When I pull back into the ranch my dad is out front trimming the weeds. He turns off the machine and looks me up and down. “You’re pathetic, you know that?”
“Don’t start.”
“Wow, she’s got you by the balls.”
“Whatever.”
My phone chimes that I have a message, and when I see it my stomach knots up.
I’m in love with you, Joshua Healy. You better miss me. – Tamsyn
I’m in my twenties and never had a woman tell me she loves me, except for my family. I look to my father and struggle to speak. I’m in a trance. “She loves me.”
“Yeah, tell us something we don’t know.”
“I’m crazy about her,” I say while responding to her message I’ll never delete.
I’m not saying it until you get home, smartass. – Josh
“How long will she be gone?”
“Almost a week.”
“We’ve got a heavy workload coming up. It’ll go by fast and keep you out of trouble.”
“I haven’t gotten into trouble since I met Tamsyn.”
“Yeah, your mom tells me. She says she’s never seen your room so clean before. I’m impressed.”
“Me too.”
“You staying for dinner?” He asks.
“No. Cam and Wes invited me over. Actually, I’m babysitting for a few hours while they go somewhere.”
“How did they con you into that? You could have them drop the kids off here instead. We’d love to have them.”
My father is crazy about his grandkids, and it’s funny because he was such a hard ass with his own children. “I’ve got it tonight, Dad, but thanks for the offer.”
Mom makes me a plate of food before I leave, insisting I need to eat like she always seems to do. My forty minute drive to my sister and Wes’ place leaves me feeling depressed. I don’t understand why I’m this upset over Tamsyn leaving. We’ve gone almost five days without seeing one another and everything was fine. I’ll hear from her as soon as she lands, and after the week is over she’ll be back in my arms where I like having her.
I think my problem is finally being able to completely open up to someone. She knows everything. We don’t keep secrets. I used to think I had to lie to keep someone happy, but I’d been wrong. I talk to Tamsyn more than Wes, and I’m not sad about it. I get why Wes and my sister have such a strong relationship. What I once envied, I now get to experience through my own relationship. The best thing I ever did was hit on Tamsyn at the dealership that day, because I can’t imagine her not being a part of my life.
Wes and Cam are waiting for me at the back door, as if I’m late. As soon as I’m inside, I’m handed a crying baby and given a list of what I need to do for each kid, before they leave.
Madison is always a big help. She gets me the diapers and shows me where to find the bottles of breast milk in the refrigerator. Once my nephew gets that nipple in his mouth he starts to fall asleep. It takes me three tries to put him in his crib without waking him. After the final attempt, I find my niece crashed out on the couch. I carry the precious little girl to her princess decorated bedroom and tuck her in before going back out into the living room.
My phone rings, and I don’t have to look to see who it is calling. I pick up before the second ring happens. “You still my girl?”
“You know I am. Miss me yet?”
“I’m drowning here. I’ve spent the past two hours trying to get these kids to sleep. I’ll be crashing soon.”
“Are you staying there tonight?”
“Yeah, I reckon I might.”
“We just got checked into the hotel. It was about a forty minute ride without air-conditioning from the airport. I think I may take a shower before we have dinner. Do you want me to call you later tonight?”
“No. You don’t have to.”
“Okay.”
“Stay out of trouble, beautiful.”
She’s quiet, so I check to make sure we’re still connected. She wants those words. She’s ornery like that. Tamsyn has started something that can’t be taken back. “Are you upset I said it first?”
“No.”
“Josh…”
“I’m not,” I say with a reassuring chuckle. “It made me smile.”
“You don’t have to say it back.”
“I told you, I’m waiting until you get back. Don’t spoil it.”
“As long as I know it’s how you feel I don’t need you to say it back. I know it’s tough for you.”
“It’s not tough at all, Tamsyn. It’s so damn easy.”
“Ugh, you’re making me miss you already. I’ll call you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight.”
She follows our call up with a text of a single heart. I send one back, typing out those three words she wants to hear, and then erasing them before hitting send. It’ll be better this way, I tell myself.
Then I crack.
She answers on the third ring, reminding me she mentioned getting a shower.
“Hello?”
“I love you.”
She clears her throat. Knowing Tamsyn like I do, she’s probably tearing up, because she knows how important those words are for me to express. “I know you do.”
We’ve talked about our feelings, just avoided the words. The build up was way worse than the release. “It’s true. I don’t want you thinking any different.”
I can hear the water in the shower in the background. “Can I call you back?”
“I’m headed to bed. Just couldn’t wait any longer.”
“It means a lot to me.”
“Well goodnight then.”
“Goodnight again.”
When we hang up I head to the guest room and strip down to my briefs. I play on my phone, scrolling through pictures I’ve taken of me and Tamsyn. She’s always snapping shots of our adventures. We’re pretty active, so there’s a lot to go through. Then I get to the ones I took of her. The muddy ones in the woods, where she’s naked. My dick jumps at the sight. I close out my phone so I don’t have a predicament I have to take care of myself. It can wait. My girlfriend will be home in six days.
I don’t know what time it is when I hear the back door opening. I sit up in bed and listen for my sister or Wes’ voice but neither say a word. Just to be sure, I head toward the back of the home to make sure everything is okay. That’s when I come face to face with the last person in the world I want to see.
“Hey handsome. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
“Liv?” I smack myself in the face to make sure this isn’t a dream.
“What’s wrong? Hard to believe I’m here?”
I shake my head and begin to walk back to the bedroom. “I don’t necessarily care. Congrats on the engagement, by the way. I hear he’s just your type.”
She’s following behind me, and I somehow wish I wore pajamas so this wouldn’t be awkward. “Are you jealous? Is that why you started dating my childhood friend? Did you think if you fucked Tamsyn I’d come running back to you?”
The mention of her name pisses me off. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
She steps forward, making it entirely too close for comfort. “No. I’m not. You forget that I know you better than anyone. Look me in the eyes and tell me the thought never crossed your mind. That you didn’t think about being with her to get a rise out of me.”
“I didn’t,” I lie. It’s irrelevant. Things have changed. “We’re together. I’m fucking happy too, so don’t think you’re going to run your mouth and change my mind.”
She takes her hand and tries to touch my cheek. I swat it away, my eyes wide and expressing my animosity. “You and I both know you’ll never be over me. You might think you are, but the moment I leave again you’ll be wishing you had another chance.”
“No. I won’t.” I’m almost laughing as it comes out. “This bullshit is done. Leave it be.”
“You don’t mean that,” she assumes while chasing after me, stopping me before I
’m able to slam the door in her face. “I know you don’t mean that. Out of all the people in the world, I know you wouldn’t push me away.”
“Who do you think you are? I waited half my life for you, and for what? You walked all over me. You made me miserable. I’ve got something good now, and I’m not about to stand here and listen to you try to convince me otherwise.”
“You think you love her?” When I look at Liv she has tears in her eyes. “Do you, Josh?”
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“Just answer the question. Look at me and tell me you don’t love me anymore. Say it one time.”
“No.”
She throws herself in front of the door to keep me from passing without touching her. I take her by the wrists and try to make my way past her. “It’s always been you. Maybe I needed you to love someone else to see it, but it’s true. I can’t believe this. Her of all people.” She’s crying now. I’m pissed, but feel bad at the same time.
“Don’t cry. Some things aren’t meant to be.” I try to convince her. Liv falls into my chest, and I have no choice but to let her cry. She’s sniffling, then breaks down again. All my life I’ve waited for this type of response from her and she shows up when my heart belongs to someone else. This is bullshit.
“Why are you here, Liv?”
She shrugs and backs away. “I came to visit.” She corrects herself quickly. “Fine. Cammie told me you were involved with Tamsyn. She showed me pictures of the two of you when I didn’t believe her. Tell me she’s like the others. Say it’s not true. You’re using her like you do everyone else, right? Don’t you want to take me in that room and have your way with me like old times.”
“No. I don’t.” I shake my head. “I’m not using her. I love her. I’m in love with her, Liv.” It comes out easily this time.
“No.” Her head is shaking and she’s pacing around me. “No. You love me. You’ve always loved me.”
“I thought I did. Things change.”
She pushes me hard. “No! Bullshit! It’s always been me and you. You promised.”
“Damn it, Liv. Listen to yourself. You’re the one with the broken promises. You’re sick in the head. I’m done being your puppet. I’ve moved on. I’m happy. Besides, you’re getting married. Why the hell are you even here? What did you think would happen when you got me alone? Did you figure you could show up and have your way with me again after all the time that’s past? You’re a fucking joke.”
“You can’t blame me for trying.” She shrugs. “It’s always worked before.”
“Not this time. Not with her. You won’t screw this up for me. She’s different. I’m not fucking it up. You need to back off.”
“Before what? You fall victim to your old ways? You can’t change the cowboy, right Josh? Isn’t that your old line?” She’s laughing. “You’re pathetic, you know that? You always have been.” She steps close again. “Let me tell you something about your sweet little girlfriend.”
I put my hand over her mouth. “I’m going to stop you right there, Liv. Whatever happened in the past stays there. Desperate doesn’t look good on you. Now, take your fake crying somewhere else. Call your fiancé and whine to him. We’re done here.”
I close the door but remain standing on the other side of it. It’s hard. All of it. Everything. She’s my past. She used to be my everything; my little secret love I swore I’d end up with. Seeing her again, being able to reach out and touch her, brings back a ton of pent up emotions I’ve tried to bury. The problem is that they’re unresolved. I may have given it to her straight as far as Tamsyn goes, but I haven’t touched the surface of how she ruined me. She told me to wait for her, only to run off and start a life without me. I can’t forgive that. I’ll never be able to get over it, not completely. Because of her, I turned to drugs and alcohol, not to mention the sex I sought out to get from random strangers. I wanted to feel something without having to care. I never wanted to experience the pain again. She destroyed me, piece by piece until Tamsyn came along and showed me what real love was.
Chapter 16
Olivia
I've been away for a while now working on my career as an artist. I never expected to have a relationship with my curator. Countless hours working together made it easy to fall for him. For a while I thought I could be happy. I've made my bed. I know this is my fault, but it doesn't hurt any less. I left my fiancé to come home to the one man I'll never be able to get over, only to discover he's done a pretty fine job getting over me. When I say I left my fiancé, what I mean is that I caught him screwing his assistant the day after my very first showcase. Devastated and unable to face him, or the fact that I’ve been naïve, I got in my car and didn’t look back. My heart ached for the only man I knew wouldn’t let me down; the one I figured would drop everything to save me from myself.
But I was wrong, so very wrong.
The news rocked me like a vicious hurricane wreaking havoc on a small coastal town. I'm utterly gutted. In one swift blow he's taken me down and destroyed me, and then I came home to this; my one true hope at happiness taken by another I once cared about.
I thought I was past this. I walked away because it was the right thing to do. Joshua Healy was my first. I love him, but I knew he had the potential to hold me back from everything I've ever wanted for myself, so I let him go. I told him lies and acted like he meant nothing to me. It was the only way. He had to hate me enough to let me go or else one phone call and I'd come running back to him.
It worked. It worked so damn good that I tricked myself into believing I was over him – until I wasn’t, until I needed a love I knew only he could give me.
I guess I always thought we'd somehow find our way back to one another. It's pointless to assume someone like him would stay single and wait for me, but a girl can dream.
Josh hadn't called or tried to reach me. I felt bad, but knew moving on was the right decision.
Everything would have been fine if he'd just found someone other than Tamsyn to be with. The moment I heard they were an item, I thought it was a sick joke. I was sure he'd figured out we were friends and was using her for one final attempt to get to me.
Now I've made a fool of myself, not just once but twice.
Josh doesn't want me anymore. I'm a mess. It's not fair. How could he love her of all people? How could he refuse me? Why?
Now I’m desperate, willing to go to extremes to prove he still has feelings for me. He may say one thing, but he’s fighting it. I can tell. I always could.
Now I just have to figure out how to make it happen, because throwing myself at him isn’t working anymore.
Chapter 17
Joshua
That next morning, after making sure my sister and Wes are home, I haul ass out of there, leaving Liv asleep on the couch. I still can’t believe she showed up and tried to get with me. She was jealous. It’s insane.
Back at the ranch, I’m riddled with emotions. I heard her crying throughout the night, and wonder if I’m going to hear from my sister about it. We’ve kept them out of the loop. They know we’ve been together, but nothing else. They don’t know how she tortured me for years, making promises and giving me false hope.
I was in shock when I saw her, unprepared with what to say. I don’t regret telling her the truth, but a part of me hated hurting her.
I’m so broken up about the ordeal that I remain in my room for half of the day. Tamsyn calls, and I consider letting it go to voicemail, but change my mind before I’m able to make that kind of mistake. “Hey, beautiful. Are you having a good time?”
“We’re about to go snorkeling. I didn’t sleep good. The beds suck. They’re hard.”
“You make me hard. I know how the poor mattress feels,” I tease.
The sound of her laughing cheers me up. “I miss you, darlin’.”
“You sound like an old man when you call me that. I miss you too, grandpa.”
“Listen, I don’t want to make you upset on your trip,
but there’s something you need to know.” I open my mouth to say it and the words won’t come. Why ruin her trip and cause her to worry when nothing happened?
“Josh, you still there?”
“Yeah.”
“What were you going to say?”
I think of something to replace the idiot move I was about to make. “I wish you were here.”
“You’re sweet. I’ll call you tonight before bed, okay?”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.”
“Cheer up.”
“I’m good.” It’s the truth.
“Should we say it?” She cute to ask.
“I don’t know. Is it supposed to happen after every conversation? Is it weird if we start doing it all the time?”
“Are there actually rules?” She’s giggling like she gets a kick out of my question. “It’s fine. You’re right it’s weird. Maybe we’ll do it every other time.”
A knock distracts me. It’s my mom. She opens the door further to show me Olivia Parrish is standing beside her. I roll my eyes, but ignore the both of them to finish my conversation with Tamsyn. “I love you.” I say it loud enough where Liv can hear. Her face cringes the moment it happens. After seeing it, I turn my attention back to my call, looking in another direction as if I couldn’t be bothered with my visitor.
“Okay. Didn’t we just agree to not say it?”
I cackle. “It’s all good. Have fun in the water today. Don’t forget sunscreen. I don’t need that smooth skin red and scaly when you get home. Send me a pic of the tan lines this afternoon.”
“You’re crazy. Bye, babe.”
“Later.”
It’s not until I make sure the call has ended that I turn my attention back to Liv. My mom is gone. I double check before giving her a piece of my mind. “Why the hell are you here?”
“Jeffrey and I broke up. I’m not getting married.”
Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) Page 11