by B. B. Hamel
“I get it, you’re better than me,” he says, taking a step closer. “You think you’re above selling and above people that sell. You’re the genius girl that’s improving this product, and I’m just some suit and tie, isn’t that right?”
“I didn’t—” I start, but he interrupts me.
“I get it. You can hate me all you want, and honestly, I’m starting to feel the same way. But like it or not, we have to work together, and you’re carrying my baby.”
I stare at him. “It’s not your baby.”
He hesitates. “Yes, it is.”
“You got me pregnant. But it’s not yours.”
That makes him nod and come closer. “It’s absolutely mine, and you think you can give it up for adoption.” He cocks his head at me. “What makes you think I’m going to let you?”
I stare at him and clench the counter. “You don’t have any control over that,” I say.
“You’re wrong.” He stops and he’s so close to me, just like that night. I want to feel him reach out and grab my wrist again like he did earlier today. I want to feel his touch so badly, but I also want to slap him across his handsome fucking face.
“What can you do?”
“I’ll raise my baby,” he says, his voice low, his deep green eyes locked on mine. “I’ll take care of it.”
I hesitate. I never imagined for a second that he’d want to be a part of this baby’s life. It seems crazy that he’s saying this, and I can’t imagine that he has any clue what he’s getting himself into.
But the way he’s looking at me… I think he’s serious. In fact, I know he is. I believe him completely when he says he’ll take this baby.
It scares the hell out of me.
“It’s my baby,” he says again. I slip away, moving past him and toward the door.
“No, it isn’t.” I turn and cross my arms. “But if you want the baby, I can’t stop you.”
He cocks his head and watches me. I feel naked under his gaze for some reason, and I have to look away.
We stand in silence for a second like that. I can’t stop picturing his hands on my skin, and I hate him so much, but I want him so badly. It’s so confusing, and the way he’s looking at me isn’t helping at all.
Finally, he shakes his head and follows me to my front door. “I’ll see you at work,” he says as he leaves.
I slam the door behind him. “Jerk,” I mumble as I lock my bolt and throw myself back onto the couch.
If he wants to raise this baby, what’s it matter? It’s strange, but some part of me keeps picturing what it would be like to raise the baby with him, with a white picket fence and all that crap, the sort of stuff I never thought would be mine. I always pictured myself as an engineer, building things and living the single life. That was enough for me, at least until now.
It’s scary how fast things can change. All it took was one night with Aaron, and now I don’t know if I hate him, or if I want to be his wife.
4
Aaron
A baby was never part of the plan.
Maybe that’s a cliché, but I really do have a plan. I feel like I’ve had a plan my whole life, and it’s never, ever involved children in any way, shape or form, let alone a surprise, accidental baby with my old best friend’s little sister.
It’s all sorts of fucked, but the really fucked part is, I’m weirdly excited.
I can’t sit still. The next day at work, I’m all over the place, making calls and practically running around my office like a moron. It’s a good energy, though, the sort of energy I get when I’m deep in the middle of a new project and buzzing with joy and creativity. It’s the sort of energy I live for.
All because Riley’s pregnant. I should be hiding in a fucking hole somewhere, waiting for this all to blow over, but no, no fucking way. My baby’s coming in nine months, and I’m going to be ready.
I had decent parents. My father wasn’t the best, but he was around and he provided, at least until he died of a stroke when I was sixteen. My mom kept her shit together for a while after that, but she’s living in Florida now with a guy named Ron that keeps wanting to golf with me. I can’t pretend like I was brought up by some abusive assholes or something like that, but it’s my nature to want to be better.
And I want to be better than my father was. No matter what my child’s like, boy or girl, straight or gay, whatever, I’m going to be so fucking supportive they hate it. I’m going to be annoyingly supportive. I’m going to be that amazing dad that they’re outwardly embarrassed of, but secretly they’ll think I’m awesome. I want to be that awesome dad, which is a totally weird thought.
But here I am, imagining all the ways I can make myself better in order to be a better father. Just a few days ago, the thought of a baby would have made me mildly annoyed at best, but now it’s making me downright joyous.
I get up and walk over to my window, hands clasped behind my back. The only thing I need is to convince Riley that she wants to be a part of this. I know I can be a great dad, but I don’t want to do it alone, and I don’t want to do it with anyone but her. It’s so intense and I’m so sure that I know I have no other choice. I’m going to make her my bride and she’s going to be the mother to my child, and together, we’re going to have a family.
I just have to convince her of that first.
I turn away from the window, still smiling, and leave my office with a little bounce in my step. I nod and smile to everyone, tossing out a few casual good mornings, until I make it back to where the engineers all sit. This time, I find Riley at her desk, and she looks up at me with a big frown on her face as I lean up against the side of her cube.
“What do you want?” she asks.
“Just a quick chat.” I cock my head. I’m not letting her sour mood bring me down, not at all. I’m going to raise her spirits, whether she wants that or not.
She turns from her computer, arms crossed. “Yeah?”
“Let’s go to the break room.”
“We can talk here.”
I lean closer to her and speak more softly. “You think that’s a good idea?” I give her a little smirk and lock eyes with her.
She sighs and finally breaks eye contract, shaking her head. “Okay, fine. Come on.”
She gets up and I follow her into the break room. Mercifully, it’s empty. She whirls on me, looking pissed.
“You can’t use that against me,” she hisses. “You hear me?”
I raise my eyebrows. “I wasn’t.”
“You were. You just used the fucking baby to get me in here, and I didn’t—”
“Have you thought of names yet?” I ask, interrupting her.
She falters, her anger briefly replaced with confusion. “Excuse me?”
“Names for our baby. I was thinking we could do something like ‘Ephraim’ for a boy.”
She makes a face. “That’s the name from that awful WB show Everwood, right? The brooding kid that played piano?”
I laugh, genuinely surprised. “I didn’t know you watched that.”
“I didn’t. My brother had it on sometimes.”
“I’d make fun of him, but I did, too.”
“That’s a hard no for me, by the way,” she says. “That’s such a bad name.”
“Okay, okay,” I say, nodding and looking thoughtful. “I’m glad I came to you then. What about Lucas?”
“That’s from One Tree Hill. Are you for real?”
I laugh again. “I guess I’m not too creative.”
“Or stuck in the early 2000s, more like.”
“That was my heyday.”
“No, it wasn’t, you dork.”
She’s smiling now, and I can’t help but smile even bigger. I know this won’t last, but it feels good, just making her feel a little bit happier.
I know this is hard on her. I keep thinking about how this must be the most impossible thing she’s ever faced. She’s clearly gone through her whole life thinking she can’t get pregnant, may never have a baby, and now suddenl
y she gets knocked by up a guy she clearly despises. I don’t want to get into why she hates me, because there’s clearly something going on there, but this baby must be really eating her up inside.
I want to try and take away some of that burden if I can. I know I can’t completely, but I want to try, even if most guys wouldn’t react this way.
I have every right to be pissed at her. She told me not to use protection that night, and although I should have known it was a stupid idea, I still fucked her and came inside of her without a second thought. I could be angry that she made that choice, but I take full responsibility for my own actions, and some responsibility for hers. To be fair, it’s hard to resist my charm.
“I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation with you,” she says.
“Because you’re curious what I’m going to name your baby.”
“Not my baby,” she says pointedly. “Your baby.”
I shrug. “Sure, whatever.”
“Seriously, Aaron, you’re not changing my mind.”
“Never thought I would.” I give her another charming smile and lean toward her. “But maybe I can convince you to make another.”
She groans and rolls her eyes. “What, you want to get me pregnant while I’m already pregnant?”
“We could try, at least.”
“Oh, smooth one.”
I wink and she laughs despite herself. “Never going to happen again,” she says. “Seriously, that ship has sailed. I got knocked up the last time we did that, I don’t plan on repeating that mistake.”
“I don’t think it was such a bad mistake, as far as those go.”
She rolls her eyes. “Of course you don’t. You’re not the pregnant one.”
I shrug a little bit. “That’s a good point. I’m just saying, I never pictured myself as a father before, but now it’s all I can think about.”
She’s quiet for a second, chewing on her bottom lip. Before she can respond, one of the other engineers comes in. He must sense the vibe, because he grabs a coffee and hustles back out as fast as he can without so much as a nod or a glance in our direction.
Riley glares at me once he’s gone. “Just drop it, okay?” she says, and I realize that I’ve lost her. “I’m not interested in being a mother, and I don’t care what you do with this baby when all this is over.”
“You don’t mean that,” I say softly.
“I have to mean it.” She glares at me, arms crossed. “I’m a woman. I don’t get the luxury of caring.”
I look away, because I know she’s right. “Well, okay, if that’s how you feel. But don’t come to me when I name your baby Freddie.”
She grunts a little. “For a girl, I assume.”
I grin at her. “Of course.”
“From Angel.” She rolls her eyes, but a little smile peeks at the corners of her lips.
“Bingo.” I turn and head to the door. “Have a good day, Riley girl.”
“Stop bugging me at work,” she snaps before I can leave. “Understand?”
I pause before I leave, looking back at her. “I make no promises.” I turn and head back to my office, whistling and smiling to myself as I go.
5
Riley
I know what he’s doing, but it’s not going to work. He can dangle names in front of me all he wants, but I’m not going to let myself care about this baby.
It would be so easy to fall in love. I can see myself as a mother, and I know it would be so fucking hard, but it would also be amazing. I’d have my own baby to raise and love and teach. I’d have my own little family, even if that family does include such a self-righteous ass like Aaron. If I let myself care, I’d never be able to give up this baby.
I can’t afford that. All of my hopes and dreams, everything I’ve worked hard to achieve this far in life, I can’t risk losing it all just because I had one stupid night of mistaken passion.
No, I’m not going down that route. I know what Aaron’s trying to do, and it’s not going to work. I don’t care if he makes me smile, and all I want to do when I’m around him is kiss him hard on the mouth. I don’t care how stupid and giddy and excited he makes me.
I worked hard to create new designs and improvements on traditional solar panel technology, and I want to follow that through. I can help change the world and make it a better place if my technology pans out, and I want to make sure that happens. A baby was never part of the plan.
I keep thinking about that conversation all day long, even though I try not to. When I get home, I pour myself a glass of wine before I remember I can’t even drink it, and end up dumping it down the drain regretfully. I pour out the rest of my wine, just to make sure I don’t forget again and do something stupid before heading over to my couch and crashing down on it with a very unlady-like grunt.
As I go to turn the TV on and prepare to turn my brain off, my phone starts ringing. I check the caller ID and it’s my brother. I hesitate a second, not sure if I should take it, but I know this is the perfect opportunity.
“Hey, Davis,” I say, answering after a big, deep breath.
“Hey yourself, Riley, how’s it going?”
“Good, good. How are you?”
“Oh, the usual crap. Marine is pulling the usual shit again.”
“Really?” I ask with a grin. “What this time?”
He launches into a story about how his nutso girlfriend, Marine, this French model girl he met at school, maxed out one of his credit cards buying a bunch of dogs. She planned on reselling them, but now he’s making her return them all. She’s constantly doing crazy shit like that, and I don’t know why he keeps her around.
Actually, I know exactly why he keeps her around. She’s short, has big boobs, is skinny, blonde, and pretty. I bet she’s great in bed and he can’t help himself.
Davis and I are pretty close. We talk on the phone frequently, and although he lives in LA, we try to have a real relationship. He’s always been a good older brother to me, but I’ve been a shitty younger sister lately, and it’s time to come clean.
“That’s insane,” I say to him when he’s done. We’re both laughing, although my laughter’s pretty hollow.
“Yeah, I know. I think the pet store’s gonna take them back, though.”
“Good! Those poor dogs.”
“They didn’t stand a chance.” We laugh again and there’s a short silence. “Anyway, how’s work?”
I bite my lip, hesitating a second, but there’s no point in putting it off. “Did I tell you that I work with Aaron Ward?”
His laugh is genuine and deep. “No fucking shit, Aaron? I haven’t talked to him in a couple years.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s pretty crazy.”
“What’s he up to?”
“He’s a public relations guy,” I say. “Although I think he’s really a salesman.”
“Man, he’s selling solar panels. Never would have guessed it.”
“He’s pretty good at it. We went to a conference together.”
He pauses. “You did? That conference like a month or two ago?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly.
“Why didn’t you tell me Aaron was going with you?” he asks.
“Well, something happened.”
He’s quiet for a beat. “Look, Riley, you’re grown up. You don’t have to tell me about that, I get it.”
“It’s not like that,” I say quickly, although it is. “I mean, it’s worse.”
“Worse?” He sounds genuinely confused. “What happened?”
“Shit, I don’t know how to say this, so whatever. I’m pregnant.”
He’s quiet for a second. “It’s Aaron?” he asks finally.
“Yeah,” I say. “I mean, it was a mistake. He’s stepping up or whatever, I mean, I don’t want to keep it. I’m going to put it up for adoption, or whatever, but he says he wants to keep it, and it’s a real mess. He’s being nice to me though, I guess.” I’m blathering on like a moron because I don’t know what else to
do.
Davis is quiet for almost a full minute. I sit there frowning, staring at the floor, waiting for him to say something. As the tension builds, and I’m about to freak out, he finally speaks.
“I’m going to kill him.”
“Stop,” I say. “You don’t have to get angry.”
“The hell I don’t,” he says. “That bastard got my little sister pregnant!”
“I thought you said I was grown up now.”
“You’re not!” he says angrily. “He got you pregnant, right when your job’s going so good! That stupid asshole, I never liked that guy.”
I shake my head, smiling a little bit. “Davis, stop.”
“I’m going to kill him. I swear, I’m gonna do it.”
“Stop,” I say again. “What is this, the twelfth century? You’re pissed because he besmirched your sister’s honor?”
“No, I’m pissed that he saddled you with a baby you don’t want.”
“He’s offering to help,” I point out. “I’m the one that’s pushing him away.”
“I don’t care who pushes who,” he says. “That douchebag is dead.”
“Davis,” I say sternly. “If you contact Aaron, I swear to god, you’re the dead douchebag.”
“What am I supposed to do, sit here like an asshole while that guy gets my sister pregnant?”
“You already sat there while he got me pregnant,” I point out. “Look, there’s nothing we can do about it, okay? I’m handling it. Just don’t make it harder by being an asshole.”
He sighs, but I can tell he’s still angry. “What can I do for you, Riley? Jesus Christ. You’re pregnant.”
“Nothing,” I say. “Honestly, I have it under control.”
“I can come out there, really, if you give me a day to get some flight info—”
“Stop,” I say quickly. “Think about all the dogs in LA, okay? Marine’ll end up killing them all by mistake if you’re not there to stop her.”
He sighs but I can hear the smile on his face. “You’re probably right about that.”
“Just leave it, okay? I’m fine, I promise.”