Sealing both the championship and his victory over my brother.
As the whole stadium erupts in cheers and laughter and happiness, I sit in my spot tense and shocked, afraid.
So afraid.
My eyes are glued to two of the most important people in my life.
He is that, isn’t he?
Somehow Reed Roman Jackson, my Roman, has become one of the most important people in my life and I don’t want to keep him a secret.
This is another thing that I’ve been feeling ever since last night.
Along with this premonition, I’ve been wanting to tell my brothers about him. Make them understand that he’s not as bad as they all think he is.
But like yesterday at practice when they fought, Reed is in no mood to be good.
Even though he’s gotten the thing that he wanted, the title of reigning champion, his mood is so black and so bitter that even I can feel it from here.
Even I can feel his fury.
And the only thing that matches Reed’s fury and his agitated breaths as he glares at my brother while the Mustang camp of the team pats him on the back, is Ledger.
He matches Reed’s black mood.
In fact, he’s surpassed it.
And it’s nothing new, see.
Reed has always been the one to provoke my brother and my brother has always been the one to give in to it.
So this scene shouldn’t be too alarming, but it is for so many reasons, and when Ledger closes the distance between them, I can’t sit still.
And neither can Tempest, who’s also been glued to her spot through all the happiness and enthusiasm around us. Together, we manage to grapple through the thick, happy crowd and bound down the stairs to get to the front.
So we can see what’s happening.
So we can see if our brothers are okay.
God, please let them be okay.
Please.
I’m chanting it in my head all through the journey that should’ve only been a few seconds but takes an age due to the excited and exiting crowd.
When we do reach our destination, I exhale a relieved breath.
But it only lasts for a few seconds.
Because the moment we get to the front and have a clear view of the field, somehow, someway, he sees me.
His eyes fall on me through the incoming crowd, through all the chaos, and I don’t know what I see in the depths of them.
I don’t understand the intense emotion reflected in them and it scares me even more.
It scares me that as he runs his eyes over my body it feels like the last time. Like he’ll never see me again after this.
Like this is goodbye.
Before I can do anything about it, jump the fence and run to him or something like that, my brother turns to look at me too.
And as soon as his eyes fall on me, that dark brown that I’ve known for as long as I’ve lived and that has never ever looked at me with anything less than affection even when we’ve fought, I take a step back.
My knees tremble.
There’s such hatred in them.
Such thick and pervasive betrayal that I don’t know how to breathe.
I don’t know how to live on to the next moment, and then he turns back around and before I can even blink, he punches Reed in the face.
That punch is all it takes.
It makes the already wild crowd go wilder and crazier and a riot breaks out.
On the field, in the bleachers and like yesterday at practice, everyone is on everyone. Only this is much, much bigger in scale and much more horrifying.
So much so that I think I’ll get crushed under it.
Under the mad crowd and the insanity.
Somehow I don’t though because Tempest grabs my hand and pulls me away. She drags me through the crowd, dodging people and keeping a firm grip on my hand.
I’m thankful for it.
Because if it wasn’t for her, I’d be on the ground. My legs wouldn’t hold me under the weight of my brother’s gaze.
Under the weight of his gaze too.
The guy I’m in love with.
I’m in love with him, aren’t I?
I love Reed and God, I don’t know what just happened and I…
Finally, I can breathe because we’re out at the entrance now. It’s not as if the crowd has thinned out but the space is more open and air is easier to get.
I see security flooding onto the field, where the fight is still going on.
I can’t see Ledger or Reed and I turn to Tempest, with a pounding heart. “I need to go find them.”
“Wait, what about your show?” she asks, still holding on to my arm.
Oh.
My show.
That’s about to start in less than ten minutes and they must be wondering where I went.
“I don’t… I need to find out what happened. I need to… I need to go.”
I let go of her hand and enter the field.
I start running toward the huddle, which is slowly getting controlled by security and teachers and coaches.
But I don’t make it too far because I see someone I recognize.
Conrad.
My oldest brother.
He’s somehow emerged from the huddle and is now marching toward me.
In fact, he’s almost here and he looks furious. I’m used to him looking all intimidating and large but when he wears a suit with a tie — which he only does for championship games — he appears even scarier.
But I can’t let that deter me.
I need to know what happened. What Reed said and why Ledger looked at me like he hated me.
When Con reaches me, I immediately break out with my questions. “What happened? I…” I glance to the crowd. “Is Ledger okay? Is… What happened, Con?”
My oldest brother grinds his jaw as he looks down at me, and even though his navy blue eyes don’t hold the same hatred, my heart shrivels even more.
“Con, what happened? Please tell me. I –”
My brother grabs my arm then and starts dragging me away from the commotion.
I look back but still can’t see Ledger or Reed or get any indication if they’re going to be okay.
“What are you doing?” I ask my brother as I turn back around. “What… Con.”
He comes to a halt in a relatively quiet and isolated spot along the bleachers, his face all tight and bunched. “You’ve been lying to us. You’ve been lying to Ledger.”
“What?”
He stares at me for a beat before shaking his head. “All this time, we trusted you. I trusted you. I gave you everything you asked for. Every freedom, every comfort. And you’ve been lying. All those late practice hours.” He shakes his head again. “I thought you were smarter than this, Callie. I thought my sister was…”
His jaw tics as he plows his hand through his hair and I watch him, watch my brother’s face, drenched in disappointment.
I watch his face tighten with anger and betrayal.
Betrayal that I caused. That he somehow found out about.
God, he found out about it.
He somehow knows.
And with trembling lips, I have to ask, “How did you…”
“The boy you were lying for all this time, he was bragging about you on the field.”
I’ll brag about how pretty their sister looked the next day…
That’s why Ledger looked so betrayed, didn’t he?
That’s why there was so much hatred in his eyes when he looked at me.
No, no, no.
He wouldn’t do that. He promised me.
He promised.
He wouldn’t break his promise like this.
He wouldn’t.
I somehow pull myself together and say, “There has to be a reason. There has to be an explanation.”
“Explanation.”
I flinch at Con’s angry voice but still, I grab his arm and plead with him
, “Con, he’s not like that. He’s not. I know you hate him. I know Ledger hates him too but he’s not all bad. He’s not. You don’t know him like I do. You don’t…” I gather my scattered breaths again. “I was going to tell you, I promise. I was. I just… I’m sorry that I lied. I’m so sorry. But Con, there has to be an explanation for this. If I could just –”
“Enough,” he snaps, making me shut my mouth and let go of his arm. Then he pulls in a deep breath, as if to calm himself. “We’ll talk about this later, you understand? Go back to your show right now. You’ve got a show, remember?”
“I don’t care about the show, Con. I need to see if Ledger’s okay and I need to talk –”
“All you need to do is go back to the show. You need to go dance and we’ll talk about this later, got it?” he orders. “Straight to your show, Callie. You’re done wasting your time on him.”
I watch him from across the space.
He’s sitting on an overcrowded couch with a bunch of his friends. There are girls in the mix, of course. But he’s not paying attention to any of them.
In fact, all his attention is on his bottle.
The same one as yesterday. The liquor that looks like water, vodka.
Even though he’s focusing on the alcohol, I’m still jealous of all the girls around him. I’m still jealous that they’re trying to get his attention like they always do.
I want his attention.
I just don’t know how to get it.
I’m too afraid to walk up to him.
I’m too afraid to ask him.
I’m too afraid...
Come on, Callie. Do it.
That’s what you came here for, right?
Right.
That’s why I abandoned my show and came to this place.
This place outside of my town where this strange party is happening and Reed is in attendance.
After Con told me to go back to the show, Tempest found me again. She dragged me away from the crowd and took me to a quiet place, away from the stadium.
Away from all the people, from all the violence.
Even she knew I couldn’t dance like this.
She stayed with me as I cried and shook.
As my whole body was wracked with waves and waves of chills.
She stayed with me as I ran through a thousand different scenarios in my head. As I went over what I saw and what Con told me and what I know.
What I know in my heart about Reed.
About my Roman.
I’m not sure how long I stayed like that, huddled into myself with Tempest rubbing my back and my arms.
All I know is that when I could gather my strength, I asked her to find him.
I asked her to take me to him.
And despite vehemently disagreeing with it at first and saying that I needed to go home and take care of myself, she brought me here.
She said that she saw it on social media. Someone had tagged Reed on Instagram, saying that he was at a party outside of Bardstown.
So that’s where I am, at a party, watching the guy I’m in love with chugging down vodka, surrounded by a drunk crowd.
I try to make myself move.
I try to make myself call out his name, wave at him, do something to catch his attention. But I’m just frozen in my spot, too scared to move.
A second later though, I don’t have to.
Because as always, he senses me.
He looks up from the bottle and his eyes land on me instantly and they start to glow.
His wolf eyes.
They sparkle as he stands up from the couch and starts walking toward me, leaving everything behind.
The crowd parts for him as he approaches me, his gaze growing heavier and more intense with every step he takes.
The moment he reaches me and stops, I realize that he’s wearing all black.
I don’t know why that’s important.
I don’t know why I’m thinking about his black t-shirt paired with dark jeans. I don’t know why I find his black leather jacket intimidating and dangerous, but I do.
I’m thinking about how all this darkness makes his vampire skin come alive.
How his bruises, old and new, come alive as well.
How he’s too beautiful for words.
Too otherworldly. Too gorgeous.
He looks down at me with a strange kind of tenderness as he takes in my costume, my make-up that’s ruined now, and my blonde hair twisted into a bun, which again is ruined, strands hanging around my face in tatters.
But the way his eyes melt at the sight of me makes me think that I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.
It makes me think that I’m too beautiful for words. Too otherworldly. Too gorgeous.
“Fae,” he whispers roughly, drunkenly. “You’re here.”
“Roman –”
“You look like a fairy,” he says over me, bringing his hand up and tracing a finger down my cheek.
My mouth parts at his touch and the world disappears.
And I think, you look like a villain.
That’s what he looks like, isn’t it?
Dressed in black and dark bruises, the guy I’m in love with looks like a villain.
“Are you drunk?” I ask instead.
He looks down at the bottle in his hand. “A little.”
I swallow painfully. Thickly.
Fearfully.
“I won,” he says then, his busted lips stretching up in a smile.
A smile that looks so misplaced, so boyish and adorable on his sharp, villainous face.
“You –”
“I fucking won the game, Fae. I won. I’m the goddamn champion. Did you see?”
My eyes sting as I nod.
“You did, huh? I was pretty badass out there.” Chuckling, he takes a sip of his vodka. “More than your fucking brother.”
“What –”
“Hey, what about your show?” he asks, speaking over me again. “Fuck, did I miss it?”
“I don’t care about the show. I –”
“If after all that practice, I missed your first-class, fantastic show, then I’m an asshole. I’m a motherfucking asshole. You should be mad at me. Here.” He waves his free hand. “Hit me. Slap me in the face, Fae. Slap me in the fucking face –”
“No, Roman, listen to me.” I speak over him, putting an end to his drunken rambling. “What happened?”
He appears perplexed. “When?”
I shake my head. “On the field. What happened?” I swallow again. “God, look at you. You’re all banged up. What happened, Roman?”
He chuckles. “You should see the other guy.”
“What did you say to him?”
“What did I say to whom?”
I fist my hands for a second, trying to keep my wits about me. Then, “Roman, please, okay? Can you focus for a second? Just… please. What did you say to my brother? What did you say to Ledger? Why did he… Why did he punch you? Why did you guys fight?”
I’m not sure if he’s getting the gravity of the situation because his reaction is pretty casual.
His reaction is to squint his eyes slightly and shrug. “Ah, that. The fight.”
“What happened, Roman?”
He takes a gulp of his vodka, swallowing loudly. “Yeah, I might have mentioned something.”
My heart thuds. “W-what?”
He shrugs again. “I might’ve said something about me giving you a ride in my Mustang. About you loving it and fogging up my windows.” A frown. “Not in those words though. I was dirtier than that but you know what I mean.”
“Y-you what?”
Reed sighs then. “Look, I just wanted to piss him off, all right. He was gonna score. I had to do something. It was the championship game. My last chance to win.”
“Your last chance to win.”
“Yeah, I just wanted to win.” He bends down slightly. “But if it make
s you feel any better, I only won by two goals. Your brother was a worthy opponent. You should tell him that tonight. Tell him I said that. Tell him Reed said that he’s good. A real pain in my ass with how good he is. But you know, the best man won. Tell him to not cry too much in his pillow.”
There’s a pain in my chest. A massive, gigantic pain, but I power through.
I power through because this isn’t real, right?
This isn’t him.
This isn’t how he behaves.
He’s never this drunk. He’s never this… cruel.
He’s had plenty of opportunities to be cruel.
He’s had plenty of opportunities to be a player, a heartbreaker, to be all those things that they call him, but he’s never taken them.
No, this isn’t him.
He’s never broken a promise to me and I refuse to believe that he did now.
Even though I saw it with my own eyes. Even though I saw it in my brothers’ eyes, both Conrad’s and Ledger’s.
“What are you doing?” I burst out, desperately. “Why are you acting this way?
He thinks about it for a second. “I’m not acting.”
“You promised,” I remind him. “You made that pact with Ledger, remember? The pact that you were so crazy about. You promised you wouldn’t tell. You promised you wouldn’t use me against Ledger. You promised me that the first time I danced for you. You had tons of opportunities to do that but you never did and –”
“Right. I lied.”
“What?”
He drinks from his bottle again. “I lied. I made it all up.”
“You lied.”
“Yeah. I kinda do that.” He shrugs again. “One of my many bad habits but I try to love myself for who I am. I think self-acceptance is a very intriguing concept. It basically –”
I grab his t-shirt in my fists and snap, “Stop.”
Finally, I think I’ve jerked him awake.
Finally, I think he’s seeing me, hearing me.
So I tell him, “This isn’t you. This isn’t how you behave. I know it. I know. People are wrong about you. They think you’re selfish and you’re a jerk and you’re bad. But you’re not. You love your sister. You take care of her. You take care of me. You’re not cruel. You’re not. You protected me, Roman. Last night. I thought about it.”
I nod and fist his t-shirt even tighter. “I did. I thought about why you didn’t… have sex with me. It didn’t occur to me until after you dropped me off at the school parking lot. You were protecting me, weren’t you? You wanted to protect my innocence. That’s why you told me to hold on to my dress. That’s why you didn’t even ask me to take care of you. You didn’t and –”
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