“Well, so far you’ve answered all of my questions perfectly. When can you start?”
“I can start right away,” Julie replied.
“So, tomorrow then? That would be perfect.”
“Great!” Julie said with a wide smile. I thought I saw her jumping inside of her own skin or about to break into a weird little happy dance. “I’d also love to ask you a few questions about Zoe.”
I was a bit surprised by this. She was the first person who’d ever asked much about Zoe herself. “By all means, go on.”
“Is there anything that she hates?”
“She hates spinach, and mushrooms. And she hates when I tease her about the boy at school who likes her. I’m very sure she has a crush on him. His name is Mikey. I’m sure she will tell you all about him. She also hates it when you talk during her TV time. It annoys her to no end.”
“Ok, I’ll try to contain myself. Does she have any allergies, take any medications, anything like that?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing. She is very healthy. Would you like to meet her? She is playing in her room.”
“I’d love to.”
I called Zoe downstairs. She came down a few moments later yawning as if she’d fallen asleep on the floor of her room again while playing with her toys. Yeah, most likely. She would pretend that she didn’t because only little kids and babies do that kind of naps. So, I could never refer to it as a nap. That would really get her angry. It was hilarious.
“Zoe, this is our friend Julie. She wants to be your new nanny, so I thought we could all hang out for a little bit and get to know her.”
“Ok,” Zoe said. “That’s a cool sweater.”
Julie looked at me with warmth in her eyes. Zoe was already making her melt. Yeah, that little angel had that effect on everybody. “Thank you, sweetie,” Julie said. “I love your hat.”
Zoe was wearing her favorite witch’s hat from her Wizard of Oz Halloween costume. It was her all-time favorite movie and she made me sit through it at least once a week with her. I could sadly quote the whole thing by heart now.
“Thank you,” Zoe said. She sat down at the table and looked at me. “Daddy, can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”
“Well, it’s lunch time, so I guess that is alright.”
I went to grab the bread from the breadbox.
“Peanut butter and jelly? Wow, that’s my favorite,” Julie said. “What kind of jelly do you like?”
“Grape, of course,” Zoe replied.
“Ah! Me too!” Julie gave Zoe a high five. Zoe cheered and giggled. The two of them were getting along nicely. Normally, it took Zoe a while to warm up to people, especially since her mother was no more. When that happened a little bit of the spark inside of her went out and I had yet to see it again. Maybe Julie could find some way to pull it back out of her.
I made the sandwiches and sat them in front of Zoe. She began to eat it while I poured her a glass of milk. “Doesn’t Julie get one?” Zoe asked.
“Does Julie want a sandwich?” I teased.
Julie looked at Zoe and then at me. “I would love one, thank you.”
“As you wish,” I said as I prepared a sandwich for Julie as well.
“So, Zoe what is your favorite color?” Julie asked.
Zoe rubbed her chin as she thought of the best answer. “Purple.”
“Oooh, I like purple, too. Do you like blue? Or pink?” Julie asked.
“Pink is awesome. I love pink. It’s my favorite.”
“I thought purple was your favorite,” I reminded her.
Zoe realized her error but didn’t miss a beat. “I can have two favorites, dad.”
“Yeah, dad. She can have two favorites,” Julie teased. This exploded several loud chuckles from Zoe who had just made a new best friend.
“Ok, then. I see,” I said. Zoe was probably going to be a lawyer or a politician with that kind of wit.
I watched the two of them talk and hang out together for a while growing more impressed the whole time. The way that Zoe and Julie just clicked was remarkable. Julie truly had a wonderful way with kids.
Soon, it was time to end the playdate and as Julie was starting to leave, she said goodbye to Zoe and then the two of us stepped outside for a moment. “That was really great,” I said.
“Oh, she is so sweet,” Julie replied.
“You handled her really well,” I said. “She usually doesn’t warm up to people that quickly, but she liked you right away. Now, I will warn you she has her moody days and some days where she just doesn’t want to talk to anybody, so don’t think it’s because of you.”
“Oh, I can see that. And I imagine at first, she will be very happy to have someone new around, but after that wears off she will start to close herself away to avoid getting attached. She will start to feel closer to me and that will scare her a bit, so I anticipate a bit of a rollercoaster the first few months. She will be bratty and try to push my buttons and test me. I’ve seen it all before. But she is great.”
I listened as she spoke and I found those words to be just the thing that made me realize how right I was to have selected Julie for this job.
“Wow, that is great,” I said. “You are very insightful. So, can you be here tomorrow at three?”
“I’ll do that,” she said.
I said goodbye to her and watched her get into her little car and drive away. As I walked back into the house, something about today really hit me. This was the first time in a while that I had not felt totally lonely and miserable. I had not been consciously thinking in some part of my mind about Amanda. I was enjoying connecting and talking to another person.
And it felt great. Julie was warm, she was sweet, and she was so kindhearted and compassionate. She had a great mothering vibe about her with Zoe, and she had that patience, a softness when she was talking with me. She was one of those people that you might feel comfortable telling your biggest, darkest secrets to right after you’d just met her. I loved that about her.
“I like Julie, Daddy. She’s really nice,” Zoe said when I sat down on the sofa.
“Yeah, she is. I like her too, pumpkin.”
I did like her. I’d only known her for about an hour, but in that time, she’d managed to put a spark inside of me that no one else could.
And that was exactly what scared me. I was getting those feelings again, and this time it was those romantic feelings for someone new. I wanted to pursue this so badly because it felt so good, but for several reasons it was best if I put those feelings away. I had to bury them out of sight and mind for a while. That was the right thing to do.
Zoe was going to have a great nanny, but that was where it ended for me. I couldn’t put myself out there again, not to that extent. Besides, she was nine years younger than me. I didn’t think that women her age wanted to date men in their mid-thirties, did they? Surely not.
But what if? What if I did go for it? Was I afraid of getting hurt? Yes. Was I afraid that Zoe might be hurt? Yes. So, for now I just had to keep myself together.
Chapter Four
Julie
“So, you got the job?” Tessa asked the second my foot came through the door of our apartment.
“Yes, I did!” I said. I couldn’t hide my excitement. I’d been so worried about everything and now this would put my mind to ease a bit. I really needed it. I didn’t realize exactly how stressed I’d been until I heard those words that I got the job.
“That’s fantastic!” Tessa said, giving me a hug.
“Thanks,” I said. “It is such a relief.”
“When do you start?”
“Tomorrow,” I replied.
“Well, what is he like?”
“Who?” I teased with a goofy grin.
“Don’t play games with me. What is that man like?”
“He is nice, and sweet. And his little girl is the most darling little thing. I think I’m really going to enjoy working there.”
“Well, that’s fantast
ic news. So how sexy is this daddy?”
I blushed. What the hell? “What?”
“Yeah, that daddy. I’m sure he could take you under his wing and show you a thing or two.”
“What? How do you even know? I haven’t actually told you anything about him.”
“But you’ve been talking about him and Becky has told you that he was fine, right?”
I sighed. Tessa wouldn’t give up on this. “Yes, he is very handsome.”
“Nice. What about those buns? How are they?”
“His buns are fine,” I replied a bit, wishing she would drop this.
“Don’t hold out on me. I need some more details.”
“You are obsessed,” I said.
“I’ve only got one set of buns in my life. I sometimes need to fantasize about others.”
“Ok, not that I actually checked his out, but they were fine and tight.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful,” Tessa replied.
“That is so sad. You need help,” I said.
“I know this. But what else can you tell me about this beautiful man? Does he have those luscious lips and dreamy eyes?”
“Look, there is nothing that is going to happen between us. He is my boss. I can’t allow anything romantic to develop.”
“You realize that you just admitted that you would love something to happen between the two of you.”
I sighed. Tessa was sharp at picking up on how I really felt about things. I could never get anything past her. And she was tenacious. She would probe on things until I opened up whether I wanted to or not. That was a gift that she had.
“Well, he is handsome, charming, and a great guy. Of course, he’d be the type of guy I’d love to go out with, but this does not change the fact that he is my boss. I really need this job and I can’t risk doing anything that might mess that up.”
“You are always worried about the silliest things,” Tessa said. “If this guy really likes you and he is this nice guy that you and Becky both claim him to be, then it shouldn’t matter.”
“But what if something goes wrong? Or what if I’m totally getting the wrong idea and he has no interest in me? I might make a total fool out of myself.”
Tessa licked her lips and stared me in the face with a wry grin. “You think that he has some interest in you? Did he give you some signs?”
I blushed again. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to have and feel those signs when there weren’t any. I’m not sure. I thought I felt a bit of a flirty glance or two, maybe a slight awkwardness when he first saw me. But I’m not really sure.”
“Ok,” she said. “That’s cool. You have to follow your guts on things like this. Take me and Marty. I might never have known he was totally down with me if I didn’t make that first move and let him know that we had a cool thing going on.”
“You are crazy,” I said. “You just have this fearless confidence. Most of us aren’t blessed with that.”
“Well, you should have been. It’s easy to get. You just have to let go of all of your guiding principles and plunge into life head first. There is no time in this world for questioning something you want to do.”
I laughed as I headed into the kitchen to grab some food. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich Ricky had made wasn’t quite enough for me, but it had been delicious. I could remember the way his strong, capable hands glided over the soft, white bread as he worked. I loved the way he spread the peanut butter across the bread creating slight little grooves in it. There was something sexy and erotic about it.
Everything I could imagine him doing was sexy. Why did he have to be so damn delicious looking? I felt weak in the knees the moment I saw him standing in that doorway. I wanted him right there. I wished he would grab me and just take me in every possible way. That was the idea that popped into my head at that moment anyway. And then I came to my senses and the silly idea went away, or at least it subdued a bit. But sitting there talking to him, I felt like I just wanted him so badly. I couldn’t recall a time when I met a man that had really turned me on so much as him. It was so hot.
I was thinking that I might have a problem going on here. What if I couldn’t control myself and I let Ricky know exactly how much I wanted him?
I began to put together a salad and as I did so, I felt the most confusing mix of emotions that I could remember in recent memory.
Tessa thought it was hilarious, and maybe it was to some extent through the right viewpoint, but this was my life and I really needed this job at the moment. I could not allow my personal feelings to get in the way.
* * *
His lips touched mine sweetly, brushing his perfection against my mouth. The coarse, mostly trimmed stubble scrubbed against my smooth skin, burning me slightly and echoing that masculine energy. I felt helpless, powerless to control myself and my emotions. My hormones were running wild and nothing but pure, unadulterated lust existed in my mind then. I was his, totally his, and I had never wanted to be with anyone else.
I’d known since the moment I met him that he would be the one to take me, to allow the keys to my inner kingdom. I was so wet, so ready for him. I had never come this close to being so overly consumed by lust and ravage animal instinct before. I’d been ready to give in before and then I pulled back because I knew it wasn’t right, but this time it was. This was the hour of my perfection.
Ricky was so gentle, smoothly caressing my body with his own. His mouth slipped from my top lip to my bottom and then over to my cheek, dragging his tongue sensuously, languidly behind him almost moving in slow motion. Yes, that was it… show me what you got…
My whole body was turned on. I was a vessel, a beacon. And that beacon drew energy to it. And that energy would be the key factor in taking me to the heights of pleasure and the depths of total lack of control. I wanted all of those things to happen simultaneously. I just had to make sure I took my time, and I let Ricky take control at the wheel.
His mouth moved slowly from my cheek to my neck, where he found a pulse and slid his tongue in tiny circles, as if he was the one controlling my heart. The tip was the only thing touching my skin. He kept it for several seconds, drawing me closer to sexual frustration. I wanted this to be over with so badly, I had to know what those feelings were I’d fantasized about all my life, but had never actually given myself into before. Was it worth waiting for?
I knew that Ricky was. I’d waited and I’d chosen wisely. But then again, had I actually chosen? Or was something else at work here? Something that I just couldn’t explain.
Ricky grabbed my naked breast with his left hand and cupped it. When I removed my top and dropped my bra to the floor, his eyes had glanced over almost with tears, as if he’d never seen anything so beautiful before in his entire life.
“Do you like that?” Ricky said. “You like the way that I’m touching you?”
“Yes,” I purred. His soft hands were perfect on my heightened senses. My nipples were so hard. I took in some air quickly in one big breath, my body rocking back and forth as my nipples grazed against the rugged palms of his hands. Both of his hands now joined together to pleasure my large, double D breasts. I was getting wetter by the second. My untouched gild waiting for the right moment from the right man. There was no question in my mind that it was Ricky. It had always been him. I’d been waiting for him for so long… and tonight it would all come to fruition.
Ricky’s mouth worked down my chest where he paused and slipped one of my nipples between his lips. He began to lick me and suck at it, his teeth grazing back and forth over it. Yes, that was something nice…oh yes…
He took me deeper into his warmth, draping the moisture over my sensitive skin and my body responded with surge after surge, of want. I felt like I was going to break in half if I didn’t get this faster. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait.
But Ricky was being slow. He was deliberately trying to make me crazy with need. Oh, yes…
I couldn’t wait any longer. I pulle
d out of his mouth and reached down for his cock, grabbing it softly in my hand. He was getting harder by the second. The way he felt in my soft hand, the way I spread my finger grip wider with his girth extension, was simply incredible.
“Squeeze it harder,” Ricky said.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. How had it happened? I could hardly remember exactly what events had led to this moment, but I couldn’t have imagined anything better than this. I took his advice, listened to his teachings. I was so green, so new, but I wanted to learn, I wanted to please him so much. I knew he was going to give me the pleasure that I had been dreaming for so long.
My fingers slid along his member as I watched it growing with awe. My head was spinning, my body shaking with anticipation. He looked into my eyes, locked them with mine, and then leaned forward to rest his head on mine as I continued to manipulate his sweet, succulent cock.
“That’s it,” Ricky said. His voice was deep and thick, barely above a whisper. His body was glistening now with the sweat that was escaping his pores. He was so lean and muscular, so naturally built that I couldn’t take my eyes off his sexy, ripped muscles.
He was now moving his hips slightly, just humping my hand and feeding his cock in and out of it slowly to create a bit more friction. I began to move my hand a little bit faster, squeezing him harder in my palm. With every squeeze, he moaned and took a deep breath.
After a few minutes, Ricky moved his cock out of my hand and cradled my face in his own palms where he kissed me softly on the lips, as he laid me down on the bed. His body was on top of mine now as I writhed slowly beneath him. I wanted him so badly that it felt like I was actually going to crawl out of my own skin. I needed him inside of me. Why did he torture me by making me wait?
His mouth moved from my lips down my body, kissing the throat, and the chest, and then my stomach where he slid his exquisite tongue along my skin until he was finally down between my legs. This was where he really raised the stakes.
Burning With Desire Page 3