“It’s difficult to survive here,” Garlind admits. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you want to return to your bunker. It probably feels very different out here to what you expected.”
“I thought I might be the last person alive on earth. So, yeah, it’s different.”
“Do you want to go home?”
I shrug because I don’t know the answer. I attempt a response anyway. “I don’t think I’d be satisfied being in the bunker by myself anymore.”
He offers a small, cautious smile. “How about I make you a promise?”
“Like what?”
“I promise I’ll do everything I can to protect you.”
“It’s not up to you to protect me.”
“I want to.”
I wonder for a moment if he’s being serious but one look into his deep brown eyes and I know. Everything he’s telling me is the truth. He wants to protect me. Even if there is nothing more in this world for me, I will always treasure the boy that freed me from my bunker.
At least there is one good thing in this horrible world. His name is Garlind and to me he is the world.
There is no way I can tell this to him right now. I’m not sure there will ever be a time. I’m just so grateful he found me and that we now have each other. I couldn’t survive out here without him. I hope I never have to.
Something in the sky catches my attention. It immediately distracts me from what I was thinking. I squint, trying to bring the object into focus.
“Garlind,” I start, “I think there’s a ship in the sky.”
Chapter 12
Garlind moves so quickly it’s like he’s been electrocuted. He jumps up and stares at the part of the sky I’m pointing toward. I rise to my feet to stand next to him.
The sun is behind us so at least it’s not in our eyes. The object moves really slowly but steadily. It’s headed away from us, growing smaller the longer we stare at it.
“It has to be a Generation Ship,” he whispers under his breath. “It has to be.”
I have no idea whether it is or not, but I so badly want to believe it. Garlind has spoken so much about their existence that it would be heartbreaking for them to be just a myth. Maybe this is the evidence we’ve been searching for.
“We’re nowhere near the shore. You said they hovered in the sky over the sea,” I say, still trying to work it out. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I also don’t want to chase something false.
“That’s what I was told. It’s heading in that direction, though. Perhaps it’s just on a journey and will settle over the ocean when it gets there.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
The object gets so small it’s barely a flicker in the sky. It was always so far away that it could have been anything. Maybe a bird or a flying mutant monster. The sun did seem to reflect off it, but maybe that was a trick of the light or something.
“We should keep this to ourselves,” Garlind says. “I don’t think River and Clare should know that we saw a ship. If we need to leave them behind, it will make it a whole lot harder.”
“Clare needs a doctor.”
“We’ll help her get to one if we can.”
“Promise?” I know I’m asking for a lot. I also know what his answer is costing him.
“I promise.”
It’s enough for me. I trust Garlind and I know he cares about Clare too. River is another matter, but we can’t take one without the other.
Even if he is killer.
We head back to the gas station and I steel myself to see him again. I’m not sure how I will be around River now. Will I be able to be civil to him? Or will he always be a killer to me now?
I head inside with trepidation. The first person I see is Clare. She’s exactly where she was when I left—sitting against the counter. Another few seconds of staring at her and I see she is still breathing. Her eyes are open but she’s looking at nothing. She really needs medical attention.
River has washed the blood from his hands and changed his shirt. There are no signs of him even being in a scuffle let alone killing someone. He hurries over to Garlind as soon as he spots him. “Where have you two been?”
“We went for a walk to get some air,” Garlind responds coolly. He doesn’t mention my panic attack. He’s protecting me, even now.
River starts pacing, his movements jerky and sudden. “We have to get out of here. Those guys are going to come after us. It’s only a matter of time and they have weapons.”
“I know. We’ll check for supplies and then set off.”
“We have to hurry.”
“Okay, man. Start searching the place and then we’ll go.” Garlind doesn’t move until River does. I can’t keep my eyes off them. Something has changed in our dynamics. River doesn’t seem nearly as confident as he did before.
I have a quick search when I’m sure Clare is okay to sit by herself again. I don’t know how far we’ll be able to walk with her. She’s worse than before. The knock to her head has rattled her fragile brain even more.
The gas station has been ransacked many times before we got here. There is nothing left on the shelves and little more than trash on the floor. Besides dirt and mud, there is nothing more here for us to take.
“It’s a bust,” Garlind announces. “Grab your things and we’ll head off. We should put as much distance between here and us as possible.”
It’s starting to get dark outside now. We’re going to have to walk by moonlight. Thankfully, it’s a clear night. No chance of rain or the moon being blocked by those infernal clouds.
Garlind hangs back while River helps Clare to her feet and they head out into the night. He leans in and whispers to me, “Keep an eye on River. I’m not sure where his head is at right now.”
I nod and we leave the gas station.
It’s difficult looking at anything but River. I find myself studying him and looking for differences from the way he was before he committed murder. How does killing someone change a person? I hope watching River is the only way I find out.
He seems more protective of Clare. His arm is around her back, propping her against him as he shares her weight. She seems to be able to walk okay, but not in a straight line. If River were to let her go, she would meander off into the night and we’d never see her again.
It’s easier to walk in a line in the darkness. That way we only have to follow the person in front to stay together. Garlind goes first. Clare and River in the middle and I’m at the back. I try not to imagine all the mutants or humans that could sneak up on me from behind.
One scream and Garlind would turn around for me. I know this but it doesn’t stop my imagination from running wild. At any moment a monster could grab me and pick me off from the group. I walk a little faster, leave a little less of a gap.
After some time, Clare pushes River away and walks by herself. She hangs back a little so they aren’t in step any longer. I didn’t hear the whispered conversation that led to the change. All I can do is observe.
My feet start dragging along the road. I want to flop down and sleep for a few days. It’s only sheer adrenalin and fear that’s keeping me going. When I think about suggesting we stop, I remember the face of those boys at the amusement park and close my mouth. They are probably stalking us right now, searching for our trail so they can take their revenge.
An eye for an eye.
A shiver creeps down my spine at the memory. Did they really just leave the long-haired boy’s body in the park? Is that where they lived, or was it a coincidence they happened to be there at the same time we were? I’m never going to get answers to these questions.
Garlind only gives us a short break during the night. I notice Clare and River don’t sit together and store that piece of information away for later. What is going on between them? They are normally so close and now I can definitely see a division. If Garlind notices, he doesn’t show it.
We set off again as the sun is rising far over the horizon to our left. It starts with a sm
udge of pink before glowing orange. I can finally see the landscape around us—just trees and more trees. We’ve got to come across a town soon.
Our walking line starts to grow further apart now we can see where we’re going. I fall behind as I slow down. My energy has all but evaporated but I can’t stop. We have to keep going or the boys will catch up with us.
River waits until I move up with him and matches my slow steps. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets and his face is grim. He shows no sign of the blood that was on him before. I can still picture it, though.
“I didn’t mean to do it,” he says softly.
I’m not sure and completely sure what he’s talking about at the same time. I know there is only one thing on my mind. Surely it has to be the same for him too. “But you did do it.”
“He hurt Clare. He was saying all these things about what he was going to do to her next. He just wouldn’t shut up and then he kept coming at me. He wouldn’t stop. He just wouldn’t stop.”
He doesn’t look a thing like the River I knew before. His brow is creased and his mouth is set in a firm frown. He’s holding his jaw so tightly clenched that I can see the muscles tick on the side of his face.
I find myself feeling…sorry for him. I know how much he loves Clare. I know how scared he must have felt when the boy was threatening her life. It’s so easy to act on instinct in a situation like that. The mind goes offline and just lets the body take over. At least that’s how I felt when I was confronted.
The will to survive is a strong one.
“I understand,” I say. The words surprise even me but the more I think about it, the more I realize they are true. I’d been imagining River as this killing monster, a vicious fiend who could so easily kill another person as easily as blinking.
But he’s not.
There is real regret in every one of his words and actions right now. I can read him as easily as a book. He’s letting all his vulnerabilities show across his face. It’s the same kind of emotion he showed me after Clare had her fit.
“I’m not going to apologize for keeping Clare safe,” he continues, “But I wish it didn’t happen. I keep replaying it over and over again in my head. Every time, I try to work out what I could have done differently and I just don’t know. I don’t know what else I could have done. The knife was in my hand and he came at me. I…I just defended us.”
“I don’t know what I would have done in that situation.” I never want to find out, either. I remember Garlind’s words from earlier. He said we had to stay true to ourselves regardless of what this world does to us.
I’m not sure that’s very easy to do.
“I can’t believe I killed him. I keep thinking it must have been someone else. Not me.”
“But it was you.” Clare spits out the words as she turns around to face us. We have no choice except to stop rather than run into her. “You stuck a knife in his belly and now he’s dead.”
“He was attacking us. I was only protecting the group,” River replies defensively.
“You didn’t have to kill him!”
“I didn’t mean to. If he’d left us alone then I never would have had to. It was his knife.”
“And how did it get into your hands?” She waits for an answer with her hands on her hips. I’ve never seen Clare so riled up before. I hope her anger doesn’t trigger another fit in her brain. This agitation can’t be good for her.
River throws up his hands in a shrug. “I don’t know. I honestly have no idea how I got the knife. I guess I just managed to take it from him.”
“And instead of throwing it away, you stabbed him with it!”
“I’m sorry, okay? You know I never want to hurt anybody, let alone kill them. It was him or us.”
“Him or you, you mean.”
“I was protecting both of us. He was threatening you!”
Tears well in Clare’s eyes but she’s all out of words. One last effort is all she has. “You don’t have to protect me anymore. We’re over. I don’t want anything else to do with you.”
“Clare—”
She cuts him off by turning around and stomping away. He looks pitifully in her direction, takes a step, falters, and turns back to me for the answers.
“I don’t know,” I say meekly. I don’t know what just happened. I don’t know what he should do. I don’t know how to fix any of this. I just. Don’t. Know.
Garlind starts walking again. It’s either lag behind or continue on. I move forward and River eventually follows. He’s a deflated balloon, bobbing along a step behind me and just waiting to float away somewhere else.
I can’t offer him any words of comfort because I really don’t understand what is going through Clare’s mind right now. I’d like to say she’ll be more understanding when she calms down but that might not happen.
The point is that River killed someone and that changes things. He might not have intended to and his actions might have been for the right reasons, but it doesn’t change the fact he took a life. I’m not going to give him any more grief about it. I think he’s punishing himself enough for all of us.
And now Clare, too.
It’s another few miles of silence before Garlind speaks. Perhaps the quietness has been bothering him as much as it’s bothering me. “We saw a Generation Ship earlier. It was heading in this direction.”
That certainly gets everyone’s attention. “Really?” Clare asks. “A ship?”
Garlind’s grin speaks volumes. I thought we were keeping it a secret. He must have changed his mind. “Yeah. It was flying really high in the sky and going toward the coast. We’ll catch up with it if we hurry along.”
Clare looks at me. “So, they really are real?”
Why did she have to ask me that question? I consider lying and going along with Garlind, but I can’t. We’re all on this path together so they deserve to know the whole truth. “It could have been one. It was so far away it was difficult to tell. But there was something in the sky and it looked like it was flying in a concerted direction.”
“That’s reassuring,” River mutters. His gaze is fixed on the road.
Clare shoots him a look like his mere presence bothers her. “How fast was it going? Could it be long gone before we reach the coast?”
“I can’t be sure,” Garlind says. “But the quicker we get there, the sooner we’ll know. There might be more of them down there, too. Just seeing one means there is a really good chance there’s more.”
“We have to hurry,” Clare agrees.
“We have to find somewhere to rest for a while,” I point out. As much as I would love to keep going, my feet are killing me. Fatigue is making all my limbs feel like they weigh a ton each.
“We’ll look out for somewhere,” Garlind agrees. With that decided, I have just enough energy to follow him for a little while longer.
Thankfully, it’s not too long before we come across a side road that leads to a small wooden church. My parents told me about religion once. They said wars were fought over it because different people believed in different gods. And some didn’t believe in gods at all.
Many people thought their god would save them from the meteorite. They called on Him for protection that never eventuated. I don’t think anyone believes in any kind of god in this new world. If he exists, he’s taking a break while the world tries to recover from the most devastating thing to ever happen to people.
The church is cute and small. A few rows of pews line either side. Rot has gotten into the wood so they don’t look safe enough to sit on. Several windows have been broken with vines and greenery growing through and spilling inside.
A large cross also made out of wood has fallen down to the ground at the front. It’s made a hole in the floor and sits askew half-in half-out of the room.
Clare immediately goes to the front and sits on the floor. River hangs back, not sure. Garlind opens his bag and hands around some animal crackers.
I just want to sit down and not move
for twelve hours straight. But I won’t be able to settle until the others do. I head for Clare and sit beside her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve got a headache.”
“We might have something that can help with that. Do you think it’s related to the fit you had?”
She shakes her head. Her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. “I just feel…bad.”
There are several ways I could interpret that but don’t have enough experience with other human beings to be able to do it accurately. I play it safe instead of assuming anything. “Bad as in ill?”
“Bad all over. I’m so angry with River that I could yell right now.”
“Have something to eat. I know it won’t fix anything, but it might at least help with your headache.”
She nods and pops a cracker into her mouth. I’m not going to be able to fix any of her problems, especially right now. I sit with her while we eat but drift away when we’re done. Sleep is calling me and I can’t refuse the siren’s song any longer.
I lie on the floor behind a pew and close my eyes. A little while later Garlind lies behind me and instantly makes me feel better. When I close my eyes, I sleep like the dead.
Maybe it’s being inside a church, maybe it’s just luck, but the four of us are kept safe until it grows dark again outside. I’m not a huge fan of being nocturnal but it does offer us the best protection from the group of boys that want to have revenge on us.
The tension between Clare and River is palpable as we prepare ourselves to leave. Clare refuses to look at her boyfriend and River keeps casting longing looks her way. I feel bad for both of them but can’t do anything to help. It will have to be something they work out between them. I am the last person on earth to give relationship advice.
The only good thing is that Clare’s health seems to be a little better. She can walk in a straight line unaided and her speech doesn’t have any of the slurred words she had yesterday. I hope it is a good sign that she won’t have any more fits.
After The End Page 12