by Dawn Napier
Beyond the bars was nothing but rushing blackness. Megan rolled over onto her side and looked out into the Place Between. It was spooky to see such infinite blackness with no stars.
"Paige?" she asked. All was still and silent.
"Paige, are you around here, honey?" Megan sat up and looked around. Then she was knocked forward as a wiry little body slammed into her back in a hug reminiscent of her wild ride through the Place Between.
"Mommy! Mommy Mommy you're here, you're here! Bio Mommy said you'd come, and you came! You came you actually came to get me!"
Megan managed to turn around and hug her daughter, and she burst into tears of relief and joy. It was her, it was really Paige. It felt like her, smelled like her; this was the most real anything had felt since she'd first fallen down the rabbit hole. She had her daughter back. Now she could finally go home to Brian and Jenna. Everything would be all right now.
"Paige honey, are you ready to go home?"
Megan felt Paige's braids slap her face and neck as she shook her head. "We have to help Meggie Moo first."
"Who's Meggie Moo? Your imaginary friend?" The name rang a bell, but Megan couldn't place it. Had Paige and Jenna invented Meggie Moo the way she and Debbie had invented Jack Benimble?
"No, she's real like me. Sort of. But she's lost. You gotta help me help her."
"Well, where is she?" Megan's neck and arms prickled with misgiving. She swallowed. She didn't want this. No more distractions. She just wanted to go home for fuck's sake. Hadn't she done enough, been through enough, to justify a happy ending?
"She's in here with us. She's right over there."
Megan strained in the dim light, and she managed to make out a small human form huddled in the corner of the cage. "Meggie Moo?" she asked. "Is that your name?" She scooted a little closer.
Meggie Moo lifted her head and looked at her. Megan stared back. She felt she shouldn’t be surprised, not after everything she'd seen and been through. But there were some things a person just couldn't experience without some degree of shock. One of them was coming face to face with one's ten year old doppelganger.
"Who are you?" Meggie Moo asked.
Same scraggly brown hair that never was cut evenly because Mom didn't like spending money at the hairdresser's. Pink and blue striped shirt that Megan had hated but never had the guts to admit to Mom, so she'd been forced to wear it at least once a week until she had mercifully outgrown it. Saddle shoes. Insanely, obnoxiously cute saddle shoes. How she'd hated them.
"I'm you," Megan whispered. Her lungs felt flat and airless.
"Why are you so old?"
Megan straightened. Indignation, she found, was a great mood-stabilizer. "I'm a grown-up. You'll grow up someday, and you'll look just like me."
Meggie Moo shook her head. "Nah. I'm locked up in here. Not ever gonna grow up. Stay a kid forever and ever and ever…" She trailed off and put her head down into her folded arms.
Meggie Moo. She'd completely forgotten about that ridiculous nickname. Meggie Moo had been demoted to the back of the bottom of Megan's mental closet years ago. Until now.
Paige patted Megan's arm. "We gotta help her. She needs to go back home."
"Where's her home?" The only place in Far Faraway that looked like home was Megan's old house, the place with all the dirt and spiders. That was no place for a child.
Paige said, "I don't know. But she said she wants to go home. So we gotta help her."
"How do we do that?" Megan felt stupid.
"Meggie Moo!" Paige spoke sharply, in a matronish tone that sounded similar to Megan's stern Mommy voice.
Meggie Moo looked up at Paige. "What?"
"Where's your home?"
"I dunno." Her eyes slipped away again.
This was getting nowhere, but Megan was deeply frustrated. "We need to get back to Jack and Debbie," she said. "They'll know what to do."
"Debbie?" Meggie Moo's eyes finally came to life. "You know where Debbie is?"
"Yeah, I rescued her from some sharks. And then from our crazy Mom's room. She's up there. Sort of." Megan looked around. She wasn't actually sure which way was up in this featureless cage.
"I need to get Debbie! She's lost, and she needs me. Can you take me to her?"
"Right away." Megan put out a hand gingerly, feeling awkward about touching the child version of herself. In a science fiction story, they would both implode on contact. Megan shoved the thought out of her head. She was surrounded by pure potential energy and did not need to accidentally cause a cataclysm.
Meggie Moo took her hand and shook it solemnly. "So you'll take me to Debbie?" In the vague light surrounding the cage, her eyes now had a trace of sparkle.
"Yeah. We just need to find a way out of this cage. Where's the lock?"
“No lock," Paige said. "It's all bars all around. I looked. Meggie Moo looked too. We both looked."
Of course. More fucking riddles. "Meggie, do you have any ideas?" She remembered having tons of ideas when she'd been a child; maybe Meggie Moo had something she could use.
"No. I got a key, though." Meggie Moo pulled a black skeleton key out of her jeans pocket. "Just no lock."
Megan touched the bars of the cage, felt around from top to bottom. They were just far enough apart to squeeze her fingers through, but she only touched cool air. Up and down, left and right, the cage was nothing but featureless iron bars. Meggie Moo was right. There was no lock, no way to use the key.
Well, they were still in the Place Between Words, still surrounded by unformed potential. The dark energy had helped her get here; surely it could help her leave.
Megan closed her eyes and thought, Take us to Jack and Debbie.
There was a sickening lurch, and Megan felt the cage tilt. The girls screamed, and Megan fell and bashed her head against a bar. Her vision lit up with red and gold stars, and she let out a shout.
"Sorry!" Megan rubbed her forehead. It felt hot and swollen. "Everyone okay?"
"Yeah," they said in unison, sounding exactly like sisters. Maybe, in a way, they were.
Well, shit. Megan sighed. One thing after another. Somehow she had to get them all out of this cage and back to Jack and Debbie. Could nothing in this godforsaken place be simple?
Or—wait a minute. Maybe she could do this another way. Bring Jack and Debbie into the cage with us, she thought. There was a pop.
"Where are we?" Debbie asked.
"Megan? What did you do?" Jack asked hoarsely.
"We're stuck in this cage," Megan told him. "Can you help us get out?"
"I can't do anything here. We're in the Place Between Worlds. I told you what would happen to me!"
Jack Benimble held up his hands. They were normal, just a regular young man's hands, but as Megan watched, they seemed to darken and fade. Traces of pale dust drifted away into the dark.
"I forgot." Megan felt herself pale. "Oh my God. Maybe I can fix it."
Make Jack be all right! she thought fiercely. Build him up, make him strong. Make him be all right, even here!
Did Jack brighten a bit? Maybe. But it was like building a sand castle underwater. Anything she did would be a stopgap solution. They had to figure this out fast and get him out of here.
"Why aren't Debbie and Meggie fading?" she asked.
"Because they're real." Jack's voice was wispy, as though he had laryngitis.
"How can they be real? Debbie and I grew up. These little girls aren't us anymore. They're just memories."
"There's no such thing as just memories." Jack coughed. His black hair was fading to grey. "They're as real as you are. Like a kidney is real even after it's been cut out."
Jack was trying to tell her something, she could tell. His eyes had that bright, frantic look that she remembered from their first meeting. More of Debbie's gag order, no doubt.
"Like a kidney… I cut her out of me," Megan said. "Didn't I?" She looked at the blonde-haired child with the distant eyes. She looked like she was daydreaming about som
ething wonderful.
Jack nodded and coughed again. His motley was fading to washed-out white. Megan couldn't see his bells at all now.
"I didn't even remember that stupid nickname. Because I made myself forget."
Jack nodded again.
"What happened to your bells?"
"They stopped working when you forgot everything." Jack sounded like he was whispering through an echo chamber.
"I'm sorry." Megan turned to Meggie Moo. "Come here, sweetheart. I'm sorry I did this to you." She held out her arms. "Are you ready to go home?"
Meggie Moo got up and threw herself into Megan's arms. It hurt; the child's touch burned like acid, and Megan stifled a scream. Tears prickled her eyes, but Megan forced herself to breathe through the pain. Meggie Moo pressed her cheek against Megan's neck, and it was like a branding iron on her skin. But Megan breathed, and she endured the pain. After all, it was her pain. This was over twenty five years' worth of emotional Novocain wearing off.
The pain sank down under her skin and set her insides afire. She tried not to cry; she didn't want to frighten Paige. But it hurt, it hurt like no other pain on earth. The pain of the fertility tests, even the multiple miscarriages, were like a paper cut compared to this. It was as though she'd swallowed a gallon of kerosene—and then swallowed a lit match.
Finally the pain began to fade. The burning agony faded to a dull throb, and Megan was able to breathe a little easier. It still hurt, but this pain was bearable. This was pain she could live with.
Meggie Moo was gone. Megan touched her chest, and she felt something bright and alive move within. She smiled. "She's home," she said.
Jack smiled weakly, and he held up his wrists. Bright silver bells jangled musically, and Megan's smile widened. "Your bells are working again," she said.
Jack nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.
"Thank you."
Then he faded away and was gone.
Megan's smile faded. "Jack?"
Silence.
"Jack?"
Still nothing.
"Jack Benimble, Jack be quick! I need your help now, speedy quick!" she shouted.
Still no answer. He really was gone this time. Dissolved back into the nothingness from which he had come. Megan put her hands over her face and burst into tears. The living ache in her breast twisted like a worm.
Paige patted her shoulder. "It's okay, Mama," she said. "He went home, like Meggie Moo. Right?"
Megan wiped her eyes and sniffed noisily. She might be back in touch with her inner child, but she still shouldn't be sitting here wailing about her imaginary friend when two real little girls needed her.
"Right, baby." She gave her daughter a watery smile. "Now we need to help someone else get home.
"How does that sound, Debbie?"
Debbie smiled faintly. "I do wanna go home."
"Then let's get out of here."
Megan reached into the pocket of her sweat pants and pulled out the black skeleton key. The cage door was right in front of her, and the lock was huge and square. Megan inserted the key, and when she turned it, there was a satisfying click. The cage door swung open.
She took both little girls by the hand and said, "Debbie!"
No answer, but there was a pause in the omnipresent breeze. As though something were listening.
"Debbie, I want to come back!" she called. "Bring me into your room, okay? Please?"
Something shoved her from behind, and she fell forward into the darkness. Paige and Debbie held on tightly to her hands, and they fell with her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
They fell together in a huddled mass of arms and legs, but the fall was not so far this time. They landed with a thump on Debbie's soft pink bed. Paige and Debbie rolled away and lay on their backs. "That's cool!" Paige whispered.
The ceiling was cool, Megan had to admit, if one was into pink fluff. She hadn't noticed it on her last visit: the intricately painted flowers, puppies, and frolicking children. It was a bit busy for Megan's taste, but she saw how a little girl would be enchanted.
Most of the children looked like Debbie or Megan. Here and there were a few boys that Megan thought represented their next-door neighbors, Tim and Scott. Megan barely remembered them; they'd moved to Germany with their father when he was stationed there. They'd been long gone by the time the bad thing had happened.
Megan rolled off the flouncy pink bed and landed on her feet. "Debbie?" she asked. "Where are you?"
Paige and Debbie sat up and looked around. "This place is awesome!" Debbie's inner child said breathlessly.
"What are they doing here?"
Megan turned around. Debbie stood directly behind her, with her arms crossed and her lower lip pooched out.
"We don't need anyone else here. We never needed any other kids playing with us. Why did you bring them here?"
Megan took Debbie's shoulders. They were stiff as iron. "You need to let her come home," she said. "That little girl is a part of you."
"She's dead. I drowned her in the Forgotten Sea. I forgot her, and now she's dead." Debbie shrugged Megan's hands away.
The room darkened, as though a cloud had passed across the sun. The air felt chilly.
"Debbie, you can't kill a part of yourself. I took her out of the Forgotten Sea, then I got her out of that closet you tried to lock her in. She's never going to die; she's just—"
"Shut up!"
"—going to keep coming back—"
"I said shut up!"
"—until you take her back into your heart! I know it hurts—"
Debbie slapped her across the face with her fingers slightly crooked so Megan could feel her nails as they re-opened the marks on her cheek. Just call me Scarface, she thought as she felt the blood trickle across her skin.
"You don't know pain," she hissed. "You don't even know what pain is. So fuck you. Get the fuck out of my world."
"No!" Megan grabbed her sister's hands. "I'm not leaving you again. I won't!"
Debbie shoved her away. "Fuck you!" she screamed.
A crack appeared in the floor between them. It was black and featureless, and a cold breeze puffed out.
"Debbie, come here!" Megan commanded. The little girl climbed off the bed and crept to Megan's side. She stared at her adult self with wide, awestruck eyes.
"That's you, Debbie," Megan told the child. The wind blew stronger and ruffled her hair. "Do you understand? That's you, all grown up."
Debbie nodded slightly. She bit her thumbnail.
"You two need to go back together. You need to be real, like me and Meggie Moo. Do you understand?"
Debbie nodded again, harder this time. Her wondering gaze became an expression of certainty. She understood.
Megan picked her up. "Get ready to grab her when I throw you," she whispered in Debbie's ear.
"Oh no you don't!" The adult Debbie stamped her foot on the pink carpet. "Don't you fuck with me! That little brat is dead!"
She pointed at Paige, who screamed. "NO!" Megan shouted, and she put Debbie down. But the crack of nothingness widened and shivered across the pink floor and up the side of the fluffy, perfect bed. Paige tried to scramble away, but the crack jerked open like a seam ripping, and she fell, screaming, into the Place Between Worlds.
"Paige!" Megan screamed, frantically thinking, I can get her back, I did it once I can do it again, I can get her back—
Then Paige reappeared. She clawed at the edge of the floor, scrambling for purchase on the fluffy pink carpeting. Megan ran to her daughter and hauled her the rest of the way up.
Behind her, propping up her child, was Sarah.
"Thank you," Megan breathed. She grabbed Paige and squeezed her so hard that she gasped.
Sarah smiled. Her face was smooth and youthful, and the rope burn was gone from her slender neck. This was the Sarah who should have been. "I finally helped my baby," she said. "I knew I could. I knew I wasn't just a no-good whore."
"Of course not." Megan's throat thick
ened, and she blinked. "You made two wonderful babies. You're not no-good at all. I should have told you while you were alive."
"It's all right. At least now I can get some rest." Sarah climbed out of the crevice and glanced over at the adult Debbie, frozen in shock and staring at them. "Now look at you. Don't you want a rest, too? You've been busy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Tearing apart this world and shoving people around like this. Don't you want to sleep?"
"I'm afraid," Debbie said softly.
"Of what, honey?"
"Will I go to hell?"
"Only hell that's real is the one we make to live in. What do you mean? You think you did something bad?"
"I told on Uncle Glen, and he went to prison. Some other guys killed him in there. He died because I told."
"Oh, you won't go to hell for that. You've already been there. Now come on. Give your little girl a hug and let's get a move on."
Megan picked the child Debbie up and stepped across the crack in the floor. It seemed smaller now, though she could still feel the cold wind. It smelled clean and fresh, like snowfall.
"Megan, I'm sorry," Debbie said.
"Hey." Megan grinned weakly. "This is a hell of a better story than anything I could make up."
Debbie turned to her inner child. "Are you ready?" she asked.
The little girl fell out of Megan's arms and landed with all her weight on Debbie's shoulders. Child Debbie and grown-up Debbie hugged and clung to each other like long-lost mother and child, and Megan could see their shoulders shake with silent sobs.
Their bodies began to glow, and Debbie cried out, "Oh, it hurts! It—" But she broke off as the glow brightened, and all Megan could hear was her frantic breathing and faint sobs. Megan remembered that pain well, and she touched her breast with sympathy. But Debbie's pain was much worse. It always had been.
Sarah stepped forward and put one hand on adult Debbie's trembling back. The glow brightened until they were white hot, like a miniature sun blazing in the middle of the bedroom. Megan closed her eyes and turned away, and black dots danced behind her eyelids.
After a moment, she peeked back, and where the two had stood was just Debbie, alive and whole and actually smiling a genuine smile at her. Megan couldn't remember when her sister had last worn anything but a sarcastic grin.