by Kant, Komal
Oh, no. What was I going to do about Eddie? It was the thought of once again breaking that sweet boy’s heart that finally made hot tears fall from my eyes. This would ruin us. It would ruin our future together.
“I-I don’t want to hurt him,” I sobbed, digging my fingers into the hospital bedsheets. “He doesn’t deserve this.”
“Do you want to see him?” Dad asked, brushing my tears away. “We can tell him together.”
But that wasn’t what I wanted. Eddie had had to live in Lincoln’s shadow for so long; this would crush him. He didn’t need to know yet. Not right now. But maybe I had to break his heart another way, so he would get over me. So that he could have a normal, teenage life with someone else, maybe even Fiona.
“No,” I said, as my mind began working at top speed. “No, I can’t see him. You have to tell him for me.” I reached out and took Dad’s hand in mine. “Dad, I know you don’t often lie, but I need you to lie to Eddie for me just this once.”
Of all the reactions I expected Dad to have, laughing out loud wasn’t one of them. I stared at him in surprise as he shared a smile with my mom.
“Hadie, I’m a lawyer,” Dad said, leaning in so close that I could see a twinkle in his chestnut brown eyes. “I lie as easily as I breathe.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eddie
The white, tiled floor of the hospital waiting room was starting to make me dizzy.
I’d been staring at it with too much concentration for too long, but it was better than staring at the other unhappy people waiting around with me.
With each passing second, the uneasiness in my chest was growing. I didn’t know if Hadie was going to be okay or how serious her injuries were. All Mr. and Mrs. Swinton had told me was that she’d been in a car accident and was still unconscious.
I’d arrived here first with Ashton and Luca, and Estella and Mariah had gotten here about twenty minutes after we had. Riley, Stacey, and Elly had been in Des Moines for a concert, so it was going to take them a few hours to get back.
My mom was on her way to the hospital now, and I felt bad for breaking up her dinner with her boyfriend, but it would be reassuring to have her here since she was a nurse and all, and worked at the hospital.
Even though I knew I had great friends and family, I was even more grateful for them today. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to get through the past few hours. I had already been so worked up about Hadie that actually hearing what had happened to her made me feel like a piece of shit. I had been ready to believe the worst about her, yet all this time she’d done nothing wrong.
“Here, Eddie,” Ashton said gently, handing me a bottle of water she’d bought from the vending machine in the waiting area.
With a nod, I took the bottle from her, taking a small sip before replacing the lid and handing it back to her. Ashton wrapped her fingers around my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.
We were all helpless. There was nothing we could do. There was nothing worse than feeling helpless when someone you loved was in trouble. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I knew my anxiety would eat me up, and that it wasn’t smart for me to freak out, but it was all I was capable of doing right now.
At least until we got an update on Hadie’s situation.
The automatic doors of the waiting room slid open and my mom hurried in, holding Hailie’s hand, as a man followed close behind them. The man was tall, broad-shouldered, with chocolate brown hair and tan skin.
My eyes grew as I recognized him immediately. I didn’t even need to see his face close up to know that he had bright, blue eyes just like his son. Her boyfriend—Howard—he was Lincoln Bracks’ father.
My head was pounding at this sudden revelation as I rose to my feet to meet them. It looked like I was never going to escape Lincoln. He had been Hadie’s boyfriend, and now his dad was my mom’s boyfriend. What a small fucking world.
Hailie caught sight of me and let out an excited squeal, running into my arms. I swung her around before placing her down on the ground. She noticed Luca and Ashton and skipped over to them with more hugs.
Mom’s face was a little flushed as she stopped in front of me. “Eddie, any news on Hadie?” She was trying to act normal, but I could see she felt incredibly uncomfortable.
“No, not yet,” I answered, staring pointedly at Lincoln’s dad. “Howard, I presume? Or do you prefer Mr. Bracks?”
“Howard is fine.” He colored a little, extending a hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Eddie. Under unfortunate circumstances, but nice all the same.”
Howard was nervous; I could see it in his demeanor as he glanced over at my mom for reassurance. His mannerisms were stiff and rigid, and I knew I was making him just as uncomfortable as my mom felt.
Ashton’s story came back to me. I was not going to hold my mom back; I wanted her to be happy. If this man, whether he was Lincoln’s dad or not, made her happy then I was going to be happy, too.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Howard.” I reached over and shook his hand, trying to smile. “I’m sorry I had to break up your dinner.”
I saw Mom visibly relax, and she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “It’s not a problem at all, Eddison. This is way more important. You know I’m always here for you.”
My insides softened a little as I rested my head on her shoulder. “I know.”
“When I heard Hadie had been in an accident, I had to come and see if she was okay,” Howard added. “She and I have never been close unfortunately, but I would love to get to know the young lady who made my son so happy.”
“She is pretty amazing,” I said, and I meant every word.
If something happened to Hadie, I wasn’t sure what I would do. All I wanted was for someone to tell me she was okay so that the tightness in my chest would go away.
“Eddie.”
I spun around at the sound of Mr. Swinton’s voice. He was standing by the double doors that led into the triage area, his expression somber.
“Can I speak to you alone, please?” he asked, staying where he was.
My heart sunk like a brick.
No. No. No.
This couldn’t be good. He wouldn’t look that way if Hadie was fine. Something terrible had happened to her.
With heavy steps, I approached him, expecting the worst. I stopped short of him, searching his face for anything that would give away the news he was about to relay to me.
“Is she okay?” I managed to ask.
He nodded. “She woke up. She’s recovering well. The doctor wants to keep her overnight, but she’ll be able to go home tomorrow.”
She what? Had I heard him right? She was okay! Then why did he look so serious, as though something terrible had happened? His expression did not match his words. Was I missing something?
“Is something wrong, Mr. Swinton?” I asked slowly, not wanting to overstep my boundaries. “You don’t seem happy.”
He stared down at the floor, as though he was trying to figure out how to break something to me. My heart was pounding 100 miles a second. The anticipation was building in my chest. What was going on?
“Eddie,” he began, finally raising his eyes, “when Hadie came to, we asked her exactly what had happened, where she had been going, why she hadn’t met you in time.” He paused. “She told us she had found out that Three had hurt you, so she went to confront him. But when she went to see him, he told her he had done it because he loved her.”
“W-what?” There was no way I’d heard him correctly.
Mr. Swinton sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. “She realized she had feelings for Three. She was coming back to tell you it was over.”
It was like someone had shot me in the chest. I staggered backwards, my eyes gliding over the cold, unwelcoming waiting room. My eyes fell on Howard, my mom, Hailie, Ashton, Luca, Mariah, and Estella.
My body had completely spun around without me even realizing it. My legs began working, and I moved towards the f
ront doors.
This was insane. This was crazy. This was bullshit. How could this be happening?
“Eddie, I’m sorry!” Mr. Swinton called out after me. “This is what she wanted!”
This is what she wanted. Hadie wanted someone else. Hadie didn’t want me. Some jerk off’s show of bravado had impressed her, instead of the guy who had been there for through everything.
I headed outside into the brisk cold, and swiftly made my way towards the hill on the left that was covered in snow. When I was a kid, my dad would sometimes bring me here in the spring and summer to meet my mom for her lunch break. The three of us would sit on the hill enjoying our lunch as Mom told us about the various patients she’d tended to that day.
Tonight, the hill would be a place for me to get my goddamn thoughts in order. With one foot in front of the other, I made it to the hill within seconds, throwing myself down on the ground and not caring how cold I was or that the snow was seeping into my clothes.
What did I have left now but months wasted on a girl who simply didn’t give a fuck. Time wasted. Lies spilled. None of it meant anything to her.
Cheap thrills. A sense of rebellion. If that’s what she wanted then I wasn’t the guy for her.
I was laying in that snow for a good minute before I heard my mom’s voice. I should’ve known someone would come after me, and I was kind of glad it was her.
“Eddison, can I join you?” she asked from somewhere behind me.
I sat up and saw her standing at the foot of the hill, her brown hair illuminated by the outdoor lights of the hospital.
“Yeah, sure,” I said with a shrug.
Mom walked up the hill, holding out her arms for balance. Once she reached me, she plopped down on the snowy ground beside me. “So, what’s going on, Eddie?”
“Did Mr. Swinton tell you?”
“He told me that Hadie didn’t want to break your heart.”
“Well, he lied,” I scoffed. “Because that’s what she fucking did.”
Silence fell around us. My mom slipped her soft, gloved hand into mine. We sat there for several, long minutes before she spoke again.
“I remember when your father used to bring you here to meet me.” She was recalling the same memory I had recalled moments earlier. “I remember there used to be a time when we were all so happy. Your father and I were so in love. I thought we would be together until we were old and grey.”
My heart was pounding heavily against my chest as I listened to her speak. Mom had never opened up about Dad before. After he’d left, she’d removed all his pictures and acted like he’d never been a part of our lives. It had been better that way.
“Then about seven years ago, everything changed.”
Seven years ago? What had happened seven years ago? I would’ve been about ten or eleven years old at the time. I tried to recall any major events from back then. But nothing immediately jumped out at me.
Mom gave me a tight smile, clearly seeing the confusion on my face. “I became pregnant with Hailie.”
“What?” I said in disbelief. “How could that change everything?”
“I ask myself the same question every day.” She sucked in a deep breath. “Your father never wanted a lot of children. When we had you, he was content but he made it clear he didn’t want any more kids.”
Her words suddenly made a lot of sense. That was why Hailie had been born so many years after I was—not because they couldn’t conceive, but because they hadn’t been trying.
“I didn’t want to get an abortion,” Mom went on. “I stood my ground and told him I was keeping this baby. Since it was his baby, I thought he would warm up to the idea. I thought he would fall in love with Hailie after she was born, but there was a wall around his heart.”
My heart almost shattered at those words. Hailie—bright, sweet, loving. Our father—a complete asshole. I couldn’t imagine being as cold as he was. Hailie was my world, and she was better off without him in hers.
“So what happened then?” I prompted.
“After Hailie’s birth, there was a huge strain on our marriage. Your father was deployed for fifteen months, and when he returned, things became worse. We went to marriage counseling, but it didn’t help. He argued that he felt like he’d had no choice in having Hailie and that he couldn’t be in a marriage like that.”
In that moment, I tried to put myself in my father’s shoes—I really tried. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t see things his way. Yes, Mom had made the decision to have Hailie, but as her husband he should have stood by her. He didn’t have to abandon her, or Hailie. Or me.
“So one day he just left?” I asked, recalling the day almost two years ago when he’d left and never returned.
After the incident, my grandparents stayed with us for a month, taking care of Hailie, cooking us meals, helping around the house, while Mom pulled herself together. Luckily, she was a tough woman and didn’t wallow in her sadness for too long. Hailie and I were too important to her—she had stayed strong for us.
“Yes, and all he left was a note letting me know he was done and his reasons for leaving.” Mom stared off into the distance as she spoke. “I didn’t want anything from him except the house. We filed for divorce soon after and I was granted full custody of you and Hailie.”
I stared at her in surprise. I had no idea my parents were divorced. How clueless was I? My mom had never told me, and I had never asked.
“Your father’s actions put me off men for a very long time.” Her cheeks flushed as she spoke. “My friends tried to encourage me to date, but my heart wasn’t in it. Until Howard walked back into my life.”
Walked back into her life? What the fuck?
“Huh?”
“Howard grew up in Verdana. We were high school sweethearts,” she explained, taking a shaky breath. “I was crazy about him, but he always talked about getting out of this town. We fought a lot about it, and eventually we ended things before he left for college. Then I met your father and forgot all about Howard.”
“Until Lincoln was admitted to hospital,” I said, as the pieces all clicked together in my head. “You were the nurse attending to him.”
“Yes, I couldn’t quite believe that Howard was back, but he had a family of his own, so I kept things professional,” Mom continued. “But after Lincoln passed away at the hospital, his wife was furious at him for letting Hadie see Lincoln. She was yelling and screaming at him, and I politely asked her to leave.”
Wow. Lincoln’s mother sounded like a complete whack job. “She was fighting with him after Lincoln died?” I couldn’t believe someone could be so insensitive.
“Yes.” Mom nodded. “I understood she was grieving, but the woman was insane. Finally, hospital security escorted her and her daughter out, and Howard broke down in tears.” Ugh. Becky Bracks—Lincoln’s awful sister. “My shift was almost over, so I took him downstairs to the cafeteria and bought him coffee and some food. Then we sat there for hours as he spoke about Lincoln, and I listened.”
That sounded like my mom—always the one with the patient ear. I was glad I had inherited that trait from her.
“So that’s how you two reconnected again?” I asked.
“Yes, Howard is a wonderful man,” she said with a smile. “And I know one day you will also have someone wonderful in your life, Eddie.”
I had been so enraptured by her story that I had forgotten about my own troubles for a few minutes. With her words, it all came rushing back. A painful, twisting in my chest as I thought of the world of hurt Hadie had given me.
“I don’t know if that will ever happen.”
Sure, that was a little overdramatic, but it wasn’t like I was even thinking about being with anyone else right now. As much as Hadie had hurt me, she was still the foremost person in my heart, in my mind, in my bones
“I know you will, Eddison,” Mom said, placing a hand on my cheek. “You are so strong. You and I have been through heartbreak before and survived, and I know you
will come out of this even stronger than you were before.”
Closing my eyes, I let her words sink in.
I was strong.
I would get through this.
I would fall in love again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Hadie
Day one.
I was holed up in my bedroom, staring out the window, watching the snow flutter to the ground.
My parents had agreed to let me take a week off school so that I could come to terms with the head spinning news I'd received. I had already taken enough time off school this year, but I had really needed a week to regroup.
I ignored my friends' messages and calls, forced down the meals my mother brought me, and continued to stare out the frosty window in basically a catatonic state.
I thought about the impossibilities of something like this happening to a person. I wondered if there was a support group for people in my situation--people who were pregnant with their dead boyfriend's baby.
I thought a lot about my baby growing up without a father, something I could never imagine. My father was my whole world, my rock, and would do anything for me. My baby would never have that, and it tore my heart to shreds.
I thought about a lot of things on Monday--what kind of a mother I would be, what my friends would think, how the heck I would finish school pregnant, and if I would have to give up going to college.
I thought of all these things, but the thing I thought of most was him. I thought of Eddie Cavallari, the boy I loved.
Even though I thought about Eddie, he didn't call. He didn't message. He didn't come and see me after school. It seemed as though my Dad’s lie to him about Three had worked. I knew it was enough to make him mad, and that was what I wanted. Eddie didn't need to deal with my problems, and this was something beyond him. Heck, it was beyond me, too.
So, I thought about him. I stared at my phone, wondering if he would try to contact me, and when he didn't, I cried myself to sleep. Because even though I was doing what was best for Eddie, it still killed me inside to do it.