by Dana Mason
"No, they miss you. They're homesick and a little confused."
"How do you know?"
"I've been seeing them every couple of days. I take Cody to soccer with Jamie, and I've been trying to hang out with Erin. I switched her classes so she doesn't have Jeffries for Biology anymore."
Brian's face went stony when she said his name.
"Being so early in the school year made it easier. She was able to jump right into another class without getting behind."
He stopped dressing and stared at her. "You did all that? Have you been working?"
"Yes, I've banked some columns, and I can still write at night."
"Why are you doing this? They're not your kids."
"Somebody had to. You've been cooped up here with a bottle."
Brian sat on the edge of the bed, and their eyes met through the mirror hanging over his dresser. "I can't believe I've been hiding…while…while they've had to go to school. Cody going to soccer… He was so close to his mom."
"It helps to spend time with Jamie. They're on the same team, so I take them together. It gets him out of the house and his mind off family. He's a tough little boy, like his dad."
"Tougher than his dad." Brian shook his head and looked down at the floor. "Thank you for helping them. I'll try to get my shit together. I've just been…"
"I know what you've been doing, but now you need to be around for them. It's been too long. Life goes on, Brian, for them and for you."
He nodded, then stood and turned to her. "Are you going to get dressed?" he asked, eyeing the towel she held around her chest.
"Uh…" She looked down at his clothes and her stomach fluttered. How would she get through the day wearing his clothes and smelling him? Maybe she should invade Julie's closet. She glanced at the closed closet door, and the thought of that seemed harder than wearing Brian's clothes.
When Brian went back into the bathroom, she quickly dropped her towel and pulled on his t-shirt. It hung below her hips, but she didn't care. It's not like they were going out on a date.
"Would you rather have jeans?" he asked, walking back into the bedroom.
She looked up, trying to hide her legs. She was naked from the waist down and thanked the heavens the t-shirt hung so long.
"Uh, jeans. That might be better if you have a belt." Boyfriend jeans were popular these days, and she could tuck in the shirt. Brian rummaged through his drawer and pulled out a worn, faded pair of Levis. These are too small for me. They might work for you. Here." He handed her a belt. "Sorry about your clothes."
"I'll…em…throw them in the dryer," she stuttered.
"Are you okay?" he asked with his hands on his hips. "You're not freaking out because you're naked, are you?" His mouth curved up into a smile.
"No! God! I'm cold."
Brian leaned back against the dresser, crossed his arms, and looked her up and down. "You still look good, Parker," he said, winking.
"Shut up!" She pulled on the jeans quickly, trying not to act uncomfortable in front of him.
"Oh, and commando, that should be fun." He chuckled again.
Melissa smiled at the sound of his laughter, thankful he'd relaxed. The shower and the talk must have helped. Julie's pregnancy had to weigh pretty heavily on his mind. Julie pregnant—she still couldn't believe it.
"We should pick up some groceries before we get the kids. Stock the house so you don't have to worry about it for a while. I can cook some casseroles and freeze them for you guys." She looked up to see Brian's deer-in-the-headlights expression.
"Groceries?" He paled. "I don't do that." He sank to the bed. "Lis, I've never cooked for the kids—not real food anyway."
"I'll help. Don't worry about it. I'll teach Erin, too."
"You can't be here all the time."
"Brian, don't worry. I'll hang out when I can and help. I do most of my writing at night. Being here won't interfere."
"Maybe I should hire a housekeeper. How much do you think that costs?"
"I have no idea, but I'll help you with that, too. I'll ask my mother. She'll know who to call."
"Aren't you worried about Berkeley getting jealous with you spending so much time with me?"
"Chase," she said pointedly, "trusts me. Why would he be jealous? I'm helping a friend."
"You're helping an ex-boyfriend."
"That doesn't matter."
"So…you haven't told him I'm your ex."
"It doesn't matter."
"MmHmm, sure it doesn't," Brian said as she stepped back into the bathroom.
Chapter Fourteen
When the phone rang, Erin stuck her head out to listen. Gran was talking to Dad. Geez, finally, I can't wait to go home. She thought about her room and her mom and had to suck in a deep breath to hold in her never-ending tears.
"Erin, honey, Daddy's on his way." Gran inched around the corner. "Start getting your stuff together so you and Cody can go home."
"Okay," she said, trying to sound casual as her heart raced in her chest. God—does he know, is that why he hasn't come sooner? Why would he leave us here so long? I don't want to live here. I want to go home, sleep in my own room.
"Erin?"
She jumped at the sound of her voice.
"You okay?" Gran leaned against the door frame and stared at her as if waiting for her head to spin on her shoulders. "You can stay here if you like, honey. I'm sure Daddy will understand if you're not ready to be home."
"No!" She shook her head. "No, Gran, I'm ready to go home. I'm okay, just worried about Dad."
Gran nodded, lowering her gaze. "You have my number. You can call if things get too hard over there. I'm sure it'll feel weird being there without your mother."
"Thank you." What else could she say? She loved her Gran and Granpop, but she just wanted to go home.
"I'm going to help Cody get his stuff ready. Call me if you need me."
Erin nodded and smiled as Gran turned out of the room. When the hall was empty, she picked up her phone and dialed Melissa's number.
"Hey, my dad's coming," she said when Melissa answered.
"I'm coming with him."
"Oh, you're with him now?"
"Yes, we're driving over there right now. Are you and Cody getting ready?"
"I am, but does my dad know?" she asked on a whisper.
"Ah, no, we'll be there in about ten minutes."
"So, no, you haven't told him that I knew about Mom's affair?"
"Yes, that's right," Melissa said. "I'll talk to you when we get there."
"Okay, thanks, Melissa. My dad would kill me if he knew I knew about Mom and didn't tell him."
"No, he wouldn't. We're going to talk, okay?"
Erin let out a heavy sigh and dropped to the bed. Melissa seemed cool most of the time, but she had a distinct way of reminding Erin that she could be a killjoy just like every other adult. God, how freaking annoying. "Fine, see you in ten minutes." She ended the call before Melissa could respond.
Erin packed her cigarette stash first. She purposely put the pack and lighter in with her tampons. Her dad would avoid that like the plague. Gran and Granpop were so freaking old, they couldn't smell cigarette smoke to save their own lives, but her dad had the nose of a bloodhound. She didn't think Melissa would have a problem with her smoking, but she wasn't certain. If Melissa were anything like Auntie Ali, she'd never let Erin smoke. Auntie Ali was an extension of Mom. She never let Erin get away with anything.
They're stupid, treating her like some child. If she wanted to smoke, then she would. They couldn't control everything she did. What does it matter anyway? If mom could sleep around, then smoking shouldn't be a big deal. Especially after all the crap her mom did in high school.
Erin had read her journals. She knew about her mother. Her poor daddy. What a sucker, falling for her game. Erin couldn't understand why Melissa wanted to be friends again with such a slut.
If it weren't for her mom, Dad would have married Melissa. Mom trapped him, tra
pped him into getting married and having a baby. She got pregnant on purpose and used the pregnancy like she used everyone else, and admitted it in her journal. She was messed up back then. Erin cried when she'd read those journals. Her mother had been an emotional mess after losing her parents, and she used Dad to make sure she had a secure future. She'd been afraid. God, should I be afraid of not having a mother now? Why had she been so insecure? I don't get it.
Why couldn't she rely on herself, go to college, and make her own way through life? Why had she thought she needed a man to support her? Erin thought of Coach Jeffries. How could he do that? What a liar. His wife must be just as stupid as her mom.
Erin frowned. She'd fallen for his lies, too. She clamped a hand on the zipper of her hoodie and tugged it up to her neck. Why had she let him do that? Geez, if Dad ever found out. She shook her head and placed her hands over her face, trying to will away the images in her head, but she couldn't forget. She'd thought someone finally respected her, treated her like a grown-up. She closed her eyes, ashamed she'd let him take those pictures. He told her she'd be a model.
"God," she whispered, looking up to the ceiling. "I fell for it, too, Mom." She remembered his cold hand on her bare shoulder as he'd told her how to pose…then pointing those hot, bright lights at her. She wanted to throw up just thinking about it.
Then when she'd tried to get away from him, when she'd dropped out of swimming at the end of the school year, her mom had freaked out. But she couldn't tell Mom what she'd done.
I miss you, Mommy. I wish you were here. I'd tell you. I'd warn you not to fall for his tricks.
The memory of her mom, up against the wall of his classroom, him touching her…what a nasty pig. When Erin had found them together, it made her sick; she had to go throw up in the school bathroom.
She should have warned her mom then. Maybe if she'd said something, Mommy would still be here. She couldn't hold in her tears this time. She'd give anything to feel her mother's arms around her, to smell her and know that everything would be okay. She wanted to hug her again, one more hug. She'd be good and work really hard at making things up to her family.
Chapter Fifteen
When Brian stepped into the room, he found Erin sitting on his old childhood bed with her knees to her chest, crying. He held his breath, the sight overwhelming him. How could he have done this to them, left them to grieve without him? Her sorrow and remorse swam in the air. It reminded him of his own grief, and he realized he needed them as much as they needed him. He quietly moved to her side and wrapped his arms around her. She looked up at him in surprise then caught him in the tightest hug.
"I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry."
"No, honey, I'm sorry for leaving you here." He looked up at Melissa who was standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, crying. A tear dropped from his chin as he squeezed Erin in an effort to thaw the part of his heart that had frozen over since Julie's funeral. "Missed you so much—are you ready to come home?" Erin nodded into his chest as she sobbed. "Honey, we'll work everything out. I promise. Melissa helped me stock the house with groceries, and she's going to help me cook. Everything will be fine." He stroked her hair and pushed it out of her face. "Are you okay?"
She nodded as her eyes filled with tears again. "I missed you, and I miss mom."
"I know. I miss her, too."
"Why didn't you come sooner, Dad? I want to go home. What took you so long?"
"I'm so sorry, babe." He pursed his lips and held his eyes closed for a moment. "I'm having a hard time with this, just like you. I should have been here. I'm sorry, but I'm here now and we're going to be fine. I promise." Pounding footsteps sounded down the hall and he looked up to see Cody running at him.
"Daddy!" Cody grabbed his dad and squeezed him so hard, Brian had to hold his breath.
"Hey, little man. Are you ready to come home?"
Cody pulled away and nodded, obviously trying not to cry, but he closed his eyes against his own burning tears. Brian clung to them both until Cody's crying settled. When Brian looked back up to see Melissa, she'd turned away and left the room.
"Can we go home now? I missed you guys. The house seemed so empty without you."
Both kids nodded, and Brian lifted Cody in the air and swung him under his arm. "C'mon, Cody, I'll help you get your stuff to the car."
Cody squealed as Brian hauled him out of the room.
"I'll help Erin," Melissa said as Brian came out of the room with Cody. She smiled, but it wasn't enough to hide her puffy, red eyes.
He grinned at her and mouthed a wide-eyed, "Thank you." She sniffled and nodded before stepping back into the bedroom.
Brian rounded the corner and nearly took his mom out with Cody's feet. "Ah, look out, Ma."
"Brian, can we talk for a minute?" she said, nodded to the living room.
"Um…" He looked down at his son's smiling face and placed him on his feet. "Cody, go check the room and make sure you got everything. I'll be there in a minute to help you."
Cody nodded and took off running back down the hall.
"Ma, thanks for taking care of things for me." Brian followed her into the living room where his pop was sitting. "I'm sorry. I'll get my act together."
Nora grabbed him in a hug, clinging to him, holding on for a long moment before pulling back. She was so much smaller than he, and yet, her embrace held so much strength. Brian felt terrible for not being here for her—and for his kids. What kind of father abandons his family when they need him the most?
"Brian." She smiled at him, but it was the saddest smile he'd ever seen on her face. "I understand how hard this has been. I'm glad you're coming around. I expect this to take time. You'll find a routine soon enough. We're here to help with whatever you need. You know that right?"
"Yeah, Ma, I know. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I…uh, I'm working it out, and I'm done with the pity party." He smiled back at her, trying to reassure her he was okay. "Melissa is checking into a housekeeper for me. She's also doing some cooking and showing me some things."
"Brian, she's been great with Cody and Erin. I'm glad she's helping you…"
Brian tilted his head, understanding settling in. "But…?"
"But I'm not sure if you and her spending time together is such a good idea."
"Why?"
"Honey, you know perfectly well why."
"No, I don't." He placed his hands on his hips. "Enlighten me, please."
"Brian," Greg growled.
Brian looked over at his pop, who was staring at him over his magazine and reading glasses.
"What exactly is your problem with Melissa?"
"We don't have a problem with Melissa. We have always loved her like she was one of our own," Nora said.
Brian hadn't missed the 'we' in her statement. This was clearly something they had already talked about.
"We just don't want either of you to get hurt again."
Brian sat down, already exhausted with the conversation. "You guys are over-thinking this." He lay back, his eyes resting on the ceiling. "Melissa is just trying to help. This isn't a relationship forming. She's engaged, and I love my wife. Okay?"
Nora held her hands out. "We don't doubt your love for Julie, but knowing your history with Melissa, we want you to be careful." She glanced at his pop and said, "We're worried about you both."
Brian rubbed his face with both hands. Why was he having this conversation? Seriously? What the hell? He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, looking between his mother and father. "I will not do anything to disrespect the memory of my wife, and I will not do anything to hurt Melissa again."
Nora perched herself on the edge of her chair. "Brian—"
"Ma—"
She pointed her finger at him. "Don't you interrupt me, Brian Martin! I have something to say to you, and I want you to listen."
He dropped his eyes to the floor. "I'm listening."
"I understand. We," she emphasized, looking at his pop before l
ooking back at him, "understand how important both of these women are to you. It hasn't been so long that we don't remember how much you were hurt by…things. We just don't want you to enter into another friendship with Melissa blindly. We don't want to see either of you get hurt. Emotions are high right now, you're not thinking clearly, and I just don't want you to do something you'll regret later."
Brian listened, and he heard her—he got it—and now he wanted a fucking drink. "Thank you. I get what you're saying, and I appreciate your concern. I promise to tread carefully with Melissa."
"Then why is she wearing your clothes, Brian?" Greg asked.
Brian looked up at his father. "What? Are you kidding me? You think I'm sleeping with Melissa?" He pointed over his shoulder. "You have such a low opinion of me—of her—that you think we hopped in the sack before Julie's even cold?"
"No! Brian!" Nora said, laying a hand over her mouth. "We're just concerned."
Brian slapped his knees with his hands and vaulted off the couch, completely done with this conversation. "Well, thanks for your concern. It's fine. We're fine. I need to go help Cody."
~
"Hey." Melissa walked back into the bedroom with Erin. "You okay?"
Erin nodded into Melissa's hug. "This is my fault. I should've told Daddy, but I don't want him to hate me."
"None of this is your fault. Your mother was a grown woman who made her own decisions. You can't blame yourself for her mistakes." Melissa pulled away to meet Erin's eye. "He certainly will not hate you, but you need to tell him. I don't like keeping this secret from him."
"Are you and my dad getting back together?"
"What? No!" Melissa wanted to bite her tongue at the too quick and too rude response. "Honey, your dad and I are just friends. He loves your mother. Not me."
"He shouldn't after what she did."
"One mistake doesn't take away love, Erin. Lots of people make mistakes."
"Like Daddy did when he slept with my mom the first time…when he should have married you?"
Melissa stared at her, frozen with shock. "Erin, how do you know that?" Erin lowered her eyes, not answering the question. "Did your mom tell you that?"