"Okay, so you ran into him and then decided to hang out with him or what?"
"What do you mean by that?" It felt like he was reading more into the situation than was necessary.
He looked at me for a long time, his eyes studying my face while he considered his answer.
"How would you feel if the situation was reversed? If it was Ajax out there with some girl, a resister no less, who proclaimed her love for him and chased him openly the same way Jason chases you?"
A wave of nausea swept through me. I couldn't imagine it and didn't want to imagine it.
Cadmus noticed the look of pain that crossed my face. "That's how Ajax feels," he pointed out. I didn't believe him.
"Why is he so upset with me?" I asked. "I'm trying to leave him alone, to be a better friend, but nothing I do makes him happy."
"I think you are the only one who has ever made him happy," he answered sincerely.
I clutched my mailbox tightly, willing his words to be true. The feeling inside of me was indescribable. Jason Paris could say any amount of kind words to me, but all that mattered when it came down to it, was how Ajax felt. My heart didn't lie. While it was tempting to go with Jason, to hear what he had to tell me, I wouldn't dream of leaving without Ajax. The pull to him was stronger than anything I'd ever felt, and Jason was only a reflection because of his strong resemblance to the one who truly had my heart.
"I want to make him happy," I began hesitantly, wanting to confess to someone but unsure where to begin. "I want to make him happy, but he pushes me away. He doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him and I need to respect him."
"How do you feel about him?" he asked. I wasn't sure I wanted to or could answer the question. I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
"How I feel doesn't matter. Forget it Cadmus, I can't go there. He is my friend, and nothing more."
"I'm not going to forget it. He's my brother. Do you know how he feels about you? Do you know he called me tonight, devastated you left without him and that you told him you wanted to be alone? He followed you, you know, he went to find you and he saw you walking with that resister. And the ironic thing is I've been wondering about your brother as well. More and more he is spending time with the girl, the one named Josiah. She has pursued him in much the same way her brother pursues you. So, I want to know, what are you doing with him?"
"Wait — what? What is going on with Tiergan?" I wanted to know about my brother, and I also wanted to know about Ajax. Was he devastated? How did he feel? I wanted to ask everything but didn't know where to start.
"Ask your brother, Kaia. Right now I want to know about you and Ajax."
"He followed me?" I asked, heart racing. "How does he feel about me?"
"I'm guessing the same way you feel about him. You both have the same lovesick look on your face. This is stupid. You need to find a way to get through to him. To make him let go and follow his heart."
I had no idea how to do that. I wanted to believe Cadmus, but I feared I wanted it so badly, I wouldn't face the truth of the matter.
"Why are you giving up on him so easily?" Cadmus continued. "Where is the girl who told me she wouldn't settle for second place? Just because he looks like Ajax, doesn't make him Ajax."
No. It didn't, Cadmus was right, I shouldn't settle. But how could I make Ajax do anything? I asked Cadmus, but he didn't have a lot of answers for me and I could tell his own mind was troubled. We talked a bit longer and promised to tell each other about our brothers, but when we broke our connection, the uneasiness settled around me once again.
Second place was all I had if I didn't have Ajax. The thought haunted me as I tried to get a little rest before the sun rose again.
Chapter Twenty
Professor Baal
"Send them into the mountains," Alaric demanded. His patience with me was running thin, while my patience with him had long since run out. The Resistance had forcibly taken control of a communications outpost in the Helena Mountains, just as they had done in the Indium Mountains on Danu.
"An act of war!" the Commander raged, "And not the first one, I might add."
No, it certainly wasn't the first one, but he had been slow to respond, slow to acknowledge the Resistance was anything more than a casual nuisance with no true leader and no agenda. His vanity in the matter played right into my hands.
"They have weapons, Alaric; you need to face it," I reminded him. He'd been embarrassed by the boldness of the Resistance. He should have acted a lot sooner, perhaps when they took out all the solar cells in the Fornax Grid. Lucky for us he didn't, and from that debacle we found Caden Rua.
"So do we! Send them, Astrid," he ordered, again. While his face remained calm, threads of black and scarlet snaked through his hair.
I was uneasy about sending my Crusaders into the mountains. Winter had already descended, and they had not trained in the bitter cold. Of them, only Malik and Tory hailed from Grids that boasted below freezing temperatures. The rest of them grew up in moderate climates, and were not acclimated to those frigid extremes. I couldn't voice any of those concerns, knowing I could only push the Commander so far. Now that he was willing to recognize the Resistance as a threat, he would not be swayed from answering their insurgence.
And so into the mountains they went, laden with a plethora of cold weather supplies.
When our radar picked them up, I had a difficult time watching their progress, which was slow at the best of times. The tension between Ajax and Kaia was worse than ever. They spent an inordinate amount of time avoiding each other, and avoiding speaking directly to the other, and Kaia settled into pairing up next to Balor or Caden. The pit in my stomach grew, and it didn't help when the Commander pointed out the divide between them.
"A girl like that will never fall for him," he had the audacity to tell me. I let my energy pierce him, and while he flinched at the invasion, he smiled, too; delighted he could still get under my skin. I would have liked to light a fire inside of him, directing all of my energy for the purpose, but I knew better. He would be quick to retaliate. Instead, I directed a hot ball of energy at him, but not nearly as hot as I would have liked. It penetrated him, catching him off guard momentarily, but he batted it away as he would a fly while his eyes burned red at me.
"The great Astrid Baal does not want to admit she's wrong does she?" he asked calmly, using his energy to surround and paralyze me, pinning me in my place. His energy enveloped my body, confining me as securely as a steel cage. It was a mere glimmer of what he was capable of. Thud, thud, thud, my heart beat against my chest as my anxiety level grew. I willed my heart beat to slow.
If only it was that easy — admit I'd made a mistake and try again with Cadmus. The problem was, I was certain I hadn't made a mistake. What I had done was underestimate how stubborn the two of them could be. Stubborn and stupid! The thought made me angry and I shook free of the Commander's energy using my mind to crack through it. It fell away from me and he reeled it in swiftly, before I could use it against him. I fought the urge to have a full blown battle with him. Soon, I told myself, quenching the desire to wipe the satisfied look off of his face.
"Paralysis, Commander? It seems beneath you."
"Are you ready to tell me about the girl?" he asked, ignoring my jibe.
On the monitor in front of us, we watched my Crusaders trek up the mountain in the freezing cold, huddling together in an attempt to find a bit of warmth. A storm had taken them by surprise and the conditions were worse than ever. The most frustrating part of watching them was, rather than my Crusaders pursuing the Resistance, the Resistance seemed to be pursuing my Crusaders. They made several attempts to separate Kaia from the others by setting traps that we could see on the monitor, but the Crusaders had no idea were coming.
"All of this for a little nobody?" the Commander continued as I shut off the monitor, exasperated.
I walked out of his office and called for my portal to transport me home.
You
can't hide her forever, the Commander's words followed me through the portal. There was no denying the menacing tone. His increasing interest in Kaia was what made the Resistance act so foolishly. They were desperate to get to her before the Commander did. For if he chose to take her, he would simply walk into my University and snatch her up, perhaps without my knowledge. If he did that, I wondered how she would react. Would it bind her to his cause or turn her completely against the Reformation? Alaric was not without his charms and convictions. Could he succeed where, so far, Jason Paris had failed?
"Hello, Mother Baal," Derek greeted me, opening the door before I had a chance to knock. I'd wandered to his house automatically, hoping to find comfort in his chaos.
"You've seen what's been happening?" I hugged him briefly and could feel the concern all around him. Derek rarely worried or doubted Kaia's heart, but today I felt his anxiety mirror my own. I fought the impulse to soothe him artificially by using a calming technique on him. I had to stop treating him like a child; he was a grown man, but the mother in me loved him as I did my own children and I wanted to protect him.
"I've seen," he answered grimly. "Jason sure does take a lot of chances with her life, doesn't he?"
I couldn't defend my nephew given his rash decisions. His bold actions on the mountain were not borderline dangerous, they were dangerous. I knew his intentions weren't to hurt Kaia, but I wasn't quite as confident he didn't want to hurt Ajax.
"He wants to get her away from Ajax, and he isn't always considering the greater good," I admitted. I watched as a slow smile spread across Derek's features.
"It will never happen." His confidence meant the world to me, but we were partial to Ajax and always would be. "Kaia is on the edge right now," he reminded me. "She's caught between being the Athlete she was raised to be, falling in love, and realizing that perhaps her life isn't all it seems. I believe in her and in what we set out to do. She will fulfill her part; we just have to give her time so that the choice is hers. Jason wants to force an issue that has already been decided in her heart. He could ruin everything."
He could; that was true. "Or, he could be just what she needs to make the leap to our cause. He could make her fall in love with him and the Resistance." I had to face every possibility.
"He could," Derek conceded, still smiling. "But he won't. His only hold over her is his resemblance to your son." This time I smiled back at him. I reached out and touched his face, briefly. The time was coming; soon all of our cards would be put on the table.
"Shall we proceed to the next step then?" Derek asked. His monitors provided a continual link to my Crusaders where the Reformation's did not. We watched as Tory stumbled, falling into a hidden crevice, perhaps another trap. Her leg twisted awkwardly and Kaia fell down beside her, grabbing her before she slipped through the gap completely. Once again, Kaia's lightning reflexes stopped a horrifying situation from developing. Balor pulled the two of them free while Malik frantically grabbed for Tory.
I only had to think about Derek's question for a split second.
"Yes," I answered, "there is no turning back now."
Chapter Twenty-One
Altitude
Cold. It was so cold, I couldn't think straight anymore. It hit me in the face, and made its way into every part of my body, no matter how much clothing I put on. I'd stick my orb down my jacket to try and warm myself as I walked, but the heat only radiated so far. The chill, the wind, the relentless cold — it was all-encompassing and it never, ever let up.
"Let's keep moving, Tory," I tried to encourage her, though I barely wanted to keep moving myself. Our fifth day on the mountain was by far the worst. The foul weather persisted and the altitude was becoming more of an issue. We inched up the mountain as the day wore on, hoping to make camp before nightfall. I was worried. It would have been a difficult situation even if the entire team was in pristine condition, but it most certainly was not. Tory's leg was injured from a fall she took into a hidden crevice. It might have been another trap set by the Resistance, which infuriated me. Or it would have, if I had any feelings left.
I wanted to fall to my knees and stay where I was. I did not want to take one more step in front of me; I just wanted to be warm. But if I despaired, what would happen to the others?
Move, Kaia! Ajax would shout into my head if he sensed I was slowing. It was the only time he spoke to me at all. Since the night I met with Jason Paris, we'd hardly said two words to each other. I missed his friendship terribly, but I gave up trying to fix things. It was better if I kept my distance, even if it meant I no longer slept through the night.
Caden led us up the mountainside, pushing onward with more energy than he could have possibly possessed. He was a natural at finding our path and maneuvering us in the right direction. His orb shot ahead of us like a small comet, hovering in front and helping to guide our steps.
Malik and I were next on the path. We huddled on either side of Tory, walking in a little pod-like cluster as she dragged her injured leg slightly behind her. Pain radiated off of her in waves, but she pushed on without complaining or asking to rest. We stuck close to her side, encouraging her often. I feared Malik might be forced to try and heal her right out in the open, on the side of the mountain with no protection from the weather. It was a dangerous option we hoped to avoid. We needed to find a place to camp before the sun set, but we also needed to cover a certain number of kilometers so our day wouldn't be a total waste.
Even if we wanted to call it a day and make camp, there was nowhere to do so. The path had become increasingly narrow, and now was hardly wide enough for the three of us to cluster together like we were. To our left, the mountain rose up sharply, and to our right, it fell away, making it seem as if we walked on the edge of the world.
Ajax and Balor lagged behind the rest of us. Although we were all having a hard time, Balor seemed most affected by the altitude. His thoughts were incoherent and his physical state was declining. I stole a quick glance over my shoulder and was immediately concerned about their situation. Balor was hardly standing upright. Instead, he draped his large muscular frame over Ajax's slighter build for support. Ajax was strong, and fitter than anyone I knew, but he couldn't carry his own weight and Balor's up the mountain. I felt a slight panic course through me.
I decided Ajax needed my help with Balor more than Malik did with Tory at the moment. But when I opened my mouth to speak, the wind whipped up savagely, stealing my breath away. I tucked my head to my chest as the oxygen was sucked away from my lungs. When I regained my composure and looked up, it was noticeably darker. The sun was fading and the snow was coming down harder, swirling violently around us. Tory let out a small groan, gritting her teeth and pressing her eyelids tightly together in order to swallow the pain. Whatever I had been thinking about Ajax and Balor flew out of my head. That's the way it went as we climbed higher. The altitude messed with my thoughts and I had trouble keeping them in order. "I got you, I got you," Malik whispered to Tory. He slid his arms around her torso, bracing her frame with his. She opened her eyes to meet his. A small smile crossed her pained expression and she pushed herself upright. She limped forward as Malik kept his hold on her. When she sensed Malik needed a rest, she leaned her weight into me, and in our slow way, we crept along.
Suddenly, my mind returned to Ajax. I spun around to look for him but could see no one behind us. My heart raced in my chest and I froze where I stood as my eyes scanned wildly over the frozen mountain. I could see nothing but the falling snow thrashing about in a wild, zigzag pattern.
"Ajax!" I screamed into the nothingness. "Ajax! Where are you?" Before I could think, I was running blindly in the storm, away from the rest of the group. I was jolted to a complete stop by the iron grip of Malik. He grasped both my arms, lifting me off my feet. He stared into my face.
"Kaia! Stop. You can't just bolt away from us like that!" I heard what he said but my thoughts were a jumbled mess.
"The storm is getting worse! I'm going t
o get them!" I screamed back at him.
His deep, resonant voice answered me. "I know, but you won't be able to find them out there. They're too far behind and there's no visibility. You need to trust that Ajax will find his way back."
"But—" My voice rose in panic.
"But nothing, girl. Think! Calm yourself and think! We're already nearly cut into three groups as it is. If you run off and get yourself lost, we might as well sit down and invite the Resistance to step in. You want that?" Thankfully, not even the resisters wanted to be out in this weather and we'd had a day without their troublesome presence. It was the only welcome reprieve we'd had.
My insides were freezing. A chill started from my head, and reached down into my toes. My teeth began to chatter and I started to shiver. If Ajax was lost, then I was lost too. Everything fell away then, all of my resolve to stay away from him, all of the pretense that I could make it on my own. No. I could do none of those things. In front of me, Malik was speaking, his mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear him. He was trying to talk some sense into me, but I didn't care. No Ajax, no Kaia. That's how I felt and knew was true in my heart. What had I done? How had I agreed to be separated from him? I didn't care what Malik was saying, I needed to get to Ajax and so I willed myself to be still and calm in his grip.
"You okay now?" he asked, looking into my eyes as the hysteria faded. I nodded and he set me down gently in the snow.
"I'm going back for Ajax," I informed him. Nothing would stop me.
"What's going on?" Caden asked. He held Tory up as he joined our discussion. The wind lifted the snow, swirling it around our bodies. We had to stand close together just to see each other. How was I going to find Ajax in this?
"Ajax and Balor are gone. I need to go back." I knew my voice was shaking. It felt like I was dying inside. I reached my mind toward Ajax, but couldn't find him. My stomach knotted in fear, twisting and turning with every dark thought. Caden listened to my words and gave a heavy sigh. His face sagged with exhaustion and worry. Every minute we stood there, the sun sank lower in the sky. He looked around at our surroundings and considered our options.
The Energy Crusades Page 25