The doorknob rattled but I made no motion to get up from where I was sitting on the closed toilet with my head in my hands.
“I’m not going to go away until you open the door,” he insisted. “I’m just going to continue standing here, telling you to open it.” His voice was a little more stern now.
And the truth was that I was done crying and there was nothing left in my stomach to throw up. I stood up, walked over to the door and unlocked it. Then I turned around, headed back to the toilet and sat down again.
Jake opened the door and then closed it behind him. He didn’t say anything but covered the distance that separated us before crouching down in front of me and covering my knees with his hands.
I lifted my face and stared into those blue eyes that showed nothing but caring and concern. I couldn’t believe he even wanted to be anywhere near me, now knowing what he did about me—about my past, about what my father had done and how he’d swindled people out of money, including Bill.
“Let me take you home.”
I nodded and he helped me stand. I felt completely drained—exhausted. Once we were back inside the restaurant, I noticed the lights were out and there was an envelope next to my purse on the counter with my name on it. Jake palmed it and handed it to me.
“Where’s Sharon?” I asked in a mouse voice.
Jake wrapped his arm around my back. “I told Sharon we’d lock up. The envelope must be your share of tonight’s tips.”
I breathed a sigh of relief that there was no one else here to witness my utter hopelessness. It was bad enough that Jake had to be here—that I couldn’t be alone. But at least he was the only one.
I opened the envelope and noticed a wad of bills. Which made no sense because we each kept our own tips. And mine were in my apron pocket. We never split any of them out. I was embarrassed and guilty that Sharon had obviously given me her tips, like I was some kind of charity case. Well, I wasn’t a charity case and I’d give them right back.
“That money isn’t mine,” I said as returned the envelope to the counter.
“It has your name on it,” Jake answered as he reached for the envelope again, but seeing my cross expression, he put it inside of his pocket rather than handing it to me.
“I don’t need handouts,” I said with conviction. “And this isn’t Sharon’s problem. It’s mine.”
“While that might be true,” Jake started. “She obviously cares about you and she left the envelope as a gift. And you know what they say about gifts?” I faced him because I didn’t know what they said about gifts. “That it’s rude not to accept them,” he answered with that boyish smile of his. “So I’m going to keep the envelope right here for you until you’re ready to accept it,” he finished as he patted his jacket pocket and smiled down at me even more broadly.
I sighed heavily as I nodded and watched him open the door for me. I was humbled by what Sharon had done for me. These people were more my family than anyone I was related to and that feeling stung me as much as it should have been heartwarming.
Jake started the truck and drove into the darkness as my mind reeled with thoughts of Bill. How in the hell had he managed to find me out here? I had no clue and decided not to bother myself with questions that I couldn’t answer. Instead, I turned to face Jake, who was already looking over at me.
“You know what they say about watching the road?” I started, my voice raw although I was aiming for funny.
“No, what?”
“That you should watch it so you don’t run off it,” I answered as I took a deep breath. He chuckled and then reached over, grabbing my arm as he pulled me into him. I snuggled closer to him and he tightened his arm around me. “Thank you for what you did back there.”
“Of course,” he answered. “No one talks to you like that with me around.”
I rested my cheek against his chest as I thought about what he’d just said. And suddenly I wanted the title. I wanted to know that he was mine and I was his. I wanted to know that I could always rely on him. That he was there for me and always would be. Of course, I realized this was all insecurity born from what had just happened in the last hour but I couldn’t say I cared. I just needed someone at the moment. No… I just needed Jake.
“Want to talk about it?”
I stared at the headlights carving a tunnel of light against the otherwise pitch black of the night. I didn’t feel like I could talk, like I could say another word but before I knew it, my mouth was open and words were dropping off my tongue like rain water spewing out of a broken gutter.
“I grew up rich. Sickeningly rich. I had maids and butlers and vacation homes. Our barn was bigger than Brady’s house. You name it, I had it. And I thought I was happy, but I was totally oblivious to where all that stuff came from. Until it was gone.” I took a deep breath as I remembered and the memories stung me. “My father was the CEO of an investment firm that made a whole lot of his buddies—like Bill—incredibly wealthy. Dad was a workaholic and I barely ever saw him, but we were close and I thought we had a good relationship. At least, until everything went to shit. Then I realized that he hadn’t actually ever told me anything even close to the truth. He kept me happy and in the dark. Whenever I asked questions about work or something I saw on the news, he bought me something to change the subject or to keep me quiet.” I laughed without joy as I remembered it all. “And I guess it worked.”
Jake kissed my temple and pulled into the playground parking lot where we’d sat by the lake and made love. He made no move to get out, so I kept talking.
“Sadly, even with all his lies, I was still closer to him than I ever was to my mother. The only thing that was important to her was money. That was probably the reason why my father drove himself to do what he did.” I closed my eyes against the instant sting as I remembered what my father had chosen to do to himself. “Even though I have no idea why, my father loved my mother. But she only loved herself.”
As I spoke, I worried that after Jake knew everything, he’d realize how stained and tarnished I was. I was scared that despite the fondness he’d had for me, he would turn tail and run. As if reading my mind, he tightened his hold around me and when I looked up at him, he was smiling back at me. I sighed heavily and snuggled closer to him. “Unbeknownst to both Mom and me, Daddy was under investigation for financial fraud.” My voice cracked. “He blew all our cash—I don’t even know what he bought, but I think it was people and secrets. He knew he was headed for jail.”
The tears I thought I’d already purged started to burn the backs of my eyes again and before long, they were sailing down my cheeks and splashing onto my neck. “He hadn’t wanted to face a trial or jail, so he...” I took a breath. It wasn’t my fault. I’d spent enough weeks in therapy to know that. He’d made his choice. I hadn’t made it for him. “He killed himself.”
The image of his gray face swam before me and I squeezed my eyes shut. Jake’s arms tightened around me and he held me even closer. “My mother was already in Manhattan with my dickhead ex-boyfriend, so I think she was just glad to be rid of the scandal surrounding my dad. She was probably glad to be rid of me too.”
“Then you found your father?” Jake asked.
I nodded. “Yes. Soon after that, everything came raining down on me. A week later, our house was foreclosed on as well as all of our cars, everything.” I laughed again, an ugly sound that made me angrier than I already was. “He did leave me a note telling me he was sorry.” I stared out the window. What a coward my father had been. “I didn’t want to sell Aria, so I bought my truck and trailer. Brady’s cousin, Liza, was my trainer and she was the one who orchestrated my move out here.”
Jake didn’t say a word, just pulled me to him and held me. The tears continued to fall down my face as I stared at the moonlight as it sent a shimmering luminescence across the water. Jake killed the engine and we sat there staring out the window, listening to the night.
He pressed his lips to my ear. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry that you had to go through everything you did. That you’re going through it even now. No one deserves that… least of all you.”
I leaned back in the seat, my eyes closed and I took a deep breath. “We all have our crosses to bear,” I answered, feeling sick to my stomach again. “I’m just sorry you heard it the way you did. I would have told you, but I… it was just… fuck! Fuck him!” I balled my palms into fists and fought the tears, but they insisted on coming anyway. I threw the door open and scrambled out of the truck, suddenly needing to catch my breath in the fresh night air.
Jake followed, but at a distance. He eased up behind me and curled his fingers around my shoulders. I leaned into him, needing his strength, his solidity. “It’s going to be okay, Summer.”
Somewhere inside me, I wanted to believe he was right. But I didn’t know how it was possible.
“You’re here now, as far from Connecticut as you could be,” he continued. “And you can start over, you can put everything behind you.”
“That’s what I thought too,” I started. “And yet, Bill showed up right out of the blue, which shows that I can’t outrun my past.”
“You owe him nothing,” Jake insisted. “Whatever your father did was on him. You didn’t know about it and it’s not your responsibility to right his wrongs. That bastard just showed up here thinking he could throw his weight around and get you to do whatever he asked because he’s counting on your fear. He wants you to be weak but you aren’t weak, Summer.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m weak?” I started as the tears bled from my eyes.
“Because you think you’re all alone in this and that has a way of making you feel scared and helpless.” He gripped the bottom of my chin and tilted it up so I was forced to look him in the eyes. “But you aren’t alone. You have me and good luck to any person who tries to hurt you while I’m around.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist as I rested my head on his chest. “Thank you, Jake,” I whispered.
He brushed my damp hair back from my temple. He kissed my forehead. “We all have a past.” A shadow crossed his face but before I could ask him about his past, he kissed me. I kissed him back—it was slow and comforting, sweet. And suddenly I needed him physically. Sexually.
“I need you,” I whispered.
“I’m here for you.”
“No,” I said and shook my head. “I need to feel you inside of me.”
He didn’t say anything but his hands were suddenly on my back, tracing the zipper of my dress. I responded instantly to the heat and strength of his fingers against my spine and I rubbed against him.
He smiled and it was that ever-so-charming, slight crookedness to his smile that about melted me right then and there. “Come on,” he said softly as he pulled me toward the lake.
Instead of walking out on the pier, he led me beneath an old, gnarled oak tree. The grass was thick and lush there, drinking in the moisture from the lake and the reprieve from the sun beneath the tree’s branches.
He stopped, then sat down on the lush grass, pulling me down on top of him. I straddled his lap and he stared at me, brushing the tears off my cheeks, then he kissed them away and I was lost in the moment, the past forgotten, the future too far away to worry about.
While I watched him, his gaze turned serious. He ran his fingers down my face and gently shoved my hair back behind my shoulders. His fingers reached my collarbone and I closed my eyes. He pulled me into him, kissing me again and I was lost, filled up by his touch and my body’s reaction to him.
The night was cool on my skin, but his hands covered me and instantly warmed my body. He teased my nipples and I moaned and squirmed on his lap. He kissed my neck and I tilted my head, giving him more of me to taste.
I unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. Then he lowered me down and pulled my dress completely off. I fumbled with the button on his pants and he eagerly pushed my fingers out of the way and took his pants off himself. In an instant, we were naked and I sucked in my breath.
He stilled over me and I brushed my fingertips across his shoulders. He was beautiful. Every time I saw him in the buff, I couldn’t hide my fascination with his body. Long, sleek muscles littered his body, highlighted by his tan skin. And the way he smelled—God, he was so perfect and so perfectly male.
He kissed me softly, then I swept my tongue over his parted lips until he deepened the kiss and spread my legs. His head was between them momentarily as his tongue sucked at my nub and I heaved as an orgasm took me almost immediately. His body tensed, then relaxed and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
“How was it?” he asked as he smiled down at me.
“Amazing,” I answered. “And now it’s your turn,” I continued as I reached for his erection which was straining against me. But he pushed my hand aside.
“No, tonight is just about you,” he said as he shook his head.
“But, Jake,” I began to argue.
“No,” he insisted. “I just wanted to make you feel good—to get your mind off everything. Besides, I don’t want to feel used,” he joked with me, that boyish smile of his making me smile in turn. “I want to cuddle.”
I laughed out loud and then collapsed against him, cocooning myself in his embrace. I kissed his neck and he rolled to the side, curling my body beside him. “Thank you for tonight,” I said, cuddling closer to him.
He kissed my temple. “Don’t ever forget that you shape your own destiny,” he whispered in my ear. “You are the only one who decides where you go next.”
I nodded but I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just enjoyed the feel of him pressing himself against me. I’d never felt so safe before, so completely taken care of. I felt like nothing and no one could hurt me with Jake there. I’d never ever felt so sheltered. But I was also shivering in the cold.
“Come on, let’s get you in bed,” Jake said as he kissed the top of my head. We dressed and on the way back to the ranch, I sat right next to him with my head on his shoulder. I couldn’t stomach the idea of any distance between us.
Chapter Thirty
Summer
Days turned into weeks and pretty soon, I was fretting about the end of summer every day. Brady hadn’t said anything about what was going to happen after the summer was finally over and I wasn’t sure where or what I would do. I figured I’d just move on, like I’d originally planned. And I’d find my way like I always did.
I hadn’t brought up staying with Brady because I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay. I mean, I did want to stay on the one hand but on the other hand I didn’t want to because I’d only ever thought of Springhill as a summer job. I’d never thought of it with any sort of permanence. Once the season was over, there wouldn’t be enough for me to do, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be mending fences and ranching in the middle of a Colorado winter year after year anyway.
And, furthermore, I wasn’t sure Brady would want to keep me on. Having another mouth to feed and another check to pay was something that could have been a strain on him, especially when it seemed like finances might have been weighing on him recently. I’d heard Brady and Rue discussing them early in the morning in hushed tones. The last thing I wanted to do was put more stress on them by asking to stay longer than what we’d agreed to.
No, it was going to soon be time for me to move on. And even though I had no idea where I was going to go or what I was going to do, I thought I might actually stay in Colorado for a while. The more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me. I liked Colorado. It felt like home.
Jake wasn’t at all excited at the thought of my leaving, and every time it came up, inevitably one of us turned the conversation to something else. Neither of us wanted to discuss my impending departure, but we weren’t really talking about what we were doing either. Our days consisted of work and our nights were filled with each other. I was getting really hung up on him, but
I didn’t know enough about love to know if I was in it or maybe I was just infatuated.
As great as everything was, I knew I couldn’t stay at Springhill. In a few weeks, I’d have to make a plan for what would come next. Sweet as Brady was, he wasn’t going to let me stay on as a freeloader and that was the last thing I wanted to do anyway. No, I wanted to make my own way and stand on my own two feet. Sharon had given me every possible shift at the café and I was turning into a good waitress, but I couldn’t make enough to pay for Aria’s full board at Springhill, and yet... I also didn’t want to leave.
We had one final guest coming in and Rue had been teasing Jake about her for a few days. The night of her impending arrival, I set the table for dinner and asked Rue about it. “So who is this girl that’s coming?”
Rue scooped scrambled eggs onto the platter and set the pan in the sink. “She’s a friend of Brady’s who always comes out every season to help us out.” Then she glanced at the clock. “Good Lord, she should be here any second.”
I finished setting the table just as the door opened and Jake walked in with a big smile on his face and luggage in his hands. Just behind him was a woman—our guest who was none other than Deena Markus, Grand Prix Champion and Olympic medalist. I wanted to die.
After everyone said their hellos, I set a plate down in front of her and took my seat. My hands trembled as I set my napkin on my lap.
“Well, it sure is great to see you again, Miss Deena,” Brady said with a big smile as we sat around the table.
“Yeah, we missed you ‘round here,” Jake added as he speared a bite of fried mushrooms. Deena smiled as her gaze settled on Jake and she blushed.
“Thanks.” Deena ducked her head and for the next ten minutes, I noticed she stole at least ten glances at Jake. That was when I realized she was totally smitten with him! As soon as that thought registered with me, I wasn’t as fond of her as I had been. Instead, a sour taste was developing in my stomach and rising into my throat. I was jealous! As much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I couldn’t help but admit it because it was the truth.
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