by Lori Foster
“How can you say that? You’re the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met.” Every time she revealed another piece of herself, Jett somehow felt more whole, as if each step closer to her helped to fill up the empty places inside him.
He shook his head at that morbidly poetic thought; damn it, he did not have empty places. What bullshit.
“No way.”
“You’re kidding right?” How could she be so unaware of herself? “Look at you. You’re sexy as hell, but you don’t seem to know it. You burn me up in bed, but outside of bed you’re this perfect little teacher.”
Her brows came down as if that someone insulted her. “Perfect little teacher?”
Jett laughed. “So many contrasts with you.” Maybe that was it—the contrasts intrigued him. But… “I even enjoyed watching you interact with my family.”
She hesitated. “That was actually sort of scary.”
“Meeting my sisters?” Yeah, they were outgoing and often outrageous, but they weren’t bullies. “Why?”
Busying herself with arranging the food, Natalie spoke casually, maybe hoping he wouldn’t hear the gravity in her words. “Comparisons, I guess.”
Jett considered that. From what he’d learned, her family was the exact opposite of his. He had hoped the contrasts would show her how nice things could be. But maybe it hadn’t worked out like that. “Elaborate on that, will you?”
She took a drink of her cola and set his—with the straw inserted—in the cup holder. “I liked them. A lot. It was confusing but fun to be in the middle of the chaos your sisters create.”
Jett hadn’t considered things all that chaotic, not like when the whole clan got together. Holidays were especially nuts, but in a terrific way.
Natalie handed him his hot dog, and he ate it in two bites. She lifted his cola for him to take a drink then returned it to the cup holder.
As if they’d been coordinating this sort of thing for years, they worked in complete harmony. On a gut level, Jett had known that it would be like this with her. Hopefully this trip would convince her of the same.
But if he came on too strong, if he got too insistent, she’d bolt. He knew it. It was another of those contrasts he’d mentioned: she had no inhibitions in bed, but outside of sex, he’d never seen a woman so skittish of commitment.
Somewhere in her past, someone had hurt her.
Now, with the distant relationships of her family, she had few people to count on.
For at least the near future, he’d be by her side, protecting her, sharing with her, just being with her.
And with that thought in mind, Jett prompted, “The scary part?”
While gathering her thoughts, she fed him a chip. “Around our house, everything was always solemn and circumspect. After my mother left us, we usually only saw our father when he needed to lecture us on something or when his social affairs required that he trot out the sterling offspring.”
Jett felt sick at such an upbringing, but even more than that, the way she’d said her mother “left” them—not that she’d passed away but that she’d left—caused him concern.
“There were very few meals with my father,” Natalie told him, “but when he was there, it was silent. We were at the table to eat, not to joke, not to bother him. We had to show perfect manners.”
Yet she’d eaten pizza at his table with a stray dog under her feet. “That sucks.”
She lifted her hot dog in a salute. “For Dad, the idea of eating fast food in a car while traveling would be obscene.”
“Fuck it.” Fuck him. “I’m having a good time.”
Natalie laughed as she fed him another chip. “Me too.”
She didn’t realize he was dead serious. Bad weather and road conditions aside, he was finally getting her to open up. He’d brave hell for that, so what did icy roads matter?
“When we did see Dad at home, it was in passing, as he was on his way out to another appointment. Sometimes he’d be gone for days, even a week or more. He didn’t keep us apprised of his itinerary, but when he wasn’t around we just assumed he was off on business.”
“He sounds like an unfeeling prick.”
She laughed again, but this time there wasn’t much humor in the sound. “That about covers it.” Her laugh faded to a secret little smile.
Enjoying the sight of that, Jett asked, “What?”
“I was thinking of my sister.” She shook her head with the memory. “Dad’s library was one of the rooms off-limits to us, so of course, that’s where Molly liked to go. I told her I didn’t care about his stupid library, but the truth was, I didn’t dare go in there.”
Lethal rage put a stranglehold on Jett. “What would he have done if he’d found you there?”
Natalie stroked his arm in comfort. “He didn’t abuse us physically, Jett. Not ever. Dad’s idea of punishment was a threat to separate us.”
And since they had only each other, that threat would be worse than anything else. “Separate you how?”
“Boarding school, summer camp, things like that. Looking back, I realize those were idle threats because Dad never spent money on things like that for us. He says that he wanted us to grow up independent of his wealth and social standing. He wanted us to make our own way.”
“So you attended public school?”
“Yes. We aced classes and we were always well dressed, because anything less would have reflected on him. But the extracurricular stuff that helps you bond with peers, like band or dance or drama…no way. I think that’s why Molly turned to books.”
“As an escape?”
“Yes. And it turned out well since she’s now a very popular writer.”
Jett could hear the pride whenever Natalie talked of her sister, but he knew that Natalie must have been equally influenced by the conditions of her life. “Why’d you become a teacher?”
The defroster ran on high, and still it could barely keep the ice off the windshield. More and more cars and trucks were showing up in ditches and over the median. Buddy now treated them to the resonance of a doggy snore. The weather outside the SUV served to blanket them in a unique form of intimacy. Jett could almost hear his own heartbeat, and hers.
For only a moment she looked out the side window, but then she turned her gaze back to Jett, searching for understanding, for things he desperately wanted to give her.
“I always remembered how it felt,” she whispered. “All though school, I was different when I shouldn’t have been. Unlike the kids who had real issues, my life was charmed.”
Would she always be so hard on herself? “Your issues were real.”
Natalie shook her head, and her hands fisted. “Not really, not like the kid who’s being physically abused at home, or the child with a physical or mental deformity. Even compared to the kids who were just unpopular because they weren’t as pretty or as well-to-do as some of the others, I was better off.” She stared at Jett. “Kids can be so damn cruel, when being a kid is hard enough.”
That bothered Jett because for him, life had been pretty fantastic. He couldn’t remember ever being singled out for any unfavorable reason. Usually just the opposite.
His classmates had liked him; he’d been one of the popular kids.
He’d done his fair share to combat bullies, and whenever possible he’d gone out of his way to befriend the kids who were ostracized. But then, he’d had parents who taught him sympathy and compassion in the same way that they’d encouraged him in everything from sports to education to…any damn thing he’d ever wanted to do.
“So like my sister, I’m glad for what my upbringing brought me. It’s taught me how to recognize the kids who are really troubled, and now I’m in a position to help. At least most of the time.”
“Most of the time?”
“There was one boy…he was so withdrawn, so antagonistic. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. He wouldn’t confide in me, and I couldn’t reach his mother on the phone.” She squeezed her eyes sh
ut. “He was homeless, Jett. His dad had passed away and his mother took off on her own, and he had…no one.”
Despite the treacherous conditions of the icy road, Jett reached for her hand. “You can’t know everything about everybody, honey. Kids are good at hiding things, especially when they feel shamed by their circumstances.”
Natalie nodded without conviction. “Only a few days after I went to the administration to request that they somehow get hold of his parents, they found his body in an alley. Accidental overdose, they said.”
Jett cursed softly, hurting for Natalie and for the boy who’d been neglected. “Nothing hits you like the death of a kid.”
Her hand clutched his hard. “You say that like a man with personal experience.”
“Yeah.” He shifted, uncomfortable with some memories. “I’ve been hired to find plenty of runaways.” And those were always the most urgent cases for him. “Sometimes the end result is good, sometimes not.”
To let her know that he did understand, Jett expounded on one experience. “There was this mom who hired me to locate her thirteen-year-old daughter. The girl had left home and was missing for three weeks.”
“You found her?”
He’d found her all right—and thank God that he had. “She wanted no part of going home. Turns out, her stepdaddy was a sick fuck.”
“Oh God.” Natalie curled a fist to her mouth. “That poor girl.”
“Yeah. When I told the mother, she refused to believe it. She even accused the girl of just wanting to ruin her happiness.” It sickened Jett to remember how incredulous the mother had been, how she’d accused her daughter of lying.
Stupid bitch.
Head turned in suspicion, Natalie asked, “What did you do?”
“I wanted to do exactly what you’re thinking I did.”
“Beat him to a pulp?”
“Yeah. But that wouldn’t have helped the kid any, so instead, hard as it was, I followed the law to the letter. I went to the authorities—and I took her with me.”
Natalie let out a breath. “I’m so glad you didn’t leave her there.”
“That wasn’t an option. I told her if she came with me, I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her—and I meant it.” Even with the proper people who handled such things, he hadn’t wanted to let her out of his sight. “She was placed in foster care, but she kept my card with my number in case shit went south again.”
Arrested, Natalie stared at him in near awe. “She’s okay now?”
“Yeah.” He couldn’t help but smile. “She’s…let’s see. Almost fifteen now. So she’s been with these foster parents for over a year. They love her and she adores them. She still has some issues.” He glanced at Natalie with meaning. “You know, you don’t just get over stuff that bad. But she’s doing great.”
“You still talk with her?”
Jett shrugged. “Sure. She keeps in touch, and I do the same.” He’d sent her a card on her birthday, and sometimes he sent her cards just for the hell of it, those goofy cards meant to give a smile.
“You’re amazing, Jett.”
“What?” Blustering at the compliment, he shook his head. “No, don’t go that route. That’s not the point I was trying to make. I was showing what a difference it can mean to kids if someone cares the way you do.”
“Thanks. But you’re still amazing.” She smiled and seemed to draw her thoughts together. “Your sisters are amazing, too. Confident and beautiful and fun. They’re happy, anyone can see that.”
He spoke with utter sincerity, saying, “You’re all those things too.”
Her silly smile told him that she didn’t believe him. “My father is so…staid, that around our house we never had the unrestrained conversation and laughter that happened today at the clinic. I enjoyed it. I would have taken part if I’d known how.”
Deciding that he’d make it so, Jett said, “You’ll learn how, I promise.”
“And then what?” She watched him in that curious way of hers, her gaze wary and hopeful at once. “I get used to your wonderful family, I get used to you, and then if things don’t work out…” She lifted her shoulders in question.
Back to square one, damn it. Jett squeezed the steering wheel. “I would never hurt you, Natalie.”
“Not on purpose, no. I believe that.” She sounded so reasonable, so detached that it made him nuts and made him want her. “I meant what I said, Jett. You’re wonderful. In so many ways.”
Because he knew she drew unfavorable comparisons, it put his teeth on edge. “You’re wonderful too, damn it.”
Instead of replying to that, she said, “The differences in our families are pretty stark.” She wadded up the garbage from their meal and stuffed it all into one bag. “I assume you know that already, being you’re a sleuth and all that.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re on thin ice, lady. One more crack about me snooping—”
Her mood lightened at his feigned temper. “You did snoop!”
“Smartass.” He grinned at her. “I don’t know everything about you, not by a long shot. But even with what I do know, I’d still like to hear details from you.”
She sobered. “So…you don’t know about my mother?”
The new tension in her tone felt like a fist closing around his heart. “I know she died when you were young. That’s all.” He’d seen no reason to delve beyond that, seeing it as grave enough, awful enough, without added details.
Natalie sat silent for so long that Jett hurt for her. “I was nine the first time my mother tried to kill herself.”
Jett caught his breath on a wave of pain. How hard would that be for a sensitive little girl? “Damn, Natalie. I’m sorry.”
“She threw herself off a bridge. Twice, actually. The first time she failed because there was a rescue team doing drills in the river below her.” Natalie’s mouth twisted with pain and sarcasm. “Perfect timing, right? They fished her out, ruining her dramatic display.”
Oh God. “Honey…”
“I think she was pretty miserable. At least, that’s what Molly has always told me, that Mom didn’t hate us, but that she was an unhappy woman who didn’t know how to make herself happy.” She frowned a little. “Living with my father could make anyone miserable, I’m sure.”
He gave silent thanks she’d had Molly to help diffuse some of the hurt. Though her sister couldn’t have been much older herself, he knew they’d comforted each other.
When he finally got to meet her sister, he planned to give her a big hug of gratitude.
“But I don’t blame Dad entirely.” Natalie’s words were filled with contempt, but her expression was wounded. “I mean, if Mom did hate him so much, why would she leave her daughters with him, you know? Why didn’t she just divorce him and take us with her?”
“I don’t know.” Damn, he needed to get to a hotel so he could hold her. Highway lamps flickered on, and headlights barely cut through the growing darkness. The six-hour trip had turned into eight, and they needed to get settled, to eat real food, to stretch. “Everyone is different, baby. Some people aren’t as strong as others.”
“Molly thinks I’m strong. She always says that, so I guess she really believes it.”
“I’d agree.” It definitely took great inner strength to survive so much unhappiness and still have her tender heart and gentle understanding intact.
“Back when Mom died, Molly seemed so much older, and I really relied on her. But there’s only three years separating us.” She stared off into the distance. “She’s more than my sister. She’s my best friend, too.”
“I’m glad the two of you are so close.”
She didn’t seem to hear him. “After Mom jumped off that bridge, she spent a long time in a really exclusive hospital. You know the type, where you pay through the nose to be pampered, and they cater to your every wish.”
Jett didn’t know what to say, so he nodded.
“I hated visiting her there, especially since Dad would be the one to take us. T
he entire day would be ruined with friction, condescension and strained civility. At home, Mom and Dad barely talked, but while she was in the hospital he spent all his time telling her that she was being selfish and weak and that she’d embarrassed him.” Natalie laughed in that humorless, sad way again. “Nurses overheard him but said nothing since he was paying the bills, and that embarrassed me. It still embarrasses me.”
“It shouldn’t. Your parents are not you.”
“But that’s pretty much what my family is, you know? Awkward and ugly and cold.”
He understood now why she avoided talking about them. “That had to be hell on a kid.”
She drew a slow deep breath. “After Mom came home again, Molly kept saying that she’d be okay. I don’t know if she believed that or if she was just trying to protect me. Or maybe she wanted to convince herself.”
Jett had wanted her to open up to him, but now he almost couldn’t bear it. “She wasn’t okay.”
“Far from it. And regardless of what Molly had said, neither of us was real surprised when she took another jump off a bridge, this time over a highway.”
Jett cursed low.
“There was no fishing her out that time.” She stared down at her hands. “It was a gory, headline-worthy scandal, and that’s what Dad was mostly put out over. Not once did I see him cry or get emotional over any of it. I honestly don’t think any woman—or maybe even any person—has ever meant that much to him.”
Not even his daughters. The idea left Jett furious. “Parents should be there for their kids.”
She nodded. “Being a teacher, I see mostly good parents who really love their children. They’re not perfect and they make mistakes, but not because they don’t care—just because they’re human.”
“Making mistakes is the biggest part of being in a family. But when you love each other, a few mistakes are easily forgiven.” Even as he said it, he wondered about her relationship with her sister. “Have you and Molly had any differences?”
“I really despised Adrian.” She winced, as if guilty. “Molly said that I didn’t think anyone was good enough for her, but that’s not true. I want her to be happy, and if she’d married Adrian, I’d have made the best of it.”