“Why don’t you try and get some rest, then,” said Miles, his voice tinged with concern.
“Only if you stay,” I said, feeling completely spent. I was going to sleep whether I wanted to or not, but I didn’t want to be alone.
“Of course I’ll stay. Do you really think I’d leave? I don’t know, Anika, it’s times like these I wonder if you even know me at all…”
“You don’t either wonder,” I said, and gave him a tired smile.
“You’re right, I don’t,” said Miles softly. “You know me better than anyone else ever has.”
“Good,” I said, as Miles un-piled pillows. We both lay down, and he put his arms around me. “Now you’re telling the truth.”
~*~
The stone-lined tunnel was cool, and I was glad to have my jacket. Between it and Miles’ hand warming mine as he held it, I was comfortable.
“It’s a completely different place than it was not all that long ago,” Miles commented.
“It’s so bright now, it’s not nearly as creepy,” I agreed. “Being able to see all the way to the end and knowing that there’s nothing waiting to jump out, makes a big difference.”
“Are you sure you want to do this after your experience this morning?” asked Miles, looking at me with concern.
“Even if the lantern goes out and both flashlights die, it’ll seem bright in comparison.”
“I can’t even imagine that,” said Miles. “Actually, there are all sorts of things about your abilities that are beyond imagination.”
“Well… don’t feel bad. I can’t imagine what it would be like to do what you can. Well, fine, I can imagine. But to really do what you do, I don’t know what that would be like.”
We stopped at the end of the tunnel in front of a massive steel door. Miles entered the combination, and with a soft whir, the bolts locking the door in place slid back.
“I’m glad you’re here to pull open that door,” I said, as he did so without difficulty. “I know how heavy it is.”
“No one’s getting into the estate this way without the combination, that’s for certain,” said Miles.
He lit the kerosene lantern. Once it was burning brightly, we stepped through the doorway and into the cave. Miles closed and locked it behind us.
“Are you still doing okay?” asked Miles.
“Yeah, I feel great,” I said. “I woke up feeling fine.”
“I’m glad sleep is all it took. We’re in such uncharted territory here.”
“With only a dog to guide us. A wonderful and very special dog, but one who can also create confusion with her answers,” I said, as we walked.
The sound of water dripping echoed in the large cavern, and so would our footsteps and our voices. I wondered how amazing it would sound if a choir were to sing here in this natural cathedral.
“What are you in the mood for today?” Miles asked. “Follow a path we’ve already marked, or blaze a new trail?”
“Let’s stick with what we know, since we’re already dealing with so much that we don’t,” I said. “I feel fine, but I don’t feel like exploring today. I will once we’re completely through with Pretend-Mead, and he’s in police custody.”
“How about this trail, then? I remember it leading to some pretty spectacular formations.”
“Alright,” I said, and we followed the markers we placed on a previous spelunking expedition.
We weaved around stalagmites and ducked to avoid some of the longer stalactites. Miles had to duck more than I did.
“What was it like when you came back to the estate?” I asked. “After you prayed, and then four years later you found yourself here, and semi-transparent?”
Miles was silent, remembering.
Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, it was probably a painful memory. Now I felt bad for saying anything.
“I’m sorry I asked, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” I said, and Miles looked at me a little confused.
“I don’t feel bad. I’m trying to remember. Honestly I can’t, not very well. I sort of remember understanding some things. That no one could see or hear me, for example. I don’t remember learning that and being upset by it, I just remember knowing it and accepting it as irrevocable.”
“I wish I’d been here with you the whole time,” I said, putting my arm around him. “I hate that you were so alone.”
“It was the only way I could be here with you now, though. It was worth it.”
He was telling the truth. He really and truly meant that. It was humbling how much he loved me, and that he felt I was worth it.
“I’m so glad you feel that way,” I said, stopping to hug Miles. He realized what I was going to do, and set the lantern down first. “I can’t prove it, but I’d feel the same way if it was the other way around.”
“You did prove it,” he said softly. “You proved it by letting me go, knowing that it meant you’d be left alone. It hurts to imagine what that felt like.”
“I regretted doing it so soon,” I said, still hugging him. “I wondered why we didn’t wait.”
“It was just as well, we didn’t. Another couple of months, and you would’ve been older than me.”
I laughed.
“I would have been much older, I wanted to wait until I was a hundred!”
“I am so glad you didn’t,” Miles laughed. “I’d love you no matter what, but I want to grow old together. And to tell you the truth, when I was alive the first time, I wanted the girl I married someday to be at least a little younger than me.”
“I’ll bet you never thought you’d end up with someone so much younger.”
“You’ve got that right. Of all the thoughts I ever had, that isn’t one of them.”
I laughed.
“I can honestly say that until I met you, I never ever imagined being with someone so much older. But in the way that matters, we’re the same age, and you are so painfully gorgeous. The day we met, you asked why I looked at your portrait so long when I was caught here in the rain the week before. It’s because I thought you were cute.”
Miles laughed.
“And at the time, there I was, thinking it was because you thought I was guilty of murdering my brother, over your great-great-great grandmother. Not that you actually knew anything about any of that at the time. It never crossed my mind you were looking at my portrait because you found me attractive.”
“Beyond attractive,” I said, halting conversation to kiss the cutest guy that ever lived. “It didn’t seem fair at all that you lived so long ago, and died so young on top of that. What were you thinking when you saw me?”
“Sadness, because I believed you thought I was guilty.”
That made me sad, and I hugged him harder. Miles wasn’t through talking, though.
“I wanted very badly to tell you I was innocent. It felt intolerable that you would think I’d done what I was accused of. I was depressed for the rest of the day. It was so amazing when you came back, and it turned out that you could see me, and believed in me. That meant everything.”
“Good,” I said. “I do believe in you. I always have, and always will.”
“I don’t need your abilities to know you’re telling the truth,” he smiled. “I love hugging you, don’t get me wrong, but if we’re going to do this instead of explore, perhaps we should return to the estate where it’s less damp, less dark, and we aren’t surrounded by bat droppings.”
I laughed hard at that.
“Okay, fine, how about we follow our trail a little longer, then go back, and once we’re in the estate I get to hug you for as long as I want,” I smiled.
“I completely support that plan,” Miles smiled back.
Holding hands again, we continued further into the cave.
“I have a question for you,” I said.
“Okay. Go ahead. What’s your question?” asked Miles.
“You were able to do so many things, and it didn’t seem as though you were using your abilities. You picked t
hings up with your hands, and searched through drawers and trunks and armoires, and you wrote me that letter. Other things too, you seemed so really-there. You sat on chairs and sat on the banister and lost your balance and fell off, even. So why did it seem as though you could touch all of those things and interact with your environment, but you couldn’t touch me?”
“I could have.”
“What?” I asked, stopping in my tracks to stare at him.
“I could have,” he said again, his eyes serious.
“Oh my goodness. Why didn’t you?” I exclaimed.
“Why do you think, Anika?” he said. I just stared at him, trying to comprehend this completely unexpected bit of information. Miles gave up on me, and started talking again.
“When I met you, there was no reason to. Do you go around touching people you’ve just met? You don’t have to answer, I know you don’t. Let’s say that at some point I did touch you, though. No matter how benign, it would have made me too real to you. I didn’t need that temptation, either. If you knew I could touch you, there were times when you would have turned to me for comfort, and I would have given it to you. How much harder would it have been to keep our feelings for each other under control, and see each other only as friends? Can you possibly see yourself rationalizing that we couldn’t have a normal relationship, but at least we could have one? We’d both be focused on how unfair it all was, instead of on doing what we knew was best for one another. When we were about to read the letter, I did almost touch you. You were crying, and I was missing you already, and I started to put my hand on your shoulder. I remembered at the last second how dangerous that would be. So I stopped short.”
“What would have happened if you didn’t?” I asked. I was pretty sure I knew.
“You would have hugged me like you did when I returned. You would have destroyed the letter, and I might have let you.”
“And just think if I’d done that…” my voice trailed off.
“We wouldn’t be here now, married, and really and truly together,” said Miles.
“What I said on our wedding night is more true than I even realized,” I said. “You are the greatest guy of all. I can’t even imagine… I would have given anything then to be able to hug you.”
“I know. It’s a good thing you had no control over that, isn’t it,” said Miles. “I loved you, and I wanted what was best for you. That wouldn’t have been.”
“You’re a good man, Miles.”
I hugged him hard, then kissed him to make up for all of the hugs and kisses we missed out on. Then we got back to our walk.
“I wonder when we’ll hear back from our PI,” I said.
“I’ve no idea. He’s got good connections, so it seems like he ought to be able to track down the address of the cabin that was owned by Ryan’s parents without too much trouble.”
“I hope Pretend-Mead has left town by the time we get back,” I said. “I hope he’s left town already! I’m concerned about Cheryl and the trouble she could get herself into.”
“She looks up to you,” said Miles. “I think she wants to be like you. Even after what you said to her, I don’t think she quite gets it. I think you had an impact… there’s a chance she doesn’t view being almost murdered as romantic anymore, at least.”
“Oh my goodness, I can just imagine her asking her boyfriend someday, ‘why can’t you be more romantic? You never almost get killed for me!’”
Miles laughed.
“That’s terrible! Other guys don’t know how good they have it.”
“I’ve no idea how to get through to this girl,” I said, serious again. “If she wants excitement, she should get it from reading a good book, watching a movie, playing video games, but not go after dangerous people.”
“You may not be able to get through to her. You’ve tried… I’m sure you’ll try again if the opportunity presents itself. Other than that though, she’s got free will like the rest of us. She’s responsible for the choices she makes, good or bad. You’re not. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I do. I know you’re right. It’s hard to see someone being reckless though. It’s like leaving a puppy loose in the front yard. You just know it’s going to run into the street, and could get horribly injured or killed. But unlike a puppy, you can’t keep people in confinement because they don’t recognize danger.”
“Not without a court order, anyway,” said Miles.
“How hard would it be to get one?” I asked, and Miles laughed. He knew I was kidding.
“I wonder why my family built the tunnels under the estate, and why one leads to the cave? I wonder if there are any diaries or letters or other documents in the estate that would explain it.”
“Well, the people who we hired to take inventory are going to start on Monday. They’ll be filing any written material by month and year. Maybe we’ll find something.”
“I hope so, because I’m very curious,” said Miles. “I guess my Father could have known and didn’t feel it was worth mentioning, or had a reason not to. He could have been concerned Delevan and I would get ourselves into trouble by going into the cave. He had no idea we found the outside entrance.”
“Really?” I asked. “You didn’t tell him?”
“Father was very busy, so unless we thought something was important, then no. Although it’s very likely that Delevan thought we’d be banned from going into the cave if Father knew. Imagine how easy it would be to get lost inside. There are too many chambers, and all we had were candles. If we ever marked a path, I don’t remember. I never went past the cavern with the hiding place where Sarah later hid the Bannerman family heirloom jewels. I don’t think he did, either.”
I had wondered something for a long time, and finally decided to ask, since we were sort of on the subject of Miles’ brother.
“Did Delevan really love Sarah?”
“I think I need you to elaborate on that question. Where are you coming from?”
“I’m not sure I can explain.”
“Okay,” said Miles thoughtfully. “I can’t say for certain what he was feeling or thinking. All I know is that if it had been us, you and me, I would have stood up to my parents and insisted that they treat you with respect. If they refused, only then would I elope with you. When I did, I would never have the intention of bringing you back to live, or even visit, in the house where my parents did not believe you deserved their respect. If I learned of something in your past that was troubling, I’d want to talk about it with you. But under no circumstances would I bring you back to the estate to do so. My Father changed over the years, but at the time, he would have been more likely to turn Sarah in to keep Delevan away from her, than not.”
“Are you serious?” I asked, feeling sick.
“I am. I loved my family, but I wasn’t, and am not, blind to the faults that they had.”
We walked in silence as we both thought about what he just said. Then Miles spoke again.
“Sarah’s brother and the other two guys showed up right after Delevan said he wanted to go back to the house and think things over. I would have said something, Anika. I would have reminded him of the danger he would be putting her in. I think he would have made a different choice, then. I love my brother, and he wasn’t a bad person. I think he loved her as much as he knew how. But he wasn’t the greatest at considering what was best for others. He wasn’t one for self-sacrifice, either.”
“Wow,” I said. “I learned a lot more than I expected to. I know you would have made different choices, though. I’ve always known. That’s why I wondered if he really loved her.”
“He probably did, but not the way I love you. He didn’t put her first.”
“You do, you always have,” I said, stopping to hug Miles again. I kissed him for good measure.
“You do, too,” said Miles, kissing me back. “Are you ready to turn around?”
“Yes, I am,” I said. “We’ve got dinner guests coming later, and if we go now, I’ll have time to get
some of the hugging out of my system before we have to get ready to greet them.”
Miles laughed, and turning, we followed the path back to the estate.
Chapter 16
“We have the best of both worlds,” I said, as I tried, and tried again, to fasten the diamond necklace that I chose to wear to dinner.
“And by that, what do you mean?” asked Miles, as he straightened his tie.
“I should correct that statement, first of all,” I said, giving up on the necklace and putting on the earrings. “Once Pretend-Mead is incarcerated, then we’ll have the best of both worlds. We can be as relaxed and casual as we want at our apartment, but we can come home to the estate when we want to dress up and be more formal.”
“I think you enjoy the dressing up more than I do,” Miles smiled.
“You’ve given me so much jewelry, of course I love to dress up so that I can have a chance to wear it all.”
I picked the necklace up again and tried once more to fasten it. Miles put on his jacket, then took the necklace out of my fumbling fingers and fastened it for me.
“Thank you,” I said. I took the hand Miles offered and stood, then spun so that my full skirt swirled around me. “I like having a ballroom where I can dance with you, too, which we have here. But I love relaxing on the couch with you, which we have at our apartment.”
“We have couches here too,” said Miles. “Quite a lot of them, actually.”
“True, but there’s something different about being alone in our apartment. It feels more relaxed than being alone here. When we’re at our apartment there’s no chance we’re going to bump into someone else going from point A to point B.”
“You have a point,” said Miles. “There’s no lounging on the family room couch in pajamas, when we’re at the estate.”
“Right!” I said. “I mean… I suppose we could… what’s the big deal, anyway. You were threatening just this morning to drag me out to the vehicle in my nightgown, if I wasn’t ready on time.”
“Honey,” Miles looked so serious, but his eyes gave him away. “I would never drag you.”
“Oh you wouldn’t, would you?” I said.
Darkness Falls Page 27