanswered wish.
“I believe so,” Ana said, “I’m just looking for, wait—yes. We’re green.”
“Do it,” Bonnie said.
“Launch initiated,” Ana confirmed, “It’s live. Wait for the bang. The computer will finalize—”
The monitors in the room abruptly went to static. A commotion of flashing lights and sirens began.
“Hal? Hal? What’s your status?” Cheyenne said, rising from her chair. “Anyone? We lost the visual from the remote team plus all angles on the catch itself.”
Jane felt a pit forming in her stomach, as if there was room for any more feelings.
“Almost every alarm in the system is activated,” Bonnie said over the howling.
Jane tapped buttons and scrolled through the data pouring in to her monitor. Nothing looks unusual, she thought.
“Did it launch? Trevor?” Her rarely used voice squeaked as she opened her mouth.
“Yeah, it launched all right,” he said grimly, “But it didn’t catch. What do you see?”
“Nothing yet, does anyone have a signal from the—”
“We’re here!” Hal’s voice interrupted over the speakers.
“Thank God,” Cheyenne said quietly.
“Can you get out there and give us a visual?” Bonnie asked.
“At the catch?” he said. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll run the camera in myself.”
Following protocol, Lucas and Jane ran an immediate diagnostic on the launch systems while Riddhi reviewed the final checks that had been done on the capsule. Trevor's cheeks were pasty as he reviewed the stats on the catch and the programming for the deceleration sequence.
“Jane, when did it blow up?” Trevor asked.
“About thirty seconds ago,” Hal replied.
“Hal, I know you’re not trying to be sarcastic, but they
might kill you,” Cheyenne said, taking the pilot’s chatter off the room speakers after seeing the way Trevor scowled at the monitor.
“We’re talking about a split second for the whole journey,” Jane said. “The better question isn’t when but where it blew up.”
As Hal started running, the site came into view on the camera that had been at the safe zone.
“What do you see?” Lucas asked.
“Only what’s left,” Julie’s voice replied.
“A charred splat,” Hal added. He panned the camera around slowly.
Colonel Edwards interjected. “If it blew up at the catch, the obvious conclusion is a problem in the deceleration, right?”
“Not necessarily,” Jane said. “That’s a possibility, but it could also be too much acceleration at the front end, a trajectory or targeting error, even a problem with the physical formation of the capsule, one of the gems, or the catch.”
“Well, you can’t win them all,” Colonel Edwards announced with a tone of finality. “As long as everyone’s ok, you still have three more catch and capsule pairs plus three months ahead of you.”
He's oddly comfortable with the whole damn thing exploding, Jane thought as she yanked out the flash drive she was loading with the day's data.
“Bonnie, are you there?” Colonel Edwards asked.
“Of course, yes, sir, right here,” Bonnie said, coming to life again from her frozen look of doom.
“This isn’t your fault. Science includes an element of unpredictability. Keep me posted.”
“Right. Yes, thank you, sir,” she replied as Edwards closed the connection.
No one moved in the room.
“Take today and review your data,” their leader said in a demanding tone. “We’ll meet in the cafeteria at 8 pm to discuss possibilities. Hal, have Julie and James take pictures of the site and bring back anything salvageable from the catch for us to analyze.”
“Will do.”
“MILO, page the security guy,” Bonnie continued. When Adams got on the line, she said, “I need a little ‘environmental impact’ study to see if anyone’s going to notice what we just did.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Heads and voices were lowered as the disappointed scientists searched for answers. The room became still as, one by one, the team members realized Bonnie was silently waiting for their attention. Lucas nudged Jane to look up from her monitor, giving their leader the final set of eyes.
“We are not pushing back Thursday’s test,” she began. “It’s our only predicted weather gap in the next two weeks. We will figure out what went wrong, fix it, and do the next successful test at an even faster speed,” Bonnie said as she walked out of the console room. “One loss is already one too many.”
Chapter 25
That evening, after a quiet dinner and an unproductive team meeting, Jane stared at Sebbie's little green laptop. Her son rolled a car across the table, occasionally asking her to roll the one she’d forgotten she was holding.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, buddy?” Jane said, dutifully making an engine sound and a screeching stop.
“Are you sad?”
“Just a little,” she nodded. “Sometimes tests don’t go how they’re supposed to, but that’s just part of science.”
“And nobody got hurt, so thank you, Jesus,” her son said.
Jane smiled. “Did Daddy tell you that?”
“Yep.”
“Are you glad we’re back?” she asked.
“Yes! I like it here,” he said, driving his car down the table leg.
“Me, too.”
“Mommy?”
“Yep?”
“You don’t seem like you like it here anymore.”
“I don’t?” Jane said, turning back to the small screen. “How come?”
“Grandma said it might remind you of the baby.”
Jane felt her temperature rising and dropped her hands into her lap. “Do you and Grandma talk about baby Emily a lot?”
“No, just sometimes. And I talk to Daddy, too.”
“You can talk to me, sweetie.”
“I know,” he said, “But I don’t like making you sad. I like it when you laugh.”
“I like it when I laugh, too,” Jane said, reaching out with a smile and poking his nose.
“Could you laugh right now?”
“Only if you’re funny!”
“Remember when we made the robot read Wizard of Oz?”
“Yes!” Jane said. “Let’s watch it! MILO, play the security video from last year when Lucas and Dám had you talk through the articulated robot.”
MILO chirped a reply and the monitor began to play the video. Sebastian crawled into her lap, and she giggled along with him, wishing the laughter would penetrate her heart.
After tucking him into bed with three kisses on each cheek that night, Jane lay beside him.
Without you, sweetheart, I know I’d be lost, she thought, curling her hand around his warm cheek.
“Mommy?”
“Mmhmm?”
“When you’re sad, you can talk to Jesus.”
“Good idea, sweetie,” Jane forced herself to reply. Her face felt hot but cold swirled in her empty belly. She felt cramped next to her son now, but waited until his breathing slowed to slide her arm away.
“MILO,” she said softly in the hallway after blowing her nose. “Turn on Sebbie’s monitor and alert me if there’s noise or movement, please.”
The lights flashed twice to confirm the command as she set out for Lucas’ lab.
“Are you ok, Dr. Whyse?”
Startled, Jane turned to see Julie walking down the hallway.
“What?” Jane said, realizing her face probably revealed signs she'd been crying. “Sorry, yes, I just fell asleep putting Sebbie to bed.” Julie looked uncomfortable, but half-smiled and continued on her path.
Jane wanted to talk to Lucas but didn’t have anything to say. Sometimes being close to him was enough; sometimes it felt like a disappointment that he was quiet. He said he felt shut out, and she knew she was holding back, but as months passed, she didn’t know what to say.
I want to talk about Emily, she thought. But it sucks. She leaned against the cool white wall and closed her eyes.
Every minute I don’t talk about her, I feel like I’m betraying her, she said in her mind. She used to pray like this, but now she refused to admit Anyone might be listening. I want to bring her up all the time, because if someone else mentions it, I feel like I can’t breathe. Like they are invading my private space of memories and dreams. Holy ground... for me only. I wish they would stop trying to understand. They don't. They never will.
She picked up Seb’s little green laptop and slowly walked down to her office, resolute to persevere.
Chapter 26
MILO Personal Dictation: Trevor Fox
Well, she’s running it again tomorrow just because she’s just Bonnie. We worked all week and haven’t figured out the problem, but she won’t budge on the schedule. I wondered briefly today if Jane was going to strangle her, but Antarctica was not afforded the pleasure. Jane’s lost her spunk anyway. The team’s lucky she even put up the brief fight she did. I bet she’s entirely useless in bed now, if she was ever worth a dime.
James told me today he can’t imagine how Jane ever led Split Horizon at all. He called her a zombie and I said you’d have to pay me—
Who's emailing me now?
You’ve gotta be—it’s the confirmation email from NASA—we don’t even know what happened, and Colonel Edwards still approved—What? If we blow up another capsule and catch, we only have two more chances before the whole season’s a bust less than five weeks in!
I’ve started going to the fitness room first thing in the morning because the pr—k security guy caught on. He started always showing up during Candace’s yoga, too. He’s shirtless and lifting like two thousand pounds. It’s not worth it if I have to see that dude sweating.
Chap
ter 27
“How could this have happened?” Bonnie shrieked the next morning after Colonel Edwards’ disappointed face vanished from the monitor. “We had almost a week to fix things!”
The second attempt this season had gone the way of the first and ended in a catastrophic failure.
Jane adjusted her ponytail and sighed gently. “We had five days, but we didn’t fix anything because we couldn’t find anything wrong, Bon,” she said.
“We told you to delay,” Trevor said, his countenance revealing fury.
“Don’t YOU start,” Bonnie fumed. “There’s obviously an issue with the deceleration, and now you’ve cost us another capsule and catch.”
“Where do you get off blaming me and the decel with no proof?” Trevor roared with a string of swear words. The room fell silent for a moment as Bonnie recoiled from the outburst in surprise. Collecting herself, she put her hands on her hips and took a showy deep breath while Trevor cracked his knuckles and dialed back his attitude.
“I’m not absolving my team of blame,” he said with calculated effort. “But you can’t load it all on us with no proof. We need to go back through this with adequate time to make changes.”
Lucas raised his hands and interrupted before Bonnie could continue the yelling. “Look, we’re all disappointed,” he said, “And we all know something is wrong. We all hope it wasn’t ‘me’ who made the mistake, but something is wrong or James wouldn’t be picking up pieces of the capsule blown up all over the ice. Let’s figure it out as a team—”
“I’d like to know why I can’t involve Rich,” Trevor interrupted.
As Bonnie’s face turned white, Jane considered intervening, but didn’t know what to say.
Cheyenne addressed the question: “Dr. Chapman lost his security clearance for Split Horizon since his current project is funded by a foreign government.”
“Well, we need his help,” Trevor said, pointing at the steaming remnants of the capsule displayed on the screen. “Call Edwards and order Ana one meteorologist ‘to go’ and get conversations with Dr. Rich Chapman approved so we can get this solved and move forward.”
Adams, the staffer responsible for their security, spoke up from his self-appointed post in the corner. “Protocol is very clear here; there’s no unauthorized communication.”
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