It had been years since I’d done anything like that, since things had come to blows between me and another guy, the asshole that Isabelle had married, the piece of shit who can’t be bothered, the man who she’d still choose over me regardless of his absence. I’d kicked his ass once, and it had felt so good in the moment.
But this isn’t about Isabelle or him.
This is about Claudia.
Chapter Twenty-Five
CLAUDIA
I wasn’t ever going to be the girl who walked into the corner store on her work break and bought a pregnancy test, but I’m that girl now. The clerk, a guy I think is in his mid forties raises a brow as he scans the test with a bunch of other stuff I bought to try to mask it. It’s impossible for me to make continued eye contact with him out of embarrassment, and I say a quick thank you after I’ve paid, then grab the bag and head into the diner.
It’s the lunchtime rush, so I doubt even the waitresses who I know by their first names will notice or give me any grief about using their restroom without ordering any food.
Thankfully the bathroom is empty—and incredibly clean for a diner—and I choose the very last stall, hanging the bag around the hook on the door and fishing out the pregnancy test. My hands are pretty much shaking as I open up the box and read the directions, having to go over them three times to make sure I’ve got everything right. It’s simple enough. Pee on the stick, wait three minutes, and if a plus sign appears, then I’m pregnant.
I close my eyes, not sure I really want to do this, but I have to. Ever since I’d thrown up this morning and Danielle had put it into my head that I might be pregnant, it’s all I’ve thought about. I’d kept an eye on the clock in the store—I could close up for fifteen minutes and go on a quick break, and in that time, I’d grab the test to figure out one of two things: Either my life was about to go completely off the rails or I’d find joyous relief in the knowledge that I’d just eaten something to unsettle my stomach. But somehow, even before I take the test, I know bad food isn’t the culprit, and peeing on this stick is going to make it real.
With a sigh and my break time quickly counting down, I open my eyes up again and take the test, let it sit on the toilet paper dispenser and set my phone timer for three minutes. It becomes the longest three minutes of my life, and I try to figure out how and why I’d allowed myself to be so stupid and careless.
Not sleeping with boys in high school or my first year of college meant not having to worry about this, not waking up one morning and freaking out about the possibility of having a kid when you’re basically still a kid yourself. I’d even been smug when Amanda Walker got knocked up my senior year—I’d felt for her, but I also thought myself superior. I was the girl who didn’t waste my time with boys who didn’t love me, who didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant or have to face the tough decision about what to do about it.
But I’m very possibly going to have to face it now. My timer goes off, and I take a deep breath and pick up the stick.
Positive.
I keep staring at it, somehow willing it to change, but of course it won’t. Just two times without protected sex, and I’m pregnant with Luke Prescott’s child and already having fucking morning sickness even though I can’t be much more than a month along. I’m nineteen years old with a minimum of three more years of college, more if I want my master’s. I have two parents who are probably still disappointed that I want to be a teacher instead of a lawyer, two parents who will flip their shit if they find out I’m having a kid. And what will Luke think? He loves me—I know—but will this change that? He’s already done the dad thing, and while he’s said he wouldn’t mind doing it all over again, does he really mean it?
All of it just weighs down on me, making me question every decision I’ve made this summer. It’s a sense of losing control, and with that loss comes tears, followed with sobs, the kind where you hiccup because you can’t catch your breath. And if that isn’t bad enough, someone comes into the restroom, and I hear, “You all right in there, honey?”
“I’m fine,” I shoot right back, having to sniff up the river of snot that wants to pour out of my nose. “Just allergies!”
“Oh… well, okay then.” It’s one of the waitresses, Barb I think, based on the gravelly tone of her voice, a lifelong smoker.
I don’t want her to see me, so as soon as she closes the door of the stall next to me, I grab the test and the bag, then rush out, throw the test in the garbage and wash my hands as quickly as I can, attempting to compose myself before I head back to the shop. And then I’m through the diner and out on the street, forcing the tears to stop but unable to let go of the fear and uncertainty brewing up inside of me. And for the first time ever, I almost wonder if it wouldn’t have been better if I’d just gone to Florida.
Chapter Twenty-Six
LUKE
I’d started the repair job of the dry rot on the deck, then had an important conference call and gotten a lot of work done on the Texas project I’d been putting a good number of hours in on. I had this sense of satisfaction that I related to getting all of that done, but working on some rudimentary coding, I realized that gratification was actually about David. He looked like he wanted to piss his pants when I’d told him to stay away from Claudia. And while I’m not the kind of guy who gets off on putting fear into someone or getting into pissing matches, it still felt good because I knew David had done something to hurt her. He deserved to be at least a little worried, deserved to know that if he laid one finger on her that I’d have no problem in beating his ass to the ground.
But now that it’s time to head into town and pick Claudia up from work, I wonder if she’d see it the same way or if she’d have preferred I left it alone and not agitated things that she might have already settled. But what’s done is done, and there’s no going back. Maybe I’ll tell her, and maybe I won’t. Maybe it’s just better left alone.
I pull my truck into one of the spaces just outside The Nut Monger. While I’d still made the Tesla available to her, she’d told me it made her too anxious driving such an expensive car. So, more often than not, I pick Claudia up unless she has some kind of plan with Dani, but my daughter being joined to her boyfriend’s hip means it’s generally just me. And I’m not complaining. Besides the mornings that I’m able to wake up to her—when Dani spends the night with Carlos—one of my favorite things is walking into the store and seeing her behind the counter or talking with a customer or dealing with some issue over the phone. She’s in her own element at work, and I can see why Rhonda loves having her here so much.
But when I open the door today and walk in, Rhonda is behind the counter with Claudia, and the woman I’ve fallen in love with is putting on a smile, but it’s not a real one. That much I can tell.
“Well, nice to see you today, Luke,” Rhonda says as I walk up to the counter.
“You too, Rhonda.” I do have some trouble giving her direct eye contact since it was her son I’d gone after earlier. “How’s business?”
“Kind of slow today,” she says, looking over at Claudia.
“I’ll just grab my stuff, Luke,” Claudia says quietly, getting up from the stool behind the counter and picking up a light sweater, her purse and a grocery bag.
“Do some grocery shopping?” I ask lightheartedly.
She just looks at me like she has no idea what I mean by that, her body tense.
“The bag.” I point at it with both my finger and my eyes.
She relaxes. “Oh… yeah. Just a couple of things.”
“I’m sure going to miss this one if she can’t finish out the summer here,” Rhonda tells me before turning back to Claudia. “If your parents need me to put in another good word, you just let me know.”
“I will. Thanks, Rhonda. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yes. You still okay with opening?”
Claudia nods affirmatively.
“Well, see you then. Luke, have yourself a good one!”
I�
��m tempted to wrap my arm around Claudia’s shoulder—she’s obviously upset about something. But as long as our relationship remains secret, I just have to stuff one hand in my pocket and use the other one to open the door, first the one in the shop and then the passenger one into my truck. All the while, she’s remained perfectly silent.
Once I’ve climbed into the cab, I touch my hand to her thigh. “Okay, something’s obviously wrong.” I consider it might be about David, that I’d just pissed him off, and he’d decided to take that out on her in some way.
“Claudia…” I nudge her when she doesn’t say anything.
And then she starts to cry. Before I can ask why again, she lifts her head to mine and whimpers out, “I have something to tell you.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
LUKE
I have something to tell you.
She started to cry again after she’d told me that, and I got this sick feeling in my gut that whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be good. I’d have told her to hold off on telling me until we got home, but I didn’t think either of us could wait that long, so I drive us into the alleyway between the main block of stores. The alley is mainly used for deliveries, but it’s late enough in the day that those are probably done, and this is a hell of a lot more private than being parked on Main Street.
Pulling my truck into a space behind one of the stores, I turn off the ignition, take a deep breath and put my arm around her. “What is it?” I ask, preparing for the worst, prepared for her to say she has to go back to Seattle and that this thing is over.
She looks absolutely terrified when she raises her eyes to me and is just about to go into another round of tears when I pull her closer.
“You can tell me,” I assure her, wanting her to know by now that she can tell me anything, even if it might hurt.
“You’re going to be so pissed. I can hardly believe that it’s real.”
“I won’t be. Just trust me, Claudia.”
After a half nod and a deep breath, she says, “I’m pregnant.”
The air feels like it’s been sucked out of my truck.
“Luke, say something.” Her tone is pleading.
“Pregnant? You’re pregnant?” I say the word twice, wanting to be sure.
She nods, then hangs her head in shame.
I let out a breath, feel a smile build on my face and a sense of pride flow through my body. All at once, I can picture a nursery in our house and pushing a kid through the woods in a stroller with all terrain wheels. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this news would be making her sad.
Unless…
“It is mine, right?” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I know I’ve fucked up by the look of absolute horror on her face.
“Luke, of course! Would you think…” She shakes her head and tries to compose herself.
“Oh, man… I’m so sorry.” I pull her closer. “That’s where my brain went to explain why you’d think I’d be upset. Because I’m not, Claudia. Having a kid with you is not a bad thing.”
I’d give anything to know what’s going on behind those very confused blue eyes of hers. And maybe I already do. While having a kid with her is something joyful to me, I can see that she’s not ready, that a child is probably something she sees as coming years down the road.
“You’re happy about it then,” she says, still sniffling. “You want it?”
“Of course I do, as long as you’re part of the deal. I’d love nothing more than to start a family with you… but you aren’t ready, are you?”
She shakes her head. “No. A baby isn’t in my plans, at least not now. But having to make a choice to get rid of it wasn’t in my plans either.”
I tense at the idea of an abortion, not because I wouldn’t support her but because just the idea of this kid is already bringing joy to the future I hadn’t imagined. But she wouldn’t even be going through this right now if I’d been more careful.
“This is absolutely my fault,” I tell her. “I’d been too eager. I wasn’t exactly thinking with my head at the time.”
She half laughs at that. “Yeah, but I’m not a kid either. I knew it was risky. I always tried to be so good. My parents are going to kill me if they find out.”
“Hey, I’m here for you, okay? They try to kill you, and they have to go through me first. If you want to have this baby, we’ll figure it out. Hell, I’ll gladly marry you. We could be our own family.” Saying it brings more lightness and a vision of she and I together with a child.
“I don’t know.” She sighs again. “I have to think about it. There’s just so much at stake.”
“Of course.” I can’t help it that every part of me is wanting her to say she wants to have the baby, that she wants us to be a family. It just all seems so right, for me at least.
When she smiles sweetly at me, I draw her lips to mine and kiss her, already deciding she and I are going to spend the evening together on the couch, either talking it out or me just silently supporting her.
“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper, our foreheads still touching.
“I think it will be,” she says, “thanks to you.”
And with that I think maybe we’ll be fine, that is until I lift my head and see Emily Wells watching us.
After throwing me a disgusted look, Emily had eased into her BMW coupe, started it up and sped down the alley. Claudia hadn’t even noticed, and I was glad for that. She didn’t need the stress of Emily knowing about us to make her feel even worse.
“What can I get you to eat?” I ask her once I’ve gotten her home and she’s relaxing on one of the couches.
“I’m not really hungry, Luke,” she says, wiping her face, having been unable to stop crying on our drive home.
I sit next to her and take her hands. “You have to eat something. I can make you whatever you want.”
“I can’t believe you aren’t angrier,” she tells me, wiping a pool of moisture from her eye. “Most guys would be.”
I sigh. “What do I have to say to convince you I’m not upset? We love each other, don’t we?”
She nods. “I’m just not sure I’d make a very good mom. I haven’t had the best role modeling for that, and the last person I want to become is my mother.” She cringes and lets out a breath filled with worry and angst.
“You’d make a great mother—that much I know.” I let go of her hands, then drag my fingers through her hair, pushing it behind her ear. “You’re patient and kind, and our kid would be beyond lucky to have you.”
Our kid. This could end up being real.
For the first time today, I see an unfeigned smile on her face. Then with a small laugh, she says, “If I had it, it would be next March… that would be my due date. I might not even have to miss a year of school.”
“So, you’d consider it?” I scoot closer and put my arm around her.
Her smile softens, but it’s still there. “I think so. I wouldn’t want to just make a decision right now with how I’m feeling, but maybe, maybe if you’re there with me, I could do it?”
“Every step of the way.” I kiss her, and all of this feels so right.
She eases into me and allows me to just cradle her, no sounds except that of our breaths and our beating hearts. It’s in this position that we fall asleep next to one another, my feet up on the coffee table, her curled up on the couch, my arm encompassing her.
When I wake to the sound of the front door opening and then slamming shut, I know it was foolish to fall asleep here with Claudia wrapped up in my arms, where all it would take to expose our relationship was for Dani to come home. But then Emily had already seen us, and it was only going to be a matter of time.
“Daddy.” Dani is standing above us, her face strained, her eyes red.
“Danielle.” I ease my arm back from a still sleeping Claudia, pull my feet from the coffee table and stand up. I’m not especially proud for lying to my daughter, but I’m not sorry for my relationship with Claudia. “I wanted
to tell you,” I say, hoping my expression relays that mix of regret and happiness.
She looks over at her sleeping friend before looking back at me, hurt and confusion in eyes that had always been filled with adoration for me. “So, it’s true? You and Claudia?”
The way she says it, I know seeing us here on the couch isn’t the first time she’s been exposed to the idea that I’m sleeping with her friend. I’m sure that Emily seeing us together has already put my relationship with Claudia into the rumor mill. Or maybe she told Dani directly. I’m not sure it even matters.
“Yes, it’s true,” I say quietly. “We can talk about it… outside maybe?”
Claudia is sleeping soundly, and after the day she’s had, I’d like to keep her from being disturbed.
“How long?” Dani asks, completely ignoring my offer to talk somewhere else.
“Since about three weeks after she got here,” I say—though I’d pretty much attacked her on the couch her second night in Echo Ridge—then look back to be sure Claudia hasn’t been disturbed. “I’m not sure I want to wake her up. We can talk outside or upstairs.”
Dani looks around me at her sleeping friend, her eyes beginning to fill with rage and her body straightening and tensing. “You both fucking lied to me!”
Claudia stirs before opening and then widening her eyes in surprise.
“Honey, it’s not like that.” I turn back to my daughter and hold her arms, trying to get her to calm down. “We never intended to lie.”
“But you did!” She’s shaking, angrier than I could have imagined she’d be.
“I wanted to tell you,” Claudia says meekly, obviously understanding what’s just happened. She’s up and off of the couch and at my side. “It just happened, Danielle.”
The Years Between Us Page 16