Kate shook her head in frustration. “I’m sorry.” She had hoped mentoring would fill a void for Joely. Maybe take some of the pressure off her.
“Would you contact that doctor you told me about? The one doing clinical trials?”
Kate walked toward the office to find the website. “Sure.”
“I’m tired of lupus running my life.”
# # #
Kate parked in front of the Victorian house whose best days were behind her and noticed the shutter outside Michelle’s window barely hanging on by one hinge.
Kate didn’t like Crew Cut Man. She didn’t like him at all. But Michelle wanted him back. Unfortunately, Michelle needed him back. And it was Kate’s job to somehow make him want to come back when what she really wanted was to have him arrested for statutory rape.
Once inside, Kate saw rosy-cheeked Graciella in her playpen. Her attitude softened like jello. “Hi, sweetie.” She waved at the baby dressed in yellow ducky pajamas.
“Want to hold her?” Michelle asked.
Kate considered it for a moment. Then she picked Graciella up and carried her to the lumpy futon opposite Michelle and Crew Cut Man. The two waited for Kate to take charge as she searched for the right words.
“Thank you for coming,” Kate said to him, trying to disguise her insincerity.
He nodded his acknowledgement. Too macho to even speak.
Graciella deserved better than him. “Well, let me explain why we’re here. My understanding is that you both want to make this marriage work, but your circumstances have made it very difficult. Is that accurate?”
They nodded in agreement. Graciella started to cry. Kate placed her against her chest and rubbed the baby’s back in a circular motion. Graciella, however, continued bawling and Kate had to admit it was rather annoying.
Michelle took her from Kate. “I think Gracie is getting a tooth.” Although at first the baby continued fussing, she calmed down when Michelle rubbed her gums. But Michelle had to split her attention between keeping her daughter calm and working out a solution to her bigger problem. Kate couldn’t help but think if Michelle hadn’t had a baby in the first place, she could walk away from Crew Cut Man and never look back.
“Certainly having a baby is extremely stressful,” Kate said with unwarranted authority. “Even though it’s wonderful that you have Graciella, the truth is you two didn’t have much of a chance to get to know each other first. Marriage takes a lot of work.” Oh, great. Instead of using Carl Rogers’s “unconditional positive regard” she was using the Cliché Counseling Technique. “Which one of you would like to go first in explaining what you need from the other person?”
The kitchen faucet dripped. Michelle and her husband remained silent, looking uncomfortable. Drip. How could Michelle sleep at night with the faucet dripping every five seconds? It was like anticipating, but not being able to block a slap in the face. Drip.
Kate forced herself to make eye contact with Crew Cut Man. “OK. Let me start with you.” Drip. “How do you feel about Michelle going to school?”
“I want her to go. I want her to get her diploma and go to college if she wants to. Michelle’s too smart to end up working in a factory like me.”
Wow. He wasn’t a complete jerk after all.
Michelle looked at him and smiled.
Kate’s shoulders relaxed as she gave the trademark counselor nod. “OK. And Michelle, I assume you want to graduate, right?”
“Yes.”
“OK then. We’re on the same page.” Kate turned back to Crew Cut Man. “How do you want Graciella to grow up? Do you want to be a part of her daily life?”
The corners of his eyes seemed to turn downward as he gazed at his daughter. “Definitely.” He reached out and caressed the baby’s crown. Graciella looked back fondly with her big brown eyes. “I don’t want to be a weekend dad.”
Kate felt her facial muscles relax at hearing these words. “So, Frank, tell me why you left.”
“Since Michelle is in school during the day and I work at night, we barely speak to each other during the week. And on the weekends Michelle is so tired that she never wants to go out.” At this point Michelle began to quietly cry.
Crew Cut Man fidgeted in his chair. “Between Gracie and homework, Michelle never has any time for me.”
“Tell me how you’re feeling,” Kate said to Michelle. She knew it was a ridiculous statement, but she was taught to never ask “Why?” because it could put people on the defensive. So Kate tried to be creative when she wanted to ask that question.
Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Michelle balanced Graciella on her knee. “It’s all my fault.”
Kate looked at Crew Cut Man to see how he responded to Michelle’s tears. He looked uncomfortable. Good, she thought.
“I don’t think that’s what Frank is saying,” Kate offered, in an attempt to be positive. “He’s saying that he wants more time with you, that’s all. And I bet you would like more time with him, right?”
She nodded and a moment later the tears subsided. When Kate gave Michelle her turn to speak, she agreed with Frank that she missed the way things were before they had the baby.
That was Kate’s big fear for herself. She knew you could never go back to the way things used to be. Kate started to wonder: Did she not want to be a mom or was she just afraid of motherhood?
Kate asked Michelle more questions, trying to understand exactly how many hours a day were needed for each activity. After analyzing the logistics of their lives, she had to concur that there wasn’t much of an opportunity for interaction and certainly there wasn’t any time for fun.
She turned toward Crew Cut Man. “Do you have any family in the area that could help out?”
He shook his head no. “I moved here for the job.”
It sure would help if they had a relative or friend who would baby-sit once in a while so they could spend some quality time together. For a moment Kate entertained the thought of volunteering herself, but then dismissed it. Instead she suggested that finding a babysitter be one of their goals. More immediately, though, she realized something had to change and the only area of flexibility, unfortunately, was school. Frank had to work full-time to pay the bills. Graciella had to be watched constantly.
Just thinking it broke Kate’s heart. “The only solution I see is for Michelle to attend school for only half of the day. Then she can be home in the afternoons, so you can spend time together as a family.”
Michelle bounced Graciella on her knee while searching her husband’s face. The faucet dripped.
Kate leaned in, placing her forearms on her thighs. “Frank, could you sacrifice a little bit longer so Michelle can finish her classes this semester?”
She held her breath, waiting for his answer.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The problem with being naïve was that you didn’t realize it. It made you vulnerable. Only later, when you looked back, could you see it— clear as your reflection in the mirror. But by then it was too late.
Maybe that was why Rhonda called Kate into her office that afternoon.
“You’re in the union, aren’t you, Kate?”
Kate leaned back in her seat, appreciating the scent of vanilla in the air. “No. I always figured as long as I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t need to join.” Kate looked at the “Counselor of the Year” plaques hanging on the taupe wall. Obviously, she was mistaken.
Rhonda put down her pen. “You should be in the union. In this job you need to protect yourself. You never know when someone is going to accuse you of something. Even if you’re innocent, just defending yourself can wipe you out.”
Kate picked a marble paperweight off Rhonda’s desk and fiddled with it. She felt weird knowing that Rhonda was the one accused of messing around with a student, while Rhonda didn’t know Kate knew. Part of her wanted to tell Rhonda how sorry she was. That she had no doubt this Jennifer person made this up. Rhonda, after all, was one of the most empathetic a
nd professional people Kate knew. “You’re in the union, right?”
Rhonda nodded then allowed the room to fill with silence. “Several years ago a girl on the volleyball team said Tim Fitch was the father of her baby. Did you know that?”
Kate’s eyes widened. “No, I didn’t.”
“The girl recanted her story later. Anyway, the union provided him with a lawyer.” Rhonda paused. “Another teacher gave girls rides on his motorcycle and told them to keep it a secret from their parents.”
“That sounds suspicious.”
“The school tried to fire him, but technically he hadn’t done anything.”
Kate’s mouth fell open. “That doesn’t matter. He was laying the groundwork.”
Rhonda crossed her legs. “Well, he was tenured. Right or wrong, the union provides a lawyer.”
“So who was it? Does he still work here?”
“He transferred to another school. We had a different principal then and he offered to write him a letter of recommendation if he would leave quietly.”
“You’re kidding!” Kate dropped the paperweight on the floor. “So, we just passed the problem on to some other school.”
“Stuff like that happens all the time, Kate.”
Speechless, Kate leaned over to pick up the marble sphere. Instantly, she lost respect for Foxworth High School, like a soldier betrayed by her own country.
“Anyway, I strongly recommend you join the union.” Rhonda’s phone rang and she answered it. From what Kate heard, it was a parent checking to see if her daughter really turned in her college application to Rhonda.
As Rhonda spoke into the receiver, Kate thought about the union. She liked that they were helping Rhonda, but she didn’t want any part of an organization that would gladly defend the guilty.
Then Kate studied the worry lines across Rhonda’s brow. She thought about how Rhonda picked up the slack while Kate tended to Joely even though handling Kate’s students doubled her workload. But she never complained. How could someone who cared so much for others bear to be accused of such an ethical breach?
# # #
“I’m so glad you decided to participate in a drug trial,” Kate said as she and Joely sat in yet another waiting room. “This doctor is one of the best.”
Moments later Kate heard Piano Man playing over the P.A. system. “Did you know that’s who you’re named after?”
Joely looked up from the Coastal Living magazine in her lap. “What? Who?”
“Listen.” Kate paused. “It’s Billy Joel. Dad was a huge fan and insisted Mom name you after him.”
“I didn’t know that.”
Kate didn’t know who she was named after. . .if anyone. Once she saw an old black and white movie called The Philadelphia Story in which Katharine Hepburn played a character with a quick wit. Kate imagined and pretty much convinced herself that she was Katharine Hepburn’s namesake. In real life the actress once said, “Being a housewife and a mother is the biggest job in the world, but if it doesn’t interest you, don’t do it—I would have made a terrible mother.” Perhaps they had more in common than just their monikers.
Joely pointed toward the speaker in the ceiling. “I saw him in concert once.”
“You did? When?”
“When I was in high school. You were away at college.”
Kate cringed at the reminder. “I’m surprised Aunt Suzy let you go to a concert.”
“I think maybe she was busy that night playing Bingo or something. So, Uncle Burt said it was alright,” Joely said. “Tell me more about Mom and Dad.”
Kate’s face muscles relaxed, welcoming the chance to reminisce about happier times. “Once an investment banker wanted Dad to build some custom cabinets for his yacht on Lake Michigan. Dad looked at the job and realized it was going to be so involved he didn’t want to do it. So he quoted a ridiculously high price figuring the guy would never pay it. But he did. And so Dad headed out to the job, grumbling to himself, and Mom laughed, reminding him that he could’ve just said no.” He must be from whom she’d inherited her insatiable need to please people.
Joely nodded her head, grinning, as if she were anxious to hear more. “What else?”
Kate pictured her father’s fuzzy brown beard and blue jeans stained with shellac. “Dad was fun. He would throw you up in the air and you would giggle like crazy.”
Joely’s eyes shined. “He did?”
“Everybody always favors the baby,” Kate playfully whined. “Hey, do you remember Mom making circus animals out of play-doh for us?”
“Now that I remember. They looked so real. Elephants, lions and tigers.”
“And bears, oh my,” Kate joked, finishing the famous line from The Wizard of Oz.
“What else?”
Kate knew she recalled more than Joely, but they still seemed like tiny scraps. When she was a child, she expected the world around her to always remain the same. If she would have known how in an instant it would disappear, like a flash of lightening, she would’ve paid closer attention. “I remember one of my birthday parties where someone gave me a pink ballerina doll. I liked it so much, I didn’t want to finish unwrapping my other presents.” Suddenly she remembered that this story didn’t have a happy ending. “Mom yelled at me in front of everyone.”
“Sometimes pain comes out as anger.”
Kate nodded, realizing Joely was really talking about herself.
Joely closed her magazine and placed it on the end table. “Was I there?”
It amazed Kate how Joely only recalled the good things. “Yes, you were in the corner pouting because no one brought you any gifts.”
“Whatever,” she said, drawing out the last syllable for effect.
Once again Kate pondered how their relationship had been different when their parents were around. She remembered feeling close to her sister when they put on fashion shows in the living room, dressed in Mom’s old prom dresses and high heels. But she also recalled feeling envious of the way Mom and Dad let Joely get by with things, spurring Kate to enact revenge when no one was looking. She could hardly believe that she was ever so petty. Once they moved in with Aunt Suzy and Uncle Burt, she never again grabbed Barbie out of her sister’s hands, even if she had been playing with the doll first. She would just let Joely keep it, hoping it made her happy.
“Joely Shupe,” the male nurse called.
Joely made small talk with him as they walked to an exam room.
After the nurse left, Kate asked, “Do you know what your first word was?”
“What?”
“Hi. Not Mommy or Daddy. Not even Kate. But Hi.” Kate smiled.
After a few minutes into the Eagles’s Hotel California, the doctor walked in. He shook their hands and introduced himself. His Indian accent sounded almost musical as its pitch rose and fell. “We are involved in Stage One clinical trials. This is the first step toward finding a cure. I have to be honest, we don’t know what the side effects will be.”
Kate didn’t care. If it was a possible cure, she thought they should try. “We understand.” She handed him the folder labeled “Joely’s Health Status”.
The doctor asked Joely questions about the folder’s contents as he clicked his pen. He reviewed her entire medical history, making notes on his clipboard. “Oh. You have nephritis. How’s the treatment going?”
“Dr. Martin said my renal function is normalizing and I probably won’t need dialysis.”
Thank God for that. Kate leaned forward. “Can Joely’s regular doctor monitor her while she’s participating in the drug trial?”
The doctor clicked his pen again. “Unfortunately our clinical trials are for patients whose kidneys have not yet been affected by lupus. Joely isn’t a possible candidate.”
Kate’s hopes burst like a balloon pricked with a needle. “Seriously?”
The doctor wrote something on his clipboard. “I’m sorry.” He handed Joely the manila folder and shook their hands. “Have a nice weekend,” he said and exited
the room.
“Yeah, right,” Kate mumbled. She took a breath as the anger built. “I mean, what was the point of us coming out here? He could’ve told me that on the phone.”
Joely stared out the small window at the adjacent building’s tar roof. “I’m never going to run again.”
Kate stopped talking. This was obviously more disappointing for her sister than it was for her.
Joely blinked, still staring at the blackness. “I need to stop expecting people to save me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“Jerk!” Kate yelled when a red convertible cut them off. She clenched the steering wheel, her arms bent stiffly. She wasn’t used to the rapid speed and Lord of the Flies mentality of city drivers. She was much more accustomed to being stuck behind the orange triangle of a slow-moving piece of farm equipment.
Since she had no sense of direction, she worried she wouldn’t be able to find her way back to the hotel. And she couldn’t ask Joely for help; her sister hadn’t said a word since they’d left the doctor’s office. Kate slowed down as she approached an exit, trusted her gut and drove down the right road.
Once they arrived at the hotel room, Kate asked Joely how she was doing.
“Fine.” She was less than convincing. “I want to rest a bit.” She lay on top of the yellow-flowered bedspread, curled her body around a pillow and closed her eyes. She slept for four hours.
When she finally woke up, she said she wanted to see if the gift shop had a swimsuit in her size.
Kate looked up from the letter of recommendation she struggled to write for one of her students. “Why?” She and Joely didn’t know how to swim. As children they sat fully clothed watching Jonathan take his lessons at the YMCA.
“I’m going to sit in the hot tub.”
Kate nodded her head and put down her pen. “Do you want some company?”
“No thanks.” Joely picked up her purse.
“Do you want to get some dinner together later?”
“No. You go ahead. I’m not hungry.”
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