by Rowe, Ruby
“Fine, yes, he’s not so bad.” I look away, knowing how terrible this seems.
“I can’t fucking believe this. You don’t like me after all the years I’ve been there for you, but after only a few days around Ellis Burke, who mind you is holding you hostage by way of blackmail, you already like the man. Do I need to remind you that you had his brother’s baby? It’s like watching a bad soap opera unfold.”
“Screw. You. Get off your high horse, and don’t speak to me until you can do it with respect.”
I storm from the room and back to the kitchen. Asshole. I don’t want to think about what he said. Is it wrong for me to be with Ellis after having Tony’s child? Ellis doesn’t seem to mind. This situation is messed up, and I’m mostly angry because I know what I have to do.
Ellis
It’s 8:45 a.m., and I’m refreshed as I trot down the stairs to the kitchen. Having experienced the best night of sleep I can recall in years has me in a great mood this morning.
I even had the dreaded dream about the woman in red, but this time, I could see the shape of her eyes, not just the color of her irises, and they were Camilla’s.
My plan is working. I’ll continue to gain power from her submission until the bizarre, unsettling dream stops resurfacing.
Stepping into the kitchen, I spot the tray Irene has prepared to bring up to my office. There’s a water pitcher and glass, my vitamins, a muffin, and an empty spot that’s no doubt for my mug of coffee.
She probably wonders why I keep coming downstairs, but I now have a reason to. There are people for me to see, and I hear the laughter from them drifting in from the dining room now.
“Mr. Burke, I was about to come up. Can I pour you a cup of coffee?” Irene asks with a smile. Even her mood seems brighter today as a light surrounds her dark eyes. I believe she enjoys having Camilla and Liam here, too.
“Yes, a cup would be great. Three sugars today please.” Once she hands me my mug, I stroll to the dining room.
Camilla’s back is to me, and Liam’s legs are swinging beneath his seat at the head of the table. He’s talking fast, and I’m only understanding every few words. Spotting me, his eyes brighten.
“Boss, hi.”
Camilla doesn’t turn around, but I can’t miss the way her shoulders lift as she sucks in a breath.
“Good morning, Bob. How are you?” Flinging his head back, Liam covers his mouth and snickers.
“My name’s not Bob.”
“Oh, right, it’s Carl.”
“Noooo, it’s Liam, but you can call me Mikey.”
“Mikey? Where did you come up with that name?”
“Ninja Turtles,” Camilla utters, still not turning around. I lean down and put my mouth to her ear.
“Good morning, my Rose.” Her breath hitches, and I believe she snapped her legs shut.
“Morning.”
“You’re in my spot, Mikey,” I say to him as I walk behind his chair and sit across from Camilla. “Where’s Emma?”
“She should be here any second. Can we talk after?”
“Sure.” I’d like to do more than talk to her now that I’ve seen how beautiful she is today. The swell of her magnificent tits is visible in her tight sweater, and her bare neck is calling to be kissed or even better–bitten.
“Good morning,” Emma says cheerfully after stepping into the dining room. Leaning over and smiling at Liam, she pushes her glasses up her nose. “What kind of trouble are we going to get into today?”
“I’m not in trouble.”
“Yes, let’s avoid trouble,” Camilla says.
“Are you finished with breakfast?” Emma asks him.
“Yep.”
“Then let’s go upstairs. I have some cool games in my bag we can play that will make us smarter. You want to get even smarter, don’t you?”
He sports a grin as Camilla attempts to pull his face in her direction to wipe dried oatmeal from the corner of his mouth.
He can’t get out of his chair fast enough, eager to take Emma’s hand, and it’s good to see him comfortable with her this early on.
The young woman is eccentric with her black painted fingernails that match her dark hair, glasses and makeup. Along with a loud yellow sweater and purple jeans, she’s wearing Converse tennis shoes that look like they’re covered in a comic book scene.
Interesting, but as long as Camilla and Liam are happy and she cares for him properly, I’ll live with her quirkiness.
“Let’s go to my office to talk.”
Camilla’s chewing on her lip and looking around the dining room. She’s nervous, but not in the way I’d like her to be. Whatever’s on her mind is weighing heavily.
“Don’t you want to eat your breakfast?” she asks.
“Coffee will do for now.”
Only nodding, Camilla leads the way to the stairs, and that’s fine by me since it gives me a chance to stare at her incredible ass as we climb them.
Once we’re in my office, she turns back to me, clasps her hands in front of her and lifts her chin.
“I have something to say.”
I smile. “I gathered that, and I think you conjured up some confidence with each of those steps we took, whereas my cock twitched more with each of them after staring at your ass, so please make it quick so I can touch you.”
Her finger comes out to wag. “Yes, see, we definitely need to have this discussion now.”
Sighing, I take a drink of my coffee and stroll around my desk to sit down.
“You seemed content last night when we returned from the guest house.”
“I was. Last night was amazing.”
Pleased, I smile. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m not going to have babies by two brothers. I mean, what does that say about me? And we’re just getting to know each other. It’s strange to me that you’re willing to be so careless.”
Crossing her arms, she raises her eyebrows. “So, I’m insisting we use condoms until I get on birth control, which I intend to do at my appointment I rescheduled.”
“OK, fine.”
“Oh, well, then good.”
“You seem surprised by my response.”
“I am … and there’s something else. Something much more important.”
“What is that?”
“I can’t be your submissive if I’m being held against my will. I was up most of the night, mulling over this situation, and for it to work, I have to trust you.”
“And I told you I would work on what you requested”–I wave my hand in the air–“about me being hot and cold or whatever the hell it was. I thought I was doing much better.”
“You have been, but it doesn’t change that if I leave here, you’ll demand Liam stay. I can’t accept that and be who you want me to be. A Dom and sub’s relationship needs to have a foundation of trust.”
Oddly, she begins walking backward until she’s against my closed door. With her arms still crossed, she leans her head back against it and looks to the ceiling.
“The experience in the playroom confirmed how intimate our relationship will be both physically and emotionally, at least for me, and much more so than engaging in sex on a kitchen island.”
My heart is racing, my irritability rising as I sense where this is headed.
“Get to the point, Camilla. What the hell are you wanting?” I snap. White-knuckling the arms of my chair, I inhale slowly, attempting to calm my anxiety.
“Respect, Ellis. Self-respect and respect from you. What kind of mother am I if I allow you to treat Liam and me like possessions?” Stepping forward enough to reach behind her, she opens my door.
“If you want me to be your submissive, to give myself over to you completely, then you’re going to have to tell me I’m free to leave if I ever wish.
“I don’t know if what Tony told me about you is true, that you do dangerous, sketchy work, but regardless, I don’t believe you’d ever harm Liam.
“What I’m trying to say is
I’d never keep him from you if I did leave, but if you want our physical relationship to continue, you have to give me this. You have to give me the freedom to go.”
On her final word, she slips through my doorway, the space now void–seeming empty of the breaths the house was beginning to take. What the fuck?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ellis
Instead of Dean, I’m the one tapping out, and it happens in only a short round of mat work. He lets me go, and more out of embarrassment than anything, I stay on my back and stare at the recessed lights above.
“Man, where’s your head at today?”
“I should’ve cancelled. I thought I needed the outlet, but you’re right that my head’s somewhere else.”
“Is this about your brother, or does it have more to do with the attractive woman you introduced me to?”
“Tony dying is still fresh, of course, but Camilla’s fucking with my head, too.”
With a grin, he holds his hand out to help me up.
“I’m on the clock for thirty more minutes, so why don’t you fill me in.”
“Asshole.” I shake my head and hop up without his help. Grabbing a towel off the shelf, I wipe the back of my neck. “Want a water?” I ask him as I reach in the mini-fridge.
“Sure.” After grabbing us both one, we have a seat on a bench at the side of the gym.
“I can’t say much about it, but I have to do something I don’t want to do if I stand a shot with her.”
“That’s with every relationship, man.”
“Yes, well, I don’t know shit about being in a relationship. Basically, she wants me to be less controlling. I have to set her free with the hope that she fucking stays.”
“OK. I can’t imagine what that’s really about, but maybe you need to think outside of the dojo to resolve this issue.”
“What do you mean?”
“Often we focus too heavily on one technique, one move, to get our opponent to submit, so if that’s not working in your life, or with this chick, maybe it’s time to try something different. If it’s comfortable and easy to get what we want, then maybe we didn’t earn it or deserve it.”
“Damn. That may have earned you the title of sensei.”
“Take it as advice from a friend with experience. I almost lost Meredith before we were married because I was holding on too tightly. Instead of watching me act like a caveman, she needed to see I trusted her.”
Dean’s words are thought-provoking, but what he doesn’t know is that I stacked all the cards against myself when I started this arrangement with Camilla.
I was just beginning to knock them down when she confronted me with this ultimatum. Can I trust that she won’t leave if I do ease up on the reins?
Camilla
“Damn, this car is sweet,” Sasha says as she glides her fingers along the seat next to where she’s sitting on the passenger side of the Mercedes E-Class Wagon I’m driving. “Do you think he’s giving you this car?”
“Like I said, I don’t know. Christopher only told me that Ellis purchased it and insisted I drive it.” I roll my eyes. “Mr. Burke believes my car is a death trap.”
“Well, can I have that death trap? I could really use some wheels.”
“We’ll see. With everything up in the air, I might end up back at the apartment.” Propping my elbow on the door, I lean my head against the window.
“Momma, when we be at the park?” Liam asks from the backseat.
“Soon, sweetie. Only a few more minutes.”
“How long do you think Ellis will go without speaking to you,” my sister asks. What’s up with her? She’s never this nosy about my life.
“I don’t know, Sasha. It’s been three days, so surely soon. Christopher is loving it, though, having to be the go-between.”
“Oh, yes, I forgot about the love triangle.”
“Will you stop? It’s not a love triangle at all. That would require me feeling love for some part of this 180° cluster fuck.”
“Oh, look at you, Smarty Pants,” she replies.
“Moooomma, you said a bad word. A verwy bad word.” Catching a glimpse of him in the rearview mirror, I spot his stern expression and scrunch my nose.
“You’re right, Liam, and Momma’s sorry. We don’t use that word.”
“How does he even know that’s a bad word?” Sasha asks.
I shoot her a sideways glance. “You’re kidding, right? I’m sure you get the credit for that one.”
“Boss says that bad word, and he puts monies in my piggy bank every time. I got a lot of monies in there.”
Sasha giggles first, and I can’t help but join in, and then … I can’t help but cry. The buildup of tears tumble fast and heavy, a snowball, picking up speed, except this one is warm and salty, full of disappointment and a bottomless sadness I can’t explain.
“Momma? You OK?” Liam asks. His sweet, concerned voice envelops me like a baby blanket to soothe my hurting heart. I look back at him, and he’s straining his head, eager to see my face. Swiping my tears away, I suck up my emotions.
“I’m fine, and look, there’s the park. Are you ready to play?” Thankfully, his attention span is all of three seconds, so his mind is now in the fun zone as I pull into a parking spot on this beautiful Sunday.
“I’ve got him,” Sasha mutters before hopping out of the car. I use the time to find a tissue in my purse and collect myself.
Ellis and I barely know each other, so why does it hurt so much that he isn’t speaking to me? If I’m honest, it’s because my mind was beginning to imagine the possibility of a future with him, and for some incomprehensible reason, he saw it, too.
Hell, he pushed me that direction, and fast, but it was a stranglehold, and what can be built from that?
Remembering I came here to enjoy time with my sister and son, I exit the brand new vehicle and stroll over to where Sasha is helping Liam climb a small slide.
“Momma, watch me do it all by myself.” The midday sun gifts me the twinkle in his blue eyes and the sparkle to his teeth as he grins. All at once, I really notice it. I see how much he resembles a Burke. I see … Ellis, and I fight back the tears all over again.
***
“He’s sound asleep back there,” Sasha says after twisting in her seat to check on him. I pull up in front of my old apartment, and after searching around in my purse, I withdraw an envelope and hand it to her.
“I already paid next month’s rent, and I’m paying the utilities online. You should be covered, but here’s some grocery and spending money.”
Handing it to her, I keep a hold of one end. “Promise me you’ll find a job soon. There’s enough extra in here to buy yourself a nice outfit to wear to interviews.”
“I promise, and thank you for the money and for lunch today.”
“If I find out I’m staying at Ellis’s, then I’ll give you my car to drive, but I can take you to work in the meantime.”
“I promise to look this week.”
Releasing the envelope, I manage a weak smile.
“I’m worried about you,” she says. “You’re falling for him, and I don’t want to see him hurt you the way Tony did. It was messed up what that man did to you.”
“Yes, it was, but I got Liam out of the deal. Don’t worry about me. I always find a way to survive, even in the darkest of situations.
“Ellis Burke is difficult, demanding and confusing, but he’s also generous and sometimes kind. This situation could’ve been a hell of a lot worse.”
I shrug my shoulders. “He and I are at an impasse, but he’s too impatient for something not to happen soon. I’ll let you know when I have the answers.”
“I don’t say it enough, but I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now, get out of the car before I cry again. We’ll talk soon.” I wait to ensure Sasha gets inside the apartment.
Even though she doesn’t contribute a dime, I feel guilty leaving her here, especially when I think of what kind of house I g
et to return to. She was sober today, and that makes me want to give her the world.
Camilla
The afternoon is depressing. Liam and I have been hanging out in the family room for a few hours, and it’s about time I heat up leftovers for our dinner.
Rain has moved in, and other than the sound of it tapping on the windows, reminding me of its gloomy presence, the house has been quiet. Irene and Christopher aren’t working, and if Ellis left his office any, I haven’t heard him.
Not being able to take another minute of cartoons, I shut off the television.
“Liam, do you want to eat dinner and then make cannoli with me?” The newfound excitement of getting sweets brings him to his feet.
“Yes! I wuv cannoli.” He hurries ahead of me, knowing exactly where the kitchen is. I search through the pantry and fridge, expecting Irene to have the ingredients stocked, and I’m right.
I barely knew my Italian grandmother, but from the little time we spent together, Irene reminds me of her, both of them sweet and helpful, with a comforting smile.
The last time I saw her was when she came to America to visit. I was eighteen, and it was just before I fled with Sasha, protecting her from our junkie parents. I knew then I’d likely never see my grandmother again, and the disappointment is still raw.
Picking up Liam, I set him on the kitchen counter. He swings his legs and grins.
“Momma, can we make Boss some cannoli, too? I bet he would like them a whole lot.”
Hiding my hurt behind a smile, I kiss his rosy cheek that’s a little windburned from playing at the park.
“Sure, we’ll make him some, too.”
Ellis
I’m in my office working, dwelling on how the last three days have been total hell. Besides my session with Dean, I’ve only gone back and forth between my office and bedroom.
Irene served me my meals upstairs, and since she left at one yesterday, I’ve barely eaten at all, only going downstairs while Camilla was on her outing today.
I was in a panic while she and Liam were away, wondering if she’d take the opportunity to flee with him, and the most weighted breath escaped me when I saw her on the security camera, pulling back in the driveway.