by Dana Mason
As her shoulders drew back in indignation, the smile dropped from her face and her eyes narrowed. "Why? You scared I'm gonna beat you, Dad?"
Matt took a step back. "Oh, she's calling a throwdown."
"You challenging me, kid?" Brian asked, gesturing toward his chest. "You challenging your old man?"
Her hands landed on her hips. "You better believe it."
The energy crackled between them as their matching eyes glared at each other. It was obvious Brian's eyes weren't the only thing he passed down to his daughter. She had also inherited his competitiveness.
"Let's go," Brian said. "We'll eat cake when we get back."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Exhaustion set in when Melissa entered Brian's house that evening. Hobbling around the GoKart track on a bad foot and the beating she'd taken when Jeffries threw her to the ground did not help. She could barely hold her eyes open, but the exhaustion was worth it. Erin had a great birthday. She'd smiled all day, as had Brian, Cody, and Matt. Melissa hadn't had so much fun in a long time, and all she'd done was watch. It was wonderful to see everyone enjoy a day after months of heartache. It was nearing nine o'clock when they returned. Matt said his goodbyes to everyone, watching Brian expectantly, but Brian hadn't budged on the new dating rule.
Once Matt was gone and the kids were upstairs getting ready for bed, Melissa thought she'd work on him some. Surely he couldn't have forgotten what it was like to want to be with someone at that age.
She sat down on the chair in the living room, cornering Brian with her glare.
"What?" he said at the expression on her face.
She couldn't hide the grin. "He's sweet to Erin."
"He came around months ago wanting to ask her on a date." He waved a dismissive hand in the air. "But hell no, not at fifteen."
Melissa leaned forward. "Brian, we dated at fifteen."
He pointed at her. "That was different."
"How?"
He dropped his hand. "It was different."
"This doesn't appear to be any different."
"Wipe that smile off your face. Nothing about this is funny."
She laughed at his brooding face. "It's actually very sweet…and she isn't exactly a little girl anymore."
"That's not funny either."
"Brian, you told him sixteen. You can't go back on your word like that. What are you teaching them?"
"I don't care! I'm keeping my kid out of trouble."
"You're acting like my mom. Don't you remember her trying to keep us apart?"
His eyes grew wide. "Yeah, and maybe she was right."
"What?" Melissa drew back. "How can you say that?"
"Look how things turned out." He closed his eyes and mumbled, "Everything went to hell, and we both got our hearts broken."
Melissa's stomach rolled, realization slamming into her. He regretted her…regretted their relationship. Of all the feelings she'd had over the years, she never regretted loving him. "Humm…and here I thought I was the only one who got her heart broken."
He slapped his hands on his knees as he jumped to his feet. "Well you're wrong, and I don't want Erin to go through that."
Melissa pursed her lips and nodded. She didn't have anything to say to that…or maybe she just didn't know what to say. All these years she assumed Brian was indifferent to her, that indifference hurt her beyond what she could ever describe, but now she didn't know what to think, didn't know how to react to such a shift in her perception.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring this up. I don't want her to get hurt." His fingers stabbed through his hair when he paced away from her.
"I didn't realize. I guess I should have." She lowered her eyes. "I guess it doesn't actually matter, not anymore, but still…"
Brian turned to face her. "What are you talking about?"
"I didn't realize you regretted being with me…back then."
"What? No! What?" He lowered himself down on the couch and the line between his eyes deepened when he focused on her. "I don't regret…what do you mean?"
"You just said—"
"I said my heart got broken, too. That doesn't mean I regret you." He reached out for her hand. "Melissa…I regret hurting you, but I don't regret being with you or falling in love with you."
Melissa swallowed down the lump in her throat, at a loss for words again. She pulled her hand away and twisted Chase's engagement ring around her finger. "It doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"
"Yes, it matters. You still matter to me."
She cleared her throat, uncomfortable now and wishing she hadn't said anything. "Brian, if you push this, they'll find a way to be together behind your back…just like we did."
Brian pointed toward the front door. "That kid wouldn't dare try to date Erin without my permission."
"Okay, obviously you trust him. So, what? You don't trust Erin?"
"It doesn't matter who I trust." He stood up again to pace. "It's not happening, and if they try to get together behind my back, I'll kick his little ass."
"It's beautiful…how much you want to protect Erin, but you can't protect her heart. She needs to be open to love. It's important to let her experience this in her own way, and in her own time. You can't push your beliefs, your experiences off on her. That's exactly what my mother did to us. She was completely broken-hearted when she lost Daddy, and that's why she was so against you and I being together."
"Yeah, well, as a parent, it's my prerogative."
"If you give them permission, they have nothing to hide from you. Doing things this way…it'll make her rebellious and angry. She just lost her mother. Don't keep her from living her life and enjoying her teenage years, too."
"I'm trying to salvage her childhood, Melissa. God, don't act like you know about this stuff. You have no idea what it's like to be a parent."
Melissa closed her eyes and held them closed for a long moment. "It's true. I'm not a parent." She stood and picked up her purse. "I'll see you later."
Melissa clumsily saw herself out and hobbled toward her car. She couldn't get away from him fast enough. When she rounded her hood, she glanced around at the sound of her name.
Brian held his hand up as he approached. "Hold on."
She stopped and turned to face him.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, fine."
"I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings."
"Well, you're right. I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but here is what I do know. We had to browbeat your daughter into talking to you about a problem she's had for months. Wouldn't you rather she feel comfortable being honest with you? Don't you want your kids to be able to talk to you about anything? Would you rather they tell you what's happening in their lives instead of hiding it because they're afraid of your reaction?"
Brian stepped back, looking as if she'd slapped him. "Wow, what a way to make a guy feel like a lousy parent."
Melissa deflated, all her indignation gone, because that wasn't her intention. "I'm not telling you how to do your job, but when I have kids, they'll want to talk to me, and I'm going to listen to every word they say."
He frowned. "You planning on having babies with that guy, Melissa?"
"Yes, Brian, I plan on having kids with him." She clicked the lock on her car door. "I gotta go."
"Are you okay to drive with that boot on your foot?"
"I'm fine."
"So does this mean I won't see you again until the wedding?"
"I'll see you at Christmas. I have gifts for the kids. Until then, I need to just…" She turned away from him.
"What, Lis?"
"I need to stay away from you for a while."
"Why?"
"I just need to." Melissa slipped into the driver's seat and muttered, "Goodbye, Brian."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Brian watched her drive off before going back inside the house.
"Are you fighting?" Erin asked.
He pressed his lips together and shook his
head, not sure how to answer. "We're not fighting."
"Good, because I really love her, and I don't want you guys to hate each other again."
"What?
"I don't want you to go years without talking to her again—especially because of me."
"I'm upset neither of you told me what was going on, but I appreciate her being there for you."
"Do you still love Melissa, Daddy?"
"Erin, what are you talking about?"
"You used to love her. Do you still?"
He dropped down on the couch. "I love your mom, babe."
"You loved Melissa first. What about now?"
When he didn't answer, Erin said, "I know mom kept you from marrying her."
"Erin, where did you hear this crap? Did your mom talk to you about this? Did Melissa?" he asked when she shook her head.
"I know mom trapped you into marrying her by getting pregnant," she muttered with a shrug.
"Erin—that is not true. Where are you getting this stuff?"
"I read it in Mom's journals."
He pointed to the stairs. "You read your mother's journals—the ones in the closet?"
"Yes, a long time ago."
Brian stood and stormed up the stairs, with Erin close on his heels.
"Dad, what are you doing?"
"Show me," he said approaching the large walk-in closet. He pulled the door open and flipped on the light. It looked the same as she'd left it. Still full of her clothes, some strewed on the floor from her packing to leave him. He took a moment to get his bearings. It'd been months since he'd opened the doors to this closet. Forgetting he'd lost his beautiful wife was easier with the door closed. An open door was a constant reminder. Her clothes, jewelry, perfume, shoes, and that…he eyed the trunk directly in front of him, the trunk that held years and years of Julie's stories and secrets.
He pulled out the large trunk holding her old diaries, dropped to his knees, and flipped the top open. It was crammed full of notebooks in all different colors and sizes. He also found a locked gun box. He picked up the box and grabbed the key taped to the lid of the trunk. He opened the case and looked at Julie's little Ruger .380. He remembered buying it for her. He smiled, recalling the last time he'd tried to teach her how to shoot. She couldn't hit a target two feet from her nose. She closed her eyes every time she pulled the trigger, cringing at the idea of firing a gun. He locked the box and replaced the key then looked down at the journals.
"Which one?" he asked, not turning around. When she didn't answer he asked again. "Erin, which damn journal did you read?"
"It's toward the bottom."
He looked up when her voice wavered. Her eyes were glassy as she stared around at her mother's belongings. "Erin, which journal? What does it look like?"
She dropped her gaze to him. "It's small and pink."
Brian dug through the pile and pulled out a battered pink spiral notebook with the year of their high school graduation handwritten on the cover. He ran his fingers over the date and closed his eyes for a moment in an effort to refocus his thoughts. What was he going to find in here? Did he want to know? He opened his eyes and exhaled slowly as he carried the journal over to the bed.
He scanned the entries as he flipped through it. The day she wrote about losing her parents got his attention because of the scribbled and jerky handwriting. She'd obviously been crying when she wrote it. Losing her parents in their senior year was a killer. She had almost dropped out of school, but with her friends rallying around her, they'd managed to help her get through it. Then he read about Kevin Carter, Julie's boyfriend senior year…about Melissa leaving for college. He had no idea Julie had been so insecure. The loss of her parents had scared the shit out of her, but she never talked to him about it. He knew she'd grieved for a long time, but he didn't know how scared she'd been about her future…
Now what? She'd written. First mom and dad left me and now Kevin. I'm completely alone. I hate being alone.
I miss having someone to talk to. Melissa is gone, and Ali and Mark are so into each other, I think they forgot I exist.
Brian's coming over to hang out with me tonight. He got someone to buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels and we're going to drink away our broken hearts.
Brian flipped the page and read more.
Melissa will never forgive me! I can't believe we did that. I can't believe I drank so much. What the hell was I thinking? Brian is so sweet. Why didn't I see it before? He was so caring and soft last night, even though he was drunk. He said no at first, but neither of us wanted to stop. I couldn't stop. Brian needed it, too, I know he did. He kept saying my name as if he really loved me instead of Melissa. God, if Brian would only want me like he wants her. We would make such a great couple.
I started to take my pill this morning and realized I missed a couple of days. I put the pill in my mouth then spit it out. What if? What if? I keep asking myself. Brian would hate me, but I'd have a little baby to love me. A sweet little boy or girl who would love me unconditionally.
Brian stopped reading and looked at Erin. She was watching him with a careful expression. "I did love her," he said to Erin. When she didn't respond, he went back to reading.
I'm in so much trouble. I am in so much trouble! How could I be this stupid? I only missed a couple of days. Now Brian is going to hate me, and all my friends. I'm not ready to be a mom. I thought all night about getting an abortion, but I can't kill my baby. I love my little baby. What am I going to do? Can I do this on my own? I can, right? I can…I can if I have to. I can't believe this is happening. What have I done? I'm a stupid dreamer. Brian's going to laugh at me and tell me to get an abortion. Maybe I shouldn't even tell him about the baby.
Brian flipped the page to read the next entry.
I'm getting married! Brian said he wanted to get married and have our baby together. He's really going to marry me. Nobody knows about us. We're going to Reno this weekend with his brother, Steve, and Steve's girlfriend, Christine. We aren't even telling Ali and Mark, we're going to surprise them with the news when we get back.
We're keeping the baby a secret for another couple of months so people don't think we only got married for that reason. Brian said he loves me, I'm his best friend, and he wants to have a baby and a family.
Brian couldn't help but smile at her excitement as it poured from the page. That was such a crazy day, he remembered it with blaring detail, but how could he ever forget the moment his life had changed forever…
"What's going on? Why are you freaking out, Jules?" He couldn't get her to stop pacing. It was scaring the crap out of him. Did she call Melissa? Did she tell her what they did?
"Oh my God, Brian, I'm so sorry."
"What the hell are you sorry for? What did you do? Sit down and talk to me."
Her eyes were puffy as if she'd been crying for hours.
She threw herself down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. "I'm pregnant! Oh God, Brian! I'm having a baby!"
His head spun, making him dizzy. He leaned forward, inhaling and exhaling slowly. "But you can't be; you're on the pill. You told me you were on the pill."
"I am! It didn't work. I missed a couple of days but that shouldn't matter. It was only a couple of days. Oh God, I'm sorry."
"Oh my God, Julie." He didn't know what else to say. He couldn't grasp what was happening. All he could do was think about Melissa. He was going to lose her. She'd never forgive him.
"Brian, I don't know what to do. I need you to tell me what to do."
He sat down on the couch next to her. "What do you want?" He didn't know what else to say. He certainly didn't know what to do. He didn't know about this stuff. "Have you been to a doctor? Are you okay?"
She nodded and a stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. "Yeah…I'm fine. I'm scared."
Oh God, of course she's scared. He's scared and he's not the one carrying a baby. Julie didn't even have her mom to talk to. "I think we should go talk to my mom."
"No! We
can't tell your mom!" She shook her head vigorously.
"I don't know about this girl stuff, Jules. I think you need a girl to talk to."
"I don't need a freaking girl, Brian! You're the dad. I only need you."
Brian's stomach rolled. He was going to be a dad, and he needed to throw up. What was he thinking? He would never have sex while drunk ever again. What the hell was he going to do now?
"Brian, say something." Julie threw her hands up. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm sorry I put you in this position. I'm sorry, Julie."
"I can't get an abortion." She shook her head again. "I won't do that."
"I don't want you to get an abortion. I would never ask you to do that."
She covered her face with her hands and mumbled, "I can't do this by myself."
Brian's stomach settled slightly. There was no question. He knew what he had to do and it wasn't leaving her to deal with this on her own. He reached over and took her wrists, trying to get her to look at him. "Julie…I'm not going to leave you alone. We're in this together."
Brian lifted his wet eyes from the page and looked at his daughter. "In a million years, why would you say she trapped me after reading this?"
"She didn't take her pill on purpose," Erin said disdainfully.
"Erin, she was lonely and scared, and she made a mistake, but missing a couple of pills does not constitute trapping." He looked down at the page again and said, "I was shell-shocked when she told me. God damn scared to death…but kind of excited, too."
"But you loved Melissa."
"Yes. I did, very much, but your mother was important to me, too. I loved her, but it was different. I would've done anything for your mom—right up until the day she died," he whispered. "I loved her every day, Erin. Don't ever in your life doubt that," Brian said, unable to hide the frown tipping his lips down.
Erin hugged him tightly and held him. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I loved her, too."