Trevor’s words echoed through his mind, followed by his own. His face flooded red with shame. Oh, my temper...
He tried to pray but the words swirled in his mind senselessly. Finally, he muttered, “Please, please help us fix this,” and stood up.
“I’m done dressing, Adams,” he said just before leaving the room.
“Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were ok, man,” he said, stepping out from where he'd thought he was concealed.
“Sure,” Lucas said as he walked down the hallway.
“You’re going after Jane?” Adams asked, following him.
“Yes.”
“Dr. McDell already followed her.”
“I know Ana’s out there.”
“So what are you doing?”
Lucas stopped short and turned to face the other man. “You aren’t married, are you?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s why I’m going after her,” Lucas replied, turning to continue his walk. “This whole messy thing is ours together. And I may not be handling it well, but I’m still not leaving her alone.”
They walked toward the exit when Adams suddenly said, “My sister lost a few pregnancies, early on though. But it sucks. I’m really sorry.”
“Thanks,” Lucas replied without breaking stride. Then he stopped and turned, looking Adams in the eye, and repeated, “Thanks.”
“Dr. Whyse?”
“It’s Lucas.”
“Lucas,” he nodded. “What are you going to say?”
“I don’t think I’m going to say much. I think I’m going to listen. Or, at the very least, I’ll just be there, bungling idiot that I am.”
They arrived at the door, and Adams double checked Lucas’s beacon before opening the door for him. He reached out, and Lucas shook his hand despite the awkward gloves.
Once outside, he called the school room on the radio.
“Hal, it’s Lucas. Tell me where to find my wife.”
After a brief silence, Hal replied, “They’re south, walking away from The Dome.”
“Away from me?”
“Yeah, but Ana says they’re fine. You should be able to radio her directly.”
Lucas switched channels and hailed Ana.
“We’re here, Lucas. Jane just wanted to walk a while.”
“Well, I’m here now. Walk towards me.”
“Ok, we’ll circle back.”
Lucas trudged south until the two small figures came into view. As they got closer, Ana walked ahead, leaving Jane alone to meet Lucas. As they passed, Ana reached out and squeezed Lucas’s wrist through all the layers. He nodded to thank her and walked to Jane.
They stood facing each other. The austere landscape magnified the silence. Two small figures, alone together, nearly lost in the vast white desert, searching for words and coming up empty. At this distance, even The Dome seemed insignificant. Had Lucas raised his thumb against the horizon, he could have blotted it entirely from view, leaving no sign of humanity for the entire panorama.
“So?” Jane said finally.
“So, you’d think since it took me a month to get dressed that I’d have something to say.”
“I don’t either. Where’s Sebbie?”
“He’s with Hal.”
Jane nodded, and Lucas put his arm around her as best as he could in the suits.
“Want to walk a bit?” she asked.
“We don’t have much choice since we’re all the way out here, now we have to make it all the way back.”
“Profound.”
Lucas paused, mulling over his own words. He nodded, feeling their weight.
Jane looked around and breathed deeply. I didn’t think I had any sadness inside me left to cry for anyone else, she thought.
Aloud, she suggested, “Let’s just do one little circle.”
“Ok.”
They walked in silence, sometimes holding hands, sometimes with arms linked. Eventually Lucas relayed the slightly dramatic end to his conversation with Trevor that Jane hadn’t seen. She frowned and looked away from him.
Finally, when they turned back to The Dome, Jane asked, “What are we going to do, Lu?”
Lucas sighed. “I don’t know.”
“I still feel lost. And I don’t know where to begin with Candace. How can I ever…” she sighed and shook her head. “My reaction kind of… well, it sucked.”
“I think you were ok to leave, honey,” he replied. “I need to tell her that if she overheard me flipping on Trevor that it wasn't about her. He just… that was not a line to cross.”
“That kid. Man, what a tool.”
“To put it mildly,” Lucas agreed. “I'm going to talk to Cheyenne. If he doesn't voluntarily withdraw from next year, I'd be surprised, but I'm at least going to suggest it.”
“You think so?”
“Well, this isn’t the best way to end a season,” he said. “Although, I don't know, maybe I'm being rash. Trevor is just... void of good character. He's only a scientist, no heart.”
“Ready to head inside?” Jane asked.
“Yes. You heading straight to Candace?”
“I think I should,” she replied. “If she doesn't want to talk, I'll try later.”
“Want me to come?”
“In a little,” Jane said. “Why don't you check on Sebbie and then maybe go try to convince Cheyenne that you're not crazy?”
Chapter 44
After he hung up the snowsuits in the locker room, Lucas stuck his head into the school room. Hal was looking over Dám’s should at a book. Sebbie was asleep on the couch under a blanket.
“Nice work, Hal!” Lucas said quietly. “You're a regular babysitter.”
“Me? Nah, it was mostly this young lady,” Hal replied, gently elbowing Dám. “Everything ok?”
“I think so, or it will be,” Lucas replied. “I’ll fill you in tonight. Can I leave you with them and run some errands?”
“You got it.”
“Thanks, Hal. Pray for me, would ya?”
Hal nodded but his mouth turned to cotton at the idea.
Lucas rehearsed a few opening lines in his mind as he approached Cheyenne's office. When he knocked on the door, his best option evaporated, and all he said was, “So I guess you saw what happened, huh?”
“I did,” Cheyenne replied quietly. “Please close the door.”
Lucas obeyed, then began, “Look, I'm not saying I should have tackled Trevor, but I hope you can at least see I was provoked before I acted like an out-of-control teenager.”
“I heard what he said.”
“And?”
“And you were still the one who escalated it from a verbal argument into a physical altercation,” she said, pointing to a chair.
“So, I guess that's a pretty big deal,” Lucas sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets.
“It is.”
“Like not-coming-back-next-year kind of big deal?”
“Possibly, if it was my decision.”
He sat down and waited.
“But I don't imagine Colonel Edwards would trade his hope for this project for anything short of an actual murder,” she continued.
Lucas was silent, waiting for her to continue.
“Lucas, I have been summering on bases like this for years,” Cheyenne said. “The Dome is smaller, sure, but that makes it harder to lead, not easier. We are all in each other's space and in each other's business. And while I do think Trevor crossed a line, you crossed a bigger one.”
Legally, at least, she added in her mind.
She watched Lucas nod. He still didn’t say anything.
“I've rarely had to tell a scientist not to be so ruled by his emotions, but, Lucas…” she continued. “You have to be able to swallow some drama when someone doesn't agree with you!”
“Cheyenne,” he finally argued, “Come on, it was more than me disagreeing with his assessment of Candace's choice. You heard what he said.”
“I did.”
Lu
cas waited for Cheyenne to indicate she took his side, but she said nothing. She just held his gaze indifferently.
Finally, he nodded his head and said, “Well, thanks for listening. It won't happen again.”
“Good. See that it doesn't. I'm writing up a report that will include the video footage in an attempt to be unbiased.”
“Ok,” he said, rising to go.
“Dr. Whyse?”
“Yes?”
“Don't screw up the test tomorrow. I'd hate to have anyone see this and think they need to purge the project of anyone who might be... politically incorrect in their opinions.”
“Because if they do, it won’t be Trevor who goes,” he said, nodding slowly in understanding.
“Precisely. You can be a Christian in America only as long as you keep it to yourself.”
“I'll do my best,” he said. Intelligent Design, now pro-life...he thought. How many blacklists are we on?
Riddhi tapped on the door.
“What’d I miss?” she asked as she pushed it open.
“Loaded question,” Cheyenne replied, gently rolling her eyes.
“Whatever,” Riddhi replied. “For the record, I think any woman's decision is her own, Candace included. But as long as we’re still on to make the jump tomorrow, I don't care about your politics.”
“We are,” Cheyenne said, her tone and attitude changing as she stood up. “So what's the cargo? What are you all putting in the capsule?”
Lucas smiled weakly and opened the door for them to walk out together.
“The cargo is the World Book Encyclopedia from 1949,” he said.
“Huh?”
He repeated, “The World Book Encyclopedia from 1949. The year my mother was born.”
“I don't get it,” Cheyenne said.
“The cargo is data,” Riddhi explained.
“Boy, I was hoping you'd just duct tape a silver dollar to the back end or something,” Cheyenne laughed.
“Sorry, scaling the technology up to substantial physical size is still a long way off and above my pay grade,” Lucas said. “Ask Jane if you want more details, but I know the addition to the capsule is a new kind of antiferromagnet that stores data at an atomic level. It's literally 12 atoms per byte. Or, Riddhi, maybe you want to give the elevator speech.”
Riddhi raised her eyebrows, but Cheyenne shook her head. “Don’t bother. I’m impressed though,” she said.
The metallurgist smiled. “Even without carrying something of great physical substance, this could still be an enormous change for communication,” she said.
“Yes, like talking to satellites out past Jupiter,” Lucas added.
“What about stuff in the way?” Cheyenne asked. “Like, wouldn’t you hit a star or something? I mean, what if there isn’t a clear shot?”
“Oh boy, you’ll have to get Jane to give you an explanation on the physics part,” he replied. “Something about atomic dispersion? Electrons and quarks are both there and not there. You know, science-magic. I really don’t understand it. I'm just a chemist.”
“Those girls are going to spin the earth backwards like Superman did to rewind time,” Riddhi chuckled.
“If you hear anything, let me know so I can make some good investments first,” Cheyenne said. “I'm gonna buy Google.”
Lucas laughed. “Wow, everyone down here has their own secret plan for world domination.”
“Right, except you, who wants to materialize the '49 World Book Encyclopedia on Jupiter to honor his mother,” Riddhi said, raising an eyebrow.
“Speaking of that,” Lucas said, bowing out, “I should get back to work. My little, uh, tantrum can't delay the launch. I have some loose ends to tie up.”
“Ok, get back to work, Dr. Whyse,” Cheyenne said, nodding a farewell.
Lucas stopped by the cafeteria for a coffee and to gather his thoughts in the quiet, then walked to Candace's room. The 'do not disturb' had been deactivated.
“MILO,” he asked the wall panel, “Is Jane inside there with Candace?”
“Yes,” replied the panel.
“Do you think I should go in?”
The lights flashed for a moment, and then the voice said, “Command not recognized.”
Lucas smiled to himself, then raised his finger and hovered over the button to page the room.
I bet they need more time, he thought as his hand dropped.
“MILO, can I leave a message? Please deliver it when either of them laughs or stands up.”
“Confirmed,” the panel said, then beeped.
“Hi,” Lucas said, “I wanted to give you two time to talk, but page me in my lab when you're done, thanks. Candace, uh... I’m really sorry, and I'd be grateful for a chance to explain myself.”
Chapter 45
MILO Personal Dictation: Candace Hartwell
Well, I finally found a day worthy of drinking that beer and instead I threw it against the wall. At least that gave me a mess I could actually clean up.
Oh, irony.
End of the season or not, I don't want to go home. I'm looking at apartments in San Fran so I can tackle some of this thesis using the library at UCSF. I'm not going to be any part of Dad's campaign. Screw the media, leave me alone.
I told Jane the truth tonight.
Six years ago I had an abortion, and it was the worst mistake I ever made.
And I was like, “I wish I could go back. I would do things differently.”
It actually felt good to say it out loud.
Before she left, Jane said I should talk to someone and get “post-abortive counseling.” I've never heard of that. All these years, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to regret. Like I wasn’t allowed to question my choice. Like I wasn’t supposed to feel anything since it's legal. But for me at least, it was a lot more than bleeding and puking. That went away but this dark place inside me doesn't leave.
Jane sat on the bed beside me while I cried. I kept saying I'm sorry until she shook my shoulders and said she wasn't angry. When I told her I wasn't talking to her, she turned white and cried with me. She said she talks to her baby sometimes, too.
But it isn't the same. She might say I miss you but only I scream that I'm sorry.
To hell with all of this and to hell with the people who lied to me. Who told me I’d forget and that this would be normal. To hell with the people who made me believe I wasn’t a feminist or a real woman anymore if I had regrets.
Chapter 46
Three days later, Lucas and Trevor were speaking again, in monosyllables and when absolutely necessary. Lucas had gone to apologize the night after their incident, but Trevor had refused to open the door, saying he was too tired.
Bonnie was actually far more difficult to maneuver. Having been left out of the drama, she was frustrated both as the named project leader and a busybody by nature.
Jane sat at her monitor, staring, unfocused. Only Bonnie's fumbling voice brought her attention back to the pre-launch sequence.
“Yes, hello, Rich... um, Dr. Chapman. Yes, good morning.”
“Hi, Bon,” he replied, looking amused. She immediately muted his feed. “Bring the States on the line, please, Cheyenne,” she added.
As Jane ran the final computer check of the capsule in the launch bay, Hal checked in from their ‘safe distance’ landing spot.
“Base, this is Albatross. Where's the party?”
“We're all here, Albatross,” Cheyenne replied with a smile.
“Well, where's Moby Dick then?”
“I wonder if Moby Dick was in the '49 edition,” Lucas mused.
“Look that up later, hun, we're about to launch,” Jane said.
The monitors lit up, revealing that Colonel Edwards and crew were ready to observe. There were more faces around the table this time.
“Hello, Split Horizon. How are we looking?” he asked.
“Good, thank you, sir,” Bonnie replied.
“I wasn’t very happy when I read your most recent report, Cheyenne,” he
said with no introduction.
Everyone in the room stopped moving.
“We are ready to operate this test as a team, sir,” Cheyenne replied.
“As it should be,” he said with a disappointed stare.
There was a beat of silence until Bonnie asked, “Ana, how are we doing, weather-wise?”
“Good in our travel window, but not much beyond. We should get going before the wind shifts. Boy, how are we going to do this at longer lengths?”
“Why, Dr. McDell, I'm glad you asked!” the Colonel said. “You know you're funded by NASA, so for longer tests, we can probably have you aim that launch deck up instead of over.”
Ana cheekily replied, “Nice that I couldn't get funding for a meteorologist at Semotus but we can afford astronauts.”
Colonel Edwards laughed. “Hey, you guys keep delivering, and I'll bring you funding for a beachfront resort on Mars.”
“How's my magnet?” an old man behind Colonel Edwards asked. He was the designer of the antiferromagnet in place on the Split Horizon capsule.
Bonnie gestured for Lucas to reply. “It's in place,” he confirmed. “The encoding was easy.”
“Maybe it was simple, but it was not easy,” the man sniffed.
“Sorry,” Lucas added. “I meant that as a credit to your work, that you'd done everything for me, not to diminish everything you've done. It's quite incredible.”
“Yes, it is,” the old scientist agreed, satisfied that his contribution had been praised before the leadership team. “Just keep an eye on that Néel temperature.”
“Néel temperature?” Colonel Edwards asked.
“That's when the magnetic properties break down. Too much thermal energy,” the gentleman explained.
“Well, sir, Riddhi worked her magic,” Lucas replied. “Néel is now confirmed at -50˚.”
“Celsius?” the scientist asked.
“Yes,” Riddhi nodded.
“Blast it! That's 220 Kelvin!” he exclaimed. “Madam, I would like to meet you when you return to the States. You work miracles with metal like no one I've ever imagined.”
Riddhi smiled demurely.
“She created FAD454 which made this project exist,” Jane said, “and now she's given her monkey metal a run for its money with another new concoction. Did you name this one, Riddhi?”
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