by E.J. Stevens
“Look at where we touch,” Cal said, his voice sad.
Curious, I looked at where his arms encircled my own. Though he felt solid, I had sunk an inch or more into him. He was fading, still substantial at the center, but transparent along his skin. Was he a ghost? Was he…dead?
“I don’t…Cal, I don’t understand,” I said, brushing my left hand through his arm. He felt warm, but he was not as solid as I originally thought. But I could still feel the heat of him. He can’t be dead. He just can’t.
“I…I think I’m dying,” he said, voice quavering. “I keep losing my wolf spirit and…I believe I may die if I can’t be reunited with him.”
“God Cal, don’t say that,” I said. “I can’t lose you. I just can’t.”
“We won’t ever lose each other,” Cal said, stroking my cheek. “Remember, no matter what happens, you’re my soul mate. You complete me.”
“What can I do to help?” I asked, trying to remain hopeful. I won’t let you leave me Calvin Miller.
“When you leave this place, I need you to call my wolf spirit,” Cal said, intently. “Each time I’ve seen him here he has been standing on a fallen log reaching towards a glowing light. Yuki, we can’t let him go into the light. I think if that were to happen I would die. I need my wolf spirit in order to live.”
“Can’t we just find him again?” I asked. “What if you talk to him?”
“I can’t get close to him,” Cal said, shaking his head. “When I try to, he disappears. I haven’t even been able to find the log he stands on. Yuki, I need your help. Can you dance for me?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll call your wolf spirit back to you. I promise.”
“Thank you,” Cal whispered, pulling me closer to him. I tried not to notice how I drifted through him. “Oh no.”
I opened my eyes and followed Cal’s gaze to the ground. The flowers by my feet were shriveling and turning black.
“Yuki, you have to go,” Cal said.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I said, shakily.
“This place will draw the life from you,” Cal said. “You’re fully alive. You don’t belong here. You have to go now.”
“I love you,” I said, looking up into his eyes.
“I love you more,” Cal said, kissing my cheek and then my lips. “Now run. Run and don’t look back.”
I ran. Tears streaming down my face, gasping for breath, I ran as fast and as far as my legs would take me. I ran away from the man I loved, hurtling towards my destiny.
Chapter 15
October 25th
I awoke gasping and churning the covers with my legs. I had made it home, safely back in my body for now, and needed to find Cal. Sitting up in bed I felt pressure building behind my eyes and pain at my temples. Great, a migraine was not something I needed today. Unfortunately the only thing that helped my headaches was a dose of Emma’s horrific tasting tea. I guess I would just have to drink her noxious brew and wash it down with the bitter truth. Cal was hovering on the brink of death and I was the only person with a chance to save him. No pressure or anything.
Hands shaking, I hastily dressed and brushed my teeth. My eyes were puffy from last night’s crying and surrounded by dark circles. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses from the pile of accessories on my vanity and slid them on. Better.
I didn’t want my parents asking questions about my ragged appearance. It wasn’t like I could be truthful about Cal’s condition. If Cal couldn’t seek medical attention at a hospital, then his concussion would have to remain a secret from those outside the pack. My mom loved Calvin and there was no way she would understand him lying at home in a coma. She may respect his parents’ wishes to a point, but my mom wasn’t the kind of woman to stand by and watch while someone she cared about was hurt. If there was something she could do, then she would risk a great deal to help, a passing friendship with his parents be damned. It was funny, but in that way my mom and I were a lot alike. Guess I know where I get it from.
Walking down the stairs and into the kitchen, I attempted to act normal. Reaching for the coffee pot, I filled a travel mug and carefully twisted on the lid. My dad looked up when I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and headed toward the door.
“Leaving so soon?” he asked, smiling. He was sitting at the table looking over the Sunday paper, his scuffed slippers propped on a nearby chair.
I made a mental note to buy him a new pair of slippers for Christmas. If I’m still around then. The thought crept in and shattered the moment.
“Sorry Dad, Emma and I have plans to go apple picking,” I said. My parents worked all week and I felt guilty rushing off the one day they were home, but Cal needed me.
“Have fun,” he said, attention swinging back to his newspaper.
I was glad that it had been my dad, not my mom, in the kitchen. She was way more perceptive and a pair of sunglasses probably wouldn’t have been enough to hide the truth. Thank goodness for small favors. With one last glance, I turned and walked out into a cold new day.
*****
Huddled against the cold, I walked quickly. I could have called Emma for a ride, but knew she probably had been up all night tending to Cal and Sam. She may even have provided medical care to our murderer. My hands involuntarily tightened into fists. Just thinking about the man who attacked Cal, putting him into a coma, made my blood boil. Maybe the cool air would help clear my head.
I breathed deeply, filling my nose with the sickly sweet smell of rotten crab apples. My long black skirt swish swished as I waded through the sea of fallen leaves. The familiar sounds and smells were calming, and for the first time I realized that the smell of burnt brownies was gone. We caught Gavin’s killer. Perhaps that was all he needed for his soul to find peace.
I had recently been told that I was the light that helped lead lost souls out of darkness. Helping the spirits of the dead was a task I took seriously, but this morning I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was glad that Gavin had found peace, but I wasn’t feeling like a wondrous beacon of light. More like a storm cloud filled with unshed tears.
I was having a hard time dealing with what had happened last night. Calvin wasn’t just my soul mate. He was my best friend. I couldn’t imagine a world that didn’t include Cal, and didn’t want to. How could one madman come into our lives and cause so much pain? This was one storm cloud who wouldn’t mind striking that man down. Maybe if I’m angry enough lightning bolts will shoot out my butt. I continued down the leaf strewn sidewalk, tears of frustration rolling down my face to fall on my black blouse. Diamonds of pain left to sparkle in the morning sun.
Eventually the cabin came within sight and I realized that I had been walking in a daze. Calvin is in there and he needs my help. Heart hammering in my chest, I quickened my pace and strode up the path to the door. With a rap on the door frame, I ducked inside. The only light was the dust mote filled sunbeams streaming in through the cabin windows. Moving aside to shut the door, I stepped into the room, catching my foot on something large and soft, and fell across one warm body to land, spread eagle, on a second. Guess I should have turned on the lights. So much for trying not to wake everyone up.
“Well now, if you wanted to get inside my sleeping bag,” Simon quipped, “all you had to do was ask. Of course, I’m not complaining, love. Waking up with a girl on top of me isn’t a bad way to start my morning, but I could have done without the elbow in the ribs.”
It was too dark to tell, but I was sure he just winked at me. Pushing away from Simon, and giving an extra jab with my elbow, I heard a mumbled yelp.
“Yuki, watch where you stick that thing,” Emma grumbled.
Wincing, I looked behind me to see my booted left foot an inch from Emma’s mouth. “Sorry!” I exclaimed, disentangling myself from their sleeping bags. “What are you guys doing anyway?”
“I can’t speak for wolf man over there, but I was trying to get some sleep,” Emma said sulkily.
“In front of the door?” I asked.
<
br /> “It was either that or sleep next to Simon,” Emma said. “Since Hell hasn’t frozen over yet, I slept in front of the door.”
“If you guys had to sleep on the floor, then…?” I began to ask.
“Yeah, yeah loverboy is sleeping soundly on the bed,” Simon finished for me.
I stumbled over to the corner where Cal lay unmoving on the bed. Someone, probably Emma, had pulled the soft quilt up over his arms and shoulders to sit just beneath his chin. Beneath the blankets he was positioned on his back with arms at his sides. Corpse Pose my mind volunteered. With a shudder I pulled one of his arms out from under the blankets and held his hand.
It felt strange holding him without being held in return. No hello squeeze, or comforting embrace, just a limp hand to trace with my fingers. I turned his hand over and looked at the network of intersecting lines and grooves. A few years ago Cal had dared me into going with him to a palm reader. A “chiromancy” appointment he called it. When we arrived I was surprised to see that the woman who would read our fortunes was a blond woman in her forties, not the dark haired crone I had envisioned. She had looked at Cal strangely at first, but then nodded her head and told him happily that he had a strong life line. Cal had believed her, but she could have been a charlatan. I suddenly hoped that her reading had been accurate. I needed Cal to keep on living. I couldn’t lose him now.
“Earth to Yuki,” Emma said, sitting on the chair beside me.
I wondered how long she had been sitting there. “Sorry,” I said, trying, and failing, to look away from Cal.
“Dude you need to get some sleep,” Emma said, frowning.
“No, I slept,” I said. “That’s actually part of why I’m here.”
I told Emma and Simon about my dream and how Cal had described being separated from his wolf spirit.
“You were right,” Emma said, looking worriedly at Simon.
Huh? I looked confusedly back and forth between them. I was missing something here.
“I wish I were wrong,” Simon said, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “Last night, when we returned from the cave, I noticed the absence of Cal’s wolf smell. He just smells…human.”
“We can’t let Cal’s wolf spirit go into the light,” I said, firmly. “You both agree that he could die without his wolf spirit, right?”
Emma and Simon both nodded in agreement.
“Even if I wasn’t already worried about him losing a part of himself,” Emma said. “I would want Cal’s wolf traits strong right now. His werewolf ability to heal more rapidly than a human could be the difference between whether or not he makes it through this safely. I’m working without real medical equipment. Cal needs all the help he can get.”
“Aye, I’ve never heard of one of us losing our wolf spirit, but it doesn’t sound good,” Simon said. “I know that I couldn’t live without mine. We are both a part of each other.”
“Then it’s settled,” I said. “I am going to dance to call Cal’s wolf spirit back to his body. If I can communicate with his wolf, then I’ll try to explain how important it is for it to stay here with Cal.”
“What do you need?” Emma asked.
“Let’s roll up these sleeping bags and clear the floor,” I said. “And Emma?”
“Yeah?” Emma asked.
“Do you have any of your headache ease tea with you?” I said, wincing.
“Sure thing,” she said. “It’s out in the van.”
Emma grabbed her keys and ran out to get her herbal supplies. I turned to see Simon staring at me intently. Raising one eyebrow he said, “You must really love Cal if you’re willing to drink Emma’s tea to help him.”
“Yeah, I really do,” I said, walking over to look down at Cal’s sleeping face. I really, really do.
Chapter 16
Emma and Simon sat against the far wall, each with a drum and stick. Cal had acquired the drums last year at Shaman Camp. They were hoop drums he had made by hand, stretching wet rawhide across the wooden hoop making a taught skin on one side for drumming and leaving the exposed strands on the back for holding the drum. The rawhide strands could also be pulled and released to alter the tone of the drum when hit by the stick. The drumming sticks were covered on one end with some kind of padding and more rawhide.
As Emma and Simon began to pound a slow beat on their drums, I stepped into the center of the room. I clapped my hands and stomped my feet to the beat of the drums and began to walk in a circle. Step, stomp-clap, step, stomp-clap. As the drumming became faster I increased my pace and began swaying as I circled the room. I visualized Cal’s wolf loping towards me. I tried to concentrate and focus on that image, but it was harder than ever before. Sweat beaded on my forehead and I struggled to suck enough air into my lungs. I continued dancing, stomping and writhing with impromptu dance movements, always maintaining my circle.
I reached my arms out, grasping for Cal’s wolf spirit, but my hands moved only through air. Come to us. Calvin needs you. His wolf should have been running to us by now, but I hadn’t felt even the tiniest spark of its presence. Over the sound of drumming I heard the unmistakable sound of a wolf howling. For a moment I thought it was Cal’s wolf, but realized it was only Simon adding his own beckoning call. I imagined running my hands over Cal’s wolf and sinking my hands into its fur. Dancing crazily I pictured myself embracing his wolf and nuzzling his neck where I could catch his scent.
Feeling an electric charge in the air I realized that I could smell Cal’s wolf. The smell was faint, but it meant that our call had reached him. My dancing, and Emma and Simon’s drumming, became faster and faster and I could feel Cal’s wolf spirit moving toward us. It moved with painful slowness, but eventually I could feel the weight of its stare. Please, help Cal. He needs you. Without you he may die. Please stay here with him.
I remember one more turn around the circle then slipping to the floor as everything faded to black…
*****
Dirt skittered by my head and I blinked dust from my eyes. Where was I? My question was answered as a large insectoid head came into view. Pushing myself into a sitting position I could see that the head was connected to an enormous black shelled body.
Clubbed antennae began waving in the air as she scented the air around me. I had researched a bit about dung beetles, aka scarabs, in recent months and had learned they had an amazing sense of smell. It was strange having something in common with a towering beetle, but I suppose she was my spirit guide for a reason.
“You have been busy child,” she said.
I know beetles can’t really speak, but, as before, she communicated her words directly into my mind.
“Busy, busy that’s me,” I said. Think Yuki, think. Maybe she can help you with Cal’s wolf spirit.
“The spirits of the dead surround you,” the beetle’s voice whispered in my head. “Their scent is all around you child.”
“Uh, yeah about that,” I said. “Cal was injured and his wolf spirit is trying to leave him, to go into the light, but if that happens Cal will die. Cal told me once that I could be his anchor to the human world, but I don’t know how to hold his wolf spirit. Do you know how I can keep his wolf spirit from walking into the light?”
“I may know a way little one, but you must first make a promise,” she said. “Heed these words, child. Let the spirits guide you, but never let them take you.”
“What do you mean by, never let them take me?” I asked. There was something foreboding about her pronouncement and I suddenly wondered if this was why there weren’t many others like me. Maybe some of us reach out to the spirits as they head into the light…and never come back.
“The spirits of the dead are lost, flotsam in the darkness of the in-between worlds, grasping for the way home,” she said. “You, child, are one of the few who can sense the clues that help resolve their unfinished business and lead them to the light, but you must be careful. You are the candle flame in the darkness that the dead may follow, but have you never
wondered where that light comes from? You share a spark of the light from beyond and like calls to like. The pull of the light can be strong little one, especially when the spirit you seek is a part of one you love.”
“Okay, I promise not to follow the spirits of the dead into the light,” I said. “How can I save Cal?”
“Renew your ties, little one,” she said. “Find the spirit-ink man and do what your young man has done before you. But beware that when the ink slips beneath your skin you will be bound to him more strongly.”
“I don’t mind being bound to Calvin,” I said. “He’s my soul mate.” My one true love.
“The stronger you are bound to him the more difficult it will be to resist the pull of the light,” she said. “You must consider the risk to your soul. If you do as I say and still cannot hold his wolf spirit, then you may face your own death.”
“Cal is worth the risk,” I said. I will not lose you Calvin Miller.
“You do not have much time,” she said. “The storm is fast approaching and you must be prepared.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Have you forgotten child?” she asked. “The veil begins to thin. Samhain is nigh upon us and you, little one, are in grave danger.”
“Right now, I don’t really care about that,” I said.
“Oh you should care, little one,” the beetle said. “Death is not the worst this spirit horde is capable of. Try to help your love, but prepare for the storm.”
Chapter 17
I bolted awake to the crack of thunder. The drumming of rain on the roof seemed unusually loud and I realized I wasn’t home in my bedroom. As my eyes focused I saw the outline of raw timbers and beside me I watched the hypnotic rise and fall of Cal’s chest as he slept. Oh right, I was in the cabin, but had my dancing helped Cal or was he still in a coma?