by LM Terry
The quiet that follows makes me wonder if my ear drums are blown. Slowly I push myself off Raffe. He doesn’t move. My eyes drop to the blood on his shirt and then to the blood on my own. Someone screams. Maybe it’s me, I don’t know. Everything sounds so far away. “Raffe, Raffe,” I cry, leaning over his face.
Dan pulls me back as I watch Dirk and my dad cut the shirt off him. Dirk shoves it over an open wound pressing on it to stop the bleeding.
“Go inside, Jesse.” I turn and stare at Dan not understanding what he’s saying.
He pushes me towards the warehouse. I back up towards the door, my eyes stuck on Raffe’s face. He looks so peaceful, like he’s sleeping. How could he be sleeping through all this? Suddenly, sound comes rushing back to me. I hear men yelling and a siren blaring in the distance.
When I get inside the women are crying and hugging on the far side of the room. I keep walking. I walk all the way through the house and out the back door. I circle around the warehouse and make my way to the garage. Sylvia is waiting for me.
I fire her up and pull out of the driveway just as an ambulance pulls in. A glance in the mirror reminds me who I am. I’ve denied her for far too long. I should have taken a stand long ago. Another peek in the mirror shows me that Dirk still has his hands on Raffe’s wound, his eyes follow me out the driveway.
I know they will send someone for me, so I make a turn. It won’t take me where I need to go, but that’s okay. I’ve got nothing but time. Miserable, heart breaking time.
After driving a few hours, I stop in a nearby town to buy a burner phone. My hands shake as I dial. Dirk picks up on the first ring. My throat knots at the sound of his voice.
“Jesse, Jesse is that you?”
I can’t talk. Oh my god I can’t even breathe.
“Jesse, baby, tell me where you are.”
A sob escapes, releasing a torrent of emotion with it.
“Sweetheart tell me where you are. I’ll come get you.” Panic rises in his voice. “Your dad is here. He isn’t mad, Jesse. Please come home.”
My dad gets on the phone. “Jesse, baby girl. You need to tell us where you’re at.”
“Is he…” I let my words trail. I can’t say it.
“He needs you, Jesse.”
I can tell by his tone that Raffe is in grave condition.
“Goddammit, Jesse. Tell me where you are.”
When I don’t answer he hands the phone back to Dirk. I hear him mumble something about me being stubborn.
“Jesse, if you want to help Raffe tell me where the fuck you are.”
“Are you at the hospital?”
“Yes, we’re all here. Everyone but you.”
Good. Perfect.
“Keep everyone there.”
“Jesse,” he warns.
I tap the steering wheel, trying to rein in my emotions. The desert sun dips behind the mountains. I don’t know if Raffe is going to pull through. This might be his last day on this earth. No matter how hard I try to ask about his condition I can’t seem to find the right words.
“I know what you’re thinking, Jesse. But, this isn’t your fight.”
“No?”
“No. We do this as a club.” His gravelly voice demands I obey but sometimes you have to be mean.
“Fuck you, Dirk. Just fuck you.”
I hang up.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jesse
◆◆◆
Ialways wondered why other kids were afraid of the dark. The dark is nothing to fear. It’s what lurks there that you should fear. I tap the cigarettes I bought on the kitchen table. The flick of the lighter briefly illuminates the room. Seems Renee has been able to keep the place somewhat clean since I left.
The sound of a bike pulling up outside spurs a tingle of excitement in my muscles. The weight of my 380 pulls on the back of my leather pants as I take a long drag blowing it out slowly. The minute Jimmy opens the door he sniffs the air, freezing in his tracks.
His head slowly turns towards me. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Sugar. How the hell have you been?” He flips the light on, taking his time molesting me with his eyes.
“Never better.” I kick the chair out across from me. He laughs and plops his ass down, setting his gun on the table in front of him.
“Care if I bum a smoke?” he asks, his eyes dancing with amusement.
I flick my pack sending it sliding across the table. “So, what brings you back to Trap?”
“Oh, you know, thought I’d pay my aunt a visit.”
He laughs. “Bitch moved out after you left. She didn’t like the idea that you both have had a taste of this.” He grabs his crotch.
I snort and roll my eyes.
“Come on you know you’ve always had a thing for me.” He blows smoke in my direction.
I ignore him. He can keep dreaming. “You know what I can’t figure out?” I tap my lighter on the table, leveling my eyes on him.
“What’s that, Sugar?”
“I pegged you for a top, but I’ve been thinking about it and I’m pretty sure you’re a bottom.”
The amusement vanishes as my words prick his faux confidence. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Crow, now he’s definitely a top. I bet he rides your ass like a champ.”
His face flames. Jimmy is quickly losing his composure.
“After having you both it was obvious.”
He picks up his gun and points it straight at my head. “Say that again. Go on I dare you.”
I laugh. “Tell me how much does it suck being Crow’s little bitch?”
Oh, I struck a nerve.
“It was all my idea. I’m the one who found you living with Renee. I orchestrated your undoing. Me. Not Crow.”
My laughter echoes through the trailer. “You? You couldn’t come up with a plan to save your ass. You didn’t know who I was but, Crow did. He’s the one who set you up with Renee. He. Used. You.”
His hand starts to shake. “I’m calling him. Let’s see how much you’re willing to run your mouth after he gets here. My guess is not much when his cock is shoved down your scrawny throat.”
“Oh, Jimmy. You’re too easy. You just admitted who’s really in charge. It was never you.”
He lays the gun on the table and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He waits, his eyes shooting daggers at me. “Hey, the bitch is here.”
Bang.
That was too easy.
I stand, walking calmly around the table. I bend over, staring at Jimmy’s glazed over eyes, blood dripping down his forehead as I retrieve his phone from the floor.
Putting it to my ear, I light up another cigarette. “Hey, I lost your number.”
He doesn’t say anything for a fat minute. I think I may have surprised the asshole. But, the soulless fucker recovers soon enough. “How’s your boy?”
“Better than yours.”
“I’m surprised your daddy doesn’t have you locked away in a gilded cage.” I hear girls giggling in the background.
“I’m surprised you found a woman willing to suck your dick.”
He laughs. “Well when you’re paying for it, they don’t have much choice.”
Bingo.
“Anyhow,” I draw out. “You going to give me an address or not?”
“I’m a little busy right now, honey.” The girls giggle like mindless bimbos in the background.
“Tomorrow then?”
“We’ll see.” He hangs up as I’m heading out the door.
I park down the street from Bell’s House of Tail. I get busy painting. It doesn’t take me long. There is only a dozen or so bikes parked in front of the whorehouse. His club has definitely dwindled. When I’m done I climb the stairs to the abandoned building across the street. I pull Jimmy’s rifle out of the bag and wait. I’m a good shot so we will see how many I can pick off before they run for cover.
Just as the sun is coming up the bikers emerge from the building. They are laughing and slapping each
other on the back. I let the scope pass over Crow. I’m saving him for something special. I pick out the other six men who raped me. I need to at least get them. They are his most loyal and therefore the most dangerous.
My scope follows the lone prospect who attended my weekend of hell. He points at his bike. The other guys gather round to see what he’s freaking out about. Guess they don’t like the giants dicks I sprayed on their bikes. When they disperse to check on the condition of their own bikes. I pop the prospect in the head. I get at least three rounds off before reality sets in and they scatter.
All but Crow. He doesn’t move. He stands there staring straight at the building I’m in as bullets fly around him. I drop the gun and run. I get back to Sylvia, breathing hard. I’m proud of myself. I think I got all of the bastards. I fire her up and head out to regroup for the next scene. Jimmy’s phone rings. I pick it up.
“I’m going to cut you from your pretty little cunt all the way up to your smart-ass mouth.”
“Sorry, did I miss something? I’m just waking up.” I yawn loudly into the phone. “I at least need a cup of coffee before we start any foreplay.”
“Ready for that address, sweetheart.”
“Oh, hold on, let me find my pen and paper. Let’s see, shit, I must have left it back at Jimmy’s.”
“I’m surprised you’re in such a good mood. I hear your boy took a turn for the worst.”
My stomach drops. He’s fucking with me. He has to be.
Mean, Jesse. You have to be mean.
“It’s you who’s on the turn for the worst, Crow.”
He laughs. “Is that so?” I hear his bike roar to life. He rattles off an address. “I can’t wait to see you, Jesse.”
I hang up. Immediately I call Dirk, needing to know if Raffe is hanging on.
“You have two motherfucking minutes to tell me where you are.”
I ignore him. “Is he still alive?”
He sighs loudly. “Jesse, please. I’m begging and you know I don’t beg for anything. Please, please tell me where you are.”
“I’m going to drag him to my hell and set him on fire. I need to protect what’s mine. You’re mine. Raffe’s mine. Katie’s mine….”
“Jesse, please tell me you’re not in Trap.”
“Is. He. Alive?”
“For now,” he answers honestly.
Fuck. Fuck!
“I’ve got to go, Dirk. I’ll see you on the flip side.”
“Jesse,” he yells as I hang up.
Chapter Forty
Jesse
◆◆◆
As I drive to the address Crow gave me, which I’m fairly sure is his clubhouse, I try not to think about Raffe. I try not to think about the way he smiled at me when I first met him. I try not to think about how he sacrificed himself for Dirk and me.
Tears streak through my makeup. It’s fitting my tears are washing her away. This is the last time I’ll have to be her. After today she won’t exist. One more time. The burden will be hers. It has to be.
When I get there, I slide my pistol in the back of pants and stuff my knife in my right boot. I don’t know if I’ll survive this. If I don’t at least I’ll die knowing my family is safe. Crow will have gotten what he wanted, destroying me.
Tiptoeing through the building I quickly realize that there is no one here. As I’m leaving I notice a trail of blood leading outside. Maybe I hit him at Bell’s or maybe one of his own men got him by accident.
Walking out into the hot desert sun I pull Jimmy’s phone out of my pocket and call Crow. It rings several times before he picks up. “Where the fuck you at?” I demand.
“You’re not the only who protects what’s theirs.”
I pull the phone away from my ear, staring at Jimmy’s phone. How the…oh, oh shit.
“I think you’ve risked your life enough for one day, Jesse.”
“What did you do with him?” I ask Dirk.
“I hauled his ass straight to your hell, just like you planned. See you soon.” He hangs up before I have a chance to ask anything else.
My hands shake as I drive to the railyard. How did Dirk know where my hell was? He must have followed me the last time I was there. But, my cars are locked. Like a lock would keep him out.
The railyard is empty. What the fuck, where are all the squatters? I shut Sylvia’s engine off and then pick my way through the railcars until I get a few yards from the ones I’ve claimed as my own. Dirk is leaning against the one that contains my own personal hell. A cigarette hangs from his lips, his feet crossed at the ankles and a bored expression on his skeleton face.
He painted his face.
“Well, hello, Sugar,” he says in his gravelly voice.
I want to run into his arms and make him tell me Raffe is okay. But, that doesn’t happen.
I point to his face. “So, what’s your street name?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Most people on the street call me asshole.”
My gaze drops to the ground as I toe an empty can lying on the ground. He takes a few steps towards me. His cigarette drops in front of me. I watch as he stomps it with his booted foot then he takes a few more steps and wraps me up in the comfort of his arms.
His breath stirs the hair on top of my head as he speaks. “We need to wrap this up. Raffe is going to need us.”
He’s still alive!
His next words douse my relief.
“The bullet grazed his spinal cord. They aren’t sure he will ever walk again. He got out of surgery right before I left. We need to be there when he wakes up.” He squeezes me tighter as if he can hear the grief spilling out of my heart.
Dirk releases me and slides the door open on my railcar of hell. Crow is sitting on the floor tied up and bloodied. He blinks a few times, one eye almost completely swelled shut. He laughs when he sees me. “There’s my girl,” he says. Dirk grunts behind me but doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even move.
I step inside the car, my eyes roam over my paintings, over my demons. When they land on Crow he smirks.
“I’m proud of myself. Looks like I accomplished what I set out to do. You’ve had a tortured life haven’t you?” he says.
I don’t say anything.
“You haven’t figured it out yet have you?” he taunts.
I squat down in front of him. He shifts trying to reposition himself more comfortably. “You mean have I figured out that you’ve had a part in all of this?” I pull my knife out of my boot and motion over the walls of the car.
He licks his lips, his eyes focused on my knife.
Dirk leans against the door casually. His presence is a gift from Gabriel’s god.
“Thanks to Katie I’ve had a lot of memories come back to me.”
A creepy smile spreads across his pocked marked face.
“Ah, I’m touched you finally remember me.”
“I remember you coming to my grandparent’s home. The heating and air technician they never called. But, they let you in after you convinced them they should have the heating unit inspected once a year. They were dead the next day.”
Dirk straightens taking a step closer to us. I hold my hand up to stop him. He doesn’t retreat but he doesn’t advance either.
“I also remember how excited Rick was when he was able to buy himself a bike. I remember the man who stopped by the house to pay him for the odd jobs he helped him with. You were pretty chummy. I bet you gave him loads of advice.”
I tap my knife over his groin. He winces but doesn’t miss a beat. “Oh, you know I like it rough, sweetheart,” he says as he grinds his hips up towards me.
Dirk clenches his fists beside me. I dig the knife deeper until I hear the rip of his jeans. Crow screams, “Shit, okay, okay.”
I ease up but I don’t remove it. “And, I remember you sitting in the front pew of the church when I set Father Gabriel on fire.”
He laughs at this. “Oh, I was so proud of you that day.”
“And, then there was Jimmy.”
I stand up and walk around him.
My gaze strays to Dirk. His eyes soften. He didn’t know. No one did. Not even me. It wasn’t until I felt safe that I allowed my mind to wander to those dark places I had tried so hard to avoid. Being at the warehouse with my dad, Dirk, Raffe, Dan…the entire club, was the tipping point for me.
This man has wanted to destroy me for so long. It ends today.
“Such great lengths to hurt me. Why? Just to get even with my dad for killing your brother?”
He laughs manically as Dirk grabs a can of gasoline and starts dousing the floor and walls with it. I walk around to face him again.
“I didn’t give a shit about my brother. I did if for your mother. I loved her and she loved me. We were going to run away together. I was going to take her away from all this bullshit. But, then she got fucked up one night and made the mistake of fucking your dad. She got pregnant with your ass. I forgave her, it wasn’t her fault. My brother was always feeding her habit. I knew I needed to get her out of here, away from the drugs.”
Crow stretches his legs out in front of him, still unable to find a comfortable position. “We headed out of town. Our first stop an abortion clinic. But, your dad had us followed. He took her. I looked for her for months. Only after she gave birth did he let her go.” He narrows his eyes on me, spitting blood at my feet before continuing. “If it wouldn’t have been for you he wouldn’t have come for her. He fucking took her away from me because of you.”
He glances away from me. “I was taking her away from the drugs. She could have had a good life. You stole that from her.”
My mother was going to abort me. Wow. I was not expecting that. When my eyes meet Dirk’s, they confirm the horrific truth. He tosses the gas can to the ground and steps out of the car.
I shove my knife back in my boot. The ring on my hand catches my attention, shining black from my anger. I right myself and pull it from my finger. As I toss it back and forth in my palm I think about how much my dad loves me. How much he sacrificed for me.