by Elle Keating
He hadn’t flinched. Didn’t even miss a beat. Didn’t look embarrassed at all. But she was. Mortified.
“Come on. I have some in my medicine cabinet.” He dropped the blankets where he was and she followed him into his bedroom. His cologne mixed with whatever soap he used permeated the air and it smelled heavenly. She felt her cheeks heat up as she waited in his bedroom while he retrieved the Advil from the master bathroom. He came back with a paper cup and a bottle of Advil. “Two or three?” he asked, opening the bottle.
She downed the water in one gulp and set the cup on the nightstand. “I think I better go.”
“Anna?”
“I don’t have cramps, okay? I just think I need to go.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, Brennan. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a goddamn thing. And that is the problem.”
His hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing her lower lip. His eyes searched hers in the dimly lit room. “How come we always find ourselves here?” he asked.
“I should leave… we both know I should.”
He didn’t answer. Instead he kissed her, and suddenly they were a mess of limbs, him frantically trying to wrangle her sweater over her head while she struggled to get his t-shirt off. His fingers worked her button on her jeans and then the zipper. She slipped her hands beneath the waistband of his sweatpants and she felt him jolt. She waited for him to tell her to stop because he had never let her touch him before, but he didn’t this time. His breathing intensified as she tugged his pants down to his ankles and he stepped out of them. He peeled her jeans and socks off, leaving her in just her bra and panties. They fell onto the bed and he dragged his erection along her core. He groaned into her mouth as he kissed her, ground against her. With a snap of his fingers, her bra was undone and he tore it away and winged it across the room.
“Your panties are soaked. I can feel you.”
He nipped and sucked on her needy nipples, trailed kisses along her belly until he hovered over her mound. He buried his face in her panty-covered pussy and she begged him to take her panties off. He complied immediately and then she was completely bared to him. She rolled him over, straddling him as she ground against his shaft, leaving a wet spot on his gray briefs. “That’s it, Anna. Take what you need.” She rubbed herself along his hard cock, her clit aching for relief. She slid off him, just enough to pull his briefs down and then she repositioned herself over him and allowed his cock to slide between her folds. Bare skin against bare skin, she could come like this, especially if she kept her eyes on where she wanted them to be connected, of him now slick with her juices. His hands gripped her ass and he worked her along his cock. “You feel so good,” he said.
“More, Brennan,” she begged, quickening the pace. They rolled once again until he was on top. She heard a drawer open, a foil wrapper being torn apart and then he was at her entrance.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice strained. She locked her legs around him as she clung to his shoulders.
“Yes,” she said. He pushed in, stretching her, claiming her. She dug her nails into his shoulders as she adjusted to his thickness. He was so big, definitely the biggest she had ever had. He swiveled his hips, thrusting hard and sure and she cried out. He took her hands and placed them above her head, their fingers interlocked. He didn’t stop kissing her, her lips, her neck, her shoulders as he drove in. “Yes, Brennan… harder,” she moaned.
“Perfect,” he said, slamming into her so hard she moved up the bed. Three more thrusts and she was dangling over the edge, wanting to let go.
“Brennan!”
“Come for me, baby. I’m with you.” He slid out to the tip and pushed in all the way with one thrust and they detonated.
With his head in the crook of her neck, he told her how beautiful she was. Breathless, he lifted his head and stared at her. This was the moment she dreaded. There was no coming back from this, at least not in her mind. He rested his weight on his elbows as he gathered her face in his hands and kissed her slowly. He took his time, tasting her and she kissed him back with everything she had, because this was probably going to be the last time. He brushed his lips against hers and looked at her. She didn’t know what to say and neither did he apparently, because what felt like minutes passed by and still his eyes remained locked on hers. Suddenly, he slipped out of her and disappeared into the bathroom.
Her heart sank as reality set in. What should she do now? Find her clothes, grab her dog and leave? Before she could figure out her next move he reemerged, climbed into bed, and gathered her into his arms. She didn’t know what to say, but she knew what she felt. This wasn’t a man she could have a fling with. Now she knew what she would be missing when they officially called whatever was going on between them quits.
“Just let me hold you tonight,” he whispered into her hair.
Meaning tomorrow, with the light of day, this would all be over. She swallowed past the lump in her throat as he hugged her close. She didn’t fall asleep until way after he had. She listened to him breathe, felt the rise and fall of his chest against her back all the while knowing that they would never be this close again.
***
Brennan
It was still dark, but the moon was full and light seeped in through the blinds, enough to see two lumps on the floor by the window that overlooked the ocean. Pete and Mack had made their way up and were passed out. Too much television, he guessed.
Anna shifted in his arms, causing her bottom to brush his bare cock. He had already been semi-erect when he awoke but now he was hard as a rock. What had they done? After he had made love to her he saw it in her eyes, not necessarily regret, but something that looked like sadness. All the signs had been there, that this wasn’t going to end well if he slept with her. They wanted different things. She didn’t want a fling. He was scared to death of getting into a relationship. Because he would have to lay it all out there, why he feared intimacy, why he and his brothers had struggled for so long. A low whimper had his mind discarding those unpleasant thoughts and blood surged to his cock. Another shift of her hips and his cock slid between her butt cheeks, gliding across folds that were hot and wet.
“Brennan,” she said, breathless. He loved hearing her say his name. He peppered her skin with kisses, the nape of her neck, her delicate shoulders, all the while thrusting gently between her thighs, the friction feeling great but not enough. He wanted to be inside her again. He placed her leg over his thigh, opening her up to him, while he reached around and palmed her breast. He squeezed a nipple and liquid drenched his cock. His dick brushed her opening and he hissed. He retreated a few inches but then he felt her hand grip his thigh and she backed into him, his cock once again seeking entry. “Don’t stop,” she moaned.
“Anna…” His cock breached her opening and because she was so wet, he slipped in an inch or two. She pulsed around him and he groaned.
“Fuck me, Brennan. Just like this.” All rational thought went out the window, like how taking her again was not a good idea, that she didn’t want casual sex, that this was going to change everything… and he slammed into her. He gripped her leg, angling her body the way he needed and pumped in and out of her. Nothing had ever felt this good and it wasn’t because he was taking this woman bare, something he had never done before, but because she was Anna. She came hard, clenching around him, and then he was right there emptying himself deep inside her, marking her. When he had nothing left, he slipped out of her and he stared at his glistening dick, his cum mixed with hers.
Her breathing had leveled out and he could tell she was drifting off to sleep. He knew he should do the same, but he couldn’t. Because then he would miss this, her in his arms. He would have wasted hours sleeping instead of feeling her body against his. But after an hour he surrendered to sleep, completely spent and angry because in the morning she would leave.
Chapter Nineteen
Anna
“You left.”
Anna stared at Brennan’s text
. Ignoring him was childish, but she was scared where this conversation could lead. She was also sad. They had been friends, friends with off the charts chemistry, but friends nonetheless. Friends who enjoyed each other’s company, but now that was over. Sex changes everything. He knew it, hence the reason he had refused to let her touch him before last night. But they had given in to temptation and there was no way they could go back to the way they were.
She texted him back:
“And you know why.”
Anna watched the swirly circles start and then stop and then start up again before he responded:
“I fucked up.”
She shook her head at the phone. No, they both had a hand in this, but her more than him. He had told her that he didn’t want a relationship, and she slept with him anyway. She texted him with a “So did I” and then followed it up with “We want different things.” He didn’t respond after that and she finished her shift without another text chiming through. It was for the best.
On her way home from work, she passed a parking lot that had been overtaken by Christmas trees. On a whim, she turned her car around and drove into the lot. A handful of Boy Scouts were selling the trees and the proceeds went to their troop and some to charity.
Which got her thinking about Brennan. Not about sex with him this time, but what he had said to her a couple weeks ago, when he had admitted that he participated in underground fights. He swore he didn’t do it for the money, as he donated it all to charity. Anna couldn’t help but wonder which charity he regularly supported. She donated here and there to different organizations, but never on such a consistent basis. She had to believe the cause was special to him, personal even.
Anna paid one of the scouts and his dad extra to tie the tree to the roof of her SUV and she headed home, all the while thinking about Brennan. The man was both a mystery and an open book. He let her see him vulnerable, like the day they went to the shelter and he requested the dog that had been there the longest, which was sweet. He also showed her how caring he could be when he stayed with her the night strep had knocked her on her ass. And then there was last night. He had been generous, attentive. He didn’t just get off and tell her to be on her way. He had held her all night and told her how beautiful she was, how perfect. She had never felt so close to anyone in her life.
But there was also a side to him she didn’t know. The side that made him resort to fighting. Why did he need it? And then there was his other vice… and that thought made her stomach turn.
She pulled into her driveway and she spotted the source of her nausea sitting on her front stoop. As always, he looked gorgeous. The cold December air whipped through his thick hair as he rose to his feet. He gave her what looked like a nervous smile. “Brennan, what are you doing here?”
“I was wondering if we could talk.”
“Talk? About what?”
“Anything. It doesn’t really matter to me what we talk about.”
“This is strange,” she said, starting to untie the twine that was securing the tree to her car. She was struggling with a knot when he pulled out his keys. A Swiss Army knife dangled from his key ring and he quickly flipped it open and cut the twine.
“It doesn’t have to be. But if it becomes cringeworthy, just tell me to leave.”
Why did he have to say things like that, give her an out? She grabbed the stand she had bought and gestured for him to follow her inside. He swung the nearly nine-foot tree onto his shoulder and carried it into her house. She set the stand on the ground and he dropped the tree into it. He fell to his knees as she held the beast upright and he tightened the screws. After a few adjustments, the tree stood fully erect and straight as an arrow. She went to her desk drawer, fished out a pair of scissors and cut away the orange netting encasing the tree. With each swipe of her scissors the branches fell and she stared at the first tree she had gotten since her mother had died.
She didn’t know what had made her pull her car into that lot and purchase the biggest tree she could find. She hadn’t celebrated Christmas in years. It didn’t seem right without her mom and her brother, and her dad had lost all interest in the holiday after they had died. Christmas had become just another day. Her dad always escaped to the hospital that day for work, leaving her to fend for herself or head over to a friend’s house.
“Do you have lights?” he asked.
“I have some in the garage, but I’m not sure they work. I found them along with a tub of ornaments in my dad’s basement when I cleared out his home several months ago.”
That had been a tough day, going through her parents’ belongings. It had surprised her that he had kept the Christmas ornaments, both the store bought and homemade ones. And then there were the photo albums, her mother’s knickknacks, all perfectly preserved in bubble wrap. She didn’t understand why he still had all those things. And then she found the box, the one with her name hand-scribbled on the side. When she had opened it, she almost fainted. Because inside were pictures of her, photos that she didn’t know existed, of her at graduation, of her being inducted into the National Honor Society in junior high school, of her standing in her friend’s front yard getting her picture taken with her prom date. She didn’t remember him being at any of those events.
“I’ll give this guy some water if you want to grab the lights.”
“Okay,” she said.
When she came back inside, the tub of lights and ornaments in her arms, she found Brennan on his knees, watering her tree, his beautiful tight ass on full display. She dropped the tub on the couch. “I need a glass of wine. Want one?” she asked, fanning herself as she walked out into the kitchen.
“Sure,” he yelled out.
Brennan was untangling the largest ball of lights she had ever seen when she walked back into the living room, two glasses of wine in her hands. His eyes and focus on the lights, he said, “Last night was…”
“Reckless,” she finished for him. “On multiple levels.” Anna sat on the couch and kicked off her shoes. “I’m on the pill, but…”
“I have never been with a woman without a condom. Last night was the first time. I’m sorry…”
“I was there too, remember?” she asked with a sigh. “I have always practiced safe sex and was tested just this past year.” A strand of lights was set free and he handed it to her. She plugged it into the wall and miraculously it worked. She unplugged the lights and walked over to the tree where she started to weave the strand through the bottom branches. Silence filled the room.
“I was going to say incredible.”
“What?” she asked, still working the first strand of lights through the Frasier Fir branches.
“That was how I was going to describe last night.”
“It can’t happen again.” She couldn’t meet his gaze, though she felt it. “Years ago, this setup, this friends with benefits scenario would have worked for me because I wasn’t a fan of relationships.”
“Why was that?” he asked.
She had never told anyone, not Tom, not any of her former lovers. No one. But for some reason she felt he needed to know. “I told you why I became a doctor.”
“Because of your dad.”
“I became a doctor because I admired what he did, that he had the power to help and heal, not because I admired him.” He looked up and they locked eyes for a second, before she turned away and went back to arranging the lights. “The night my mom and brother died, my mom and dad had an argument. Which wasn’t out of the ordinary, especially before he would leave for a medical conference. When I was really young, I didn’t understand why they fought before and always after one of those business trips. But by the time I was twelve, I knew what my mom was accusing him of doing, or what he planned to do on those trips. He would deny it every time that he wasn’t cheating on her or planning to, but that night he didn’t. He just let her rant and rave, make her accusations and then he left for the airport without a word or a kiss goodbye. I knew what the rest of the night would entai
l, my mom crying, drinking until she fell asleep, so I went to stay at one of my friend’s houses across town. But after a few hours I called my mom to come pick me up.”
“Why?”
She took a deep breath because this was something she had never told anyone, not Lindsey or her mom. “That night while my friend, Lindsey, was asleep her mom’s boyfriend tried to…” She closed her eyes.
“He tried to what?”
“Tried to get me to do things.”
“With a twelve-year-old girl! I’ll fucking kill him!”
“No need. He’s already dead, was killed in a motorcycle accident weeks later.” She grabbed a string of lights out of Brennan’s hands and connected it to the one nestled in the tree. “I was able to get away from him and locked myself in my friend’s room and called my mom to pick me up. I told her I had a bad dream, that I needed her. I knew I had awakened her, that she was spent from hours of crying for a man who was probably going to spend his business trip sleeping with women who were not his wife, but I begged her to come get me anyway. She shouldn’t have been driving, shouldn’t have dragged my brother from his bed, strapped him into his car seat and drove to pick me up in the middle of the night. She ran a red light just blocks from Lindsey’s house. The other driver who collided with my mom’s car lived, but my mom and brother were killed instantly.”
“I’m so sorry, Anna.” She kept stringing the lights through the branches, keeping her hands occupied so they wouldn’t shake. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that now, but back then I blamed myself, and so did my dad.”
“Your dad told you that you were responsible for your mother and brother’s deaths?”
“Yes. Because of my nightmare, because I was a big baby, my mom and brother were dead.”
“You never told him what that bastard tried to do to you?”
“No.” She choked back some tears and swallowed hard. “My dad and I barely spoke after that. We just coexisted in the same house. He clothed and fed me, but any words exchanged between us were out of anger. I left for college at seventeen years old and hadn’t spoken to him until nine months ago. He died three months later.”