“Good job,” he said to Derek.
Derek didn’t respond. His hands shook. He sat on top of the straw and didn’t move until the others came back in, their targets taken out and the now ownerless AK-47 in hand. It took him about a half hour to feel like himself again, and by then, they had talked to the Fishers and packed up to go. Zeke and Jacob stayed behind to take on the new roles of protector and Mineral Point representatives on the farm. They asked Buckle to make sure their place was taken care of. Derek didn’t look back at the twins digging graves as he and the others headed down the road. Fred noticed and slowed down to walk beside him.
“It takes less and less time to get over it,” Fred told him.
“Is that a good thing?” Derek asked.
“I don’t know.”
They were about a half hour from Mineral Point when they came upon the abandoned camp. The smell was the first indication that something was very wrong. Everyone put their hands to their faces, trying not to gag.
“Something’s died here,” Pat said. “Something is very dead.”
“Masks. Get your masks on,” Jacob said grimly.
Everyone obeyed. It dulled the scent, but Derek knew that wasn’t why they were wearing their surgical masks. There were human remains present. Buckle poked around in the fire pit.
“It’s been recently put out. There’s still some live coals in here.”
He straightened and looked towards the tents. They had been arranged in a circle with the firepit in the center. Everyone knew what was inside those tents, but no one wanted to look. Buckle cautiously approached one and peered through the flap, which was hanging about an inch open. He immediately looked away.
“Yep. That’s a dead person.”
Derek checked the other tents. There were five total. One man and one woman. They all looked like they had died within the past week and all of them had the pox. The last tent was empty.
“Do you think they’re still around?” Adam asked.
“If they were, they’d have probably asked for help,” Fred suggested, glancing around.
“What a mess,” Pat said. “I can’t stand that smell.”
“We should do something about the bodies,” Buckle urged. “Burn ‘em. They’re dangerous just sitting out here like this.”
Everyone knew he was right, albeit it being an ugly proposition.
“Let’s just burn the tents,” Pat suggested. “We should try not to touch anything.”
Buckle looked around the clearing. It looked decent enough. The fire wouldn’t spread.
“Ok, let’s do it.”
Fred sloshed a little of the gasoline they had bartered for on all the tents, before they lit them one by one. The fabric burned up quickly, leaving the bodies to burn. Buckle sent everyone ahead, saying not everyone needed to see the bodies burning up, but Derek stayed with him in case the fire got out of control. They stood with their sleeves covering their masks, trying to keep out the smell of flesh. It took about two hours until all that remained were charcoaled lumps.
“They were really close to the village,” Buckle remarked. “Just through the woods and past the clearing, about.”
“Do you think the sixth guy tried to reach it?”
“If we find a body on our way, I’ll guess we’ll know. He couldn’t have made it far. Maybe he went a different way.”
Buckle flipped a small branch into the air with his foot and tried to catch it. It slipped through his fingers and bounced back on the ground.
“We’d have had to kill ‘em all, y’know,” Buckle said.
“I know.”
“Like that lady Fred shot.”
Derek felt uncomfortable standing there talking with five bodies smoldering around him. He shifted his weight.
“I wish we could help everybody,” Buckle said thoughtfully. “But we just can’t, y’know? That doesn’t make us bad people, does it?”
“Of course not,” Derek assured him. “And we have helped people. We helped Megan.”
“That was kind of a fluke,” Buckle reminded him. “And I didn’t want to help her. I didn’t trust her. What if something like that happens again, and this time, we don’t help somebody. We’ll be kind of responsible if something bad happens to them, won’t we?”
Derek didn’t know how to respond. It was overwhelming to imagine himself as the decider of other peoples’ lives. It was overwhelming to just think of himself that way in terms of Adam and Amy and the baby. Buckle must have not expected an answer because he just made a thoughtful “Hmmph” noise and started walking towards the woods. Derek followed, still covering his face with his sleeve. Derek looked for any signs of the sixth man as they walked along the path, but didn’t see anything. When they reached the clearing, Buckle paused and pointed out a fresh-looking mound.
“Kind of looks like a grave, doesn’t it?” he remarked.
“I guess.”
Buckle looked at the soil for a few moments before making that same thoughtful noise and continuing down the path. When they reached the village, no one else had seen a trace of the missing person.
12.
When Buckle and Derek entered the house, the dogs greeted them enthusiastically. After patting both of their furry faces and accepting a wet kiss, Derek straightened and looked at Megan.
“How is she?” Derek asked.
“A little better. She didn’t have as much nausea today, but she got really tired in the early afternoon. She’s asleep. She’ll be sorry she missed you guys.”
“I understand. We got supplies.”
Megan exclaimed happily and began to look through what they had brought back. She could feel Derek looking at her and when she glanced up, it felt like there was some glint of significance in how he looked. Adam had arrived first and was oddly quiet. When she asked how the trip went, he just said it went ok and they had some supplies. When she asked for more details and whether they had gotten into any trouble, he shrugged. Perhaps the men would provide a more thorough reply.
“Did you run into any problems getting this stuff?”
“Um, yeah, a little,” Derek admitted.
“Go on.”
“We found a farm,” Buckle said, jumping in. “Apparently they had this deal worked out where this group of guys protected the animals and house in exchange for exclusive rights over the horses and supplies. The farmer did not think to tell us this when he accepted our help for some goods.”
“What a jerk!” Megan cried.
“I guess he thought he could get away with it. It was stupid, but he meant well. Anyway, we got busted. Had to take out the gang to save ourselves and keep the supplies.”
Megan’s mouth fell open.
So that was why Adam was being weird. Poor kid.
“It was rough,” Buckle continued, stacking some cans in a cupboard. “But the farmer said we could come back now to trade anytime. Might even get us some chickens.”
“Is that a good idea? Can we trust him?”
“I dunno,” Buckle sighed. “But he’s pretty desperate now to have someone help him protect the farm with his bodyguards gone. He kind of has to trust us now.”
Megan nodded. It made sense.
“So how’s that going to work?”
“Zeke and Jacob stayed out there. Randall’s going to have a place set up for them to stay.”
“Is Randall the farmer?”
“Yup. Randall Fisher.”
“Is it far away?”
“It’s a good day and a half away. The boys can take care of themselves though, they’re tough. We made a plan to meet halfway every three weeks or so to exchange supplies and news and stuff. It’ll work.”
Buckle seemed optimistic. He whistled as he prepared to take an armful of cans down to the cellar.
“So you guys had to kill a bunch of people?”
Buckle paused. His whistle faded. He looked back at Megan, trying to read her face. He looked slightly ashamed.
“They wanted to take our supp
lies,” he explained.
Megan noticed his tone almost made him sound like a child trying to justify why he stole a dollar from his mother’s purse. It didn’t suit Buckle at all
“Ok,” Megan said. “I didn’t ask why. I trust you guys did what you had to do.”
She turned back to the table. Buckle came up behind her and lightly touched her arm.
“I don’t like that we had to do it,” he said, his voice less childish. “But there wasn’t much time to think. You know how that is?”
Megan nodded. Buckle began to walk down the cellar stairs but paused again for a moment.
“Oh, did anyone infected come by the village? Or been seen hanging out in the woods?”
Megan froze. She tried to remember if she had left any trace of Lewis out there in the clearing.
“No,” she said shortly. “Why?”
“We burned an infected campsite about a half hour from here. Five dead people there, six tents. We thought maybe someone had tried to go for help.”
“Hmm, no. No one.”
“Ok.”
Buckle went down into the cellar, his boots clomping loudly on the wood. Megan didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. Amy began to vomit shortly after the supplies were stored away, and needed both Derek and Megan’s help. It wasn’t until later that evening that Megan and Buckle found themselves alone. Amy and Derek were in their room, and Adam had gone to stay with Pat and Kara for the night. He had been having trouble sleeping since his mother had gotten sicker with the pregnancy, and was shaken up about what had happened on the farm. After dinner, Pat had showed up and offered to take Adam for the night.
“I have some new fishing equipment ideas I want to show him,” Pat said.
Alone in the living room with Buckle, Britney, and the dogs, Megan felt content. She had missed these evenings since Buckle and the men were gone, even though she had also loved having some time with Amy and helping her open up more. Megan and Buckle didn’t make much conversation, but he always played with the baby and the dogs, and it made Megan feel like...like they were a family.
She didn’t feel guilty about it. Sometimes she questioned herself about it and wondered if she was forgetting Blake, but then she realized that this is what Blake would have wanted for her. He had always supported her those many years they had been together, no matter what it was. He had never tried to find flaws that he could fix in her ideas or given his own dreams more priority. Blake was a genuinely selfless person when it came to Megan. Megan imagined him looking at her sitting with her book with Buckle on the floor with the dogs and Britney, and smiling. That crooked smile he always had when he was trying not to be overly emotional or teary-eyed.
“It’s good to back home,” Buckle said, interrupting Megan’s thoughts. “I like being outdoors as much as the next guy, but a roof over my head beats a tent any day. Better company too, but don’t tell the guys that.”
Megan laughed. Buckle looked at her. He had that same look of significance in his eyes that Derek had had earlier. Megan expected Buckle to say something, but he just looked away and continued to play with Britney. The air was heavy with tension, though it wasn’t a bad tension. Megan felt something profound needed to be said, something that she could share. She only had one thing on her mind.
“I killed someone yesterday,” she blurted out.
Instantly, her chest relaxed and she didn’t feel like she needed to crack all of her knuckles. Buckle looked back at her, surprise in his face.
“Huh?”
“One of the people from that camp did come by. And it was my husband’s half-brother.”
Buckle sat back, leaning against the foot of couch. Britney sat in front of him, pulling at his sock, blissfully unaware of anything else around her. Megan continued talking.
“He was really sick. Spots and blisters all over his face. He started rambling, I didn’t know what was wrong with him, he started clawing at his face. And then he started saying these weird things. Like how I was dead, everybody was supposed to be dead, and how Blake…”
Megan paused. She felt like she should want to cry, but oddly, no tears came. She felt strong. Her eyes burned a little, but there was no knot in her throat.
“How Blake had been an idiot and that Britney was probably dead. I shot him. I couldn’t help him. Let him in the village.”
“No, you couldn’t. You did the right thing, Megan.”
“The thing is...I didn’t want to help him. And I didn’t even think about it when I pulled the trigger. When he was talking like that, I just wanted him to be quiet. He left when Blake got sick. Didn’t even say a proper goodbye and just shouted at him through the door. Lewis was a bad person. Even before the pox.”
“Bad people usually don’t get any better during bad times,” Buckle said. “Sometimes. But not usually.”
“I buried him out there in the woods. Didn’t tell anyone.”
“I saw the grave.”
“Did anyone else say anything?”
Buckle shook his head. Megan was quiet after her question. It felt like she was hiding a murder. Well, that’s what she was doing, wasn’t it? She had shot someone in the head and didn’t want anyone to know about it. The fact that she wouldn’t get arrested didn’t make it any more right.
“You did the right thing,” Buckle repeated, as if he could read Megan’s thoughts. “What else could you done?”
“I don’t know...but there had to be other options, right?”
“Let him wander up to the barricade and get shot by someone else? I don’t know if that’s any more right than doing it yourself.”
“I guess….”
“Times are different now. More complicated. Sometimes the right choice just means the only choice. It doesn’t really look “right,” like in the normal sense. But normal doesn’t mean what it used to.”
Megan thought about what Buckle had said for a long time. They both sat in the quiet, watching Britney yank on Buckle’s socks and the dogs playfully fight over a piece of rawhide. Sometimes they could hear the wind when it blew by in a particularly strong gust. It sounded hollow, like an echo in a cave. Once it nearly roared, rushing back surprisingly fast, so the dogs jumped up and howled back. It was like they were answering the echo.
Time passed and Amy’s delivery date approached. Her condition did not improve, but did not worsen to the point where Megan became seriously worried. She poured over the homebirth and midwifery literature, searching for natural remedies for nausea, constipation, headaches, muscle pain, and fatigue. When she wasn’t in the garden, taking care of Britney, or sewing, she imagined the birth in her mind over and over again. What would she do if “x” happened? Or “y?” Megan folded and refolded the towels they planned on using and kept checking to make sure they had a clean shower curtain. The arrangement with Fisher’s farm had been working well and Mineral Point now had its own chickens, rooster, and horses to shorten their journey back and forth. Unfortunately, Amy could not enjoy the fresh eggs as they discovered eggs made her sick. She could, however, eat plain cooked chicken, which due to its isolation, had not risked exposure to the pox. Derek’s anxiety stayed pretty much the same; the horses and chickens made him feel better, but seeing Amy so consistently tired and sick was wearing Derek down. He was even getting some white hairs. At first they just looked like the light had caught his hair at an angle, but by July, he had one significant patch on his left side that made denial impossible.
It was a Tuesday morning and Derek had just looked in a mirror for the first time in weeks. He came out asking about the white hairs.
“How long has it been this thick?”
“I don’t know,” Buckle said casually. “I haven’t really noticed it.”
“Oh, ha ha,” Derek said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”
“It’s not that obvious, Dad,” Adam said, agreeing with his uncle. “If you keep talking about it, yeah, I see it, but we look at you all the time. You just saw it, it’s new for
you.”
Derek saw Adam’s point. He pulled at the patch a little - possibly testing to see if he could just pull out the hairs completely - but thought better of it. Shrugging, he sat at the table and opened a can of juice.
“How’s Amy?” Buckle asked.
“Asleep. She had a rough night.”
Derek took a swig of the juice and smacked his lips cartoonishly.
“Getting close,” Buckle said, looking around at everyone.
“Yup,” Derek said.
Megan could tell he was deflecting. He didn’t want to talk about it. Megan didn’t blame him. Derek had poured over the books as much as Megan had and had been overwhelmed. After breaking it down, he felt better, but impatient.
“I just want the baby to get here,” he kept saying.
Megan understood his sentiment, but having a newborn had its own challenges, of course. Derek was fully aware of them, but he could only handle one stage at a time. Let the baby come and then Derek could deal with it.
Megan finished feeding Britney and took her outside. It was going to be a hot day. The soil in the garden had already heated up and felt like a casserole fresh from the oven. Annie was there, harvesting radishes and spinach.
“Good morning!” she said brightly.
“Hey, Annie.”
“How’s our glowing mama-to-be today?”
“Asleep, right now. Gotta be rested up. Due date is coming up.”
“Are you guys nervous?”
“Of course,” Megan replied. “I’ve been reading so much I have all the information memorized, but actually physically delivering a baby is not like reading about it.”
“How is Derek doing?”
“Oh, you know. The same. Anxious. Impatient.”
Annie smiled. She cut a large leaf of spinach from the plant with her knife and picked off a few blackened edges.
“Poor guy,” Annie murmured.
Megan was about to respond when Adam burst out the door. Startled, Megan caught her breath and laughed hoarsely.
“Geez, you scared me!” she scolded.
“Mom is going into labor!” Adam cried.
“What?”
“She’s having contractions. Dad is freaking out!”
Band of Preppers (Book 2): Life is Hope Page 11