What if he died? It would be my fault. And Lord William would do it just to spite me. To have me carry the guilt forever.
Miraculously, Lennox and I made back to his Range Rover unrecognized, our heavy breaths filling the car as we sat in the parking garage, staring blankly out the window.
It was several minutes before Lennox finally spoke. “You got your answers?”
“From him? Yeah.” I stared down at the picture still up on my screen—Landen’s blissfully unaware smile. He hated his dad, but he never doubted Fredrick was his father. This wasn’t some fairytale story where he found out his real father was some unknown heroic, kind man.
William was even worse than Fredrick.
“You’re right.” My fingers glided over the screen.
“Why do I feel this is the only time I’m ever going to hear those words?”
I snorted, not looking up. Both of us knew he was right on that too.
“What was I right about?”
“Truths come with heavy costs.” Emotion clogged my throat, and I turned my head out the side window. “I don’t know what to do. Do I stay quiet and bear the weight but know if he ever does find out and discovers I knew all along, he will hate me? Or do I tell him and destroy his world and have him hate me for bearing the message and ruining his life? I feel either way I hurt and lose him.”
He leaned back in his seat, rubbing his scruff. “I wish I could help you make the decision, but I can’t. This is yours, Spencer. You wanted the truth, and now you have to decide what to do with it.”
My lips rolled together, fighting back the tears. He was right…again. I couldn’t demand it and then run when it got hard. This was growing up. Dealing and figuring things out.
“All I can suggest is don’t act immediately. Sit on it. It’s not life and death, and nothing changes if you hold on to it and figure out the best way to deal with it. Who knows? It might figure itself out for you.”
My neck curved to look at him, my eyes fully taking in the man next to me. Little did I know the arsehole who walked up with Theo to my front door that September day would turn into my everything. There was no question he was magazine gorgeous, but all I saw now was his heart, his soul, his pain, and even his anger and stubbornness.
Bloody hell, I was so in love with this guy, I couldn’t even breathe. How long had I been and brushed it off as something else?
“What?” His lips curved up on the side.
“Nothing.” My eyes not leaving him, I shook my head. The emotion I felt for him scared me. I told him last night I loved him. It had come out without my mind having input. And I realized how utterly exposed I was now. With Theo, I had said it many times…too easily. And I did love him, but now I really understood the difference. Theo was sweet, genteel, easy.
Lennox…
Raw.
Brutal.
Bare.
Stripped.
Intense.
Overwhelming.
Almost painful.
I was completely head over arse, can’t see straight, my heart on a platter, kind of in love. I had no way to stop it, and he could completely destroy me.
He gazed intensely at me, feeling like he was shredding through more layers. A knowing curve of his lips delivered tingles down my spine.
“What?” I countered in a whisper.
“Nothing,” he said quietly, packing it with so much meaning, it couldn’t stay afloat, falling on me, forcing me to suck in. The air in the car was thick, both of us staring at each other, feeling everything and saying nothing.
“Spencer…” he uttered hoarsely, his grip on the steering wheel loosening as he faced me more. “I’m not good at—”
Riiiiinnnggg.
The shrill sound from my cell jolted me in my seat, my heart leaping up my throat as I peered down at it. I was going to kill whoever decided to call right now, interrupting whatever he was going to say.
“Shite.” I sighed, pinching my nose, my eyes taking in the name on my screen. Lennox glanced down, his shoulders rolling back. The vulnerability he almost showed evaporated instantly.
“Your fiancé is calling.” He faced the front fully, regripping the wheel. “Better pick up.”
“Lennox…” There was a slight warning in my tone, sighing.
I had no choice. I still owed it to Theo. We were in this mess together, and it was not easy to disentangle from the royal family once you were in.
“Hey, Theo.” I put the cell to my ear.
“Your presence is mandatory tonight.” His voice was clipped and even. “Holiday party at the Prime Minister’s place.”
My face scrunched up, wishing I could say no. “Okay.”
“Meet me at the servant’s entrance at five. The PR team is wondering where you are. They have a dress waiting for you. It will look odd if we don’t go together.”
“Of course.”
“Okay, see you then.”
“Theo?” I blurted, stopping him before he hung up.
He didn’t respond but stayed on the line.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked, feeling horrible for hurting him, making this so uncomfortable and awful. “You don’t know how much I wish things didn’t happen like this.”
“You shag your bodyguard and my mate behind my back. How did you think this would turn out, Spencer?” Curt and harsh, but true. “I’ll see you at five.”
Click.
A night in an uncomfortable dress and heels spent smiling happily, surrounded by my indignant ex-fiancé and snobby nobles.
Oh boy… couldn’t wait…
Chapter 15
“Lennox.”
“You’d think you’d know it was pointless to keep trying.”
“Please.”
“It’s no longer up for discussion.” He nodded his head at the guards, who did a quick sweep of the car, sending us on our way to the palace. “I’m not stopping you. You can do what you want, but it means I can too.”
“It’s not like I want to do this. At. All.”
“I don’t necessarily want to do this either. But here we are.” He flicked his chin at the massive white building as he parked the Rover. The white holiday lights strung everywhere were the only glow in the dark car. “Look at us, already acting like every other couple in the world.”
“Like every other couple?” I spurted out a laugh. We were anything but.
“Compromising for each other and doing something neither of us wants to do.” He leaned over, his mouth finding mine in the dark, kissing me deeply. “I don’t trust Theo alone with you all night.”
“You get how ironic that is, right?” I grinned against his mouth, my hands running over his scruff.
“Like a sick cosmic joke.” He chuckled, his forehead pressing into mine. “Still doesn’t change anything. He’s still in love with you and will probably try any trick to get you back.”
“I doubt it. Not now.”
“Especially now.” His teeth nipped at the sensitive spot on my neck. “I know this because I would do the same.”
“Really?” I lifted his head, meeting his gaze. “You’d deceive, manipulate, and blackmail me into being with you?”
“I would do far worse.” He growled, diving back for my lips, his hands wandering down my body. “I can show you right now if you need me to.”
My lungs heaved as his hands explored, his mouth devouring. I could feel him putting his claim on me…and I gladly let him.
“Well, trust me, then.” I returned the fervor of his kiss, heat billowing under the layers of clothes. “I know who I want to go home with tonight.”
A vibrating noise came from his throat, his tongue deepening the kiss.
Bang. Bang.
A fist hit the window next to my head, jolting us to the figure.
Shite.
“I said five o’clock…not a quarter after,” Theo barked, turning back for the palace. “Shag each other on your own time.”
Flinching, I bit down on my lip. No matter what
, Theo didn’t deserve to be hurt like this. To have it thrown in his face.
“Showtime,” Lennox mumbled. “This is going to be fun.”
Regrouping, I climbed out of the vehicle, tucking my hands in my pockets, striding for Theo.
“Sorry, traffic getting here was awful,” I spoke. Theo wasn’t paying me one bit of attention; his focused glower was on the person behind me.
“What the hell?” Theo’s nose wrinkled with fury. “What are you doing, mate?” Disgust was coiled tight around the word.
“I’m Spencer’s bodyguard,” Lennox responded, tension underlying each note.
“No.” Theo puffed up. “You quit. You are no longer employed here. And even if you hadn’t quit, I would have fired you.”
“I still have to put in my two weeks.” Lennox shrugged. “I’ve already worked it out.”
“The hell you have!” Theo stepped up to Lennox. “I want you chucked off this property. Banned from ever coming within a kilometer of here.”
“Your Highness.” Like a balm, Dalton’s voice washed over us from behind, twisting my head to the massive man filling up the kitchen doorway. “I cleared Lennox to be on duty tonight.”
“But…why?” Theo looked at his guard, hurt hinting in his irises. “After everything he’s done?”
“Whatever Mr. Easton and Ms. Sutton have done privately, it doesn’t take away the fact he is excellent at his job and will protect her without question.” Theo snorted at the end comment. “And as long as she is here, she will be protected. We have no one else. Any extra guards I have are already out surveying and guarding the residence of the Prime Minister after the death threat we got today.”
“What?” My mouth parted, my eyes darting between Dalton and Theo.
“It happens.” Dalton cleared his throat. “But this one was more substantial than most. And it wasn’t solely against the King.” His eyes burrowed into me.
“Me?”
“King, Queen, Theo, Eloise, and you…for some reason this person is especially hateful to you.”
Lennox shifted on his feet, his head lifting like his guard duty just clicked on.
“You knew?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Of course, I would know. To better protect you, I need to know all the facts and data.” He stared at me, knowing I’d remember our conversation earlier when he had said that about me. Now his insistence on being by my side tonight made more sense.
“It will be fine, my lady.” Dalton soothed me. “We are just taking extra precautions since we will be outside the palace walls.”
Theo huffed, folding his arms. “Let’s just get through the bloody holidays.”
“Wait? The holidays?”
“You want to tell the whole world at Christmas time their adored prince and fiancée are a fraud?” He stepped closer to me, a darkness and anger I had never seen in him before twisting his usual happy, good-looking features. “Merry fecking Christmas, everyone. The princess you were finally accepting and adoring is a lying, deceitful scrubber.”
A snap and everything changed, moving at once. As if he knocked the wind out of me, I stepped back, feeling the hurtful claim stab into my chest. Lennox barreled into Theo, his elbow going across his neck as he slammed him against the wall.
“Don’t ever fucking call her that again! You hear me?”
“Screw you.” Theo spat at him.
“Lennox!” Dalton grabbed his arm. “Get off him now.”
Lennox and Theo glared at each other, neither paying attention to us or backing down.
“Lennox.” I tugged on his jacket. “Stop. Don’t make this worse.”
His eyes darted to me but went back to the Prince.
“I don’t care who you are.” Lennox shoved his finger in Theo’s face, his forearm pressing deeper into Theo’s neck. “You call her that again—or any woman—I will kick your arse.”
Shame fluttered over Theo’s face, his head snapping to the side. He knew he went too far. This anger wasn’t like him, and I hated I was the reason for this change in personality.
“Enough,” Dalton ordered. “You are all acting like children.” He then pointed at Theo and me. “And you two—you are better than this. Nobles. Now start acting like it. Put your differences away for the night and try to remember why you liked each other in the first place and get through the evening.” He went to the third person in our party. “And you…do your job and stop being…well, an arsehole.”
“Too late for that,” Theo muttered, his lip hitching at Lennox.
Lennox snarled but stepped back.
“Spencer, go get dressed. The stylist is waiting for you in your room.” Dalton took my shoulders, pointing me inside the house. “We’ll see you at six in front.” He nudged me forward, my feet moving, my ears picking up Dalton’s continued speech. “Theo, go get dressed, and Lennox, come with me. I need to update you on surveillance and procedures for this evening.”
Making my way toward my old room, I realized I didn’t belong here. Even the faces in the paintings glowered at me, sensing I was an intruder—a deserter.
No longer welcome.
I never had been, but this time, strolling the familiar corridor, it rooted deep in my bones. How these walls would have become my prison. Just a larger cage for my shell to live in. Beautifully put together, the right smile and wave, impeccably dressed on the outside, but hollow inside.
“There you are!” A shrill voice came from in front of me, my attention landing on Chloe and Heidi standing in my path. “Where have you been?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Could I get through a night without the bitch twins?
“We’ve been calling and texting you!” Chloe slammed her hands on her hips. “You cannot simply run off for the night! You have duties! Responsibilities. And if and when you schedule a night away, we are to know where you are and who you are with! Every move, we must know about.”
I walked past them, not even pausing, completely befuddling the pair. I used to be so scared and intimidated by them, especially Chloe. She had made me feel less than, like I was some distant poor relation the family felt obligated to take on. One who should be seen and not heard, ready to be the rug everyone wiped their feet on.
No more.
“Did you hear me?” Chloe came stomping after me.
“Everyone can probably hear you.” I snorted, turning down the final hallway. “You’d think being the head of the PR team, you’d be much more discreet.”
Knowing this wasn’t my life gave me a strength I should have had from the start. But it felt amazing knowing I didn’t have to bow to them any longer.
“Pardon me?” Her voice rose even higher.
“Did I stutter?” I said, before stepping into my room. The usual house stylist, Jenny, waited patiently. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Jenny. Please, forgive my rudeness.” I spoke sincerely to her, taking her hands in greeting. She was nice, just doing her job. I had absolutely no quarrel with her. The other two? They were a whole other story, and unfortunately for them, I had no more fucks to give.
“No problem, my lady.” The stylist dipped in a shallow curtsy, motioning me to the makeup chair she had set up for me. “With your natural beauty, I don’t need much time at all.”
Thanking her, I settled into my seat, seeing Chloe and Heidi in the mirror.
“Did you need anything? If not, you can go.” I waved them off like they were flies. Normally, this would go against everything in my soul. I was not this person, but something snapped in me. Lennox helped me find this strength, this power, and I would not be treated like the rug anymore. By them, by the royal family, and especially by myself. I had quietly taken it for years because I was dependable and wanted to protect and help.
“Excuse me?” Chloe’s nose went sky high into the air, her shoulders snapping back. “I am the head of the Royal House PR. Appointed by the King. My job is to make sure the royal palace, family, and their image and message stay on point. You cannot treat me like—”
>
“Like what?” I popped out the chair, facing her like we were in a standoff. “Like you are beneath me? As you two have treated me since the day I arrived? As if a low baron’s daughter could ever dream of being the future princess. I wasn’t a person, but a puppet to move around, dress, and become her voice. You are in charge of the house PR. So…unless I’ve run naked through Victorian Abbey or sent sex texts to the vicar, I see no reason for you to be here.”
Both Chloe and Heidi sucked in, their eyes wide with disbelief.
“Heidi, I will no longer be needing your services.” This was truer than they even knew at this point. But I was also not above using my fake position to go out with a bang.
“You cannot sack me!”
“No, the King has to formally fire you, but I can dismiss you from being my assistant.” She’d be out of a job soon enough anyway. “I think both of you forgot that the shy, unsure girl who showed up here as the Prince’s girlfriend, whom you basically treated like an object, might turn into the future princess—future queen—who can most certainly sack you.” I folded my arms, tilting my head to the side. I was going to enjoy this moment because soon I would be everything they feared, the worst scandal to hit the Royal House in a long time. They could pat themselves on the backs then, saying they saw it coming, but right now was my moment. “Your egos have forgotten that those you see as nothing of consequence can become the one you are bowing to at the end. Now, please go. I’m in no mood to see or hear either of you again tonight.”
Heidi glared at me, hate spewing from her eyeballs, but she whirled around, stomping out. Chloe stood there for another moment, her face emotionless, but her eyes glittered with loathing.
“Chloe?”
She swallowed back the words I knew she wanted to spew at me, maybe for once realizing the power had flipped.
“Good. Evening. My. Lady.” She sliced through her sentiment, her jaw tight, her nails cutting into her palm.
“Good night.” I smiled, watching her leave the room, perfuming the exit with deep abhorrence and ire.
“Wow.” Jenny gaped next to me.
Royal Command (Royal Watch Book 2) Page 17