Going Back Cold

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Going Back Cold Page 13

by Kelley Rose Waller


  Lucas felt his throat tighten. “It’s beautiful. We would’ve been proud to use it.”

  “Not over a crib,” she said, “This sucker’s heavy. But maybe in a corner, you know, just to decorate.”

  “It’s incredible. Thank you so much for the thought,” Lucas said, trying to blink away the image of Jane rocking a newborn baby girl while these shiny medallions spiraled gently in the corner.

  “I was working on it all last season. Sorry, Jane didn't fool me,” she said with a soft smile. “I knew pretty early.”

  Lucas was impressed by her insight and nodded. Riddhi sighed, then hung the mobile back inside the closet and closed the door.

  “It’s getting late,” she said, “and the storm’s going to keep me up anyway. But you should get to bed. I don’t know what to do with the mobile now. That’s why I didn’t tell Jane.”

  “I’m sure she’d like to see it. Maybe we can just prepare her first, so she isn’t surprised. It isn’t that she doesn’t want to talk about our daughter; she just gets, I don’t know, taken aback a bit when people bring the loss up suddenly.”

  “She needs to compartmentalize,” Riddhi said, nodding. “Can’t let grief enter every area of your life at this stage, so she keeps her grief confined to certain areas. Like, grief doesn’t come into the lab or sit with you over the breakfast coffee, but late at night, grief is on your pillow.”

  Lucas stared for a long moment and blinked his prickly eyes. “Wow,” he said, “that’s truer than you know.”

  “Dr. Whyse, I know she wasn’t alone in this loss,” she added. “You are forced to play both roles: supportive husband and grieving father.”

  Lucas nodded and crossed his arms. “Wow, Riddhi. Thanks. I didn’t know I was coming down here to do this.”

  “I’m glad we could talk,” she said. “No therapists or pastors available in The Dome.”

  “Well, thanks. Sometime when I’ve got some distance, we should talk again, and I’ll do a better job of explaining what I believe.”

  “I don’t think you could do a better job.”

  “Really?” Lucas said, raising his eyebrows. “I’m the field scientist who used to be a mediocre professor. Never could give a good lecture.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “Some canned speech or one-line zinger would never explain to me what you believe like watching you live has.”

  Lucas opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. Turning, he gave a gentle nod as he left.

  Chapter 37

  MILO Personal Dictation: Lucas Whyse

  I’m starting to tear down equipment tonight. Three weeks, and we’re out of here. If this storm passes, they’re due for one more test. I don’t have anything to do down here now.

  What the hell, Riddhi? Seriously. What the hell.

  What do people want from me? What do they want from me? Jane, Sebbie, everyone thinks I’m this unshakeable—man, what is with this wind? This is insane! Go pick on someone else, how about it?

  You haven’t had enough with the Whyse family yet, I guess.

  Augh! I don’t mean that, I just, she got me all confused. I can’t talk about this. I can’t explain what I feel in my heart. It’s finally starting to make sense inside me somehow, but there aren’t words for that. I don’t have answers. The answers are that I feel and I trust and I believe. There’s peace even though I’m angry and confused. Am I supposed to be able to say that to people? Articulate it in a way that makes sense?

  I guess it would be easier to lie, but she didn’t need that. What was that at the end? Watching us live out our disaster, alone at the bottom of the world. Good luck seeing God in me. I’m broken and failing when I try to rebuild.

  There aren’t words for where I am, none that make sense anyway. But I believe it. I will believe it. And I trust You. God, it hurts, but I trust.

  I will believe.

  This is all nuts. I need to have something to do. Next year, I’m bringing an Xbox. Jane has that dumb Minecraft game. Hours, looking at that little green laptop, even when Seb’s in bed. In fact, usually when he’s in bed lately. She told me she’s ‘building a different world.’

  Maybe I should go work out.

  I don’t know what to tell Jane. She’s finally back on track, it looks like. We’re kind of famous! At least, scientist famous. That’s different than normal celebrities. We’ll have to wear lab coats for any interviews, which is stupid because I don’t even think there’s a lab coat in the entire base. Goggles, I have, though. Could I wear goggles on The Today Show? Just kidding, but we might get mentioned in an upcoming issue of Popular Science!

  Crap. I need to go to bed. Three weeks of this and nothing to do but argue with the computer about God.

  At this rate, MILO will become self-aware and get saved before we go home.

  Chapter 38

  “Good morning, everyone,” Colonel Edwards said a dozen days later. “I appreciate you taking time for an all-hands-on-deck meeting. I know your remaining week is precious time.”

  “We're happy to hear whatever news you have, Colonel,” Bonnie said.

  “I'll be brisk. We have answers about the breach to your computer system. We—”

  “Excuse me, sir?” Jane said.

  “What? Yes?”

  “So sorry to interrupt, but the kids are in here since you asked for everyone, and I, well, depending on what you have to tell us, I just thought— sorry, I just wondered if we need to send them out.”

  “No, no, that's fine,” the Colonel said. “It's nothing... um, scary.”

  “Ok, sorry. Thanks,” Jane said, taking Sebbie's squirmy hands into her own.

  “We've completed the analysis of your system, and we know what was targeted and what was acquired.”

  “So was it North Korea? China? Do we know?” Bonnie asked.

  “Not quite, settle down, Dr. Chapman,” he said. “It's actually less sinister than you think. The thief was working for an organization called The American Prerogative.”

  “What is that?” Bonnie asked.

  “It’s a super PAC,” he replied. “Political action committee. They raise money for political causes and candidates, but they’re not known for their ethics.”

  “Well, who wants to attack NASA?” Bonnie asked, her voice getting louder and higher.

  Everyone began mumbling in confusion at once, until the Colonel called for order and continued, “Ms. Hartwell, I'm sorry to say, your personal data was the target, and it was all acquired.”

  The room fell silent. Feeling the gaze of every eye in the room, Candace choked slightly. Her pulse raced as her cheeks burned red hot and her hands turned to ice. When she could finally muster a dry swallow, a crackly voice from inside her asked, “Mine? Why?”

  “Apparently this fellow was paid to participate in some vetting process where The American Prerogative digs up dirt on their opponents' families,” Edwards explained. “It's pretty common in politics, and I guess having a daughter on a pretend mission to Mars makes for good tabloid headlines.”

  Candace felt like the room was getting darker, or foggy. Her eyes wouldn’t focus and she knew she was breathing loudly. Everyone stared at her until Jane put an arm around her friend and said, “I’m so sorry, Candace. I'm sure there isn't much to satisfy their curiosity. We’ll help you figure out what happened.”

  Candace wrapped her arms closely around her chest stiffly without looking at Jane. “May I see a copy of everything they took?”

  “I can send you the list, but it's literally your entire personal drive,” the Colonel replied. “I'm sorry. We've had to—sorry, our techs did have to go through everything, line by line, to see if anything mission-related was compromised.”

  “And?” Bonnie asked.

  “Ms. Hartwell followed the security protocol to the letter and nothing sensitive was taken. Nothing related to Split Horizon, I mean.”

  Nothing sensitive to the mission, Candace thought, feeling the tears welling up in her throat
. What about my life?

  Jane was rubbing Candace's forearm in a motherly gesture as Colonel Edwards explained that since the project-oriented security threat was over they'd be allowed to return to normal communications standards.

  “Ms. Hartwell, this was a theft, and we will go to bat for you,” he continued. “We intend to see these guys in jail. I just wish we could— well, I'm very sorry. I know this was a personal violation. If there's anything you need, we have people who can help. Please email me any requests directly.”

  “Thank you, sir,” her small voice replied.

  “Your father's really disappointed he couldn't be here to talk with you and apologize today but his schedule didn't allow it.”

  Of course not, Candace thought with a nod.

  “All right, well, I'll see most of you again in two days at the final launch, so for now, that is all.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Cheyenne said as she ended the call.

  Most of the team dispersed, but Jane remained, waiting patiently by Candace’s side.

  Finally, Candace said, “Well, all my dirty little secrets are going to be on TMZ for two days. I'll get over it. Maybe it will all blow over before we're home. They have a whole week to massacre me until I'll actually have to see it.”

  Across the room, Bonnie turned to Ana. “Sorry to be relieved,” she said. “I know this is crappy for her, but it's better than some foreign government breathing down our necks, right? I mean, what could she really have in there?”

  “Sure, right,” Ana said, rolling her eyes with her voice. Bonnie didn't notice, and left the room with her tablet. Just Jane, Ana, and Candace remained together. Trevor was still at a computer station in the corner.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Ana said, reaching out to squeeze Candace’s hand.

  “I’m fine,” Candace replied.

  “I’ll check in on you later. I wish there was something I could do other than be mad.” Ana gave her a quick hug, then left.

  “Trevor, if you have time, I'd like your help,” Candace said as she rose to leave.

  “Ok, sure,” he said, turning around in surprise. “What can I do?”

  “I don't want to read everything, but I'd love help doing some, um, keyword searches across everything. My video logs and stuff. I don't know how, but can MILO do that?”

  “Yeah, I'll be right down. I'll go get my bag.”

  “Thanks.”

  Trevor left, looking rewarded for having been given a task.

  “So...?” Jane said.

  “So,” Candace replied.

  “This sucks.”

  “It sucks.”

  “What did your dad tell you about running for office?”

  “Dad?” she chuckled coldly. “Not much. Not this, for sure. I wonder if they'll investigate my brother and my mom. Probably. I'm gonna look.”

  She reached up to the main computer console and began searching her name.

  “Candace, are you sure you want to do that?”

  “What's the harm? I'm going to see it eventually.” Her eyes scanned the page. “Doesn't look like much, so maybe that's a good sign. My dad made a 'statement' apparently. That sounds official. What does dad have to say... Virginia Senatorial candidate and Acting Administrator of NASA Alexander Hartwell reports that arrests will be made in a theft case involving his daughter's personal computer, alleging that the culprits are connected to his opposition. According to NASA’s website, Candace Hartwell is on a government science project as she pursues an advanced nursing degree.”

  “Sources? Who?” Jane wondered aloud.

  “Probably Dad's handlers, don't you think? Making it sound worse that they violated the country's trust, too.”

  “Maybe. Scroll down.”

  “Here's the quote from Dad: My family is not running for office, nor are the brave American scientists whose health has been entrusted to my daughter's medical care. Stealing my daughter's personal information is beneath anyone deserving of office, and I trust the voters will show their disdain for this type of action at the polls. In the mean time, I ask you all to please respect my daughter's privacy. Please do not reward this criminal action by giving undue media attention to her computer's private contents.”

  “That was nice,” Jane said.

  “Really? I feel like, geez, he made it sound like there's really something to look for.”

  “I don't think that was his intention,” Jane said softly.

  The intercom beeped. “Candace? I'm here in your office.”

  “Thanks, Trevor. I'll be right down,” she replied.

  “Can I bring you anything?” Jane asked. “Cookies? Coffee?”

  “Nah, I'm ok,” she replied. “You have the last launch to finalize anyway. Go do your science-magic. I'm just going to go see how badly I've incriminated myself.”

  She walked out, the forced smile on her face dropping as soon as she turned her back.

  Chapter 39

  Candace leaned side to side, trying to stretch out the stress and frustration.

  “I didn't get to do yoga today, and now I'm stiff,” she thought out loud.

  Trevor wasn’t keeping his eyes on the screen as Candace contorted and bent over.

  “Thanks for your help. You didn't have to come back again tonight,” she said.

  “It's all right,” he said. “I got all my lab work done. James and Julie can handle it from here.”

  “So how's the launch tomorrow going to go? Another success?” she asked as he typed.

  “Not tomorrow, two days.”

  “Look at the clock, buddy.”

  “Oh, wow, yeah,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Ok, I guess it is tomorrow then.”

  He pointed at the screen. “Ok, everything indexed the last few hours. What do you want to search for?”

  Candace's face turned a little red. “I... you know, nothing weird. I just can't remember what all I might have said. NASA's already scanned everything for anything sensitive to the project. Can you search for anytime I was agitated? Like if I raised my voice?”

  “Sure.” He entered a few commands, then let the computer compile the results.

  As he reached, she grabbed his hand. “Wait, I— can I review them? Maybe if you just make the list, then I can review it. I... maybe I'd just like to watch it myself.”

  “Fine, yeah,” he said impatiently to hide his disappointment. “Anything else?” He waited, picturing all sorts of incredibly secret things he imagined she might have said or done and were now stored on her computer. Videos just waiting to be discovered, he thought, feeling warm.

  “Maybe, if I was, um, crying at all?”

  “Ok.”

  “And, I guess, um, there are a few key words I'd like to look at, but, could you show me how to search myself?”

  Trevor felt his face get red, and he snapped, “Yeah, like I was trying to look at your stuff.”

  Candace flushed. “Sorry, I know that, I just... I, I know there's—Look, I just can be a little dramatic.”

  Trevor hastily showed her how to string together terms and their phonetic components into a search that would return perfect and near matches, increasing the likelihood of catching any hits.

  “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

  “Great, bye,” he said tersely. “Hope you find what you need.”

  “Great. Good night.”

  Candace stared at the screen and fidgeted in the seat. Her fingers rested on the keyboard, lifting and returning several times. She didn't type anything, instead opting to re-open the list of hits Trevor had indexed. She reviewed them all, making a list of possibly embarrassing things she'd said or written.

  Her moments of anger were usually aimed at Bonnie. Nothing too bad so far, she thought. She returned to the search command and entered 'dad' and his name.

  She'd only mentioned him in two video logs, gently mocking their lack of relationship. Maybe they'll use that to say he's a distant father, but I am an adult. Who cares? She briefly thought about e
mailing him a note of warning that that might be the media's angle, but decided against it. What would he even do with that information? she thought.

  She could have perused the text entries that mentioned him more quickly than she did, but she dreaded her next step. Taking her time, she read each email, social media update, journal entry, log, and live chat. Nothing interesting.

  Candace stared at her hands on the keyboard.

  Finally, she went back to the search window and her fingers wandered around the keyboard without depressing any keys. Finally, trying to whisper with her hands, she slowly typed I-S-A-A-C. Waiting a significant time before pressing return, she finally got up the courage and waited for the results to tally.

  MILO showed four references. She exhaled and added them to the list to review. Slightly encouraged, she searched the next couple of words faster: doctor, clinic, sex, baby, pregnant. Eighteen more results added to her list. She frowned. Although I probably said doctor a lot while dictating reports, she thought. Might not be bad.

  She hesitated and looked over the shoulder for no real reason. Her fingers still hovered over the keyboard. Finally, she typed the last word.

  One result. She stared at the screen. I guess I never really talk about it, she thought, even to my futuristic diary.

  Fighting the urge to delete what she’d said, she reasoned that someone else out there already had a copy so she may as well see exactly what she'd exposed.

  She cursed under her breath. She couldn’t bring herself to watch it.

  With her heart rate rising, she closed the laptop and crawled into bed.

  “MILO, turn off the lights.”

  The wall panel chirped in response as her nails dug into her pillow in the dark.

  Chapter 40

  MILO Personal Dictation: Cheyenne Marx

  Ah, good morning, MILO. We come to the end again, my friend. Season two is wrapping up, and they did it. If they repeat it tomorrow, we really will have a spa next season. Colonel Edwards’ emails to me are indicating essentially limitless funding. Mankind has dreamed of this, but it's never been a reality.

 

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