“That’s not helping!” Brynne shouted, but she was also fighting back laughter. She swiveled in his arms and buried her face against his chest. “Thanks for coming after me. It means a lot that you’re here with me right now.”
“I would have been with you the whole time if you didn’t cause a fuss and run off on me!”
“I wouldn’t have left if you didn’t go off and do drugs with some random girl you just met!”
Callder grinned. “Hey, Brynne. Wanna know the funny thing about that girl?”
“No. I don’t want to know anything about…”
“Her name was Bambi.”
Brynne blinked. “You’re kidding me.”
“Naw. Honest-injun. Her name was Bambi.”
Brynne began to chuckle softly. “You’re just making that up to tease me.”
“Why would I make up something like that?” Callder asked innocently.
“Because you’re a dork,” she answered, laughing harder. “You’re a ridiculous dork.” Her voice had suddenly become soft, and she found herself looking at him in a questioning way. Her eyes pleaded with him to make the first move, and he intrinsically understood.
Callder leaned down to give her a kiss. It was tender and hesitant. “Brynne, I don’t want you to do anything you might regret later…”
The kisses she returned were more forceful, more resolute. “I think when I look back, I’ll understand.”
“You’ll understand what?”
“My reasoning. How I felt,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Like everything was a total mess all around me, and you were the only thing that made any kind of sense.”
“Babe,” he told her, guiding her into the room and toward the bed. “I don’t want to be a mistake. I don’t want you to do this just because of the way you feel right now.”
“Mistakes can be a good thing,” she told him. “Sometimes we learn more from our failures than your successes.”
“I don’t want us to fail,” he insisted. “I don’t want to be something unhealthy for you.
“You aren’t. Callder, I need you. I need you so badly in this moment of my life. You make me smile; you make me happy. When I’m around you, it doesn’t matter that I lost my job. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a home, or any money… you just make me feel good. I know that you’re the right thing for me, at least in this moment.”
Callder frowned. “Why only this moment?” he asked angrily. “That’s not fair. You can’t just use me as a booty call, or a one night stand! You and me fit together, Brynne. You are ashamed of me, but we work well. I’m actually right for every moment, and for all the rest of your moments, and you should realize that before we’re out of moments.”
“So are you saying you don’t want to be with me tonight?” Brynne asked. Before he could respond, she reached up to slip her dress off her shoulders. She let it fall to the ground and stepped forward in her underwear. “You going to be a gentleman and not take advantage of the lady in distress?”
“Heck no!” Callder declared, reaching out to grasp her hips and drag her body against his. He “I’m going to ravage the lady in distress until she screams for me to stop.”
“Oh, please,” Brynne scoffed. “Like you could actually make me scre…” She was interrupted mid-word as Callder began to playfully nibble at the most sensitive part of her neck. She gasped a little when she felt his hand slide between her legs without warning and begin to massage her through her panties. Brynne found that she was suddenly having difficulty being tough and blasé about his proximity. The last thing she saw before she felt a large hand slide beneath her thigh, gripping her and tossing her onto the bed, was the confident smirk on Callder’s face.
* * *
Brynne relaxed with her chin on Callder’s chest, staring at the dirty motel curtains. The headache that had driving her crazy since the deer was killed began to subside. She had found peace in his arms, and she did not want to leave her little sanctuary yet.
“I think I know why you really do it all,” she told him.
He rubbed his hand over her back. “Hmm? Why I do what?”
“Everything. The gambling, the alcohol, the drugs, the women. It’s not like you said earlier—just living your life. You’re doing it to forget your life. Because life can be really horrible, and it’s nice to feel good for a little while and not think about it.”
Callder lifted his head off the pillow to scrutinize her.
“Am I right?” she asked, sending him a curious look.
He squinted thoughtfully, but did not respond.
“I’m right,” she declared. “I knew it. I knew you were a sweet, sensitive guy underneath your bad boy façade.”
“Now why d’you have to do that? Why do you have to assume that I have layers and depth and stuff? Why can’t things just be the way they appear to be?” he asked.
“Because things are never as simple as the surface.”
Callder smirked. “So what am I, a quiet lake with strong currents at the center?”
“No. A frozen lake with a bit of warm water at the very bottom,” she responded. “And I like to think—I have to think—that all the other distractions make you feel better on the surface, but that there are these secret, safe warm parts…”
“I think you have some secret, safe warm parts that you should let me enter.”
“Callder!” Her lips curled upward without her permission, and she smacked him in the chest. “I was trying to be serious and romantic.”
“Just relax, hun. You’re overthinking things.”
She sighed. “Then help me forget again.”
“Only if you say ‘please.’”
“Huh?”
He cleared his throat. “I believe I told you that I would make you beg.”
“What? You’re kidding.”
“Nope. I need you to say ‘please, do me Callder’ or you’re not getting any.”
“Jerk,” she mumbled, kicking him with her knee. But the truth was that she didn’t mind begging a little.
Chapter 8: The Distant Past
“I’m so hungry,” Callder moaned, clutching his stomach with one hand and the steering wheel with his other hand. “I don’t think I can make it until the next big city before I get a good meal.”
“But we just ate!” Brynne complained. “Why are you being such a crybaby?”
“Sex gives me an appetite,” he explained. “Especially when the girl doesn’t let you rest for two days. I thought my heart was going to give out.”
Brynne sighed. “Do you ever stop whining?”
“I’ll stop whining when I’m munching on some grub,” he promised. “I never talk with my mouth full. Oh, look! A 24-hour pizza place.”
Callder slammed his foot on the brakes, causing Brynne’s body to lurch forward slightly. She turned to glare at him for his erratic driving, and he shrugged apologetically.
“Wait here!” he told her. “Do you want anything?”
She shook her head. “I’m still really stuffed.”
“That’s what she said.” Callder winked before disappearing.
Brynne relaxed into the leather seats of the Ferrari. She had returned her rental car to the location in Whitehorse, and they had resumed their trip in the red sports car. Now that they were at northern latitudes, the sunlight lasted for over twenty hours in the day, keeping the highway well-illuminated. Between the two of them, there was no reason to ever stop driving, and they knew that the trip would be over soon.
The idea scared Brynne. As problematic as the trip had been, there had only been one goal: get home to Soldotna. Now that she was almost there, she found herself wondering what awaited her. Would her life go back to the way it was before she left home? Would she grow exasperated and feel the need to leave again? What about Callder? She stretched back into her chair, staring at the dim twilight. It felt so strange to see the sunshine at midnight; she had forgotten what a deep thrill it gave her.
Openin
g the car door, Callder carefully balanced a handful of paper bags. “Here, grab some of these,” he told her, shoving a few bags into her lap.
“How much did you buy?!” she asked in surprise.
“All of it,” he answered. “It looks really good—and also, I’m pretty sure that when I get home, my brother’s going to want his credit card back.”
Brynne sighed, looking down at the bags in dismay as Callder started driving again. “What am I going to do with myself?” she asked him vacantly.
“Hmmm?” he said, stuffing a pizza pocket in his mouth.
“Once I get home, I’ll sort out this mess with my dad. But then what?” Brynne turned to gaze out the passenger window. “Andrew said he was thinking of marrying me. Do you think I should go back to him?”
Callder stopped eating. “Are you daft? Are you just trying to get a reaction out of me? After the night we just had, you’re asking me if you should go back to that douche? God, Brynne, don’t make me angry while I’m driving. Not in this car, because I’ll end up doing 200 miles an hour or something.”
She smiled. “Well, it’s nice to know that you care. But I’m thinking about my future now, not your temporary feelings.”
“Temporary feelings?” Callder shouted. “When you were a freshman in high school, and I was a senior, who used to walk by and throw his spaghetti in your hair every day?”
“Callder…”
“Who used to spill his fruit juice into your lap whenever you were wearing white, and then laugh loudly and tell everyone you forgot your tampon?”
“And who used to beat your face for that?” Brynne asked sweetly.
“Then who used to come into your shop every time he needed supplies, even though there were at least five other bait shops closer to the docks? Who used to leave giant tips for you and spend like an extra hour pretending to carefully choose fishing tackle even though he always chose the same thing, just to spend more time with you?”
“Callder,” she said with warning.
“And who used to steal your dad’s whiskey (because we both know he has a problem) and occasionally pass out drunk on your front porch, serenading you at your window, and singing cheery Irish drinking songs even though he’s not sure if he’s really Irish?”
“We were kids,” she said softly. “Just stupid little kids. All of that doesn’t mean anything about the future. What you’re describing is called the past. The distant past.”
Callder laughed. “That’s right. And who were you lying underneath last night, with your legs wrapped around him, moaning out his name…”
“Stop that,” she said with a blush.
“And who were you sitting on top of this morning when we pulled into the parking lot of that abandoned warehouse, selfishly waking him up to satiate your wanton whims…”
“Okay, I get the picture,” she said with a sigh. “So you’re also talking about the present.”
“You don’t get the picture at all!” he insisted. “Who will you be spending time with tomorrow? And next week? And next year? And in ten years?”
Brynne squinted as she stared at the darkening sky. “I haven’t the foggiest idea.”
Callder turned to his side angrily. “Well, I do! I do have an idea. Maybe, dahlin’, if you try real hard you can figure out what I’m tryin’ ta say and have your ideas coincide with mine.”
“You’re speaking in riddles and your ideas are ridiculous,” she said softly. “I need to figure things out. For real. Where do I go from here?”
“Why do you have to go anywhere? Why don’t you just stay with me?”
She glanced at him skeptically. “Where? What would I do?”
“You can work with us! We’re making a killing. Trevain just bought this gigantic-ass house and it’s got tons of space. Particularly, there’s lots of spare room in my bed. You should see all the space!”
“Are you serious? With you?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yeah,” he said. “Would that be weird? I mean… it’s not like we haven’t spent a lot of time together. I think we’d be able to coexist without tearing each other apart. Figuratively, that is. Literally, I’d like to tear you apart a little…”
“Do you realize what you’re asking me?” she demanded.
“Yeah. I want you to live with me.” He flung a hand out toward the highway, gesturing to the miles they had yet to travel. “In the future. From this point on. Does that sound real and serious enough for you?”
“It sounds like it came out of nowhere,” she admitted. “You just came out of nowhere.”
“No, Brynne. I’ve always been here, in the middle of nowhere, waiting for you.”
She began to fidget uncomfortably. She looked down at the bags filled with food in her lap, and breathed in the scent of warm dough, tomato sauce, cheese, and meat. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if you’re just feeding me the same bullcrap you feed all your other women.”
“I really missed you, Brynne. I really wanted to see you again, and I don’t think I should stop seeing you ever again. Please try to make this work with me. Please say you’ll try.”
She turned to look at him in surprise at his earnest tone. Callder was never earnest.
“If you need me to change any of my bad habits, I’m willing to try,” he told her. “I know I’m not perfect. Heck, I’d even be willing to get a penis implant if you need a little more somethin’-somethin’…”
“Callder!” she groaned. She reached down into the paper bags and pulled out a huge pizza-sandwich. She reached over and stuffed it into his mouth to get him to be quiet. When his mouth automatically opened to accept the offering, she smiled. “Looks like the only thing that will shut you up is a calzone.”
“Mmi mmike mmalmmones.” This was his attempt at speaking with his mouth full of the pizza-pocket.
“Sorry, what was that?” Brynne asked teasingly. “Did you say ‘I like calzones?’ Ooh, Calzones! That should be your new nickname. Yes, it will be my kinky pet-name for you.” She reached into the bag and pulled out one of the pizza dumplings of her own, and began to eat it in a distracting way, licking her fingers scrumptiously. “Calzone tastes sooo good,” she murmured seductively.
Of course, the screeching of brakes soon followed her little show. Since Whitehorse, they could not seem to travel a hundred miles without stopping in a dark corner to get close to each other again.
* * *
“Hey, check it out, B!”
She woke up to a nudge from Callder’s elbow, just in time to see the “Welcome to Alaska” sign. The rush of joy she felt was one she did not expect. Those three words seemed to trumpet a fanfare to celebrate her return. Even though there was nothing but trees and mountains beyond the sign, and not a colorful marching band, she could feel the shivers of belonging in her chest. She had not realized that she had missed this land so dearly until she had crossed onto its soil once more.
Alaska was not like any other part of the United States—it was not even like Canada. It was a place free and wild; completely untamable. The spirit of the land seeped into one’s soul and infused its countrymen with the same qualities. Brynne realized that in addition to abandoning her family, friends, and people, she had abandoned the place that was closest to her heart. She reached out and seized Callder’s hand, squeezing to share her emotion with him.
The sweet homecoming drew tears to her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.
“Feels right, doesn’t it?” Callder asked in understanding.
She could only nod in response.
As they came upon the customs border crossing back into the U.S., there was a very different atmosphere in the small vehicle.
“Passports, please,” requested the male customs officer.
Both ready for this, they handed over the documents.
“Citizenship?”
“American,” they said in unison.
“Where are you heading today?”
“We’re going home to Soldotna,�
�� Callder explained.
“I see. Are you two dating?”
“Yes,” said Brynne, while Callder simultaneously said “No.”
They glanced at each other.
“Why would you say no?” Brynne whispered. “Aren’t we together?”
“Um, you didn’t really confirm anything when I asked you to move in,” Callder whispered in response. “I figure that until we make it official somehow, you’re just using me for my body.”
“I need time to think about that,” Brynne told him. “I can’t decide something like that right off.”
The customs officer cleared his throat. “So are you or aren’t you?” he demanded crossly.
“Not exactly,” Brynne clarified, while Callder said, “Sort of.”
“Well,” the officer said, handing their passports back. “Have a safe trip.”
Brynne smiled and carefully returned her passport to her purse.
“Oooh,” Callder said happily. “Can we stop at the duty-free shop and get some booze?”
“No,” Brynne insisted. “Keep driving!”
“Fine, fine,” he grumbled. “You ruin all my fun.”
“We’ll have fun later, Calzone.”
“You had better keep that promise,” he warned her.
* * *
“Oh my god, I can feel it. We’re getting close to home,” Brynne said with excitement. “I recognize these mountains. These roads! Those houses!”
“Can I stop to take a leak?” Callder asked.
“No!” she told him. “Keep driving. We’re almost at Anchorage.”
“Brynne, I’m serious, I really need to take a leak. That Canadian coffee is starting to kick in. My bladder is starting to feel like a balloon about to pop, and I really don’t want to mess up the new Ferrari. I’ve cleaned vomit stains out of too many nice leather seats in the past…”
Alaskan Nights Page 5