by Dana Mason
"I feel really bad for hurting him. I understand what that kind of hurt feels like, and I'd never wish that on another person."
"Before him…did you see other guys?"
"A couple, nothing serious. I worked a lot. Went to graduate school. I was writing freelance and didn't have time for men."
"When did you start taking pictures?"
"I took some classes while in grad school. It's a release for me, a really great creative outlet."
"They're excellent. Don't you sell them?"
"I take on clients when I have time. Do some photo shoots and headshots for people. I started to put together a book. Twins—just pictures of twins—but it's not going to work out. Nobody wants a book like that."
"How do you know?" he asked, but she shrugged her shoulders within his embrace.
When she lifted her hand to rest it on his chest, the light bounced off the thin gold band on her ring finger. He grabbed her hand and brought it up to get a better look. "I can't believe you still have this?" He jiggled the small promise ring he'd given her when they were seventeen.
"I put it on the other night. I can't believe it still fits."
Brian leaned over the edge of the bed and grabbed his jeans. He came back up holding an identical thin gold band. "Mine doesn't."
Melissa gasped. "I can't believe you still have it."
"Of course." He slid it on her finger with her ring. "It fits you now. I guess I've grown too much. I was a little weenie in high school." Melissa looked down at the matching rings and smiled. "I won't hurt you again, Lissa. I'll always be here for you now."
She nodded. "Brian Hammel's famous last words."
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Erin had never run that fast in her life. She rounded the corner and slumped down in the bushes, gasping for air. Oh God, oh God, I'm sorry. What have I done?
She peeked out from behind the hedge and started running again, thankful for the darkness. Another three blocks and she'd be at Gran's house. She heard a car and thought about ducking behind another hedge, but she just wanted to get home. Oh my God, is that a cop car? She turned her head slightly and high-beams blinded her. Relief stabbed through her. They were too high for cruiser lights. She slowed a little, afraid of looking suspicious, but she nearly collapsed when someone called her name.
"Erin!"
She slowed to a trot, her control completely gone. She bent over, gasping for air when she finally stopped moving forward. Her entire body shook with tremors so forceful, she couldn't hold herself up any longer. Her knees buckled, and she hit the ground, hard.
"Erin, what the hell?" Matt raced over and knelt in front of her.
She covered her face, afraid to look at him. Afraid of everything she'd seen and done. Afraid he'd recognize the truth in her eyes. How would she ever look at herself in the mirror again? She was scum—the worst of criminals. Coach was right; she was worse than her mother.
"Breathe, babe. Take a deep breath." He grabbed her arm, but she shook him off.
"Please, don't touch me. Leave me alone, Matt."
"What the— No! I'm not leaving you alone. What the hell is going on?"
She pushed at his hands again, ducking her head, hiding behind her curtain of hair. She didn't want to meet his eyes. He would know. Everyone would know what she'd done. She dropped down, her palms slapping the sidewalk, her body racked with sobs.
Within seconds, Matt had her in his arms, pulling her off the ground, embracing her fiercely. Her feet dangled as she clung to him, her arms now tight around his neck as her sobs shook them both.
"You're scaring the hell out of me. Please try to breathe. Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?"
Erin's body went limp from exhaustion and her hair clung to her sweaty, tear-streaked face. Matt carried her over to the still-open driver side door and sat her down. When he tried to pull back, she wouldn't let him go. She inhaled the scent of clean laundry, wishing more than anything she could hide in his hug forever.
"Look at me, please."
She shook her head and ducked farther into his neck.
He pulled back, prying her hands apart. When she released him, he brushed the hair from her face and wiped away her tears. "Look at me."
Her face crumpled again, and she squeezed her eyes closed. When his hands gripped her face and pulled her closer, she tried to turn away, but he held her in place. She finally opened her eyes, but he didn't notice. He was too busy examining her hairline near her left temple and her swollen cheek. When his eyes finally met hers, she shuddered at their expression.
"Who hit you, Erin?"
The tremors started again, and she shook her head vigorously. "Nobody hit me. I fell while running."
"You're lying! Tell me what happened. Who are you running from?" He finally withdrew and gave her some space to breathe.
She didn't realize how tightly she'd gripped his shoulders until she released him to touch her face. She glanced at the black gloves still on her hands and started shaking again and gasping for air, fighting to get them off. She couldn't move fast enough. She gripped the glove fingers, but her hands were so sweaty, they wouldn't budge.
"Oh God, oh God! Get off me!" She made a guttural cry and tried to tear the contaminated gloves from her hands.
"It's okay, Erin. It's okay." Matt took her right hand first, grabbed the base of the glove, and tugged, pulling it off and inside out. Then he grabbed her left and did the same. She frantically rubbed the front and back of her hands over her jeans, feeling consumed with filth.
"You're fine." He grabbed her hands and held them up. "They're fine, babe. Relax. Your hands are okay."
She flipped them over, expecting to see her crime there. She didn't know how, maybe a map of what she'd done outlined in crime scene tape. That was nonsense, she knew, but she also knew she was going to hell for sure now…and her daddy would never look at her the same. Her life would never be the same. She made fists and dropped them to her lap, finally looking up at Matt.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her throat raw from crying. "You shouldn't be here. How did you find me?"
"I was on my way to your grandparent's house. I told you I'd be there between seven and eight." He brushed her hair back again to examine her face. "The question is—where were you? Who did this?"
Erin instinctively brought her hand up to pull the hair back over the side of her cheek. "I told you. I fell."
He tilted his head. "No, I'm not buying it."
She scooted over to the center of the bench seat, giving him space to get in. He slid in next to her, and she rested her head against his shoulder.
"Why are you out here, running?" He turned to look out the back window when sirens sounded a couple blocks away.
Erin stiffened and said, "Can you take me back to Gran's?" She sat straight up and turned to look out, too. "Please."
Matt stared at her for a moment, then started the truck and pulled away from the curb.
~
Melissa woke to her cell phone ringing from the other room.
"Who the hell is calling you this early?" Brian moaned into his pillow.
Melissa laughed. "It's not early. It's almost three in the afternoon." She shifted out from under his arm and ran for the phone.
"Hello," she answered. "I told you to stop calling me from your honeymoon."
"It's no longer a honeymoon; we're on our way home."
"I thought you were coming home tomorrow."
"Johnny got called into work. They want him there in the morning."
"Why? What's going on?"
"I work for the DA, so he won't tell me. It's okay though. I miss my boys."
"Well, how was it?"
"Lovely. How was the rest of your week?"
"Lovely," Melissa crooned and thought about her night with a smile. Spending nearly twenty-four hours in bed with Brian had been a dream come true.
"How lovely?"
"Well, it's three in the afternoon and I'm still in bed."
"Are you sick?"
"No, I've never been better." She smiled again and looked up at Brian standing in her kitchen in his boxer shorts making coffee.
"Is someone there?"
"Yes"
"Dare I ask?"
"No," Melissa said. "Not unless you're going to be happy with my answer."
"Lis, are you sure this is such a good idea? I love Brian, and if you're happy, that's great, but I want you to be careful."
"I am being careful. You don't have to worry." Melissa dropped down on the couch and leaned her head back, feeling exhausted with the day already.
"I need to go. We're getting ready to board our plane. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay, I love you."
"I love you, too. Bye, Lis."
Melissa clicked the phone off and looked up at Brian as he approached with two cups of coffee in his hands.
"It's just the way you like it."
"Thanks." She twisted and sat up, taking the coffee.
"I don't want you to fight with your sister about me, but honestly, I don't understand why you and I together have to equal a problem?"
"You and I together don't equal a problem. You and I breaking up again could."
"Then we won't do that," Brian said, lying back on the couch. "Let's test the waters tonight. Why don't you pack a bag and stay one night with me. See how things work out."
"Brian…I'm not comfortable sleeping in the bed you shared with Julie. Hell, her clothes are still hanging in the closet."
"Uh…actually, they're not. Erin, Cody, and I cleaned it out."
Melissa jerked her head to look at him. "You all cleaned out her closet?"
"Yeah, we packed up all her stuff together and donated it. I put her jewelry in a safe deposit box and told Erin she can have it when she's older. We did it as a family. It was closure."
"Wow! I'm…a little surprised. How did it go? How did Cody handle it?"
"Better than you'd expect. He surprised me, actually, said he felt like he was doing a good thing, donating her stuff to people who need it. He kept a few of his mom's things, and so did Erin."
She had definitely underestimated him. He clearly knew his kids better than she did, and he was really trying to do the right thing for them.
She shifted on the couch to face him fully. "I'm sorry for doubting you."
"I deserve no less." He looked down into his coffee mug. "I get that."
"That's not true. You've done nothing wrong, Brian."
He looked at her sideways. "After hearing about what you went through, we both know better than that. Your sister has every right to worry."
"That doesn't mean you've done anything to deserve the doubt. You were a loyal and faithful husband to Julie."
Brian nodded, not looking at her.
"You've been a wonderful father, attentive and loving. One mistake does not make you a bad guy—especially one mistake at eighteen."
Brian took her hand and kissed her palm then kissed where their promise rings sat on her finger. "I will make things right between us. I love Ali like a sister, but I will fight anyone who stands in my way of being with you."
"I'll fight, too." She gripped his hand. "I want to make things right, too, Brian. I've been wrong for so long, I'm not sure how to fix it."
"We'll figure it out, but we'll do it together," he said. "I have to go pick up the kids."
"Okay. Do you want company?"
"No. I want you to think about spending the night tonight. I can't do anything about where I live or having shared that bedroom with Julie. All I can do is tell you I want you there and promise you they want you there. If you can get past it, pack a bag and come over anytime you want."
"I'll think about it," she said. Brian nodded then went to get dressed.
Chapter Forty
Brian picked the kids up and went home. He had this strange sense of dread he couldn't shake. He and Melissa had worked everything out, and he felt sure of her. He, for damn sure, wouldn't hurt her again, and she'd get over her apprehension once she saw them all together.
So why, why did his stomach hurt? Why did he feel this way? Why did he want to look over his shoulder as if he were walking into a crime scene without back-up? Maybe Lis was right about him being on cop-withdrawal. He needed to get back to work or find something else to keep him busy.
He remembered the night before with Melissa and his dread turned into a giddy flutter. Was it fair to feel giddy only a few months after losing Julie? Was it fair to the kids to invite Melissa to come here and stay? Was that why dread kept creeping into his good mood?
Brian stopped in front of Erin's room and knocked.
"Come in," she said in a muffled voice.
He opened the door and peeked in. "Hey, you okay?"
Erin looked up at him, her expression gaunt and her dark eyes puffy. Brian's heart nearly stopped.
"What's wrong?" God, please, don't let her get sick. He'd never taken care of sick kids. That was Julie's job; he didn't know what to do. He leaned over and felt her head…but he wasn't sure what to expect. She just felt a little clammy. "Are you sick? Tell me what the hell is going on with you."
"I'm tired. I didn't sleep well at Gran and Granpop's house." She pulled her hair back over where he'd moved it off her face. "How was your date?"
"Fine." He watched her for a moment. "If you need to talk to me…you can. Don't be afraid to tell me things."
"I know, Dad." She flashed him a faint grin. "Is Melissa coming over here?"
"I don't know. I invited her, but she doesn't think it's a good idea to stay here with you guys. She doesn't believe you and Cody are ready for me to get together with someone else."
"I wish she would come over. It'd be nice to have another girl around."
He gestured to his chest. "That's what I told her. What do you think about Cody? How does he feel about me seeing Melissa?"
"He hasn't said anything, but he really likes her."
Brian focused on her sunken cheeks again. "Erin, tell me what's going on with you. Maybe I can help."
She rolled her eyes. "Stop changing the subject, Daddy. Do you want me to talk to Cody about Melissa?"
"Maybe the three of us can talk about it together."
"Cody!" she screamed.
Brian inhaled and put his hands over his ears. "Oh, come on, Erin, I could have done that."
When Cody lumbered into the room, Erin said, "Come here. We want to have a family meeting."
"Since when do we have family meetings in your room?" Cody asked.
"What difference does it make?" Erin huffed out.
Brian patted the bed next to him. "Just sit down, Cody. I want to talk to you guys about Melissa."
"Okay, fine…" Cody mumbled, climbing onto Erin's bed.
"What do you think about her coming over here?"
Cody shrugged. "It's all right, I guess. She makes cool forts."
"Yeah," Brian said, nodding. "It won't bother you if she's here with Daddy?"
"Is she your girlfriend, Dad?" Cody asked.
"Yes, Cody, she is my girlfriend. Does that bother you?"
"No…but does she like us, too?"
Brian scoffed. "Duh, dude, of course! She loves you and your sister. Why would you even ask me that?"
Cody looked at Erin and asked, "Would Mommy be mad?"
"I think Mom would want Dad to be happy, Cody," Erin said. "And so do I."
"I do, too," Cody whined. "I want Daddy to be happy, too."
"Shh, shh. Hey…listen. I don't want this to upset you guys. I love Melissa, but that doesn't mean I didn't love your mother. It also doesn't mean that I don't love you. You two are who're important—to me and Melissa."
"Can I ask Melissa to help me build another fort in my room?"
"I'm sure she'd enjoy that. You know," Brian looked from Cody to Erin, "I have an idea." He smiled and jumped up, throwing Cody over his shoulder. "Come on, brother!" he said as Cody screamed in delight.
~
Melissa took a deep breath and stood on the doorstep, staring at the knob. She couldn't help it; her mother's old adage kept ringing in her ears, 'What will people think?' What will people think? What would Julie think? Melissa wondered, looking up at the dark sky. God, Julie…if only I knew how you'd feel about this. Would you want Brian to move forward? What about him moving back? Back to me? She sighed. Give me a sign, anything, please. As she made this plea, the door swung open, and Melissa looked down into Cody's bright hazel eyes and huge smile.
"Melissa!" he shouted. "Come see what we did!" He reached out and grabbed Melissa's hand and dragged her through the open door.
Melissa stumbled inside, but stopped abruptly and gasped. In front of her was a huge makeshift tent made out of blankets and rope hung from the staircase banister. The furniture was moved aside, and the tent took up nearly the entire living room. She looked around, wide-eyed, and jumped when Brian and Erin poked their heads out and screamed "Surprise!"
"What is this?" she asked with her hand on her heart. "What are you guys doing?"
"It's a fort!" Cody shouted, excitement bubbling out of him. "We made it for you. We want you to spend the night with us." He tugged on her hand and pulled her down. "Look inside. It's big enough for all four of us."
"Be careful. It's not sturdy." Brian laughed as he tried to secure another corner.
Melissa poked her head in to find four beds made up in a row with pillows, sleeping bags, and blankets. On the end was a stack of DVDs next to the TV, which was also within the boundaries of the fort.
"Dad is ordering pizza and said we can camp out tonight," Cody said.
Melissa tried to say something cool, but she couldn't. It was overwhelming, and…awesome. She wanted to cry and scream in delight. She looked at Brian, and his smile must have matched hers.
"Is this okay?" he asked, his smile fading slightly.
Melissa nodded and had to blink back her tears. "It's…perfect. I'm so glad I brought my camera." She laughed and said, "I'll be right back." She crawled out and went to the bathroom to recover before she blubbered all over him. She sat on the closed toilet lid and chuckled with pure joy. Her eyes shot to the ceiling. Is this my sign, Julie? She jumped when someone knocked on the door.